Chapter 33 The Boy Who Lived
"If there's no end, there can be no beginning.
-Poets of the Fall
"Bye!" James and I called from our doorway to our last retreating guests. The party had lasted all day, and now the house felt incredibly empty without everyone. I put my arms around James and kissed him, closing the door behind us. James picked me up, bridal style, and carried me, giggling, into the living room.
"Here we are," James said in a ridiculous accent. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him again, closing my eyes and feeling completely safe.
"Look," James said softly when we broke apart, setting me gently back on my feet. He pointed to the couch where Sirius was laying, completely sprawled, mouth open and snoring lightly. Harry was fast asleep on his chest, looking tinier than ever.
"Stay here!" I whispered, tiptoe-running off. "I'm going to get the camera!"
I had taken over ten different adorable pictures before the flash finally woke Sirius up.
"Merlin, Lily!" He exclaimed, looking down at Harry. "How many pictures did you take?"
"Twelve," I grinned, undaunted. "And they're the cutest things ever. Too bad your uncle's house burnt down, or you could use them to decorate," I looked at him pointedly.
"Hey, I told you, that wasn't my fault!" Sirius protested, his hands up. "The chick hated me! She was evil! All I did was call her Marlene when we were getting it on-"
"No details, please," I put my hands up, and James covered my ears. We all laughed at that, and Harry turned in his sleep.
"Are you staying the night then, Padfoot?" James asked.
"Yeah. Your couch and I were in the middle of something," Sirius mumbled, turning his back to us and sticking a pillow over his head, promptly falling back to sleep. I let out a soft laugh, and James led Harry and I back to our bedroom.
"Night, Pads," James whispered, turning out the light. We brought a sleeping Harry to his nursery, setting him down in his crib and retiring to our own bedroom.
Two and a half months later- Late June, 1981
"Pwetty lights, mummy," Harry crawled toward me, pointing for my wand. James and I were sitting on the couch, going through mail. We hadn't seen much of anyone since our party-Dumbledore had advised us to keep a lower profile.
"Alright, Harry. Ready?" He nodded eagerly, a smile lighting his face. I turned my head away quickly from the Daily Prophet, which James was reading. I didn't want to see the death-filled headlines, the increased number of killings, the list of names of those who'd never breath again...
I let red sparks fly out of my wand and Harry screeched his approval, clapping his hands.
"Lily," James said softly. Something was wrong, that much was evident in his voice. He wordlessly handed me a letter-
Lily and James-
Marlene is dead. Her brother's dead, and her parents. The Death Eaters killed their whole family. Funeral's already happened, we didn't want you or Alice or Frank risking being caught by coming. I've enclosed a few flowers from the funeral. Marlene is still with us in spirit...we all loved her, and will miss her forever.
-Dorcas
Tears speckled the letter, and my own soon joined it. I brought the letter to my face, crying silently, shoulders shaking and head bowed. Marlene...Marlene couldn't be dead. My best friend since first year...no, not Marlene-I cried even harder, barely even noticing when James took me into his arms, rocking me.
"Mummy?" Harry pulled himself up with the couch, reaching his arms out for me. "Mummy sad?"
"I'm alright, sweetheart," I said in a shaky voice, picking him up and cuddling him too me as I cried, tears dripping into his black hair. He snuggled silently into my shoulder, chubby arms thrown around me and cheek resting on my chest. James held me tight, wiping my tears away.
Marlene was gone. Voldemort had to die.
Two Months Later-August, 1981
Dear Padfootﾧ,
Thank you, thank you, for Harryﾧ's birthday present! It was his favorite by far. One year old and already zooming along on a toy broomstickﾧ, he looked so pleased with himself, I'm enclosing a picture so you can see. You know it only rises about two feet off the ground, but he nearly killed the catﾧ and he smashed a horrible vase Petuniaﾧ sent me for Christmasﾧ (no complaints there). Of course, Jamesﾧ thought it was funny, says he's going to be a great Quidditchﾧ player, but we've had to pack away all the ornaments and make sure we don't take our eyes off him when he gets going. We had a very quiet birthday tea, just us and old Bathildaﾧ, who has always been sweet to us, and who dotes on Harry. We were so sorry you couldn't come, but the Orderﾧ's got to come first, and Harry's not old enough to know it's his birthday anyway! James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell - also, Dumbledoreﾧ's still got his Invisibility Cloakﾧ, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormyﾧ was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnonsﾧ; I cried all evening when I heard. Bathilda drops in most days, she's a fascinating old thing with the most amazing stories about Dumbledore, I'm not sure he'd be pleased if he knew! I don't know how much to believe, actually, because it seems incredible that Dumbledore could ever have been friends with GellertﾧGrindelwaldﾧ. I think her mind's going, personally!
