Chapter 17: Mind Games
Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you...darling so it goes some things are meant to be...Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you. -Elvis Presley "I Can't Help Falling In Love"
I jumped up, banging my elbow roughly on the corner of the seat I had been sitting on.
"Come on, Lily!" James jumped out of the boat and into a giant cave carved out of the ice. I was still dazed, but alert enough to hop off as well, watching the boat meander down the currents without us.
"James!" I stopped him, pulling his arm before he could run off to the stern old man before us. "Could this be another trap, or obstacle?" I hissed.
"We haven't died yet, have we? Maybe we're finally there!" He whispered back excitedly, grinning wildly.
"Ah-hem," came the man's amused voice. James and I whipped around, stepping back from each other.
"You are Lily Evans and James Potter? I am Daivat Frobisher, as you are well aware." The man stepped forward. He looked older than Dumbledore, and just as wise-if that was possible. His pure silver hair was cut close to his head, and he was tall with long, flowing purple robes. His eyes, a startling shade of violet, had years of knowledge, and I felt like I was looking at the oldest man in the world.
"Yes," James and I breathed. Looking around, the place looked like a workshop-whirring and spinning instruments sat on tabletops, hung from the ceilings-exotic rugs decorated the floors, and elaborate tapestries covered the walls completely.
"Of course you are," he nodded. "My workspace does not reveal itself to anyone who has not completed the journey," he spread his hands, and suddenly I felt angry at him. "That journey-we were almost killed, dozens of times a day!" I yelled, temper raising and eyes flashing. James pulled my arm back.
"Lily, stop," he hissed below his breath.
"We could have died, you know?" I repeated. He shook his head, which really bothered me-he had been the one to set up the deathly traps, he knew better than anyone how fatal they were, yet here he was, shaking his head but not saying a word?
"You probably would not have died," he finally spoke, slowly making his way to an elaborately carved wooden table that seemed to almost hum with energy-he pulled open the top, revealing what looked to be a three-dimensional map of-
Our whole journey.
"You've been watching us the whole time?" James said a bit uneasily as we walked over, peering at the map.
"Yes," Daivat said curtly, nodding. The harsh lines in his face seemed to disintegrate as he smiled. "Of course, not the whole time-only when you were in danger, then I-well, pulled a few strings," he continued to smile knowingly, like he knew something we didn't. "Love is a powerful thing, isn't it?" I blushed, suddenly unable to James. I was acutely aware of the stance I was in, how I was holding my arms and which way I was looking.
"It is," James answered, looking to me. I slowly lifted my head, meeting his hazel eyes-and couldn't look away. A crooked grin was set on his face, eyes twinkling merrily under his glasses. I looked away quickly, blushing. That set James's grin even wider, for some reason.
"And Albus has told me what you seek," he looked at us intently, locking eyes with each of us at a time. "The time-turner...but of course, no ordinary time turner," he corrected himself. "And I would like to hear from yourself why you make this request. It's not the ordinary wizard who comes to seek this. Who wants so badly to erase years of their life, but to keep what they did in place. Such as an accomplishment."
Stumbling over myself I began to explain, James jumping in and making it sound more heroic than it was-when I was talking about finding the fake death spell he kept adding "With great peril to her own life, it was!" and nodding furiously. By the time we were done, I still could not get a read on Daivat's face.
"Please, sit down," he gestured to the midnight-blue couch before to table with the map of our journey.
"I know both of you are intelligent, good people. Which is why you will understand why I cannot grant you this favor."
"Thanks, Daivat, you have no idea how much it mea-WHAT?!" James exploded, eyes snapping open after realizing he had said no.
I sat, stunned, unable to comprehend-why-
"Why?" I blurted. "What else do we have to do? Defeat Voldemort? Institute world peace?" I cried. My eyes were beginning to blur, and blood rushed in my ears.
"I am sorry," he shrugged, eyes full of sorrow. "But you both must learn...in life, a second chance is a rare thing...almost impossible. So, ninety-nine times out of one-hundred, you can bet that if it happened, it happened for a reason," he slowly stood. "I apologize for the inconvenience."
