Chapter 12:

Logan tried to ignore the guilt that clawed at him as his words had the desired effect. Laura caved. He felt her shoulders shudder as she released the breath she'd been holding. He could feel her tears mix with the sweat that had already dampened the front of his shirt. He knew they were tears of anger and frustration. She wasn't ready to forgive Jubilee; he was rushing her. He continued to stroke her back, standing still as she cried. He tried to tell himself that it was good for her, that he wasn't manipulating her only for Jubilee's sake. But he knew better, had learned a long time ago that he'd put what was best for Jubilee before what was good for Laura. Or, if he was honest with himself, what was best for anyone, including himself.

He closed his eyes, feeling a different sort of guilt wash over him. He tried his best not to think about it: about the fact that it was his fault that Jubilee had ever been turned into a vampire in the first place. The only reason it had happened had been because Xarus had wanted him. When Laura let out a deep sigh, he was drawn back into the present. He patted her back a little awkwardly. Once more, instead of focusing on the woman who needed him, he had been lost in thought about a different one.

When she stepped back, her eyes were hard. She stared at him for a few moments as if she were trying to read something in him. He kept his emotions locked down and simply looked back at her, waiting to hear her decision. Finally, she shook her head. "You know I'll do it for you, but you can't expect me to pretend like the past dozen years haven't happened."

He nodded, "I don't think any of us believe that's possible. We're all different now."

She stared at him a moment longer without saying anything before she turned away to load the scraps of wood into the back of the truck. He moved to help her, knowing that she'd closed herself off from him in those final moments. He knew he should be more upset by that, that it should bother him that Laura knew that he would always choose Jubilee first. But he wasn't. He tugged his coat back on and climbed into the cab, waiting for her to slide onto the bench seat as well. He gripped the steering wheel more tightly than he needed to as he guided the truck along the rutted path. Despite the way things should be, he wasn't upset by the twinges of guilt, by Laura's anger and hurt. Instead, he felt a sense of satisfaction and relief that she'd help Jubilee. He glanced at her, but she had her head turned as she looked out the side window. She was the closest thing to a daughter he would ever have. The thought flitted through his head, and he pushed it aside. Jubilee was what mattered. He'd think about the rest later.

He pulled the truck up in front of the cabin and headed inside, a slight frown on his face. Laura jumped out of the truck to follow, but they both knew before even stepping foot on the porch that Jubilee wasn't inside. He pushed the door open anyway and looked around. She had moved the mattress back into the bedroom and tidied up the place before leaving. He clenched his fists and turned to Laura who was only a step behind him. There was anger in his voice when he demanded, "What did you say to her?"

She opened her mouth to defend herself but no words came out. She just shook her head. Letting out a growl of frustration, he turned from her to leap off the porch, easily catching Jubilee's familiar scent and starting off at a quick jog to follow her. Laura didn't follow him, and he decided it was just as well. If Jubilee had decided to take off again, he'd be too furious to even speak to Laura.

He hadn't tracked Jubilee for more than a mile when the trail stopped cold. He turned a slow circle, his eyes seeking her out among the shadows and shapes of the trees.

"Up here," she said. He looked above him. She was sitting on a large branch with her legs stretched out before her and her back pressed against the tree.

He felt relief wash over him, but tried to keep his voice calm and level when he asked, "What are you doing?"

"Thinking." was her quiet response. She hadn't looked down at him since she'd first spoken, instead staring ahead of her.

Frowning, he asked, "'Bout what?"

She was silent for a few moments more and then rolled to the side off of the branch. Her body twisted in midair so that she was able to land lightly on her feet next to him. She finally looked at him, though she didn't speak. Now that she was close, he could see that her cheeks were stained red from tears, and she looked as if she were in pain. He took a step toward, lifting a hand to cup her cheek. When she took a hasty step back, away from him, he stopped, his hand hanging in midair for a confused second before he let it drop to his side. He could feel his anger at Laura come back to him. "What did Laura say?" he demanded with a growl.

She continued to look at him for a few moments, her eyes searching his face and body. He clenched his fists in frustration, at her continued silence and swore, "Damnit, Jubilee!"

She held up a hand to him, "I just need to know why you came up here. Why did you leave the school?"

Baffled, he asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question," she continued to study him as she waited.

Frowning, he explained, "I was sick of the violence, of seeing kids have to fight, of seeing them have to prepare themselves for a life of being an outcast. I needed a break, so I left. I've done it before, so what does it matter?"

She shook her head, her face looking sad, "It had nothing to do with me?" she asked.

His brow furrowed in confusion, "Of course not. Why would it?"

She studied him for another long, uncomfortable moment before letting her breath out and stepping closer to him to wrap her arms around his waist. He heaved a sigh of relief, holding her tightly to him, but his wariness returned when he heard her say, "I wonder who you're really lying to: me or to yourself?"

He grabbed her by the arms and pushed her away so that he could look into her eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

When she raised her gaze to meet his, he could see a misty quality to her eyes signaling the return of her tears. "Logan," she began, "I'm so sorry that I did this to you." He clenched his jaw and tried to maintain his control, but she ignored the signs of his hold on his temper slipping and continued, "It's my fault that..."

