Chapter 26 Oops.
What hurts the most, is that we were so close... -Rascal Flatts "What Hurts the Most"
I couldn't speak. Tears welled in my eyes as I saw them continue to kiss, neither of them looking up, James stroking Marlene's hair tenderly, and he only stopped to kiss her neck while she let out a groan. How could they do this to me? Tears spilled down my cheeks and I backed out quietly as my heart broke. My best friend and my fiancee.
I left.
I opened the door and flew out, sobbing.
Stop it, Lily! I hissed at myself. Don't be so dramatic! The world is not ending!
But I had just lost my best friend and the only man I could ever love. How-when had this happened? He was cheating on me...with my best friend. That was all my mind could think. I disapparated messily, surprised I didn't splinch myself as I disappeared with a particularly loud crack. I stumbled into Donna's empty room through a teary haze, jumping into her bed and hoping she wouldn't mind that her pillow was about to become completely tear soaked.
And I absolutely sobbed my heart out, all the while cursing James and Marlene and myself for being so dramatic, but I truly felt absolutely miserable. I had just lost my other half.
"How could you do this to me?" I gasped. I soon decided I wasn't going to sit around and sob in my bed like some girl with no life outside of her boyfriend. So I furiously began to clean the house until it sparkled. Thankfully, Donna and her family would be back today.
Sirius
"Muggleborn!" Sirius gasped and stumbled into the room, eyes searching wildly until his eyes fell upon the blue antidote. He grasped it wildly with sweaty hands and rushed upstairs-he couldn't tell Lily about his horrible mistake, his only hope was that she hadn't gone into the kitchen. He didn't look for Lily but rather burst into the kitchen, groaning as he saw James and Marlene locked in a kiss, pressed together tightly. Something strong erupted in his chest and for a moment he wanted to be furious with James, was furious, until he remembered that it was all fake. They didn't actually like each other.
"Hey! Hey you two! Stop snogging for a moment and look at me!" Sirius hissed. When this elicited no response he pried them apart.
"What are you doing, Sirius?" Marlene hissed murderously. "James and I are in love!" They looked at each other lovingly, and it scared Sirius.
"Here, drink this," Sirius handed James first the vial, because he was stronger and could more easily shove him away. He watched him as he drank-it was as if someone was telling him horrible news. His smile faded, as did the sparkle in his eyes.
"What have I bloody done?" He gasped.
"What's wrong, James?" Marlene pouted.
"Nothing-nothing, drink this," James's arm shot out and Marlene complied immediately. The same effects took her over-
"Oh my-love potion-you had us drink a bloody love potion?" Marlene exploded.
"It was an accident," Sirius said weakly. "I didn't know it was going to turn out like that, I swear. You were supposed to have one because I wanted to see if you acted any differently-if you didn't, that meant you were already in love with me. And I wanted to test it out on myself as well. But, mission accomplished, I know that I love you, I just about punched James when he was kissing you," Sirius said glumly. To his surprise, Marlene put her hands on his shoulders and forced him to look her in the eye.
"Sirius Black," she began. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I wanted to know for sure," he sighed. Marlene gave a small laugh and kissed him deeply.
"Erm," James said, but they didn't respond. "Hello!" He bellowed. "We've still got a problem! Is now really the time?" He added weakly when they finally broke apart.
"What's the problem?" Sirius looked at him, oblivious. Then it dawned on him- "Oh, Godric, Lily-did she see either of you?"
"No," Marlene shook her head. "We would've heard if she would have come in. Bloody...James, I like you, but I wish I could forget that whole experience," Marlene shuddered, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief.
"I can Obliviate your memories, if you want," Sirius said. "And no one will remember but me, since you say Lily didn't come in."
"Do it," James pleaded. "I really don't want to remember kissing Marlene. No offense."
"None taken," Marlene grinned.
"Obliviate," Sirius whispered, and both of them got dreamy looks in their eyes. Hopefully I didn't erase anything important, Sirius thought to himself.
Marlene crinkled her brow. "What are we doing in the kitchen?"
"Yeah, I don't remember," James looked oddly at Sirius. "What's going on?"