"Inconvenience?!" James exploded, jumping to his feet. Tears had already begun to drip down my face and onto my robe, my hands were shaking. "You-you-we-"
"James," I whispered hoarsely, tugging at his sleeve. "Let's...let's just go." I couldn't bear to look at Daivat. My world had come crashing down in a matter of seconds.
We left silently, but I was shaking with sadness. I could barely breathe, my lungs wouldn't expand all the way-time had slowed, and the only thing I knew for sure was that James's arm was around me, and he was by my side. We walked out, continued to travel slowly, on a icy ledge inclined toward the surface far above the river. If we continued to walk, we would make it to the top within the hour.
James held me up as I cried, supporting me.
"I-I missed so much!" I cried, tears dripping down my face.
"Oh, Lily," James sighed, stopping to pull me into his arms. I cried into his chest, glad he didn't care if his suit was spotted many times over with tears. We sunk to the ground as I continued to sob, thinking about everything I had missed. My sister's wedding, the birth of my nephew...no one I cared about-besides Dumbledore, James, my parents and the professors-had known where I was for three years, they probably all thought I ran away, or eloped like the Fat Lady thought I had. I tried to stop my crying, slowing my breath...it continued to hitch in my throat long after that, my breath jumping as I tried to stop my tears.
"That Daivat is a barmy, badgy old bat," he murmured in my ear, holding me tight. I looked up at him with watery eyes-
"How could he say no?" I whispered.
James shook his head, silent for a moment. "I don't know," he said finally. "It doesn't add up, does it?"
"No," I whispered, burying my face back into his chest. "I've got to stop crying," I announced suddenly, standing up. "Come on, we're going back. Clearly he didn't hear our story right!" My eyes flashed with my new resolve as I offered my hand to James, and he pulled himself to his feet.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" James looked at me uneasily as I unabashedly wiped away whatever tears were left.
"The best," I nodded briskly. I wasn't exactly sure what had caused my sudden change of heart, but I wasn't going to pack it all in because of one no, not after all of that.
"Shouldn't we have passed it by now?" I turned back to look at James. We were forced to walk single file as the ledge thinned out-now we were gripping the wall, for fear gravity would cause us to topple over the edge.
"That's what I thought half a kilometer back," he said grimly. "And we can't have missed it, could we? Maybe it has an illusion covering it, or something-whoa-whoa!" He yelled, wind-milling his arms as his foot slipped.
"James!" I gasped, clutching his forearm, steadying him.
"Whew-thanks," he sighed, muscles relaxing.
Our brief moment of relief had to have been the shortest in history-the ice gave out below us, and we slid through the snow, screaming as we dropped about five meters (Fifteen feet) into the choppy black waters.
"James!" I gasped as my head broke the surface. The mask didn't cover my head; but the suit itself seemed to be radiating heat, and my face was completely warm. Or maybe Frobisher was somehow adjusting the temperature of the water so we wouldn't die-mighty decent of him. For once.
"J-bl-argh!" I screamed as a wave broke over my head. I turned around frantically, ducking my head under to avoid being bludgeoned by a giant chunk of ice. I resurfaced then dove under, lungs full of air, opening my eyes in the murky depths so I could kick off the side and float with the current out of the path of the ice. Just as my lungs were screaming for oxygen it passed over and I shot to the top, breaking the surface once more. I began to panic-I hadn't seen James yet at all.
I turned wildly around, grasping at the first solid thing my hand could find-it was a smaller chunk of ice, no bigger than a desk-after being flipped over two times I successfully pulled myself up, legs in the water and arms hanging onto the ice like a life preserver.
"A-Accio James!" I spluttered, pulling my wand out and screaming a spell just as my chunk of ice glanced of the side of the ice wall, knocking my neck to the side, teeth grinding together. The current was much too strong to swim against, so James must have been headed downstream-
If he was still alive, a grimly dark voice alerted me inside my head. James wasn't the strongest swimmer. Flipping my head desperately to get the wet hair plastered to my forehead out of my eyes, I continued to search wildly-
I gasped as I saw a flash of grey catch my eye from around the corner, down the river a ways.
