Chapter 16: Choices that determine our future
I opened my eyes and blinked rapidly, sitting up on the floor. No...ground. I looked down, puzzled. Where was I?
Then it dawned on me.
"Stefan!" I gasped, shooting to my feet and swaying from the sudden movement. "We've crossed over! We're in the realm!" My voice shook as Stefan sat up, looking groggy.
"What?" He muttered, shaking the sleep out of his eyes. "How? Was that supposed to happen?" I rushed forward, kneeling next to where he was sitting and leaning over him, feeling scared. I grabbed his shoulder, scared.
"I don't think so," I whispered. "I've accidentally crossed before in my sleep, remember...but Stefan, we don't have the anchor spell," I tried to keep my voice calm. "This isn't safe!"
"It's okay. Roxanne, take a deep breath," he instructed, looking at me with a serious expression. "If we concentrate and stay right here, we'll be able to get back..." he trailed off, looking to his left. "Where are we?"
My eyes widened in horror and I looked up, noticing for the first time that I recognized the trees we were sitting under, and the body of water next to us was unmistakable.
"I know this place," I whispered. "We won't be alone for long." I leaned forward and touched my fingers to the water as Stefan piled several rocks on top of each other to mark the place we'd crossed over so we could be sure to cross back.
Ripples spread from my fingers and I whispered the location of where Stefan and I had dropped to the floor.
"-don't know what happened, I swear Professor, this has never before transpired!" Jigglekins was squeaking as Kingsley leaned over us along with Madame Pomfrey. Stefan floated next to me, his eyes wide.
"What is this?" He whispered in a hushed voice. "How long were we gone?"
"I don't know," I admitted. Professor Hardling was evacuating the classroom and Pomfrey was conjuring up two stretchers, and levitating Stefan and I onto each of them.
"They're not waking," Kingsley's face looked controlled, but his voice wavered. "Jigglekins, tell us exactly what happened." I snorted a bit, and tried to hold in a laugh. The mood was serious down at Hogwarts, but something about our headmaster saying the name Jigglekins set me off.
"Jigglekins!" I giggled, and Stefan worked to hold down a smile.
"It does kind of make it less intense," he agreed, grinning. Piggle Jigglekins, he mouthed, brow furrowing. "That's got to be a stage name..."
"-St. Mungo's, Headmaster?" Pomfrey was looking with pursed lips at Kingsley. He shook his head, expression grave.
"Not yet, Poppy. Not quite yet."
"We've got to get back," the smile faded on my face and I touched the pond again so the image would disappear.
"Roxanne," Stefan said quietly, and I turned to see him looking at his hand as if he were seeing it for the first time, flexing his fingers and reaching out to touch my arm, eyes widening in horror. "Roxanne, have you noticed...we're solid now?"
"How could I be so stupid?" I rushed forward, falling to my knees and resting my hands on the ground, palms down. "Is this because it's getting closer to March 21st...? Stefan, we've got to leave now!" I exclaimed, quickly jumping to my feet.
"Not so fast," came a low voice from behind us, and I whirled around as a feeling of dread began to weigh down my heart. A man with scraggly auburn hair streaked with gray was glaring at us, his lip curled in disgust. He had beady black eyes and his Death Eater robes were stretched tight across his broad shoulders. "You're not leaving until you get me out! I've been waiting for years," he advanced, growling. "And now things are changing. I can touch things again-" his arm shot out and he grabbed Stefan around the neck, choking him. Stefan stumbled backwards, hands flying up as he desperately tried to pry off the Death Eater's fingers. "And I can feel change coming-oomph!" He let out a grunt as I flung myself at him, raking my fingernails down his greasy, whiskered face. He let out a howl of pain, releasing Stefan and backhanding me hard across the face, sending me tumbling to the ground as my vision temporarily darkened. When I blinked the haziness from my eyes I saw Stefan grappling with the man, their hands locked on each others' shoulders.
