A/N: Once again, not the chapter that was promised. The chapter that was promised is about four fifths written though. Honestly. I just figured that since this chapter was finished, I might as well post it.
A/N2: Oh, and this chapter doesn't exactly fit into the timeline for reasons that will become obvious very quickly.
A/N3: The main reason I'm posting this story is because I shared most of it with InSilva and she said that I should. And this A/N was meant to be one of gratitude and appreciation, rather than blame. Sounds more like blame though, doesn't it? Oh, well. Thanks, mate.
English assignment by Danny Ocean aged seven, September 1970, Mrs Cartwright's class
'Write about your family'
My family is me and Daddy and Mom. Mom works in an office but she is always home when I get in from school. She makes cookies that taste just like the ones Sams mom makes. She is always smiling and never mad at me. Daddy works hard. He is very tall. He loves Mom. He likes playing football with me. He always listens to me. I am seven and three quarters. I have dark hair. I like storys and TV. I try to never upset my parents or disapoint them. I don't bother them too much but if I do they don't mind. I like my family a whole lot.
Mrs Cartwright: Very good, Danny! Your parents sound like lovely people.
Maths assignment by Danny Ocean aged eight, February 1971, Mrs Folger's class.
'If Bob has twenty six bananas and he buys thirteen more and then eats fourteen of them, what does he have?'
Stomach ache.
Mrs Folger: Very funny, Danny. If you spent half the time you spend in a dream world actually doing the work the rest of the class is doing, you probably wouldn't have to resort to 'clever' answers.
Assignment by Danny Ocean aged eight, August 1971, Mrs Jones' class
'What should you do if a stranger tries to take you somewhere?'
Run and hide.
Mrs Jones: That's not quite right, Danny – evidently you weren't listening in class again. I'll be having a word with your mother about that, but just remember that you should refuse, yell that you're in trouble, go somewhere with lots of people and tell your parents what happened. Remember, your parents will want to know.
Notes on assignment by Robert Ryan, aged five, November 1971, Miss Thorpe's class
Miss Thorpe: Robert, you were supposed to draw a picture of your family. This is a picture of a cake. You need to pay more attention in class and follow instructions. You were fidgeting all day today, I don't know what's the matter with you.
Assignment by Danny Ocean aged nine, May 1972, Miss Coulter's Class
'Write a poem for Mother's Day'
The things I hear my mother say
Stay with me every single day
She always knows the perfect word
To make sure I'm not seen or heard
Come rain or sleet or sun
There's no one quite like Mom
Miss Coulter: Daniel, I found this crumpled up in the trash. You were all supposed to take your poems home for your parents. Mother's Day is on Sunday and I'm sure your mother will be extremely disappointed that you don't want to get her anything.
Assignment by Robert Ryan aged five, June 1972, Miss Thorpe's Class
'Make a card for your father. Draw whatever your father likes best on the front'
Miss Thorpe: Robert, I don't know that your father will like your picture. Can you tell me why you coloured half the face in purple? And I don't think the red is exactly appropriate. I'm going to be sending a note home to your parents again, I think we need to all have a little chat.
Assignment by Robert Ryan aged six, January 1973, Miss Collins' class
'Write a story about the best Christmas present you got from Santa Claus this year'
The best Christmas present I got was that Santa didn't bother with me because he hates me and I hate him. He's stupid and mean and I hate presents and I hate toys and I hate Christmas and I'm glad he hates me.
Miss Collins: Robert Ryan, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! There are plenty of people in the world who don't get any Christmas presents. You should think a little less about trying to impress your classmates and a little more about being grateful for what you've got. I want you to write this essay again. Properly this time.
Rewrite of assignment by Robert Ryan aged six, January 1973, Miss Collins' class
The best present I got from Santa was a robot that says 'I'm your best friend' when I pull the string. I like it a lot. I called it Mr Metalliram. It is a good present. It knows how to keep secrets. I am very grateful for it.
Miss Collins: Much better Robert! Perhaps you could take Mr Metalliram in for Show and Tell on Friday? I'm sure everyone would love to see him.
Assignment by Danny Ocean, aged nine, May 1973, Mrs Simpson's class
'Write a story about an apology'
One day, Jack needed to apologise to his Mom because he'd embarrassed her and shown her up in front of the neighbours by not being good at sports or music or school and by being rude and uncooth.