Her words were cut off as he gave her a hard shake. When she opened her mouth to speak again, he pushed her away from him, finally losing his grip on his patience. "I'm fucking sick and tired of hearing that, Jubilee. I thought we were putting things behind us so you could move forward? I've said I don't care what you've done in the past. I've said I don't give a shit about whether or not you're a vampire, so you need to get over it. God knows that's what I've been trying to do."

When she just stared at him without responding, he threw his hands up in the air and turned on his heel to stomp back toward the cabin. It was probably best that he left her standing alone in the snow than stayed there with her and throttled her.

"You comin' back to de hotel tonight, petite?" The husky voice asked over the phone,

"No," Laura said, poking at the fire to try to help the wood catch, "I think I'll spend the day here. I haven't even gotten to talk to Logan about what needs to be done."

"What you been doin' dis whole time?"

Laura let out a frustrated huff of air. "What else?" She asked bitterly, "Dealing with Jubilee drama. I swear she never matured past the age of fifteen."

The response was a low chuckle, "Come now, you sure you ain't being too rough on 'er?"

Laura paused in her response as she heard stomping on the porch followed by Logan coming in the door. By the glare he shot her, he had heard her comment. Well that and obviously things with Jubilee had not gone well. She sighed when he just walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

There was more laughter on the other side of the phone line, 'It sound like de drama still goin' on dere. Sorry to be missin' it."

She rolled her eyes and moved to sit back down on the couch. "Ha," she said dryly, "I'm sure you'll get the same thrill from watching daytime television." She heard a few things slamming in the other room and sighed. "Besides," she admitted, "I need to stick around to try to fix some things. It's partly my fault."

The man laughed again, "Oh, dat's impossible. You are such a sweet-tempered girl. You never get into any trouble."

Despite herself, she smiled, the teasing helping her feel a little better about everything. At least she wasn't alone. Before she could reply, she heard Jubilee's boots crunching through the snow, signaling her return. "Listen, I gotta go. You can expect us after sundown tonight." She slid the phone into her pocket just as Jubilee came into the door.

The other girl looked at her in surprise. She obviously hadn't expected to see her still there. "Where's Logan?" she asked, still standing by the door.

Laura gestured toward the closed bedroom door in response.

"Oh," Jubilee said. She slowly took of her coat and slipped her feet out of her boots. Then, she glanced at Laura again before turning to the fridge and pulling out a bottle filled with red liquid. She cracked the top open and leaned against the refrigerator as she drank, her gaze studying the door.

Laura watched her for a few seconds. "You know earlier, when you listed everything you were sorry for, you forgot one thing," Laura said as she broke the silence. When Jubilee looked over in question, she explained, "You disappointed me, too, you know. You were always the one of us who had it together. When I was the one who was heading down the wrong path, you were one of the people who helped me through it. In Paris..." she trailed off as they both remembered what Laura had been going through, dealing with the guilt, the self-hatred, and the realities of her own past. Laura shook her head, "You were a big part of making me realize that I could start again. That I could begin to forgive myself, or at the very least to stop punishing myself. I have never been able to understand how you could say those things, to be that girl who was struggling so successfully with what she'd become, and then to kill so many people so needlessly a little over a decade later." She met her gaze, "When you gave up, it made me really question whether I'd be able to keep fighting, too."

Jubilee swallowed hard as if there were something stuck in her throat, and then took another drink, draining half of the bottle. "I'm sorry."

Laura shook her head and stood up. "No, it's okay." It surprised her that her words were the truth. "It helped me realize that I could still be who I wanted to be. That I had a choice to make every single day." She moved toward the door, tugging on her own coat. "Everyone deserves a fresh start." She paused as she zipped up the coat and tugged the door open. "Maybe you need to give yourself one." She looked pointedly toward the bedroom before stepping outside and pulling the door closed behind her, deciding to give the two of them some privacy.

Jubilee stared at the door Laura had closed behind her for a few moments. Then, she drained the rest of the bottle, listening as Laura's footsteps faded into the silence. She rinsed out the bottle, taking a few drinks of water to wash the taste of blood from her mouth, and then set it on the counter to dry. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before turning back around to walk to the bedroom door. She paused a moment with her hand on the knob before she pushed it open. She kept her gaze on the floor as she pulled it closed again behind her, steeling herself for his anger.

When she looked up, it wasn't there. He was simply laying on the bed with his arms folded behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. She opened her mouth to apologize for upsetting him and realized that would probably only upset him more. She snapped her mouth closed and crawled onto the bed next to him, laying back to mirror his pose. Even though she wasn't touching him, she was close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body. She stared up at the ceiling for a while, tracing the exposed beams with her eyes.

