Heey guys chapter four is up! Yeahie~ cheers

This is the first chapter this month and I finally know how exactly this story is going and how many chapters it's going to have.

There will be an alternative ending with a bonus chapter so keep reading please ^_^

Well no smut in this one. :( It's more a story chapter. Anyway have fun reading

A 'Kanashi' person

Chapter Four:

Torture Chamber

Allen hadn't had much sleep the last three nights. Since Kanda died he hadn't had a good nights rest. There were this things. Terrible things. Those dreams … no nightmares. They were torture for him. They showed him over and over again Kanda's death. Reminding him of his sin, of the blood on his hands. Kanda's blood.

The nightmares were getting worse and worse each night.

The first night was just like a review of the things that happened. The three of them drinking, having fun. The finder. The fuck in the restroom. The many many Akuma. Kanda. Kanda's screams. Kanda's blood. Kanda's confession. Kanda's death!

The second night was worse for Allen. He only saw the moment the Akuma bit Kanda in two. Kanda's pained expression. Heard only Kanda's screams. Those screams. And Cross' howl. That cry of despair. And that over and over again. But it was all his fault, right?

The third night was the worst. There was no review, no gory and terrifying details. Allen didn't have such luck. That night he dreamed about Kanda again. But Kanda was yelling at him, blaming Allen for his death. Kanda's voice wasn't loving and caring or low and husky with lust and passion. No his voice was cold and sharp like a polished Japanese sword. He was screaming at him.

'Why did you let me go alone?'

'Why were you so late?'

'What were you doing?'

'Why did I have to die?'

'Why?'

'Why?'

'It's all your fault!'

'If it wasn't for you I would still live!'

'It's your fault!'

'And I loved you! So WHY?!'

And as if this wasn't bad enough for Allen Cross too was blaming him.

'Why did you seduced me that night?'

'Why didn't you wait 'til Kanda returned?'

'If you hadn't seduced me the finder wouldn't have had to search for us.'

'If it wasn't for you Kanda would still live!'

'I only fuck you now because you're a remaining of Kanda.'

'You stole my love from me.'

'You need to pay for my lost.'

'You will only be there for my pleasure.'

But that wasn't all. No. That was just the tip of the iceberg, the cherry on the cake. It was the way they looked at him. Kanda's usual warm dark eyes were cold and hard like two pieces of colored ice. All of him screamed hatred towards the young white haired boy. Cross was no difference. In his dream both of them hatred Allen with all they got.

'And they are right.' Allen thought. 'It is all my fault. I need to pay.' He was on his knees, crying and Cross and Kanda were standing around him and were blaming him, filling him with self-doubt and misery.

But the worst these days weren't his nightmares it was Cross' behaviour. The way the man looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. But maybe he was the most precious thing to his master now because he killed Kanda after all. So he wasn't really the most precious thing right? He was just a replacement. And all these 'I love you's Cross were saying to him now. Allen just wanted to comfort his master, wanted to please him. He wanted his master to be happy no matter what that costs. His master's despair was his fault after all, right?

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Allen, wake up. We're here." Cross' voice was soft and still a bit husky from before. Allen just looked at him and shook his head. His eyes had dark gray bags under them.

"You didn't sleep, huh?" Again Allen shook his head.

"But you really should sleep some. You don't look good, Allen." Cross cupped Allen's face and let his thumbs slide over the bags. Allen leaned into the touch, his hands closing around Cross' wrists. But again he didn't say anything just smiled sadly and shrugged.

"Does that mean you will try?" The boy nodded. Cross leaned forward and kissed Allen softly.

"Good boy." The man whispered as the carriage came to a stop.

Cross looked Allen dead in the eye. "Ready?" Allen just shrugged.

"I don't know either." Cross confessed. The red head tugged Allen close, hiding his face into the boy's neck, breathing in his scent. Before Allen had the chance to wrap his arms around Cross pulled the man away. "Let's go." And with that he lifted Allen off his lap and got out off the carriage. Allen followed hesitantly.

There wasn't a 'welcome home party' like usual. Allen figured that Cross had talked to Komui about it and nobody knew they were coming back today. But then again how could they know? Last time Allen had spoken with Lavi he had told him that it was going to take a while longer. Nobody had known what would happen to one of them.