"You both-erm-both wanted refills," Sirius rushed. "Here!" He gave them both their already full glasses. "They've been refilled," he smiled weakly.
"Alrighty then," James said, looking at him oddly. He pushed open the door, and stopped. "Where'd Lily go?"
"Isn't she out here?" Sirius looked, confused. She couldn't have seen them kiss, though, he reassured himself.
"Did she leave?" Marlene asked, confused.
"Maybe she's back at my cousins, I'm going to check," James said. "I'll only come back if she's not, if you don't hear from me than she's there. My cousins are going to be back today anyway, and we've still got a week left in hiding. We'll talk to you all when it's over, alright?" James clapped Sirius on the back and hugged Marlene. "Good luck, you two."
Sirius slapped himself on the head as James disapparated. Marlene wouldn't remember kissing him!
"What?" Marlene looked at him, puzzled-but then Sirius remembered her words-why didn't you just tell me?
"I love you," he said weakly, and Marlene's eyes widened and her jaw dropped practically to the floor.
"Really?" She asked, looking up at him happily.
"Really," he said, leaning down to kiss her.
Lily
"Lily?" I heard James call. I stood up from scrubbing the toilet. "Lily, are you here?"
I walked downstairs, trying not to look like I had fire coming out of my ears. I stopped on the stairs, crossing my arms.
"There you are," James said, breaking into a smile and walking over to me at the foot of the staircase. "Why did you leave?"
"Why do you think I left?" I said icily.
"Erm...I don't know, that's why I asked you," James said, confused. What nerve! I thought. He looked genuinely confused, like he didn't think me seeing him kiss my best mate was a good enough reason to leave! Ex best mate, I corrected myself.
"You arse," I hissed, poking him in the chest. "How dare you come back here like nothing's wrong? Are you terrible enough to not even feel sorry for what you did?" I backed him up, eyes crackling with anger.
"What did I do?" James cried. "I don't even know what I did, I swear, Lily!"
"I can't believe it!" I cried, wanting to hex him. He didn't even think kissing Marlene was worth confessing to-
"Can't believe what? Lily, Merlin's pants-what are you going on about?"
"If you don't know what I'm "going on about," I'm not going to bloody tell you!" I hissed, turning his hair purple with a flick of my wand.
"Oi! What was that for?" James yelled.
"You're despicable," I growled. "Don't ever speak to me again." I took the wedding ring of my finger and jammed it into his chest. As soon as I did so, I wanted to cry all over again. I tore up the stairs, trying not to sob as he called me back.
James
"Lily? Lily!" He yelled after her retreating back. He looked down in horror at the wedding ring she had shoved at him. What was going on? What had he done? "Lily, come back!" He heard a sob, and the slam of a door. He raked his hands through his purple hair, kicking the wall.
"Sorry, wall," he whispered defeatedly after wincing at the hole he had made. He mended it quickly with his wand, just as he heard the door click as the lock turned, and open.
"Hey, James!" David beamed, wearing an "I Heart NY!" T-shirt and statue of liberty hat. Each member of his family was similarly bedecked in New York outfitting. "I thought you and Lily were at Sirius's!"
"James!" Donna and Cooper squealed, throwing themselves at him and wrapping their arms around his leg.
"Hey, kids," he sighed miserably, hiding Lily's ring behind his back. All he could see was her furious eyes, filled with contempt. Lily was furious, and he didn't know why. He should be the one comforting her, not the one standing, clueless, downstairs.
"James, what's wrong?" Darcy asked softly, lugging her suitcase in. "Why is your hair purple?"
"Long story. Can I talk to you, Darcy? I need some advice on girls," he sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Sure, honey," Darcy looked concerned. "Just let me get unpacked." James followed her up to her room, and Lily breezed past him out of the bathroom, red-eyed.
"Uh oh," Darcy whispered under her breath. "What's happened with Lily? Have you two had a row? What did you do, James?" She fired questions at him.
"Here, I'll get that." James set her suitcase to unpack magically. "So here's what happened..."