Lots of loveﾧ, Lilyﾧ
I put the picture in between the two pieces of paper, smiling at Harry, who was zooming along and laughing his head off, our cat running off in the background and James's legs chasing after him. I sent it off with my owl, Maverick, and closed the window after him.
"Hey there, Blackjack," I said, picking up our black cat, which had been a gift from the Weasleys, who had a son the same age a Harry-Ron, his name was. The babies hadn't met yet-we were keeping our heads low, and hadn't had much time to arrange playdates for Harry. Poor boy was going to be a social recluse if this kept up-
"Bwa!" Harry shrieked, probably trying to say "Blackjack." He jerked and changed directions on his broom-
"Harry, are you on your broom again?" James bellowed from upstairs. Blackjack jumped out of my arms and I chased after Harry, who easily outpaced me on the broom.
"James, I'm going to murder Sirius!" I yelled back up at him, trying to run through my laughter. Harry was such a mini James. He only went two feet off the ground, but we had already been forced to move all of our decorations and such to higher places. He was getting into everything!
"Gotcha!" James jumped out from behind Harry, scooping him up and off the broom. "You'll be a first rate Quidditch player, you will," he smiled, throwing Harry up into the air to his immense delight.
A knock sounded from the door-
"Lily dear, it's me!" The voice of Bathilda came from the front, and I ran to get it.
"Password?" I asked, eyeing her out the window, feeling completely ridiculous. What Death Eater in their right mind would impersonate sweet little Bathilda?
"Blueberry pancakes," she said promptly, and admitted her in. "How are you, dear? Has James been good to you? Hello, boys!" She beamed at Harry and James, who waved back before going upstairs to play.
"Yes, he has, just like always," I smiled. "Tea?"
"Yes, that would be lovely. Now Lily dear, I've got news for you."
"What sort of news?" I asked mildly, putting the water on the stove top.
"We never got to finish our talk about Dumbledore and Grindelwald. Anyway, as I was saying...I zoned out for a while, sipping my tea and inserting the "mmh-hmm's" and "yeah's" when appropriate, until James sat down next to me.
"I put Harry down for a nap, he looked exhausted," he murmured, squeezing my shoulder.
"Now who did you say the Secret Keeper was again, James? Wasn't it that Black boy?"
"Sirius, yes."
"Don't you think that's a bit...well, obvious? You-know-who...well, that's the first person he'd go after suspecting, mark my words." James and I traded uneasy glances-it had passed our minds, but we'd never said it aloud-and now that Bathilda had...
"That makes sense," James murmured. "Sirius...maybe by being the best choice, it wasn't the best choice..." he trailed off.
"We'll talk to Dumbledore," I said firmly. We talked for a while longer, and Bathilda left a few things for Harry-she absolutely spoiled him. When she left, we both talked at the same time-
"We can't put Sirius in danger like that-"
"We should talk to him, see what he thinks-"
So we called him to come over, and he gave us an idea-using Peter. No one would suspect us to use him, everyone would think it was Sirius-so we switched.
Several days later, Peter was the Secret Keeper, and we had just received news that Darcy, David, Cooper and Donna had all been murdered by Death Eaters.
We had lost our parents-and Marlene, that was five-and now all four of them. Nine.
No more.
Two Months Later-Mid October, 1981
James, myself, and Harry laid in front of our roaring fire, toasting marshmallows in mid-October. We were going to make it a tradition. We were all wrapped up in a blanket, and Harry was in front of us, stuffing his face-and his hair, and his clothes, and every bit of skin on him-with marshmallow. I'd gotten several quite adorable pictures of that, despite James's protests that they weren't "manly" and "would he want his future wife to see those someday?" I told him that Harry was a baby, and therefore could not possibly be manly. We both ached with the loss of so many loved ones, but were doing a good job of consoling ourselves that they were in a better place, all of them.