I crawled forward, pushing myself toward where they had gone crashing through the bushes. Stefan was putting up a good fight but the man had pushed him onto the ground and was preparing to wrap his hands around his neck once more.
"No!" I screamed, shoving him with all my might at the same time Stefan kicked him hard in the gut. I reached down a hand and Stefan pulled himself up before the Death Eater could recover. We sprinted back towards where we had piled the rocks, and joined hands quickly.
"Concentrate," Stefan muttered, and we squeezed our eyes closed.
"He's coming!" I screamed as the man barrelled toward us like a charging bull.
Just as he would have slammed us to the ground I awoke with a gasp, fumbling wildly for Stefan.
"Stefan-Stefan!" I shrieked, eyes wide as I thrashed around on some foriegn surface.
"Roxanne!" Stefan was yelling from behind me, and I twisted around on the stretcher, calming down immediately when I saw Stefan was okay and in one piece. He seemed to relax as well, and an unspoken agreement flowed through us; we operated better as a team than enemies.
Stefan's POV
I turned on the balls of my feet, resuming my brisk walk for several steps before I turned again, pacing back and forth, back and forth. Dizzying for some people, but it helped me think.
My eyes flickered briefly to the girl in the bed across the aisle from mine; the two of us had sure been in the hospital wing a lot this year.
Roxanne's chest was rising and falling slowly with her breath, her hair falling over her closed eyes. She was curled up around the sheets, hands curled in front of her.
What was it about that girl that made me feel so...
Weak?
No, that wasn't the right word. But when I was with Roxanne I felt ashamed of...well, I'd get to that later. I stopped for a moment, listening for Madame Pomfrey. Roxanne and I both had to take a sleeping potion, but I poured mine under the bed when no one was looking.
I winced, slamming my eyes shut...I couldn't get the image out of my head of Roxanne taking that hit for me, and that Death Eater sending her tumbling to the ground...I shuddered.
Falling in love was not in the job description, Stefan! I berated myself, slamming my fist on my palm. I had a choice to make, and Fred-or the Death Eater-a certainly wasn't helping.
You two-faced bastard, you conniving little son-of-a-
I know I am! I pressed my hands over my ears, trying to keep him out. And I'm going to hell for it...
I would have told her long ago who you really were had the damn Death Eaters here allowed me a moment of peace, Fred growled. Or the Death Eater pretending to be Fred.
I fell backwards onto the nearest bed, glaring at the ceiling like it had done me wrong. Why was everything so complicated? It had been complicated even before I met Roxanne, but now that stupid, brilliant girl was pulling me around by my heartstring and she didn't even bloody realize it.
I remembered the first time the stories came to life. The stories that the government fed us to scare us, to keep us away from the Dark Arts. To scare us away from the gaping hole Voldemort and his followers had blasted in our history. They never wanted a repeat, and they were especially wary of Durmstrang. We were known for producing Dark Wizards, a fact that wasn't a coincidence.
I had grown to be careful around the men with the black marks on their arms, for I knew they had horrible tempers and were terribly mean. I pushed my sister Nadia back from the door, not wanting to be discovered listening in.
"Don't push me, Stefan!" She snapped in a whisper, pouting.
I shook my head slowly. "Don't get caught," I pleaded, and Nadia's expression softened. I edged in front of my sister protectively, leaning toward the voices.
"-Dark Marks have faded, obviously, but we've got new ones to identify each other...say, man, is that your son?"
"Stefan." Father's voice was low and calm, but vibrating with anger. "Come in here, please." I took a trembling step forward as I felt my sister's fearful hand touch my back. They hadn't seen her.
I stepped into the dimly lit living room, the walls lined with moving photographs and bookshelves. Several men lounged lazily in our armchairs before the fire, and they were all scrutinizing me. Father was watching me carefully, dark eyes glittering.