He still didn't move or speak. She glanced at him, and when he continued to ignore her, she shifted her gaze to the wall directly across from the bed. There were four pictures there. She'd seen them before but had never really studied them. Each was of the same location: the view from the front porch that showed part of the clearing and half of the pond. She could see the trees in the background as well as the branches that hung out over the pond as well as their mirrored reflections. All four seasons were represented there. Where most people would have ordered them from Spring to Winter, Logan had placed the image of Winter in the middle, starting the series with the Fall. Her eyes flickered between the two center pictures: Winter and Spring.

As she studied them, she let her mind wander. She supposed that it made sense to have Winter in the middle, considering the fact that it was by far the longest season. Personally, she would have started with the Winter then. Unconsciously, she began chewing on her bottom lip. The winter did look barren, but it was beautiful in its simplicity. The pond was frozen over, and everything was covered in white. Even the trees and branches were coated in ice. Her eyes flickered back to the Spring picture. It wasn't as lovely. There was still some snow on the ground, especially in the background beneath the trees. The pond water was murky and brown from the ice melt. She knew from a glance at the Summer picture that it would eventually be so clear that you could see the stones at the bottom. The spring grass that showed in the pasture was brown and dead. There were several large muddy spots in places. It was definitely not as bright and cheerful as the summer scene with its wildflowers, but it was a beginning. It showed signs of renewal, of rebirth.

She sat upright in the bed, a thought repeating itself in her head: It was a beginning. She pulled her knees to her chest to wrap her arms around them, her eyes still riveted on the picture. Laura had told her that everyone deserved a fresh start. She looked down at her linked fingers. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd used them to kill. That didn't mean she didn't still long for the violence that was such a large part of her vampiric nature. But she hadn't given in. Not for over two years. She closed her eyes for a moment as she felt a wave of…something…something that felt clean and warm wash over her. She'd been so upset with herself and so overcome with the guilt that she'd never stopped to realize that she had made some progress.

It was a beginning.

A fresh start.

She felt a few tears trickle down her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away, her lips stretching into a smile as she viewed the picture with fresh eyes. There were buds and a few early blooms on the branches that hung out over the water, and bits of green were beginning to appear in the brown grass of the clearing. The stones surrounding the pond that were normally covered in algae in the summer had been washed clean by the melting snow so that they shone brightly in the sun. She smiled more widely. She could do this. She could have her fresh start if she let herself. She could be reborn.

She turned on the bed so that she was kneeling next to Logan. He hadn't moved or changed his position, still staring at the beams above. Not caring that he was still angry, she threw herself across his chest to cradle his face with her hands and press her lips to his.

She felt his body jerk in surprise, but he didn't move besides that. When she kneeled upwards again, he had at least shifted his gaze to study her, even if his face remained expressionless. She smiled down at him as she tugged his arms out from under his head. She pulled them to her lips so that she could kiss his palms while his look turned to one of bewilderment.

"I'm not sorry!" She said enthusiastically, "Oh Logan, don't you see? I'm not at all. How silly to only focus on winter, to get stuck there and to regret it. If anything had been different…if it hadn't be so hard, then spring wouldn't be so wonderful, would it?" She didn't pause to let him answer even though he opened his mouth to respond. She twined her fingers through his and glanced back at the picture for a moment before she beamed down at him. "It's a fresh start. You've been telling me this whole time, and I never heard you. I'm ready. Don't you see? I'm ready now to begin again!"

He sat up, clearly confused. She leaned forward to kiss him again, still clutching his hands between them. "You love me." She said the words more quietly than she'd said the others. When he realized it was a sort of question, he nodded, and she smiled again. She straddled his legs so that she could hug him tightly, enjoying the feeling of his arms coming around her. She sat there for a few long moments, and he was silent, just holding her as she finally accepted that fact. With her face still pressed against his neck, she said, "Thank you for waiting for me."

She felt more than heard the chuckle that rumbled in his chest. "Darlin," he said softly, "I'd wait as long as it would take for you. I told ya before. I won't give up on you."

She smiled and kissed his shoulder. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I didn't say it before."

He cupped her cheek with his hand to tilt her face so that he could kiss her lips softly. He grinned, "You didn't have to say it. I know."

She laughed and rolled her eyes, "Of course you do."

He winked, and she laughed again, feeling as if she could float from the lightness and joy that filled her chest. She let out a thrilled squeal as he rolled their bodies until she was pinned beneath him. They smiled at each other as she ran her fingers across his cheeks and into his hair.

"We done fightin' now?" He asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

When she nodded, complaining, "You were the one giving me the silent treatment, so I'd say that's your call."

He grinned cockily, "Good, then we can get to makin' up."

And they did.

Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did!

Even though it might feel like it, this isn't the end, just a happy rest stop in Jubilee's rather difficult journey. She and Logan may be on the same page right now, but they've still got a lot of ground to cover before they are on steady footing with each other.

I'll be posting a new chapter here again next Wednesday, but on Saturday of this week, I'll be posting a new story "The Collector" that will be relatively short and will cover what happened to Laura before she showed up at the cabin. That storyline will merge with this one in a few chapters time. I just thought it might be easier to write it that way than to have this story overrun by flashbacks.

Thanks for the reads and reviews!