A/N: Hi Everyone! While I am aware that my short absence had been noted and lamented (You know who you are, and you are so sweet.) and I do apologize for this, it is a caveated apology as I have actually been super productive recently. I have been directing my creative energies to some other areas of my life, and I have actually made some fabulous progress in some of these other areas and I can't for a minute possibly regret that.

At the moment my biggest crime is trying to serve too many masters and too many creative and positive change-making pathways that I am also drawn to. But when I do inventory, I realize that all these pathways that I am drawn to are feeding me emotionally at least as much, or even more than they may be taking away from me in the form of my time, and I really don't want to lose a single one of them, including this part of my writing.

It just means that all my projects might move a little slower than if I were to focus more exclusively on a greatly reduced number of them. This is actually good news for you guys, because if I had to choose, I dare say I would probably be forced to choose my few creative pursuits that actually hold a small glimmer of hope for gainful employment somewhere in my future. ;-D Now on to the story…

LSLSLS

Rachel laid herself gingerly down in the thin mattress that accounted for the largest portion of space in her tiny cabin. The truth was that most of her injuries from that terrible time were basically gone. However, a few lingering twinges remained, and right now her physical weariness was abundantly amplified by the emotional weariness. It had been a very long day…it had been a very long month… They had been stuck in a holding pattern that had been doing no one any good, but finally movement was occurring. Both she and Alisha had now been forced out of their self-imposed limbo, and it was for the best. It was hard, but it was necessary.

Considering the matter long and hard now, she absolutely knew that they had needed that push, knew Alisha really did. On their own, they could have both been showing…or Alisha could have done something drastic…before necessity and the inability to hide anymore would have forced them both out into the light.

That thought made her remember the young Lieutenant…not that she had forgotten…not that she ever could, but her mind was awash with every painful and poignant moment the day had brought with it. This was all just so mammoth and overwhelming to possibly be able to consider the implications of everything all at once. And there were some implications she was very deliberately avoiding. These implications simply too massive and frightening to consider at all in her battered and utterly spent emotional state.

Tom…

The baby…

A baby…

…hers.

But Alisha is whom she should be considering right now. She had not been able to have the proper conversation she had wished with the young woman this afternoon. The Captain's interruption and steadfast resolve in attaining his own answers without delay had prevented it. The fact was, they had barley been conversing for a full few minutes when Tom had made his presence known, and she wouldn't say that those few minutes had been filled with anything in the way of quality communication. They had basically just consisted of Alisha begging for a medical procedure she was ill equipped to preform. She had not even had the time to share the latest developments the day had brought or the suppositions she had began to draw more fully together since said discovery.

She knew Alisha now knew that their condition was shared, had silently imparted that highly relevant piece of information to get the younger woman to agree to the disclosure she was advocating…to get her to see their was no other choice now.

She felt guilty for railroading the young woman. She may have, and still, believed they had no better choice, but she had been the one to steel even more power from the terrified young woman…and she hated herself for it. Add to that she felt terribly guilty that circumstances had forced her to reveal some highly private things to her Captain, before she had the opportunity to even tell Alisha herself. Something she admittedly dreaded doing…

Alisha had left her lab with only the knowledge that she was pregnant as well…and therefore probably the assumption that she had lied and hidden information from her about Baltimore. Just as Tom had believed she had, an unfortunately understandable assumption. She had to fix that.

Alisha would be with Lt. Foster right now. Rachel was sure that the Captain would have upheld her request, especially after learning how grave her concerns were and the reasons behind them. Glancing at her watch she realized it had been several long hours since she had sent both Lieutenants to their cabin. She did need to talk to Alisha, and soon…and Kara needed to eat and was likely in need of break. Rachel wondered how much information Alisha had allowed Kara privy to, and how much the other woman suspected already.

From what she had seen, Kara had been quietly and cautiously supportive of her friend these last weeks. Kara had come to her and shared her concerns about the lack of coping her friend was displaying over events, but Rachel had put her off…just as she had the Captain and the Commander, when they asked the same questions, shared the same concerns. Those talks alone made it clear that Kara, like the others, was mostly in the dark as well, but very worried and suspicious. Understandably, considering the increased insight her living arrangements afforded her. Rachel wondered if when the time came, the whole and complete truth might not be such a shock. Maybe the other woman was in a better situation than the men to see the clues. But it was impossible to tell for sure. Time would be the one to tell.