I jumped off the ice, violently shoving my wand back in my pocket, kicking and pumping my arms with the current, trying furiously to race to him before anything happened-
"James!" I screamed as the flash of grey disappeared from my sight. Something large slammed into my peripheral vision and I was pushed underwater, dazed.
Recalling my wits I opened my eyes in the murky depths, looking above my to a particularly large chunk of ice that had slammed into the side of my head-streams of bubbles issuing up from the pitch black bottoms I kicked up, pushing through the surface. My head was pounding faintly, my hair splayed all around my face-it was dangerous navigating icy waters.
"Daivat!" I screamed at the top of my voice once I resurfaced around the ice chunk. "DAIVAT FROBISHER! We could use a bit of help now! Daivat!" I screamed to no avail. I swam desperately, kicking downstream and not slowing down in one place for too long, fearing I would once again be pushed under. Waves of nervous heat were rolling over my body, adrenaline giving my limbs extra force as they shoved through the waters.
"No-no-JAMES!" I screamed as I caught a glimpse of his upper body. He was afloat on one of the mini-glaciers floating around, lying facedown on the ice, his lower body in the water, limp.
"JAMES!" I screamed again, frantically trying to swim over, dodging ice as my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. Why wasn't he answering?
I caught a flash of red as I neared James's glacier, and my blood ran cold. Throwing myself forward with extra vigor, breathing loud and short, I grabbed hold of the ice, plunging my fingernails in (again, oddly not cold) until my fingers were completely shoved into the ice, procuring a semi-secure hand hold. Now I was being pulled along with the ice, unable to get myself up. My grip on the top of the glacier, half of a foot out of water, was starting to hurt. I desperately pulled until my arm muscles burned and trembled, to no avail. I refused to look at James-he was facing the other way, and I was seeing blood. Lots of it. I told myself I would have to get on the glacier before I could do anything about it, if I looked now while I was floundering down here, I would only make myself more hysterical than I already was-
By some magic, an inhuman burst of energy seized me and I somehow managed to launch myself up. Three fingernail on each of my hand had been ripped out and they were bleeding profusely, but I couldn't even feel them. Shaking with adrenaline and fright I crawled carefully over to the side James was facing, cautious not to disrupt the icy platform.
My breath hitched in my throat as I caught sight of what had caused James to lay like that, limp and still-I used my last bit of strength I had in me to pull him up completely onto the ice, the balance of the whole thing shaking precariously.
I lifted his head, heart almost stopping at what I saw. His face was deathly pale, even his lips-his eyes were closed, but his eyelids fluttered weakly. I turned him over and ripped off the sleeve of my suit to tie around his forehead, stemming the steady gush of blood.
Because now it was apparent why James Potter hadn't answered my desperate screams.
On his head, behind and below his ear, lay a finger-length gash. Blood was matting his hair completely on the left side of his head, and it was impossible to see how deep the cut was. His glasses had slid to the tip of his nose; it was miraculous, really, that he had managed to stay on.
I looked around desperately, for anything other than this wretched expanse of ice and black water. I almost cried with joy when my eyes fell open Daivat Frobisher's workshop once more. I had never seen a more welcoming sight in all of my life. I screamed for help until my throat was hoarse, but none came.
We were approaching the workshop now, almost coming level with it-without giving it a second thought, the most dangerous and impulsive thing I had done for a long, long while: I took both of James's arms and secured them around my neck like some sort of piggy-back ride. The same bout of strength ran through my veins again-looking back, I was completely befuddled as to how I had done this.
But in the moment, I slid off the edge of the glacier, holding James's upper arms in a death grip as his head lolled between my shoulder blades. Kicking my feet furiously, never moving my gaze from the platform of Daivat's workshop, we reached it. Blood rushing in my ears, I pulled James from my back,wedging my toes into the ice below me so I could push James up with both hands without floating away myself.
Finally, crying with frustration, on about the tenth try I managed to push him up, grinding my teeth and arms screaming from exhaustion. I was beginning to see double from the exertion and banging my head earlier, but I knew that James's condition was a hundred times worse.