Lily, two days later
"Would you pass the potatoes, Donna?" I asked, pointedly not looking at James, but seeing out of the corner of my eye how he rolled his own. Donna passed me the bowl without a word, looking from James to me like we would blow up at any moment. We hadn't spoken in two days.
"Thanks for dinner, Darcy, it was delicious," James said in a dead voice, picking up his dishes. "I'm going to Sirius's house."
"You can't, it's dangerous!" I blurted, looking at his eyes for the first time in forty-eight hours, and I tried to ignore the violent lurch my heart did.
"It's more dangerous staying here, trying to step around something that's likely to blow up in my face," James snapped and stalked upstairs. I looked into my potatoes, face burning and trying to keep my tears inside.
David rubbed my back. "Boys can be mean sometimes, Lily, but you and James love each other. You need to talk this out," he said softly.
"James wuves you," Cooper said, and I sobbed.
"Not anymore," I whispered. James had taken off his ring.
James
James was about to disapparate when the fireplace sparked. Jumping back, startled, he took another look.
"Dumbledore?" He guessed as the headmaster's face appeared in the flames.
"James, good evening," he greeted solemnly.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, kneeling in front of the fire.
"Yes, there are Death Eaters chasing after Alice and Frank Longbottom, they've just gotten back from their honeymoon and need help, could you apparate to The Hog's Head in Hogsmeade? That's where I am, and we shall apparate from there to where the Longbottoms are."
"I'll do it," James nodded, resolved.
"Where's Lily?" Dumbledore looked at him knowingly.
"She's-erm-eating dinner. She doesn't need to come, I'll leave her a note saying where I am," he said firmly.
Meanwhile, Lily
"Sirius?" I asked as I answered the door.
"Lily, we need to talk, something happened and I'm feeling really guilty-"
"Alright, alright, come in-"
"Sorry, were you eating?"
"No, I just finished. Come in. We can talk downstairs." We made it to the unfinished basement as sat down on the edge of the pool table. "What's up?" I asked dully.
"Lily? Are you alright? You look-"
"Yeah yeah, I know. James and I have been fighting." Sirius turned white.
"Erm-why?" he asked, jumping up beside me and looking at me with wide eyes.
"I saw him kissing Marlene!" I sobbed, resting my head on Sirius's shoulder. "How could he do that to me? I loved him," I bawled, and Sirius put his arm around my shoulder awkwardly.
"Erm-see now Lily, if I tell you something, you've got to promise not to hex me, alright?"
"Why?" I shot my head up, looking him in the eye.
"Because-erm-well-Iaccidentlygavejamesanmarlnalvpo tionan-"
"Sirius, slow down!" I exclaimed. "All I heard was 'accidentally gave.'"
"Alright-see-funny story now, hahaha-I accidentally gave James and Marlene a love potion and when you saw them snogging it was because they were...you know...potioned," he said weakly, holding his hands up in front of him in a gesture of innocence. "And then I Obliviated their memories."
"You-what?" I growled, both of us standing up. I backed Sirius up, whipping my wand out.
"Mercy, O great one," he pleaded, hands up. "It was for a good cause, I swear, it just went a bit-wrong."
"A bit?" I yelled. "YOU MIGHT HAVE RUINED JAMES'S AND MY MARRIAGE! SIRIUS, I GAVE HIM BACK MY RING AND WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN DAYS AND-"
"Well, now's the perfect time to apologize, I really have to go, Dumbledore was calling when I left, I've got to go find out what he wants- I sort of cut him off because I was feeling so guilty because-"
"SIRIUS BLACK!" I yelled. "I AM GOING TO HEX YOU SO HARD-"
"I really got to go, Lily-"
"Yeah, yeah. Are you absolutely sure this wasn't some elaborate scheme to explain James kissing my best mate? And why didn't you tell me sooner? Sirius, I've been yelling at James for something he doesn't even remember doing!" I put my hands to my face, horrified. "Oh, he's going to hate me!" I cried, tears welling up in my eyes. "You should have known that's not how love potions work! Didn't you pay attention at all in potions? No, I suppose you didn't...I've got to apologize!"
"Lily, he's not going to hate you. The man's been madly in love with you since first year, he's not going to hate you over one fight. And you love him too, it's obvious- so you do that. I've really got to go, Lily, I'll see you later, alright?"