Steeling an extra few moments to absorb some comfort from the feel of her head and body at least partially relaxed against the pillow and mattress below her, she then willfully gathered together what strength she could so she could get back up and do what needed to be done. It was not like it was much of a loss anyway, sleep had not been forthcoming recently.

A thought traitorously occurred to her and without conscious decision her hand drifted to her stomach. She could not help but wonder if that situation would change if she did to not stop what she now knew was happening to her body… She had had female colleagues that had been just as much workaholics as she was. They had gotten pregnant proclaiming that nothing would change…afterwards she had barely seen them again. First they had started actually adhering to correct, or even overly ample, sleep patterns…something virtually unheard of to many buried in their work scientists…then they had become Mothers. And from what she had seen, that state of being was not one that mixed particularly well with being doctors, giving your every waking moment to save lives and stay at the very pinnacle of your profession.

With effort and a particular resolution to stop procrastinating, considering pointless areas of contemplation, she rose and pulled her jacket back on wearily. After a long draw from the stainless steel water bottle she always kept close, sparing some of the liquid to rub over and cool her face, she rose and without even a sparing glance at the mirror, left her cabin. Her stride clearly resolved in its destination, but it mainly worked to discourage anyone she may pass from questioning her wellbeing…something that had become annoyingly commonplace recently.

She hated it, but she did appreciate it on a level…and she guessed she could understand it. Rachel also unfortunately doubted it was likely to lessen in the coming days and weeks. She and the Captain had not specifically spoken about further disclosure or actions to be taken. They had mainly just left it with both of them…him especially, considering what he had learned.

She knew another conversation on the more immediately significant areas of their situation would need to be quickly forthcoming. Tomorrow at the latest, most likely. And part of her knew that with the way she was feeling now, she should be resting and trying to re-gather every modicum of mental strength she could to prepare to go through yet another epic emotional roller coaster of a conversation. That was most definitely what discussions and explanations under this particular subject fell under the heading of.

But she couldn't do that…even if her body and mind would cooperate! She was not the one who mattered most in all this, she wasn't even second on the list... She had to make sure all was done for Alisha first and foremost, and she had to make sure to ease Tom through this in whatever way she could too. She knew he was drowning in guilt, she knew he shouldn't be…and she knew there was nothing she could really do to prevent it.

It made her heart ache for him. It made her want to do things that the physical proximity rules of their platonic friendship forbade. But still the instinct was there…and it was strong. Of course, her traitorous mind forced her to wonder if he would even want that now…even if he may have before…she was still reeling and confused herself about what had been done to her, but there was one word that she couldn't prevent from repeating itself over and over in her mind.

Tainted. She was tainted now. She wished she could doubt it, could dismiss it, but the notion was so strong. It was like it had instantly become ingrained with the realization of what they must have done to her. Yes, she was definitely tainted now, and by pure evil no less. And that brought with it a soul-shakingly frightening thought…where did that leave the baby?

Realizing she had both journeyed and arrived at her intended destination during her eminently depressing mental wonderings, it seemed like an excellent moment to drop a heavy brick wall on what had been her pointless and frankly self damaging internal ruminations, and focus on the woman on the other side of the door who needed her help and support right now.

With a deep steadying breath, she gave the door two short but decisive knocks and stood back to wait. She didn't have to wait long…she would have worried if she did. In any place on this ship, there was barely a room behind any door that couldn't be traversed in a few short steps. Places like the mess, the bridge, CIC and her lab were virtually the only exceptions to that rule, and even then only just. Fact was, they all lived in a dollhouse...a very lethal dollhouse.

As she had expected, it was Kara that opened the door. Her eyed red rimmed, her features drawn. Rachel felt immediate guilt. The woman was pregnant herself and should be receiving special attention herself; to ensure that her much reveled in pregnancy went smoothly. She had fooled herself in thinking that appointing Kara as Alisha's care person for the afternoon and evening was something that would be something remotely relaxing for her. Truthfully, she would probably have been far better off if just left to her work in CIC, but would Alisha have been?