My gaze flickered to the largest picture above the mantle; Mother. I missed her. She had died three years ago, when I was nine, and if it weren't for the portraits, her face surely would have slipped from my mind now. That made my heart ache.
"Were you listening to our conversation, boy?" Father asked gruffly. I knew not to lie-
"Yes, father," I ducked my head, fingers playing with the hem of my shirt. To my surprise, Father let out a deep laugh.
"Ah, such like me when I was a child! Come here, Stefan. Come here and tell Father's friends what you've been learning at Durmstrang, and how you're going to follow in the ways of purebloods when you grow to be strong."
I opened and closed my mouth, yearning to be like father and to make him proud...but then I saw my mother in the picture and her sad, sweet, smile, and I remembered her. I remembered her voice telling me that Father didn't always know best, and that it was wrong to hurt people, wrong to manipulate. "It's not right to think we're above everyone just because of our blood, love. Am I better than you because I have blue eyes and you have brown?" And another saying, "There will come a day, Stefan, when you'll need to make a choice. You can live the way your Father thinks is right, the way he wants you to. Or you can chose for yourself, you can forge a new path..." it wasn't long after that that Mother died.
"I will, Father," I nodded firmly, completely sure of myself as a twelve year old. Right then, there weren't any other options. I didn't know anything else, save for the seemingly cryptic messages Mother had sometimes whispered to me when I was too young to understand them, and now when I remembered them, still to young. "Muggles and Mudbloods are to be treated as inferior, as they are not of the same bloodlines as people like us and are therefore of a lesser caliber," I recited in a monotone voice, word for word. I didn't understand what I was saying, yet. No more than that it was a lesson in school, in the class "A Study of Purebloods."
"Good boy," one of the men took a sip from his glass, staring at me intently. "Tell me, how old are you?"
"Twelve," I said, puffing my chest out proudly.
"He's old enough than, have you told him yet?"
Father studied me intently and I did my best to look worthy of being let in on this secret plan. "No," he said finally, and I wilted slightly. "Not about the shields, not yet. It's too complicated for him and besides, the plan is in early stages right now. We won't need to expand our ranks for many years, because it will take quite some time for us to get in position."
I opened my eyes, wincing at the memory. I wasn't sure what the turning point had been where I'd realized that what I'd grown up with was wrong. Maybe it was when I was fourteen, when I'd seen my own Father torture our gardener because he had done something wrong; but really, it was because he was a Squib.
"You idiot!" Father screamed, bringing his wand down again and again on the old man, his wrinkled face contorted in pain. "I told you never to listen in-"
"Father!" I screamed, stumbling forward on my limbs that had recently grown tall and gangly. "What are you doing?!" I raced to the man, cradling his head in my lap. He let out a groan as his eyelids fluttered, his gray hair soft under my fingers. "What did you do to him?" I sobbed, looking up at him with a look of pure hatred. This man had been nice to me...he was my friend.
"People must be punished for their incompetence, Stefan," Father growled, reaching down and trying to pull me up. "And what have I said about wearing these filthy muggle clothes? You look like a common peasant, and no son of mine will be seen as such!" He growled, and I wrestled out of his grip, taking the gardener's-Perry's-hand.
"No," I whispered, looking down at my old friend. "You killed him."
For a moment, my father didn't reply. "Stefan," he said softly. "He's not dead." Then his tone changed. "But you will obey me, boy! Now stand up and show some respect for your elders!"
"I'll never respect you!" I cried, jumping to my feet and glaring at him. "I hate you!"
Suddenly I was sprawling on the ground, tripping over my long, skinny legs. I put out my hands to catch myself, but I was still dizzy from the hard blow my father had struck my face with. I held my cheek and spit out blood, staring with rage and fear at the man I would never again think of as my father.
"Maybe I won't want to study the Dark Arts anymore," I hissed, my lips wet with red blod.
"Your sister can do better than you, you weak, snivelling coward."