So there wasn't a 'welcome home party' but Komui was there to welcome them. The Asian looked unusual serious. Allen feeled tears gathering in the corner of his eyes at the thought of Asia.

"Allen? Everything okay?" Komui asked, sounding so very worried. He took a few steps towards the boy but Cross stepped between them shielding Allen from Komui's view.

"What are you doing?" Komui now sounded irritated.

"Stuff happened." Cross answered. "I will tell you in your office."

"Is it about Kanda's death?"

Allen began to sob behind Cross. The boy wrapped his arms around his master from behind and hide his face in the man's back. Cross put his hands on Allen's arms.

"Okay." The word was drawn out long. Komui lifted an eyebrow.

"Shh Allen. It's okay." Cross' voice was soothing. The man had his eyes closed as he petted Allen's arms.

'Well if that isn't weird.' Komui thought. 'Wonder what happened. And why or how Kanda died.' He cleared his throat to gain the general's attention back. And it worked. Cross opened his eyes, looking at him.

"How about we go in my office to talk, huh?" The Asian suggested. Cross nodded. He unwrapped Allen's arms and tugged the boy to his side. "Let's go."

'This is getting more and more interesting by the second.' Komui thought.

Once they were at Komui's office he told Reever to not let anyone through. As he turned around after he closed and locked the door – just in case – he saw Cross sitting down on the couch and Allen crawl into the general's lap to snuggle close to the man. Cross rested one arm on the armrest and had the other wrapped around Allen's slim waist, stroking the boy's lower back.

"So? I think you have a lot to tell." Komui eyed the two as he sat down behind his desk. Cross nodded but when he started talking he was addressing the boy in his lap.

"You wanna stay here or do you wanna wait somewhere else?" Allen didn't answer in words but he tighten his arms around the red head. "Okay." Cross kissed Allen on the hair before turning his attention to Komui.

"Where shall I start?"

"How about you tell me why Allen is clinging to you."

"Well we were sleeping together for about two years I think."

"Wait. What? But he was thirteen then! Okay put that aside. But you weren't that close before."

"Well … things changed shortly after the mission started."

"And what exactly changed?"

"Kanda. He mixed in through circumstances. And then things changed." Cross took a deep breath before he continued. "We were close all three of us."

"And what happened to Kanda?"

Allen was shaking badly in Cross' lap and the man wrapped both arms tight around the boy. "I think it's better to show you."

"Show?"

"Yeah. Timmy?" The golden golem popped out of nowhere. "Show him the night Kanda died. Or no start when it began with Kanda." The golem flew over to Komui and started projecting.

Tim showed him the poker night but only when the game started and after it was all over and the three of them were sleeping in bed.

It showed how the rock-paper-scissor-game started and skipped again to them sleeping.

But then it showed the bar and the official display of intimacy between them. The kisses and touches. Then the finder who took Kanda with him. Then there was drinking, a lot of drinking and sloppy make-outs. Tim even showed him the restroom fuck which shocked and/or fascinated the Asian Cross wasn't sure how to interpret the look on the other man's face. But the worst part was yet to start. There was the finder frantically telling them what happened. The run towards Kanda's location and Allen's desperate cries for them not to be too late. And then Kanda. How he was bitten in two. His cries. The blood. Allen's screaming. All the fighting. And then the heartbreaking confessions from all of them. Kanda's death. And at last the cries of despair.

Tim stopped projecting and flew back to the couch to set down on the back. For a few minutes which seemed like an eternity it was absolutely still except for the little sobs from Allen. Komui was the one to break the silence.

"Oh. My. God." He whispered. "I was so not expecting this."

Cross just shrugged.. "I wasn't either."

"Well I'm really sorry for your lose. And I think I understand why Allen's crying and his odd behaviour." He paused, thinking of how to continue. "He's blaming himself, isn't he?"

"Yes he is." Cross confirmed. "But he isn't. If where would be someone to blame than it should be me. Since I let him go alone."

"But you couldn't know. The mission was completed. There was no way you could have known that there were still so many and so powerful Akuma in the area."

"And I would agree but still. I lost someone I loved and still do. So it's only natural to blame oneself. Allen was just way more hurt than I." The general tugged the said boy closer, sliding one of his hands through the white hair.