Jack had tried to apologise but sometimes sorry isn't good enough and Jack's father had gone away for a few days to get away from it all and Jack knew it was all his fault.
Fortunately, Jack had a secret identity and he was really Captain Steel, the superhero, and he was able to fix everything.
He stayed up all night and used his super powers to magically get good at things and then he flew to Darkest Peru and picked a bunch of the most beautiful flowers in the world and took them back to Jack's Mom and she saw that he really was sorry and she forgave him and then he showed her that he could play the piano and he told her that he'd play baseball if she wanted, and she said she was proud of him.
Then Captain Steel flew to Jack's Dad and said that he was sorry and that he was good now, so Mom wouldn't be angry anymore and Jack's Dad was happy and he came home at once and they lived happily ever after.
Mrs Simpson: This was a lovely story, Danny, but I think that the wrong person apologised. Don't you think that the mother should have apologised for shouting and the father should have apologised for leaving? I'm going to show your essay to your parents at parent's night tomorrow – I think we need to have a talk about it. And I'm always here if you ever want to talk.
Science assignment by Danny Ocean aged nine, October 1973, Mrs O'Donnell's class.
'Write the story of the water molecule's journey through the water cycle."
Once upon a time there were two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom that all got together to form a water molecule. This water molecule liked to hang out in the Atlantic Ocean with lots of other water molecules. One day it was particularly hot and the water molecule was evarporated into the air and became part of a rain cloud through condensation. The water molecule drifted around in the rain cloud until it saw a picnic and decided that it wanted to join in. So it fell down as a raindrop in precipitatation and landed right on top of the picnic table, but everyone else ran away before the raindrop had got to ask for the chicken sandwiches. The water slid off the picnic table into the ground as groundwater where it eventually made its way into a lake. The water molecule was evarporated up into the atmosphere again and it decided that it wanted to fall back into the ocean. The water molecule liked travelling a whole lot.
Mrs O'Donnell: Very imaginative, Danny, but not exactly the sort of essay I had in mind! You need to be a lot more factual.
Assignment by Danny Ocean, aged ten, December 1973, Mrs O'Donnell's class
'Read Hans Christian Andersen's story 'The Little Match Girl' and write a brief response explaining what the story means to you.'
The Little Match Girl is a story that really made me angry. So there's this girl and she's all alone and starving and cold and too afraid to go home and no one cares. The story even says that she was walking along the streets and someone stole her shoe. When a child – or anyone – is hurting that much, other people should help. Adults, especially teachers, should pay attention instead of just standing back and thinking "It's not my problem, I shouldn't get involved."
She should have had a coat and gloves and shoes that fit, and enough food – more than enough food - and a safe, warm apartment to go home to and family that was nice to her.
And then, at the end, her dead grandmother comes to take her up to heaven. And that made me angry too. Why couldn't the grandmother have come five minutes earlier and led the kid somewhere warm? Why did the kid have to die to get a little affection? It's not that hard. The grandmother was selfish, taking the child with her instead of letting her live.
What this story means to me is that people are stupid and selfish and notice nothing.
No one should have to live like that. No one should have to die like that.
I hated this story.
Mrs Mackenzie: Oh, Danny, I think you've completely missed the point of this story! For a start, it was written a long time ago, in 1845. There were no teachers to pay attention to poor children. Nowadays, this sort of thing simply doesn't happen in this country. And at the end, the little match girl was taken up to heaven. Don't you think that's better for her than all the pain and misery she was forced to live with?
No
Assignment by Rusty Ryan aged eight, March 1975, Mrs May's class.
'What should you do if a stranger approaches you?'
I should try and run and find somewhere to hide and if the man grabs my arm I should scratch his hand or bite it and try to get free. If he grabs my t-shirt I should take it off. If he grabs my hair I should just pull as hard as I can because hair will break or tear. If I can't get away I should try to kick him in the knee or punch him in the kidneys because that hurts most and if I can hurt him maybe I can get free. If he has a knife I will stay still and hope that I get a chance to get away. When he hits me I will try not to show that it hurts. I will keep fighting even if I can't get away.
Mrs May: Robert, I find your essay a little disturbing. I'm going to talk to your parents about the sort of movies they're letting you watch.
English assignment by Rusty Ryan, aged nine, August 1975, Miss Tolland's class
'Write a story with the opening line 'Once upon a time there was a princess locked in a tower'
Once upon a time there was a princess locked in a tower. She had been locked up because she was spoiled and always asking for things. Because she was so spoiled she hated being locked up and was always dreaming up ways to escape even though she knew that the world outside the tower was dangerous and if she was caught she would be sent somewhere worse.