On first considering, the reasons for her choice had been obvious. Kara and Alisha were friends, they shared a cabin already… But Kara was having a baby, a baby she wanted. On reflection, Rachel wondered if her constant presence wouldn't act more to rub salt in the wound, than to actually help. But would stationing some other random female acquaintance…and likely subordinate…on this ship to stay in the intimate confines of her cabin with her have been better? Rachel let out a heavy sign. They were surrounded by imperfect options to every arduous dilemma that chose to raise its head.

"Dr. Scott. Hi…umm, Alisha is resting…kind of…" The other woman spoke quietly, spared a worried look over her shoulder in the direction the bunk beds would be.

Rachel followed suit and spoke in an equally hushed tone "Kara, I've told you, it's Rachel, and what do you mean kind of?"

Kara looked like she was considering either how much truth to tell…or maybe just how to word it. She seemed like she was being asked to dob on her friend. "Umm…I think she might be asleep now…but up until ten minutes ago she was still sobbing quietly. If she is asleep, I'm not sure if she more passed out than actually fell asleep. Doctor…Rachel, what's going on? I know things have been bad, but she had been inconsolable these past couple of days and today… What the hell happened today to get her like this?" Kara was clearly extremely concerned about her friend. He face and mannerisms spoke of the distress she was unwillingly absorbing from her friends state.

Alisha had clearly left Kara completely in the dark, even with recent developments; apparently she had still chosen not to share anything. Of course maybe she had just not been able to, if she had really been that distraught to still be so physically demonstrably upset up until ten minutes ago. Well, the best person or not, Rachel was definitely sticking with her decision to have someone stay with her. People didn't think clearly when they were this upset. Feeling like they were trapped but a plethora of untenable options didn't help either.

"It's a long story that you will be made aware of in time, Kara. But now is not that time. Right now why don't you just go get something to eat and maybe go spend some time with Danny for a while, relax, you look like you need it. I will stay with Alisha until you return, there is no need for you to hurry. There will be time for you to help your friend but right now you are of the most use if you take care of yourself and that little one." She followed her words with what she hoped was a convincing smile and glance at the other woman's midsection. She did want the other woman to take some time for herself after today. It was a selfish desire really, she wanted to ease her own guilt for giving a woman who should be avoiding stress in her condition, such a stressful task.

Kara at first looked like she was apt to argue her dismissal. But apparently thought better of it and with one final worried glance at her friend and counterpart, she stepped out of her cabin door way and with a small grateful smile of acknowledgement, proceeded down the P-way. Rachel noted the direction she was headed was to the male officers accommodation's, not to food. Well the other woman clearly had her priorities in order. Emotional comfort, first. Food, hopefully second. Rachel could only hope that food would come in short order after she found and collected her baby daddy and kind-of boyfriend.

Rachel did not envy the people trying to maintain a relationship on this ship. Intimate romantic relationships did not legally exist on a battleship…and yet they did. That left everyone trying to maintain one in a weird no mans land. They really would have to do something about that. And by they she meant the Captain. On many levels she was sure he already knew it. It was why Danny and Kara had been dealt with so lightly over the whole affair. The fact that their assumed continued fraternization was being tolerated spoke volumes. But it still did not officially open the door and allow the rest of the crew to have the necessary free human contact they all craved without the associated guilt of their apparent betrayal and fear of punishment. That needed to change.

Once again bringing herself out of, while important, not immediately pertinent ruminations, Rachel took a long strike forward and in doing to entered the dark cabin. Only a dim wall mounted reading light on Kara's bunk, the top bulk, gave the room any illumination at all. It left Alisha, laying on the bottom bunk, mainly shrouded in darkness.

As Rachel's eyes slowly adjusted to the low light she was able to make out more. Alisha looked awful, unsurprisingly. She was resting on her side facing out from the wall, hugging a pillow and with a battleground of balled up tissues surrounding her. She did appear to be sleeping at present, so looking around, Rachel found a small chair that Kara had obviously positioned to sit and watch her friend. Rachel sat herself down on it and proceeded to do the same.

Minutes passed, Rachel was being drawn into her own painful thoughts again, her own guilt, her own misgivings and second-guessing. She very much felt she was her own worst enemy in this, if she could only just forget how it had happened, then maybe…

"Is it true?"

The small voice was so faint and frail, even in the almost deadly silent room, and she had been so deep in her own contemplations, that at first, Rachel wasn't even sure if she had actually heard the question. But when she glanced down at the figure on the bed in front of her, at the wide open, but red, puffy and tear stained eyes, she knew she had.

