"Where is the door you came through?" The scientist asked. "I don't believe that was mentioned."
"No, my sources only reported her entering town on Oak Trail."
"The door was near some trees not far from the town." Alice answered, once again feeling the edge of her fear worn away by the rational answer. Someone else had seen her and told him. That was all. Perhaps the rude boy.
"Ahh, yes." The radio man said with a satisfied smile. "The one in the whispering forest. You're lucky you didn't get absorbed."
"Absorbed, sir?" She wasn't sure what he meant by that. She had been to many forests but had never heard of anyone being absorbed. Perhaps he did not know what the word meant...
"Don't worry." Mr. Carlos said calmly. "There is no scientific proof people actually turn into the forest. They probably just get lost."
Mr. Cecil gave his friend a pitying look before shaking his head. "Well, either way you should avoid the forest and ignore anyone you can't see who compliments you. You know, it might be best to run if that happens. Away from the forest of course."
"Cecil, you are scaring the poor girl. She's been through a lot today and Night Vale does take some getting used to. Especially if people start that 'interloper' thing again." Mr. Carlos gently scolded. "For now we need to find her a safe place to stay."
"What do you mean?" He asked with a frown. "The Sheriff's Secret Police can keep track of her. Everywhere is safe... well, safe as it can get. It's not like she's ever alone."
"But where is she expected to go, Cecil? I doubt she has the money for a hotel and I'm not really comfortable with the thought of asking the Sheriff to keep an eye on her. I doubt the police station is a nice place..."
Alice fought back tears again as they discussed her predicament. What was she to do? This town sounded more terrible every moment and she had nowhere to go.
"Well... I bet the mayor would like a houseguest. She always did like children..." Mr. Cecil mused.
"Maybe." Mr. Carlos said, looking over at Alice thoughtfully. "What do you think... Oh... I never did ask your name! I'm sorry, there's just a lot on my mind."
"I'm Alice, sir." She said with a small, nervous curtsy.
"Well, Alice, what would you like to do? The mayor is a really nice woman but... If it wouldn't worry you too much... You are welcome to stay with us. I know it's not something that would be considered proper in your time but I promise you'll be safe."
Alice wrung her hands as she considered. Her mother certainly wouldn't approve of her staying in the same home as a man without supervision... but of all the people she had met in this strange place he seemed the only sane one. Even Mr. Cecil was a bit unusual. His eyes...
"Perhaps tomorrow you could introduce me to the mayor... but I think I would rather stay with you Mr. Carlos. If it is not too much trouble."
"Oh, that is just adorable!" Mr. Cecil grinned. "'Mr. Carlos'!"
"It's no trouble at all. We have a spare room you can use until we find a way to get you home. It's getting late, though. Are you hungry? Cecil and I usually get something to eat after his broadcast."
Breakfast did seem so very long ago… Alice nodded and Mr. Carlos smiled. They led her out of the building and around to a strange contraption behind it. Though one of the doors was held open and the long seat inside looked quite comfortable, she hesitated. It looked a bit like a low, heavy enclosed cart but there was nowhere to connect a horse. "What is it?"
"It's a horseless carriage." Mr. Carlos said as he nudged Mr. Cecil with an elbow to silence a small burst of laughter. "They weren't very well known until some time after 1900."
Alice frowned as she considered that. 1900 wasn't for a long time and if that, too, was past… "What year is it now, sir?"
"2015. The best year to be alive." Mr. Cecil said cheerfully as he circled the carriage and opened a door on the far side.
"It is?" Alice looked from one man to the other. "Why?"
"Because it's where we are, of course! Ten years ago is just a memory and that's hardly better than right now. Now is an adventure! Now is a constant surprise!" An eerie howl sounded in the distance and Mr. Cecil pointed in the direction of the noise. "See?!"
"That… didn't sound like a coyote." Mr. Carlos said with an uncertain frown. "Almost like a wolf but not the right direction to be the petting zoo."
"That's what makes it so interesting!" His friend grinned and slipped into his seat.
"Is he always so strange?" Alice whispered, looking back to Mr. Carlos.
"Oh, yes." He said with a small chuckle. "It's part of his charm. You'll get used to it."
Finally she carefully climbed into the carriage and followed Mr. Carlos' instructions on using a seat belt. She held her breath and pressed herself back in the seat when the machine roared to life and began to move, turning out onto the road and gathering speed. Already she found she greatly missed horses.
After a couple of street intersections passed by she began to relax and look around. They went by a few unimpressive buildings but then there came a long, high metal fence that seemed to not have a gate on the side visible to them. Watching them from beside the fence was someone in a hooded robe.
"What is that?" Alice asked, trying to see what might be within the fence.
"That's the dog park." Mr. Carlos said.
"Do not look at the dog park." Mr. Cecil added, his voice heavy with warning. "It would be best not to think about the dog park. And never look at the hooded figures."
"Why?" She asked, turning her head forward but straining to see beyond the fence out of the corner of her eye.
"Because." He answered with finality.