"Here," I chuckled, feeding James a marshmallow that had gotten too black for my liking.
"You've got a bit of mallow on your nose," he said, mouth full of the white goo.
"Swallow!" I laughed, crinkling my nose. "Where?"
"Riiight-there!" He exclaimed, leaning close and then sticking a blob there himself.
"James!" I shrieked, jumping. I scraped off the creamy stuff and flicked it at him, where it stuck on the end of his chin, like some sort of bizarre little beard. That, of course, sent Harry and I into fits of hysterics.
"You think that's funny, huh?" James growled, standing up and looming over us both, trying to look as menacing as he could with a bit of white dangling off his chin.
"Hilarious, actually," I snickered, smiling up at him.
"Well, then-"
"Ah! James!" I shrieked as he lifted me up into his arms, kissing me deeply.
"There, now it's on your chin," he winked, nodding down.
"You bugger," I laughed, escaping his grip and grabbing a whole handful of marshmallows. "Come on Harry, help Mummy!"
"No, help Daddy!"
"What?! I gave birth to you!"
"I gave you your hair!" He protested as Harry and I backed him up until the back of his legs knocked against the couch, forcing him to sit, then lay down as Harry and I continued to advance.
"I gave him his eyes," I retaliated as Harry jumped on James's stomach, making him gasp in a humorous way as Harry laughed even harder.
"Geroff me!" He bellowed, holding Harry in the air with his arms. I let the marshmallows roll out of my hand on the floor as I joined James on the couch, wrapping my arms around his waist to keep from falling off.
"I do say, Mrs. Potter," James said in a curious voice, pretending to inspect Harry. "I think you've given me a hippogriff instead of a boy!" James gasped, letting Harry fall toward his chest and catching him just before he landed.
"Again!" Harry squealed, and James obliged.
"I love you," I sighed, kissing his cheek. He turned and kissed me back on the mouth, right in front of Harry, who laughed hysterically.
"Kiss!" He sniggered, pointing at our lips.
"Yes, Harry, kiss," James said, grinning jauntily. "You won't get any til you're much older, thank you very much."
"Mummy kiss Harry," he said, looking disgruntled.
"He's so smart," I laughed. "I bet Dudley can't speak like that."
"I bet Dudley can't speak at all," James snorted, and despite myself, a bit of laughter escaped my lips as I kissed Harry's forehead lovingly.
October 31st, 1980
"Bubble!" Harry shrieked. I was piggy back on James, blowing bubbles out of the little canister they came in, silently laughing as Harry puzzled over how the bubbles were coming out of his Daddy's head. Our wands were tucked safely away in the kitchen, where Harry couldn't reach them and inflict any more damage than he already had.
"Where's Momma? Where's Mummy, darling?" James cooed.
"Momma!" Harry yelled, pointing out my legs that James had his legs locked around. James spun, laughing, showing my hiding place to Harry. James set me down but looped his arm around my waist, and as I dipped the wand into the bubble solution he blew before I did, making the bubbles go toward Harry, who yelled and jumped, trying to pop each one.
"Hey!" I protested, nudging him with my hip.
"Hey yourself," he said, nudging me back, probably with more force than he intended-a short yelp escaped my lips as I tumbled down onto the blankets and pillows, remnants of last night's "fort-" James came down on top of me-
"Oof!" I gasped, laughing and looking down at James, whose chin on my stomach, smiling sheepishly.
"Oof!" Harry imitated me and jumped on James's back, adding even more weight.
"Pile-up!" James bellowed, kissing me and reaching behind his back for Harry, face screwed up in concentration-Harry laughed loudly and tried to avoid his grasp, finally waddling down off his back and around to the back of my head, staring at me with wide eyes so identical to my own it was eerie.
"You're upside down, babe," I said, stroking his cheek as he bent his head over mine.
"Kiss," he demanded, and I kissed his little lips.
"Hey," James pretended to pout. "Harry, I do believe you're stealing my wife!"
"My Mummy," Harry said, pointing to me and poking me on the forehead. "My Daddy," he said, pointing to James.
"What?" I called out in mock protest.