"Daivat!" I screamed, trying to focus on something, anything as I pulled my own self up by some sort of miracle.
He appeared in an instant, rushing toward us...the edges of objects were going fuzzy, but I had to make my plea known before I passed out-
"S-save him! We-I-I won't bother you ever again, I don't need the time turner, if you just fix him, please!" I cried, curling up on the floor, looking to James's face, even paler now.
"Please," I sniffled, eyelids suddenly growing heavy, and everything growing dark.
My eyes began to open, and I blinked several times to clear the image in front of me; I sat up suddenly, remembering where I was. I looked around wildly for James, eyes wide-
My breathing returned to normal as I caught sight of his head peaking above a thick looking quilt across the room, his bed facing mine. I quickly pushed my own quilt off my body, padding over softly until I knelt at his bed. He looked remarkably healthy again, color back in his cheeks and lips. His breathing was even, and he was sleeping peacefully. His glasses and wand were sitting on a table next to him. I looked down at my body. I was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants, both of which fit perfectly...I frowned suspiciously. I had not put these on myself. And I was willing to bet that if I pulled James's quilt down a bit, he would be wearing different clothes as well. I sat back on my heels, breathing back to normal now that I knew that James was alive.
We were in a small area, otherwise empty besides our two beds and tables. Looking back, my own table held the miniature helicopter, easily fit into my palm, my wand, and the chain with the locket and key. The walls were a shimmery, airy color; they couldn't seem to decide what shade they wanted to be, drifting lazily between purple and blue and green. I frowned at them.
The section we were in was closed off by a gauzy curtain, of which only dark shapes and silhouettes were visible of the room behind them.
I slowly made my way to the edge, listening, my breathing quiet. Soft noises issued back from the main area, but no conversation-Daivat appeared to be alone. I opened the curtain slowly, pulling it back with my hand. I stepped out swiftly.
"Mr. Frobisher?" I called softly. I was feeling slightly-but only slightly- more friendly toward him now that he had saved James's life.
"Ah, Lily Evans. You may call me Daivat. I was wondering when you would wake. Your injuries were minimal, although now they are nonexistent," he smiled, standing up from intently watching his map-table, muttering words over it.
"And James? Is he going to be alright as well?" I asked anxiously.
"Good as new, as soon as he wakes up," he smiled.
"We couldn't use magic on your journey," I blurted, crossing the room to stand by him. "Except wandless. Why?"
"Lily, I have found, over the years, that, once powerful enough, the wand only inhibits the wizard's raw power. I have not used a wand in centuries," I tried to nod without gaping like a fish, pretending that I heard this sort of information every day. "And the reason you could only use wandless magic is simply because I made it so. It would have been much too easy if you could have just apparated here, don't you think?"
"Yeah, I guess," I muttered. I was beginning to replay the scenes in my head where he had refused us entry. "How did I get into these clothes?" I asked suspiciously after glancing down at my new outfit.
"House elves," he exclaimed, cracking a smile. "And incidentally, you are very good at wandless magic. Not many witches of your age could accomplish such a task. Something about you is...different. I cannot quite place my finger on it...you seem...younger. And yet, have experienced more pain and darkness than anyone in the world should have to in their whole lifetime."
I looked down, closing my eyes briefly. "It's a long story. I told you the gist of it the first time we came, but...I was asleep for two years," I said softly. "And for a year, I was spying on Voldemort. I pretended to become a Death Eater."
Daivat's eyes widened. "Quite a lot of darkness indeed." I nodded. "And you were able to withstand the temptation yourself?"
"What temptation?"
"Why, to become dark yourself."
"Definitely!" I said quickly, and it was true. "The whole time I was there, all I thought about was how they all repulsed me, and I was too busy trying to keep myself sane, and remember my friends, my family..." I trailed off. His eyes were a very startling shade of violet. I had never seen such eyes. Offhand, I wondered if someone had two different colored eyes...and one was green like mine, and the other was violet like his. That would be odd.