They paused at an intersection where a man stood on the corner waving two flags. After a moment they turned and went down another street where there were more machines like this one visible but not many. Most were stopped outside of buildings and they paused beside one with four of the machines sitting empty. Mr. Carlos was about to turn when there was a loud thump as something dropped onto the front of the machine.
Alice gasped as she realized it was a boy a little bit younger than her wearing almost no clothing! He wore only strange underpants! She quickly covered her eyes and listened to another, smaller thump as the boy jumped down.
"Oh my!" Mr. Cecil said disapprovingly. "That young man seems to be climbing the side of the Subway building as if it were a tree! I certainly don't remember seeing a child like that before. Most people disapprove of having their buildings climbed and surely would have complained…"
"Yes." Mr. Carlos said thoughtfully before turning and stopping the car. "I'm a little more concerned with the hood of the car than the building, though. He left quite a dent…"
"Doesn't your insurance cover falling bipedal creatures?"
"No… only aquatic creatures and quadrupeds."
"Oh, Carlos… I told you to make sure they included bipeds and reptiles! Those lazy insurance companies are always trying to pull one over on people. I'll have to bring that up in the next broadcast." Mr. Cecil grumbled.
"I really didn't think any of it would be an issue. I keep forgetting this is Night Vale." Mr. Carlos sighed before turning back to Alice and instructing her on unbuckling the belt. "This is Big Rico's Pizza and… well… it's not the best example of pizza since they can't have crusts anymore but I'm sure it'll be an interesting new food for you."
She nodded, unsure what to say to so much nonsense. It seemed only yesterday she daydreamed of being in a world filled with nonsense but now that she was in one it was really quite… scary.
The three entered the Pizza place where quite a few people sat in near silence. Most ate almost mechanically with no sign of enjoying the experience. A few seemed to be pretending to eat while huddled close and whispering. Alice stayed close to Mr. Carlos and kept reassuring herself that if any of these people were dangerous he would get her to somewhere safer. She simply had to believe that one uncertain thing.
Once they were seated each was given a bowl of what appeared to be mashed tomatoes, melted cheese and sliced meat. She poked at it uncertainly but the other two were eating and seemed to be enjoying it so she took a deep breath and tried to separate a bite as the stringy cheese fought to remain intact. It was surprisingly good and unlike anything she had known before.
Before she finished Mr. Cecil excused himself and returned a few minutes later looking quite amused. "My sources tell me there is a strange loincoth-clad child who has broken into the petting zoo and begun communing with the wolves. I sent an intern to see if anything more can be discovered from the child."
"He's with wolves?" Alice asked nervously. She had heard many stories of dangerous, vicious wolves that loved to eat children who stray from the safe paths.
"Oh, don't worry, Alice." Mr. Carlos smiled. "They've been eating so many rabbits most of them are too fat to run anymore."
"They're like sad, furry pillows rolling around out there." Mr. Cecil confirmed morosely.
Alice nodded in confusion and followed silently as they returned to the carriage and drove a while longer before pulling up to a tenement building. She followed, not at all sure what to expect and was greatly relieved when the door opened on a bright, clean room. There were a great many strange and wonderful things she wished to ask about but all of it disappeared from her mind as she noticed the low table in the middle of the room. On it among papers and other random objects was a pile of silverware. Stuck in the middle and pointing straight up was a long metal skewer piercing three dead mice and a half eaten apple balanced on top.
"Will you look at that!" Mr. Cecil said with a cheerful smile. "It seems the faceless old woman who secretly lives in our house likes you, Alice!"
"Are you sure?" She asked weakly, taking a nervous step back. "That… doesn't seem very nice…"
"Oh, of course it's nice! There are three mice, they all have their skin on and the apartment isn't on fire!"
"I just washed the dishes, too." Carlos sighed wearily. "Cecil, would you mind… uhh… thanking the old woman while I get Alice settled in?"
"Why is there an old woman living here, Mr. Carlos?" Alice asked "And how is it a secret if you know she is here?"
"The old woman lives where she pleases since no one can stop her, anyway." Mr. Cecil answered cheerfully as he began disassembling the pile of silverware to free the skewer. "Just because we know she's here somewhere doesn't make it any less of a secret. Do you know where she is? Of course not! No one knows exactly where she is so it still counts."
"Will I get used to this, too, Mr. Carlos?" She asked weakly as she looked up at him.
"I honestly hope to get you home before you have to." He said, patting her shoulder comfortingly. It didn't take long for them to change the linens of a narrow spare bed for her and while it seemed odd that she only noticed two rooms, she was far too tired to ask further questions. Though it had been little more than two hours since her morning stroll in the woods it felt like days since she last slept so she settled into the bed and closed her eyes hoping to wake again back home in her soft, safe bed.
Instead she dreamed of faceless old women chasing her with dead animals.
A/N: The Sheriff's Secret Police have issued a warning for all residents of Night Vale - Do not speak to Alex Amari. Do not let your children speak to Alex Amari. Do not THINK about Alex Amari. Alex Amari will fill your head with lies, ideas and other things that are not municipally approved. Beware Alex Amari.
Today's Proverb: We are here to help. We are here to help. We are here to help. We are here to help. We are here to help. We. Are. Here. To. Help.