I closed my eyes, letting the motion of the great ship rock me. We were underwater, but still the currents could lull me into sleep.
"Leonov!" The sudden voice made me jump and I sat up quickly, hitting my head hard on the bunk above me.
"Nice one, Stefan!" Alexei chortled, and I stood up and pushed him backwards playfully.
He growled and punched me in the chest, but I barely flinched, grinning instead.
"Ow," he muttered, holding his fist and looking slightly disgruntled.
"What do you need?"
"Ah, your father wants you. We're having a 'meeting,'" Alexei snickered. "As if we haven't gone over the plan enough already. I swear to Merlin, if I heard that man tell us one more time about discretion and manipulation, and how we need to keep our friends close and our enemies closer...I'm going to-"
"Shut up!" I exclaimed, covering his mouth. "Not all the students are in on it, you know." Alexei raised an eyebrow.
"I'm starting to think you don't want to do it, Stefan. The way you've been acting lately..." he trailed off.
"How hard can it be?" I snapped, slightly angry. "All I have to do is get close to someone related to Harry Potter, because Nikola's so convinced that all of his kids and nieces and nephews know about the shields." Alexei eyed me for a moment, his thin face twisting into one of suspicion.
"I'd be careful if I were you, Stefan," he said quietly, stepping closer to me so that we were eye to eye. "I think you know what kind of dangerous place you've been getting yourself into this past year...questioning the way things are run. All I'm saying is you don't want to get on their bad side, even if one of them is your father," he said, pretending to be concerned for me.
"One of the Death Eaters, you mean?" I asked warily. Alexei nodded. "Are you threatening me?" I asked a second thought, but it was half-hearted.
"Just be careful, man," Alexei let out a breath and clapped my shoulder. "We've been friends since we were kids. Don't let some stupid questions get in the way of your friendships." He put his hand on the doorknow. "You coming?"
I shook my head, sitting back on the bead. My mind was whirling. "No."
Alexei's face contorted into one of anger, but just for a moment. Then calmness flickered back across his features, and I questioned whether or not I'd seen his look of rage in the first place.
He slipped out without a word, closing the door silently behind him.
I didn't want to follow in Father's footsteps anymore. I was of age, I could make my own decisions. It wasn't just a harmless bit of questioning that Alexei assumed was the cause of my strange behavior lately. I'd followed Father and his friends, I'd seen what they were doing. I dug deeper and my eyes had been opened.
I wasn't so sure I wanted a part of that life any more. Nadia called me a coward, but I wasn't so sure that her definition and mine of the word 'coward' were still the same.
"But first I'd like to announce the top of the class this year; the top seven are..."
Nikola sat forward, and the rest of us watched him carefully. This was what he had been waiting for; he wanted to know who were the most intellegent, so he could determine which of the Hgowarts students (particularly children of Harry, Ron, or Hermione) was most likely to know about the shields. Nadia and I exchanged a brief look; she must have forgotten that she was mad at me for not coming to the meeting on the ship. She was excited for this, I knew-her first 'official' Death Eater mission.
Ridiculous. She was only seventeen.
"Albus Potter!" Nikola turned and whispered something to Nadia, and a grin slowly spread across her face as she scrutinized the boy that Nikola was obviously assigning her to.
"-and Rose Weasley-"
"-Shelby James-Thomas..."
"-Toby Longbottom-"
"-Scorpius Malfoy, and Roxanne Weasley-"
The rest of what McGonagall was talking about faded away as Nikola turned to me. He glared at me, and I struggled to keep my face impassive.
"Can you handle this, boy?" He whispered, and I nodded slowly.
"I won't let you down," I whispered. He pointed to a girl who was turned sideways in her chair, watching us out of the corner of her eye with suspicion evident on her face. She must have been of African descent; she wasn't beautiful, but there was something about her that...pulled you in.
I shook myself out of my reverie as I realized that Nikola was muttering in my ear.