"You are very strong, Lily," he said softly. "Believe me when I say-you do not need my time turner to start your life over," he shook his head. I lowered my eyes, crushed. I realized a part of me-well, more than a part, if I was being completely honest with myself-had been hoping that he would consent after our second meeting. I nodded in response, staring intently at the ground.
"One thing I don't understand," I began. Actually, there was more than one thing, but this one had been weighing on my mind for a while.
"Just one?" He smiled, sensing what I was thinking.
"Just one that's worth asking. Why don't..." I trailed off. "Why don't you use the turner to go back and kill Voldemort? Back before he was bad, so he never got the chance to kill anyone?"
Daivat shook his head. "The time turner doesn't work like that, Lily. The magic of the time turner is purely good. It would not accept its powers being used to kill someone, no matter how evil that person is."
"You make it sound like the thing has a personality," I said, disgruntled and unsatisfied with this conclusion.
"You never know. It must be pretty smart to bring someone back while keeping the things they did from being erased. Besides, do you think it right to kill someone for something they might do?"
"What he will do."
Daivat shook his head.
"Even if Voldemort never existed, someone else would fill his place, some other evil. Unfortunately, that is the way the world works," he smiled sadly.
"It shouldn't be," I said softly. Daivat stood.
"You must go back to bed, Lily," he stood, and was smiling a small sort of smile. I stood up with him, confused. Why the sudden mood change?
"Why?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"You are not completely well yet. Try and sleep once more," he chided, pulling open the curtain for me.
"A-alright," I said a bit uncertainly, watching him until his silhouette vanished. I pulled the quilt back up to my chin, thinking over his words. I craned my neck, looking at James over the side of the room-resting my head back down on the pillow, I suddenly felt sleepy...very sleepy...why was I feeling so tired? I struggled to fight against the sudden fogginess in my brain. But it was no use. The next time I blinked, I did not re-open my eyes.
I blinked slowly. Confusion washed over me. I looked around, baffled. I was alone, walking-I stopped, looking up into the flurry of snow. How did I get here? I shook my head, puzzled. I pinched my arm: nothing. It wasn't a dream. I was wearing my suit again. I began to run, shouting-
"James! Jaaaaammmmes! Are you here? Daivat? Anyone?" I began to run faster, the snow driving into my face. I was growing panicked. I slipped over a patch of ice, foot flying backwards as I landed on my stomach and elbows, neck cracking forward.
"Ouch!" I wheezed after I regained my breath. I slowly pulled myself up and massaging my elbows.
"Ahhhh!" A faint scream sounded, somewhere far in the distance-
"Hello?" I jumped up, teetering slightly on the ice. I quickly found the balance, and began to half-slide, half run, as fast as I could.
"Hello?" I screamed, blinking the coating of snowflakes off of my eyelashes. Where was I?
"Heeeelp!" The voice sounded again, closer this time. It was female-
"Who's there?" I sped up, running and sliding-I was beginning to see dark figures a midst the swirling snow, and I squinted, cupping my hands around my eyes to better see-
"Hey!" I yelled, drawing my wand. The two men looked up-they were holding a little girl at wandpoint, and she was crying. She looked no older than fourteen, and the two men were full grown, burly and tall. "Let her go!" I demanded.
"Wand down! Now, or we kill her!" The burlier of the two commands, and he pushed the wandpoint further into the girl's temple. She let out a sob, blue eyes watery. All three of them were wearing heavy furred clothes-
"Now!" The slightly smaller of the two repeated. I slowly began to sink into a crouch, never taking my eyes off of them. The man who was not holding the girl pointed his wand at me, and in his other fist, held behind and above him, was-a necklace?
"Now here, girlie. We have no use for this-"
"What is that?" I snapped, motioning to the necklace which they refer to.
"It's some sort of time turner, far as we can figure," he sneered, and my eyes immediately widened. "This girl had stolen it from Daivit."
"I needed it!" She burst out, a wild look in her eyes. "I needed it-please-"
"Quiet!" The man barked at her. "Now you can take this, and we'll kill her-or you can walk away with her."