"Is it?" The woman on the bed persisted when a reply was not immediately forthcoming. Her voice was somewhat stronger but still slightly broken and ragged, still clearly speaking of her hours spent deep in anguish.

Rachel could feel the accusation in Alisha's tone and eyes like a barb to her chest. In was as she had expected. Though not so immediately, the younger woman had clearly not been asleep, as both she and Kara had believed. Looking at her now, Alisha's clear lack of surprise at finding her here, instead of her friend, Rachel imagined that Alisha had actually been awake the whole time. And she clearly wanted an answer to her question, was still very much staring Rachel down for one. Well, the answer was simple. She just hoped that she was allowed to explain.

Explain that omissions were the most she was guilty of, but mainly that she had just not known most of the facts herself.

That led her to consider how Alisha was likely to take some of the other new conclusions that had been drawn, the ones of which she was still unaware, the ones that heavily involved both her and her mother. She was certainly unlikely to take it well. Maybe it was almost better to let Alisha focus on her and her perceived lies for now. But the truth would have to come out in the end…

"Yes. It's true." Rachel replied simply…sadly.

Anger immediately seeped into Alisha's already anguished eyes. Accusation dripped from her tone.

"You lied to me." It was clear she thought the allegation was an eminently damning one.

"No, Alisha. I didn't…" Rachel started to try and explain.

"Yes! Yes, you did! I asked you straight out if they had done that to you too, you say no! You lied!" Her voice rose with her rising anger and distress.

"Alisha, listen to me, I told you the truth back then…the whole truth…" She imparted her vow passionately, hoping to convey its essential truth.

Alisha did noticeably falter at hearing the passionate defense to her assertion.

"Then how…?" Confusion heavily marred the younger woman's features.

Rachel could see how clearly perplexed Alisha seemed by her declaration, which meant she had actually heard it, something Rachel was thankful for. Clearly she could just not merge the newfound knowledge of Rachel's condition with her assertion…

To Rachel, it looked like Alisha got an idea then, one that seemed to relieve her mind greatly. "So it didn't happen back then?" The question seemed almost rhetorical. Alisha was already lying back, on slightly less tense shoulders, her tired eyes drifting shut at intervals. Unfortunately, Rachel could see that the incorrect assumption seemed to calm Alisha infinitely.

Rachel knew the truth would not…oh god, the complete truth definitely would not…Bloody hell! How could she tell this girl how deep her own Mother's hate and evil really ran. To have your own Mother deliberately single you out for such an evil…

"Is it the Captain's?" Alisha spoke the question in all seriousness.

Rachel's eyes went wide. Ok, her highly incorrect assumption. Highly, highly incorrect… But how could she tell her the truth? The more Rachel thought about it and the more she looked into Alisha's stricken, yet now semi hopeful, eyes, the more she questioned her earlier resolve.

How could she tell her that their pregnancies had been deliberate, why she hadn't been raped…at least in the same way…without explaining why she very deliberately had been…and the disgusting likely reasons why? Surely it was better to leave the younger woman believing that her condition had been an accident. And even if she did suspect it was deliberate, to never know that she had been so cruelly singled out for such abuse by the woman who should have been the one to protect her with her dying breath.

But how could she protect Alisha from the knowledge of the further devolution her Mothers crimes had taken, while still being honest with her? She couldn't, that was the answer. She didn't want to lie, but who was being honest really serving more? The truth was simple. Alisha could not handle the truth. She could barely handle the limited quantity of truth that existed in her reality at present.

Rachel supposed she could tell her that she had lied back then. That she had been attacked too and had flat out lied to her face back then. But somehow that lie seemed worse than the truth… Rachel certainly couldn't be sure it would not mean a further slip in her already so fragile emotional state.

In a single moment of what would probably come to be known as complete insanity, Rachel both lost her nerve to tell the truth and gained the nerve to tell her lie. And for better or worse…she spoke it.

"Yes, it's the Captain's."

TBC

A/N: Yes, I went in a different direction here. It wasn't premeditated but it was in no uncertain terms where my muse wished to be taken, so who was I to argue? I would be very interested to learn what you guys think of this twist and also how many of you are still out there reading and are still enjoying this story.