"I've got your son!" James growled, scooping Harry up and running. "I'm going to eat you, Harry!" He called as I chased after them, practically tripping over my own feet because I was laughing so hard.
"I'll save you, Harry!" I called, laughing and running after them, wrapping my arms around James's waist and pressing my forehead on his back.
"I got you," I said.
"Uh-oh, somebody looks tired," I whispered as Harry yawned widely, snuggling into James's shoulder.
"Beddy bye time?" James questioned, and I cracked a smile.
"Time to sleep," I confirmed, smiling at James as he took my hand, lacing his fingers through mine as we continued upstairs.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mummy's going to buy you a mocking bird," I sang softly as James went to get his sippy-cup. I stood and rocked Harry, bouncing him gently in an attempt to get him to go to sleep.
"And if that mocking bird won't sing, Daddy's going to get you a diamond ring," James continued, stepping up behind me and continuing the lullaby. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.
"How do you know that one? It's a muggle lullaby," I whispered.
"Mum used to sing it to me," he whispered, resting his chin on the top of my head. "I love you both so much..."
"I love you too," I whispered, back putting my hand over James's and kissing Harry's head. His green eyes finally closed, and I set him down his crib, and turned back to James.
"You just sang to Harry," I grinned at him in the dark room, lit only by Harry's night light. "You're so sweet," I cooed, putting my arms around his neck as his own circled my waist. We began to rock, like we were dancing to the tune of the lullaby.
"I love you so much," James whispered, kissing me deeply, warm lips moving with mine.
"I love you too," I whispered, clinging tightly to him. "We've been married for three years...three beautiful years."
"I know. And we'll have many more," James promised, kissing my forehead and taking my hands. "Let's go downstairs." We walked together down the stairs, and sat down on the couch.
"I wonder what you'll look like all grey and wrinkly," I teased, kissing him.
"You'll just have to wait, won't you?" He pointed out, grinning and resting his head on mine.
"James?"
"Yes, love?"
"Could you tell me about when you first realized you loved me?"
He chuckled softly. "I'd liked you since I first met you, and I realized I loved you three years later, in fourth year. If you remember, Slughorn was showing around the amortentia, and I took a whiff...I realized it was you that I smelled. And then, after that class, you hugged Snape for whatever reason...I was livid."
"Oh, James," I whispered, grinning. "I wish...I wish I would've realized that you were the only one for me sooner. We could've had more time."
"This is perfect," he said softly, taking my face in my hands and kissing me. "We're perfect together. Gryffindors forever," he promised, taking my hands and resting his forehead on mine.
"Where the brave at heart dwell," we whispered together, and I wrapped my arms around him fiercely, burying my face in his shoulder like I would never see him again.
"What was that?" James suddenly jumped up. I had heard it too-he stood up, and our hands were torn from our grasp. He went to the window, and I sat, frozen-I couldn't move-
"Lily, Lily-come here-" I was already there, and he was kissing me fiercely, holding me tighter than he ever had-he didn't have to say it, but I knew-it was him. And this would be the last time we saw each other alive.
We clung to each other for one more moment, postponing the moment we'd finally have to let go. Our wands were tucked away in the kitchen-it was too late, too late for anything now.
"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-" James and I shared one more desperate look, conveying all the love we had for each other in one glance. I began to run, our hands falling away from each other. I took one last look behind me at the man I loved, and ran for my son. No one was going to touch Harry.
I knew, somewhere, deep down-I would die tonight. I would die for Harry.
Harry was wide awake when I burst into his nursery and I took him in my arms, holding him in my chest. He was deathly quiet-he knew something was wrong.
"Oh, Harry, I love you," I whispered, rocking him. "Mummy loves you...Dadda loves you..." I squeezed my eyes shut, trembling and pounding furiously. I wasn't scared for myself, I was scared for Harry. Voldemort was not going to lay a finger on my baby. I would make sure of that, if it took my dying breath. I heard voices from downstairs, and Harry began to cry-I heard the death spell-
"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort roared, and my heart split in two. All that was holding me up, keeping me from crumpling to the floor, was Harry. James was gone, James was dead, the only man I'd ever love-but I'd be joining him soon. I clutched Harry tighter, shushing him, trying to sooth his cries. There was no where to go.