"Give her to me," I immediately yelled over the whistling wind.
"Girlie, do you understand what this time turner can do?" The bigger man asked in disbelief, beady eyes widening. "It can-"
"I know what it can do, and a human life is much more valuable than a trinket, however powerful," I snapped, arms out and waiting for them to release the girl. "If it's so powerful, than why were you willing to give it to me?" They did not respond. "Now give her here, and be on your way."
"You're making the wrong choice, she's a thief," the smaller sneered.
"Now," I snapped, lunging for my wand. The two men released the girl, and she ran, sobbing, toward me-she ran head-long into my arms, hugging me like I was a mother that she hadn't seen in years.
"Th-th-thank you," she looked up at me with watery blue eyes. "Thank you, Lily."
"You-" I stopped, starting. "How did you know my name?" I pulled back from her, looking at her suspiciously. A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips...I gasped as her eyes tinted themselves purple, for just half a second, short enough for me to doubt what I had just seen.
"Your eyes!" I gasped.
"What about my eyes?" She looked at me, confused, and not looked just like the normal girl that I had just rescued again.
"Where are those men?" I asked suspiciously, looking at the blank expanse of snow in front of us..blank but for footprints, there was no one in sight. The footprints of them standing there were still etched in the snow, but there was no trace of them walking away. "They vanished..." I thought aloud. I blinked, and my location changed.
For a second, I panicked-where was I?
But something dull slid over my mind, coating up the girl and what had just ha-wait. I stopped myself, shaking my head. What girl?
I shook my head, scrunching my eyebrows. Something was off.
"James?" I startled, jumping at a sound coming from my right. I was in some sort of forest, dark green and filled with chirps and bird whistles. Vines hung down from trees and moss coated the ground, carpeting the dirt in a moist layer, spreading up to the trunks. A small stream ran to my right, the water too filled with algae to drink. "Who's there?" I cried loudly, snapping branches as I made my way to the right, hopping over the stream but not making it completely, drenching my foot. Pulling it out of the mucky water and letting out a noise of disgust, I almost fell back in the stream at what I saw.
Galleons. Loads of galleons. More than I'd ever seen in one place-no, more than I'd ever seen in my whole life put together. There was a pile that easily reached over my head.
But something to the left of that pile caught my eye-
It was the time turner. I knew without a doubt. It looked almost like a regular time turner, but bigger, and more...intricate. And it was pure silver, not gold.
I immediately took a step toward the turner.
The gold pile to the side dimmed.
I took a step back, and it brightened again.
I was starting to get an idea of what this was.
I took a step toward the gold pile, and the levitating time turner dimmed-it was a choice, money or the time turner. I rolled my eyes-the answer was obvious. I didn't even have to think about it.
I took a step toward the time turner. Then another, then another, until I plucked it out of the air. But the minute I touched it, the wind began to swirl around me, leaves and clods of dirt and moss being picked up as the violent gale grew fiercer. I began to yell, reaching in my suit for my wand-it was there, and I pulled it out, but what spell was I to use?
I tried to apparate, but I couldn't concentrate-
I let in a sharp gasp as my feet left the ground, and the wind stilled around me. I involuntarily closed my eyes.
And my feet were back on the ground. Well, my back was. I was on my bed, Daivat and James staring down at me.
"You passed!" James roared, pulling me up and hugging me, spinning me around.
"James-James, what are you talking about? What did I pass?" He set me down and I looked at him, puzzled, hands still on his shoulders. He had a huge grin and his glasses were hanging lopsided off his nose. I pushed them, back up, and his grin only grew.
"Lily!" He screeched,pulling me up. He put his hands behind me neck, grinning. Then he moved forward, crushing his lips to mine-I was too shocked to respond for a couple seconds before I moved to put my arms around his back, pulling him closer to me and kissing him with fervor-finally!
We broke apart, grinning madly.
-"You passed Daivat's test, and so did I! He's going to let us use the time turner!" James exclaimed.
A\N-Sorry I haven't been responding to reviews lately, I have been very busy writing my next story, but I still appreciate every single review and I would be so happy if you left one now:D