Sometimes there was a gard in the tower. When the princess was bad he would make her get undressed and whip her back with his belt until she bled and sometimes he would punch her until she was black and blue. She didn't cry though because she wasn't a sissy.
The princess was friends with a wizard who was the most amazing person in the world. He was clever and funny and kind, but sometimes he didn't understand the way things were and he would tell the princess that the gard shouldn't hurt her, even though he had to. The wizard used his magic to cure the princess when she was hurt and when she was sad the wizard would hold her hand and make everything better.
Miss Tolland: This story doesn't have an ending, Robert, it just stops. Why not have the wizard rescue the princess? And what did the princess do that was so bad? You need to explain things more. Also, I'm not at all pleased with the level of violence in the story. It isn't suitable for a boy your age. And I'm sure that she would be more than crying if she was hurt that badly! Additionally, I'm not at all pleased with the fact that you refused to read your story out loud like the rest of the class. In fact, you haven't said a word all day and don't think I haven't noticed that. You might be shy but you're not going to get very far in life if you won't speak up.
Maths assignment by Rusty Ryan aged nine, May 1976, Miss Tolland's class.
'Billy and Bob are both driving to Ben's house on Fourth Street. Billy lives eight miles away on Upper Denmark Street and Bob lives three miles away on Taubermann Avenue. Billy leaves at three pm and drives constantly at seventy miles per hour down East Street and Bob leaves at the same time driving constantly at thirty miles an hour up Duke Street. Who should Ben expect first?'
Well, first of all, East Street has a forty mile an hour speed limit, and five sets of traffic lights, as well as a cop stationed permanently on the turnoff to Ninth. So, safe to say, Billy is getting pulled over. And, since the roadworks have closed off Sixth, Bob is going to be driving the wrong way down a one way street right in front of the Police Station. So, if I was Ben, I wouldn't be holding my breath waiting on either of them.
Miss Tolland: Robert, you're not anywhere near as clever as you think you are. Clearly you had no idea how to do the assignment properly. If you have time to look up all the information for a ridiculous answer like this then you could have learned how to do your work properly.
Notes on maths assignment by Danny Ocean, aged twelve, September 1976, Mr Valen's class.
Danny, this assignment is a disgrace. Honestly, I expect better of you. You haven't even bothered with most of the questions and the ones you have, you've got the answers wrong. In fact, it looks like you just guessed. Did you spend more than five minutes on this? And your handwriting is a mess and is that a ketchup stain? This is not an impressive start to the term, Danny. Between this homework and you falling asleep in class this afternoon, I am seriously considering calling a parent teacher conference. Please shape up.
Notes on rewritten maths assignment by Danny Ocean, aged twelve, done by Rusty Ryan, aged ten, September 1976, Mr Valen's class.
This is much better, Danny. I'm pleased to see you taking your academic performance seriously at last. Full marks.
Assignment by Rusty Ryan, aged ten, December 1976, Mrs O'Donnell's class
'Read Hans Christian Andersen's story 'The Little Match Girl' and write a brief response explaining what the story means to you.'
This is a story about a really stupid little girl who got what she deserved. She knew how cold it was and instead of doing something about it, instead of finding somewhere warm to hide out in, she just sat in the street and froze to death, being good.
She wasn't able to sell the matches, like she was supposed to, so she should have found some other way of making money. Even stealing is better than starving freezing to death. Or she could have searched in the gutters for pennies. That way she could have taken the money she was supposed to make back to her parents and lied about it, or she could have bought something hot to eat or got a hot drink at least and bought it somewhere indoors so she'd have an excuse to stay inside in the warm for at least a while. Or else, if she really didn't have any way of getting money, she could have at least found some way of getting herself a little warmer. If you fold up old newspapers and put them under your clothes, that keeps you a little warmer. I read it in a book. But she didn't try anything.
And even if she'd get beat when she went home, that's better than dying, isn't it? It's no good dying while imagining warmth and food and someone who likes you. It's better to stay in the real world and stay alive, even if it means being bad and getting punished.
Mrs O'Donnell: Rusty, I didn't like this essay at all. How can you be so callous at Christmas? You need to make more of an effort to identify with the character. You were supposed to be thinking about how fortunate you really are that you'll never live through such terrible circumstances.