Komui sighed. "Well how about you put him to sleep or something. He doesn't look. And then we can discuss the funeral."

"Sounds like a plan. But could you get me some wine while I bring Allen to lay down? I really need a drink."

Komui smiled. "Sure thing." 'But you know that alcohol isn't a answer, right?' He added in thoughts.

The general stood up the boy still in his arms. Komui got up to open the door.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was odd but on the way to his personal quarters there was no soul out on the floors. Once he entered the room Allen kissed him, deep and hard. The boy had his hand deep in Cross' mane tugging at it roughly. Coursing Cross to groan into the kiss. The whole action screamed not to leave the boy alone. Allen was desperate to keep Cross by side.

"I'm not leaving you alone. I'm still in the same building and you know where I am." Cross told him. Allen looked like he was going to try something funny.

"No buts, Allen. You really should sleep a bit or eat something, okay? I don't want to lose you too." And when he kissed the boy again. "If you want you could go to Kanda's room. Look for some stuff you want to keep. But only if you feel good enough for it! If not we are going to do it tomorrow together okay?" Allen only nodded, touched by Cross' clear display of caring. "Good boy." The older man whispered and kissed Allen again before he left. Allen just stood there unsure of what to do next.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Shortly after Cross and Allen had left his office Lavi came in.

"Well that's a rare sign to see." The teen joked.

"What is?" Komu was still in thoughts about Cross, Allen and Kanda.

"You're not sleeping. That is rare." Lavi still had a huge smile on his face. But then it just fell off. "What is wrong? Did something happen? Did grandpa already came back?"

Komui laughed. The teen was worried about such nothings. But then again it was going to be a big problem when the bookman came back. But he was going to worry about that once the old man was back.

"No the bookman isn't back and yes something happened." In that moment the door opened again and Cross was back.

"General Cross!" Lavi sounded more than surprised. "You're back. Where are Allen and Kanda?"

Cross looked over at Komui and the man nodded. "Allen is in my room. And Kanda … Kanda is dead.."

"Dead? How? Why? How is Allen taking it? And you?"

Cross arched an eyebrow. "You knew about us?"

"Of course I'm Allen's best friend. We're talking only a few days ago."

"Oh yes. I remember. Well Kanda died on that day." And so Cross explained shortly what happened that evening and how Allen was taking it.

"So he really is blaming himself, huh? That seems like him."

"Yeah but we want to keep Kanda's death a secret at least until we discussed everything." Komui said.

"And can you keep it?" Cross asked.

"Of course. I'm a bookman after all." Lavi answered.

"And could you maybe keep an eye on Allen while I'm here with Komui?" Cross was actual asking him for a favor and he really cared.

Lavi was to say at least very surprised. "Of course!" Lavi turned to go.

"If he isn't my room try Kanda's. And thanks." The last was just a whisper but Lavi heard it.

"No problem." The teen said.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On the way to Cross' room Lavi thought about how Allen was. After what Cross had told him and Komui's expression he knew his best friend was in a really really bad condition.

He reached the room and raised a hand to knock when he heard heavy sobs and hiccups from the other side.

He decided not to knock and to just come in. So he opened the door slowly. "Allen? You okay?" Once the door was open Lavi saw Allen crouched on the floor in the middle of the room. The young boy looked at him and shook his head. The red head rushed over and pulled Allen into a tight bear hug.

"Shh. I know. I know. Cross told me. I'm so sorry, Allen, so sorry."

Allen clenched tight to him as they hugged there on the floor in the middle of the room. Lavi couldn't shake of the desperate and lost look in Allen's eyes seconds before. He had never seen him like that. Allen was strong and always always smiling. To see him so kroken broke his heart too. 'One thing more grandpa will be angry about.' Lavi thought.

"Hey Allen? How about we drink all our worries away tonight?"

Allen looked up at him, smiling sadly. It looked as if Allen needed to think about it but then he nodded.

"Great." Lavi got up and held his hand out for Allen to take.

End of chapter four

Soo~ how was it?

There will be a second chapter this month since I promised to upload at least two a month ^^

Next chapter will be smutty I really need to write a really long sex scene or I think I will go crazy.

So stay tuned!

See ya~