"-any means at all, romantic or other, to get her to talk. We need this information, and if you disappoint us..."
He stopped. The girl was now openly staring at him, and Nikola glared with narrowed eyes.
The girl's eyes widened and shock and she turned back around quickly.
Nikola kept talking to me, but I tuned him out as I watched the girl intently. She fidgeted impatiently in her seat, and I could practically see her mind working for ways to spy on us again. Did she know what we were up to? The thought crossed my mind, but I immediately dispelled it. There was no way.
Seconds later, the girl-Roxanne-dropped her quill in a very obviously intended move. I struggled to keep a small smile off my face, but the girl's eyes narrowed warily at me as she leaned forward to see me better. Suddenly-
Crash!
The girl let out a small shriek as she toppled out of her chair, the class bursting into laughter.
I half-expected her to cry and run out of the room, so I was shocked as she grinned widely, shooting up to her feet and taking bow after bow until the laughter turned to appreciateive clapping. I stared at the back of her head as she slid back into her seat, bewildered. What an odd girl.
"She's a tricky one," Nikola was whispering in my ear. "You had better watch out for her."
At first it had been tedious, trying to earn the trust of Roxanne. She was suspicious of me, and the other students of Durmstrang like she saw right through our plan. But she gradually warmed to me and although I tried to deny it, I soon realized...I didn't want to spy on this girl. She was...she was a powerful witch, and intelligent. But it was more than that. She...made me want to change.
"Stefan!" I heard the familiar snap of my sister as she walked into the room, making her way over to my bed as she glared. "What are you in here for? They told me you'd been knocked out!" She bit her lip, worried.
"I'm fine, sis, thanks for beind so concerned," I grumbled, pushing myself up.
"Oh, put your shirt on," she snapped, sitting tentatively next to me. "I don't want to see my little brother half-naked."
"I'm not your little brother!" I protested. "I'm two minutes younger!"
"Precisely. Hence, little," Nadia smirked a bit as I pulled a shirt over my head. I grumbled a bit, giving her a small shove.
"Hey!" She let out a yell, jabbing me back with her bony elbow.
"Sh!" I hissed, clamping my hand over her mouth. She gave me a look that could have frozen boiling water, and I slowly removed my hand.
"Shit, you really are getting soft," she sighed. "So what is thisthen?" Her tone changed to one of mocking. "Stefan in love at last? The famous womanizer, what was it that Roxanne called you? The serial dater-"
"Nadia!" I snapped, shooting out of my bed. "This isn't about Roxanne and you know it. If you could just look further than Nikola's viewpoints-"
Surprise showed clearly on Nadia's face.
"You're not calling him-"
"No."
Nadia nodded slowly, processing this.
"I don't want to 'look further', Stefan," she said coldly, crossing her arms. "I can see everything I need to see from right here, and you were mostly content too until you met that conniving bitch-"
"Stop it," I hissed, glaring at my sister. "You don't know her. And I was questioning father long before I met Roxanne, you know that." I turned away, face in my hands.
"I know," Nadia said in a low voice. "But you haven't made any reports at all since the beginning of the year, Stefan. None."
My fingers twitched. I had the book with the spells duplicated...I could so easily give it to Nikola, and that would be the end of my troubles. He could travel into the spirit realms himself, he'd have everything he needed to know, and he'd leave Roxanne alone.
"I know she knows about the shields, you told us that," Nadia coaxed. "And that she's been talking with some Death Eater she things is her bloody dead uncle-" anger prickled in my chest. "-don't tell me she hasn't figured anything else out."
"She hasn't." I said firmly, careful not to say anything that might give something away. "She hasn't, Nadia."
"Stefan," Nadia sniffed, eyes watering as she stood and put her hands lightly on my shoulder. "I just want my brother back...I miss when it was us against the world, Stefan," she said softly. I pulled away, and a small smile crossed her face as her facade of sadness melted away.