"Alright," I sighed. "See you." He bolted up the stairs and out the door, apparating across the street because of the apparation shields preventing him from disapparating right in the house. I took my time making my way up the stairs, taking deep breaths and answering questions about Sirius's abrupt disappearance and reappearance.
"James?" I knocked on the door to the spare bedroom I thought he was in. "James, are you in there?" I asked softly. No answer. "James," I sighed, opening the door. "I am so sor-James?" I looked around wildly. He was gone, and sparks were spitting from the fireplace-there was a note on the bed! I rushed forward, wildly seizing it.
Lily, or whoever gets this note-
Dumbledore called. I am going to go help hunt down Death Eaters. Be back in a few days or so. Bye.
-James
"What?" I yelled, my hands beginning to shake. "What?!"
"Lily?" Darcy's voice yelled, feet pounding up the stairs. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"
"Look!" I cried, tears welling up in my eyes. "Look at this!" Darcy read the note, eyes growing wide.
"Oh my goodness," she breathed. "Oh, James, what have you done?"
"James!" I squeaked, hands flying to my cheeks, tears flowing over my fingers. "What if he dies? He doesn't know I love him, he can't die while we're fighting, oh no, no no no, this can't be happening!" I gasped hysterically.
"Lily, Lily. Deep breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Alright? Dry those tears. James is going to be perfectly fine."
"What if he's not?" A fresh wave of tears poured down my face. I'd cried over the past two days more than I'd cried in all of my life put together. My heart and mind were racing-where could he have gone?
Meanwhile, James
"You did what?" James yelled, whirling on Sirius as they waited in the Hog's Head for Dumbledore. "I've got to go back, I've got to talk to Lily-"
"No," Sirius grabbed his shoulders. "I've already told her, I told her before I found out that Dumbledore needed us to fight. We've got to wait for him now, mate. Lily's fine. You left her a note, right?"
"An extremely brief note!" James cried. "Sirius, the note pretty much said 'I'm going off to fight Death Eaters bye!'"
"Hello, men," Dumbledore approached them grimly. "We need to leave now, the situation is quickly becoming dire. Are you ready?"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"What?" Dumbledore looked at them oddly.
"Come on!" Sirius grabbed James's arm, and he took Dumbledore's, and they apparated.
"We've got them thinking that Alice and Frank are in this house-any minute now they should be apparating around here, and then we stupefy them. Obviously they're not actually at this location," Dumbledore explained. "Are you both ready? There are various members of the Order stationed around the house. I'm going to go inside now, and meet them if they breach the protections." He walked across the lawn and strolled calmly up to the house. Nothing seemed to stop him.
"Ready, mate?" Sirius whispered. "I really am sorry about the love potion thing."
"I would hope so," James whispered back as they ducked behind a bush. "Look-look at that!" He pointed to a column of black mist solidifying, and many more appearing around it.
"Stupefy!" Remus appeared out from behind a stack of wood, and so did Dorcas-"Expelliarmus!" She yelled, and the Death Eaters whirled on them-
"Crucio-"
"Protego!" James and Sirius roared, protecting Dorcas and Remus from the Cruciatus curse.
The Death Eater who had cast the curse ducked to the ground quickly before he was hit by his own curse.
And then all hell broke lose.
Lily
"Lily, when are you going to bed?" Donna came up to me in her pajamas. I was sitting in front of the window, looking out over the woods behind their house. I had rehearsed over and over what I was going to say when-if-James returned.
"I'm not going to sleep tonight, honey," I said, stroking her hair as she climbed into my lap. I had pulled a chair in front of the window and had wrapped myself in a blanket.
"Why not? When is James coming back from fighting bad guys?" She whispered.
"I don't know," I said, struggling to keep my voice from breaking. "And I just...I just like looking at the stars. No big deal."
"Okay," she said softly. "He will come home."
"Yeah, he will," I whispered for her sake. It was almost ten o' clock. "You need to get to bed Donnie, it's late."
"I want to stay up with you," she yawned. "I miss James."
"Me too."
