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Chapter Summary: The incubi France and Canada find themselves in the most dangerous place in the world for supernatural creatures: The Zone of Permanent Neutrality. Fortunately for them, Switzerland is distracted by an awesomely annoying ghost.

Ch. 16: The Zone of Permanent Neutrality

October 31, 6:00 PM

Unfortunately for the incubi France and Canada, Spain turned out to be an even greater failure than Greece. He was dealing with Romano, which should have been the best time to induce a little lust...but no. Apparently they had missed all the fun sex, and arrived just in time to watch Romano consume every tomato in the vicinity and grow a set of wings. Spain, brave and infallible country that he is, passed out immediately. That should have been the perfect opportunity for France and Canada to strike, but it turned out that Romano could see them in his tomatofae form. As it turned out, tomatofae are rather protective of their lovers (or perhaps simply their gardens).

"NOIDON'TWANTTOBEATOMATO!" Canada screams, fleeing the country with France. Last time he encountered a tomatofae, he spent a week as a tomato before anyone thought to look for him. He isn't going to take any chances this time. "Hurry up, France!"

"PIERRRREEE!" France moans. His poor, loyal little bird never stood a chance. He only just managed to grab the little yellow tomato before Canada dragged him off. "It'll be okay, mon chouchou!" he promises the bird-turned-tomato as they fly. "We'll get you better, just wait. I won't let them eat you! Then we'll go visit Prussia, non? You and Gilbird can make beautiful chicks together!"

"OH TOMAAAAAAATOOO!" Romano sings as he flies after them. "Mi bella tomaaaaaaaaatooooooo! Come back to me, my tomatoes-to-be!"

Canada yanks France into the void they travel through, then pulls open the first door he finds. They both tumble out onto fresh green grass, breathing hard.

"Damn tomatofae," says France, clutching Pierre to his chest. "Pests, is what they are. Every last one of the fairy folk, too - although I am rather fond of their habit of dancing naked. One of these days, I'm going to-" Suddenly, France realizes that the desperate lust that was pouring through his veins is gone. So are his wings, horns, and all other traces of the demon in him.

Canada, too, finds himself human again. It's a relief to have a break from the lust that drives them mad, but it doesn't make sense. "What is this, Fran?"

"I don't..." There's a little peep, and France's dismay turns to joy. "Pierre!" The little bird flies up to land on his finger, ruffling out its feathers and looking rather bewildered. France kisses its head, laughing as the bird flies around their heads. It's a lovely place, with wide, rolling green hills and an adorable house perched nearby.

The house is familiar – too familiar. France's heart drops. "Oh no...My dear Matthew, we must make haste to leave. We are in that most dangerous of places: the Zone of Permanent Neutrality."

"Oh God," Canada gasps, scrambling to his feet. "You don't mean-"

The sound of gunshots cuts through the air, causing both incubi to flinch. Switzerland is shooting from the window of his chalet, thankfully towards the other end of the yard. Squinting, Canada tries to make out who his target is.

When he was exorcised from Germany's body, Prussia figured he'd haunt his other favorite victim. Unfortunately, Austria was not at home. Even making the piano play itself to scare the housekeeper wasn't that much fun. Worse still, he was told that Austria wasn't there because he was busy with that stuck up prude Switzerland. In retrospect, it was really only a matter of time before he used his new-found insubstantial form to mess with them.

He has gained just enough control over his ghostly powers to toss stones and rattle the windows, but that's more than enough to annoy Switzerland. From just on the other side of the Swiss-Austrian border, Prussia yells, "Hey, honey, I'm HOME!"

Utterly shaken, Switzerland takes another shot. He only winds up making craters in his grass. "Get back here, Gilbert!"

"Darling, you know how much I hate re-sodding the yard," Austria sighs, leaning over his lover's shoulder. He's a bit rattled himself; at least now he knows Prussia is just as much of a pain dead as he was alive.

Utterly delighted with the reaction, Prussia sticks a toe on Switzerland's lawn. "Oooh, look at me, I'm on your property!" The next bullet goes right through his chest and lands in Austria's garden.

"You have a pest in your yard, Roderick. I hate pests," says Switzerland.

"Ah- That's not quite a pest, dear," Austria replies, slightly stunned by the sight of the ghostly Prussia hovering above his edelweiss. "I'm afraid your bullets don't have much effect on the dead."

Once he's managed to regain control of his own shock, Canada pokes France's side to get his attention. "We have to move or he'll see that he has something living to shoot at."

"Carefully," France agrees. Slowly, the pair sneaks across the back way towards Germany, grateful that Switzerland's focus is elsewhere. Thank God for annoying ghosts. They just need to cross over the border...

Prussia spots something in the distance. Is that..."HEY! Hey Frannie, Mattie! What're you doing over there? Hey! Hey watch this!"

France shuts his eyes with a resigned hiss. "That's it. I'm going to kill him – metaphorically speaking."

"Shit." Before Prussia's ghost can lead Switzerland directly to them, Canada grabs France's hand and yanks him over the border into Germany, just barely missing a bullet.

Switzerland curses. "Dammit! I'm expanding my borders!"

"No, you're not," says Austria, patting his shoulder. "No one will ever give you a wider range."

"HAH. Wider range. That's right, Vosh, what d'ya need a wider range for? Roddy isn't that big, and everyone knows he's the only one all up in your vital regions!" Prussia steps fully onto the lawn, intent on leaving as many ghostly footprints as possible. He wonders if there'd be ghostly residue if he tried to piss in the garden. Then there's a strange sensation in his gut. Heavy. Maybe he can puke slime! That would be awesome.

Switzerland flushes scarlet and shoots again, despite the fact that it's yet to have an effect. This time, however, Prussia leaps back and clutches his foot, pain lancing through all his toes. His fingers are wet, and he pulls his hand away to stare at them. That's blood. Which means...Switzerland has magic holy bullets! "SHIT!" Prussia starts running.

"Is that...?" Austria narrows his eyes, leaning over the ledge as Switzerland continues to shoot. "Wait - Wait, Vosh! That's blood!"

"Of course it's blood! I shot him!" Switzerland snaps.

"But he's a ghost!" Austria shouts.

Prussia hobbles around on his feet, because for some reason he can't simply float. Apparently he has been taking this ghost thing for granted, because the blood and the pain and the heaviness of his body are no fun at all. He tries to run after Frannie, only to smack face-first into a tree. He's supposed to be able to walk through things! Was it the exorcism? He sucks in a breath - and then it hits him. He's breathing. He's bleeding. He's..."Shiebe. I'm alive!"

Switzerland aims his rifle. "I can fix that."

"Darling, you know Finland will have your head if you kill Prussia again," says Austria, running a placating hand over his shoulder.

Vosh glares. "Please. Everyone knows you can't kill the same person twice. It's a legal loophole, even in the UN."

Prussia picks himself up and waves at the house, shouting, "Vosh! Shoot me with more holy bullets! I wanna keep living so I can have sex and drink beer!"

Switzerland raises an eyebrow. "What on earth is he talking about?"

Rolling his eyes, Austria tries to pull Switzerland away from the window. "The Zone of Neutrality must cure ghosts as well as everything else. You really need to put up signs."

Switzerland snorts. "And have everyone wandering all over my land? I think not. Has Elizabeta finished that creature-repellent yet?"

"Busy season. She'll have it to you next week," Austria replies, then shuts the drapes and the window to drown out Prussia's shouting.