"Still see right through me, I see," she sighed.
"Still conniving, I see," I spit back, and she smiled.
"It's too bad, Stefan. We really make a great team, our family. We do need you."
"I don't want to be on that side anymore." My voice shook.
"You'll change your mind, Stefan," she whispered, sounding very sure of herself. "I know how much family means to you and in the end, you'll always chose Father and I over some girl you met in school," she jerked her chin towards Roxanne.
"You're not as far gone as you think you are, Nadia," I said softly, taking a step closer to my petite sister. She had to crane her neck to look at me, her black eyes glittering.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" She raised an eyebrow, perfectly composed.
"How's Al?" I asked softly, and a flicker of emotion passed across Nadia's face.
"Don't talk about him," she hissed, eyes darkening with anger.
"Why? Is it possibly guilt you feel, maybe remorse?" I asked eagerly.
"Don't be silly," Nadia said softly, looking down at the floor. "He's just a stupid boy."
Just a stupid boy.
She turned on her heel and left, the door closing softly behind her. I looked at Roxanne; she hadn't moved through any of it.
"I wish I could tell you," I whispered. "I wish I could tell you all of it...it isn't black and white you know, not really," I told her sleeping form. "The choice isn't good or evil. Sometimes it's family or...or something else that might be just as important."
Roxanne's POV
"I hate Valentine's day," Laine groaned as we bounced over a bump in the carriage to Hogsmeade. "We've got no dates...we're going to be old maids together," Laine sighed mournfully, resting her head on the side of the carriage.
"I thought you were like on of those Amazon women we learned about in Muggle Studies," I teased. "Did you know they cut their right breast off so they could swing a sword better?"
Laine gasped. "Hmmm..." She got a far-away look in her eye. "That might be nice, yeah," she grinned, half-teasing.
"Anyway, Melody and Anna have dates," I said. "So we're going to be bored. We should go to Zonko's."
"The way to Roxanne's heart is through the joke shop," Roxanne proclaimed dramatically, and I shoved her, laughing.
"We're here!" I pointed out the window, and Laine and I jumped out of the carriage.
"Whoa!" I gasped as something whizzed out of the trees behind us, hitting me with a whack in the head. "Ow," I murmured, rubbing the spot where the mysterious flying object had hit and bending down to pick it up in the half-melted snow.
"What's this..." I began suspiciously, and suddenly the small golden ball erupted into fireworks, exploding upward into magnificent gold and green sparks, forming a dragon that quickly circled around our heads before evaporating, and I was so entranced at the display, my mouth open in surprise, that I didn't even notice the small golden sphere had transformed after exploding to reveal a very minutely folded bit of parchment.
"What's this?" Laine shrieked, grabbing it out of my hand.
"What? Oh-hey!" I yelled, jumping up and snatching it from her fingers. "That's mine!"
"Ooh, is it Stefan that's your not-so-secret admirer?" Laine teased as I quickly pocketed the note, so it was safe from prying eyes.
"No," I blurted, my cheeks growing very red. I hoped it was, but...he had been acting strange lately...was that a good sign or a bad sign? I had so little experience with blokes.
Later, when Laine wasn't looking, I pulled open the parchment.
To my favorite person in Hogwarts-
Meet me at the Shrieking shack, 2:00.
There was no signature, but who else would ask him to meet me at the Shrieking Shack? I folded the note with trembling fingers, sticking it back in my pocket and biting my lip to keep from letting out a shriek.
"What's the matter?" Laine gave me an odd look as we browsed the joke products. "You look like you're either about to explode into a firework yourself, or you've really got to go."
"Nothing!" I squeaked in an extremely high-pitched voice, then cleared my throat. "Er-nothing."
Whew, puppies are a LOT of work. A LOT a lot. Like, I pretty much have a baby right now that I have to take care of by myself. BUT, totally worth it. Since I have a spare minute right now, I'll put another chapter up after this. Please review!