"Are you going to say sorry to each other? I don't like fighting."
"Yes we are. The fight was just a big misunderstanding, hon. I don't like fighting either," I sighed, starting to french braid her hair.
"I'm not going to listen to Elvis til James gets back," she whispered, confiding.
"Why not?" I peered at her.
"It makes me sad," she whispered, and I wanted to cry. Darcy soon came to get her, and carried her daughter, half-asleep, to bed. She stayed with me until midnight-I told her I wasn't tired, that I just wanted to look out at the stars, but I knew she didn't buy it. Both of us knew I was waiting for James. I managed to stay awake the whole night save two hours where I nodded off. The next day passed by in a blur-I was practically zombified due to my lack of sleep, and I had ugly purple bags under my eyes. I apparated to Marlene's house-she was gone. Dorcas was gone, Remus was, Sirius was, Emmy was. Peter didn't know where any of them had gone. I searched for the whole day, to no avail. And by then, I was tired of sitting around and doing nothing-if I couldn't be in on the assignment, I was at least going to fight Death Eaters.
So I apparated to where I knew one of their bases was-I was surprised I remembered from my time with Susanna, but I did. I shuddered as soon as I came into the vicinity of the house-this was where I had spent the miserable months as Susanna. But I had to do something.
I took a step forward, and was immediately propelled back a hundred feet-I dug my heels into the ground, feeling like something was yanking me back from my naval-
"Ugh! Stop!" I commanded, and dropped to the ground, digging my fingers in against the invisible force tugging me backwards. Strong winds began to blow, churning dirt into my eyes-
"Incendio!" I yelled, pointing my wand toward the house. I saw orange flames envelope the place of evil, and a blurry mass of smoke was my last sight before I was finally flung backward, propelled hundreds of feet in the air-this trap was obviously meant to be the trespasser's death. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I fumbled for my wand, my heart in my throat as I rocketed toward the ground-
"Arresto Momentum!" I screamed, waving my wand wildly to break my fall. Then I was no longer over grassy plains, but craggy, pointed outcropping above a polluted, brown river-I managed to direct myself over a flatter area of rocking, and dropped down to my knees and held on-it was incredibly cold and slippery, and the lung fulls of air I was breathing in were salty and damp. I had my arms and legs locked around the rocky spire, but I was quickly slipping. So I readjusted myself so I was sitting-
"No!" I gasped as my necklace caught on the rock, sliding and slipping off the slick surface. I watched the locket, key and copter twinkle in the water, and decided not to acci o it back. I had to let go.
I watched the empty house burn.
I made it back to the house late at night, and ate dinner alone-everyone else was already asleep. I slept for several hours on the couch, but the occasional cars whizzing by kept waking me up. I thought I was developing a sleeping disorder. I worried for James. I replied everything we had said-and hadn't said-for an hour. And then I missed the space on my finger where the engagement band used to be. I had grown used to it. I sat, deep in thought, wondering if there was anything else I could do to destroy the Death Eaters. I just wanted them all out, and Voldemort especially. People who lived to kill, and cause pain, shouldn't be allowed to live. My body was exhausted, but my eyes just wouldn't shut. I had to do something else. I couldn't just be a dead weight. I got out from outside of the apparation boundaries and left, getting as close as I could to the house I had burnt down. I was surprised to discover that the boundaries I had encountered last time was gone-I ducked behind a bush-there were several Death Eaters shouting and pointing wildly at the pile of smoke and beams. I apparated quickly back to Darcy and David's, flooing to the Ministry. It looked empty, cold, deserted.
"Please let him be here, please let him be here," I muttered as I swept across the floor.
"Mr. Moody!" I yelled, almost crying with joy as I saw just the person I needed.
"Stupefy!" He roared, turning around immediately and sending me blasting back. I hit the wall, shocked, struggling to force air into my lungs.
"So you look like Miss Evans, but are you really?" He stepped over to where I was on the floor, picking up my wand from where it had fallen to my side. His magical eye roved over me-"You've got her wand, and you don't have a disguise that my eye can see through-so that means I've got to ask you questions. No no, don't get up yet. What is Lily Evan's sister's middle name?"