The door opened from behind us and I whirled around to see Voldemort let out a high, cold laugh, triumphing that he had found us. Time seemed to still.
"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" I pleaded, giving my son one last kiss and setting him down in the crib, throwing my body in front of his.
"Stand aside, you silly girl, stand aside now-" Voldemort had his wand pointed at my heart, but I didn't move an inch.
"Not Harry, please no," I begged. Couldn't he see that Harry was my son? He couldn't kill him, he couldn't take him, didn't he see how he had already ripped my heart in two, he couldn't take my son as well- "Take me, kill me instead-not Harry, not Harry! Please...have mercy...have mercy..." I begged him, pleading, crying out. I had to keep Harry safe. I couldn't fail him, couldn't fail James.
Voldemort laughed at the idea of mercy, laughed and threw his head back.
"Why?" I mouthed soundlessly, pleading one last time, and I began to scream. Shrill, high pitched screams-someone had to hear me, couldn't anyone hear-not Harry, not my baby-
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" A green light shot out from Voldemort's wand, and connected with my chest.
In less than a second, I had left my body-I was floating up, up-I saw Voldemort turn on Harry-I couldn't stay, but I lingered, somehow-I couldn't leave. A glowing golden light had enveloped Harry, shimmering and shining. He looked down on my body, oblivious. He must have thought I was just sleeping, that I would stand back up any moment now-
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort shrieked, but I knew it was futile. That golden light-that golden light that my death had given to my baby-that would protect Harry.
The green killing light hit Harry on the forehead, but didn't go into him, didn't penetrate his flesh.
No.
It rebounding, and in one horrid scream, the room exploded in a smoking heap, and Voldemort exploded into a thousand pieces.
"Lily," I heard someone say-the voice was murky, as if underwater. It was James. "Come on love. Harry's alright, Harry's safe...he's defeated Voldemort. Look." He pointed down and Harry was looking around him, completely unharmed, except for a mark on his forehead. I nodded, and stepped into James's arms. We couldn't stay-but we had saved Harry. James and I ascended together, silently, arms around each other.
We were standing in an all white area, huge and tall-ceilinged, looking like-
"Is this-is this King's Cross station?" I whispered, not letting go of James.
"It is," he whispered. "It was Peter. Peter all along-and look-there's our parents, and Marlene, and Darcy and David and Cooper and Donna...and aunt Odette..." he was right. In the misty form of the pearly white Hogwarts Express, were the nine who had passed before us, waiting for us with open arms.
"So we're dead then," I said calmly, looking up at him.
"We are," he said. "But," he added softly, kissing me softly. He was still solid, still warm-"We can spend eternity together. Harry will join us some day...not for a long, long while. Right now, everyone down there-they're celebrating. They're making toasts. Toasts to the famous Boy Who Lived-that's what they're calling him. Everything will be alright, Lily, I promise," James said. He helped me onto the train, where we were greeted with exclamation and open arms. I took James's hand tightly, and never let it go.
"We saved Harry," he said softly as the train whistled, and began to pick up speed. "And Voldemort is dead. I love you, Lily," James grinned. "We love each other so much it was impossible for one of us to die without the other. Harry's going to be alright...we're going to be safer than ever. There are no Death Eaters up here, no evil, nothing. Just love," he promised, taking me into his arms. Later we would talk with Marlene, with James's cousins, with our parents and my aunt. But right now, all we needed was each other.
"I love you," I whispered softly, kissing him.
"I love you too, my Lily...death is but the next big adventure," he said softly before kissing me back.
And below, every wizard and witch in the world slowly poked their head out of hiding, lifted their nose cautiously to sniff the air. And when all was clear, all was well, they rushed back inside, great smiles growing on their faces.
"It's true!" They told their families and friends excitedly. "It's true!"
And they all lifted their glasses, and toasted the Potter family.
"Long live Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived!"
"...to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." -Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself plainly when you have need of him. How else could you produce that particular patronus? Prongs rode again last night." -Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Treasure Every Moment
Mischief Managed.
A/N Writing this chapter made me cry, but we know that if Lily and James hadn't sacrificed themselves for Harry, he wouldn't be the great hero he is today. Thanks to each of you that stuck with me this whole way. :) Watch out for my next story, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings!"