"Odette," I said weakly.
"And in the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, what were Dumbledore's last words to you?"
"Erm..." I thought back, probing my memory. "Oh! He told me I had a lovely necklace."
"And your brother's wife's name?"
"I don't have a brother."
"Alright, it'll do. Sorry for knocking you over now, but one can never be too careful in these times." He helped me up with a scarred hand, giving my wand back. "Constant vigilance!" He roared, making me jump.
"Erm-yes sir. If you don't mind, I know where Death Eaters are, if we can hurry-"
"Merlins' pants, why didn't you say so?" He yelled. "Take me there now!" He grabbed my arm and I disapparated, the Ministry vanishing before my eyes and the fields of grass appearing instead.
"Just out of curiosity," I whispered as we both ducked down, and Moody analyzed the situation. "How do you know my sister's middle name?"
"I make it my responsibility to keep on hand security questions," he whispered harshly. "And don't call me Mr. Moody. I won't ask you how you found these Death Eaters, because you probably won't tell me, would you know?"
"You can ask Dumbledore, I think he knows," I whispered. I was almost positive that he somehow remembered my time as Susanna-I didn't know how, but then again, Dumbledore worked in mysterious ways.
"I just might do that. Sounds like a good story. Say, you're wanting to be an auror, aren't you?" He asked quietly as we advanced forward. I could now hear with more clarity an unknown voice shrieking profanities.
"Yes."
"Well, you're going to make a bloody good one."
"Thanks-thank you."
"Don't thank me yet. Let's go."
Moody didn't say anything, merely waved his wand, and power vibrated in the air-several Death Eaters flew into the sky, screaming. He then jumped up, revealing his hiding spot, and roared curses at the remaining Death Eaters-he made it look easy. He easily deflected several curses aimed our way, and in seconds I had hung the rest of the Death Eaters from the sky-five in total.
"Not always going to be that easy, but well done," he said, clapping me on the back. "I'll alert the correct people, and these bastards will be safe in Azkaban tomorrow morning-let's see what we have here...he summoned a fearsome grizzly bear patronus and sent it off, and within the next five minutes Ministry officials had arrived and were chasing down the Death Eaters-four of them had managed to escape their bonds, but the fifth was still hanging.
"No well known Death Eaters, but Death Eaters nonetheless-good job," he clapped me on the back. "Now go to sleep. You look like you haven't done so in days."
"Erm-alright," I said. "Good bye." I stumbled over the uneven ground and disapparated, arriving in the living room. I fell asleep promptly, and didn't wake up until three o'clock the next day. Then until nine at night I played with Cooper and Donna, trying to keep my mind off of James. I was still lacking sleep, and had purple bags under my eyes.
"What are you drawing?" I asked Donna from the floor, watching her as she bent intently over her drawing, the desk's lamp the only source of light in the room.
"I am drawing you and James's wedding," she said very seriously. "And you have a beautiful blue dress and James is walking on a cloud.
"I can't wait to see it." She had been drawing various weddings between James and I for the last half-hour.
"Not until I'm done!" She said. I rested my back up against the side of the bed, and my eyes began to droop. I struggled to stay awake, but eventually my body shut down and I was forced to sleep-
James
"Donna?" James whispered, pushing open the door to his cousin's room. "You awake?"
"James!" Donna whispered excitedly. "You're back from fighting the bad guys! I missed you!"
"Missed you too, kiddo-ah, there's Lily," James said in a strangled voice, locking his eyes on the girl he loved-she was slumped over and breathing slowly, one of Donna's many blankets over her legs. She had bags under her eyes.
"She hasn't been sleeping very much," Donna said solemnly, almost accusatory. The little girl understood more than they gave her credit for, James thought suddenly. "She won't tell us why. But I know why. She's been waiting for you to get back." She stopped her drawing, and James saw the crayoned picture-it was clearly him and Lily, holding hands, him giving her a piggy-back ride down the stairs, them dancing-and lots and lots of wedding pictures. "Beautiful drawings, Donnie," James said.
"Wake Lily up," Donna ordered, disregarding the compliment. "And ask her to re-marry you."