Chapter 23: Birthday Boy.

Pairings: Naru/Sasu...duh.

Rating: K-T (looonng gone), M-NC-17

Disclaimer: I do not own the sheer genius "Naruto", Shippuden or other. The honours go to Masashi Kishimoto and his genius brain who created this masterpiece. (EVEN though he's totally f***ing it up. Here's a tip Kishi; if you want to be immortalized; get a bunch of fangirls to write your storyline...warning...it might end up straight porn but at least 99.9999% of people would be happy. XD)

Summary: Remember that summer camp you went to; that quaint place out in the woods, by a lake, sitting around a campfire telling ghost stories and eating s'mores? Well this summer school sure as hell isn't that. Three months, Sasuke, teenage delinquents, illegal alcohol, prescription drugs, annoying shrinks, escape plans, a shitzu from hell, and new relationships; welcome to camp.

A/N: WARNING: I'm going 110% Dr. House on ya'll... a.k.a serious technical medical vomit is coming your way. PLEASE NOTE; I AM NOT A DOCTOR, NO FANCY MEDICAL DEGREE FROM HARVARD OR YALE OR PRINCETON, I just read a F***ing lot. Oh and yeah...not much Naruto in here. Sasuke-centric.

A/N2: The procedures in here are real but are slightly truncated. Again I'm playing with medicinal, chemical, physical and psychological stuff. What can I say; I'm the queen of research. #shrug.

Calisthenics with a throbbing migraine was literal hell on earth. Each step jarred a spike of flaming pain into his brain until the exercise regimen was finally over and he was back, safely ensconced, into his room only to be faced with this.

Sasuke stared at the date on the calendar like it had just upped and gave him a bitch slap to the face; it was July 23...his birthday.

He was officially eighteen...damn.

Astounding...he was eighteen...an official adult; the start of the prime of his life; college, legal drinking, clubbing, staying out till dawn, orgies, drug experimentation, rock concerts and more.

He sighed, yes he was eighteen but he felt like he was forty.

Sighing he laid his throbbing head in the cradle of his arms. The headache had started last night and never left; currently it felt like some sadistic Norse god was slamming a hammer against every nerve ending in his tender cranium. Sasuke was just glad that Naruto had quickly showered and disappeared as soon as cali was over so he wouldn't be subjected to irksome concerned looks.

'Happy friggin' birthday to me.' he thought sadistically while knowing that Itachi was bound to show up today looking all gleeful, proud and big brother-ish.

He grimaced.

Absently a thought shot into his head that if this was the Meiji era, he would have been shoved into a whorehouse to celebrate his new founded 'manhood'...or wait...was that when he turned sixteen.

Whatever.

A knock pounded on the door, raising his head a mere millimetre he grunted, "Go away."

The door opened to admit a casually dressed Kakashi sauntering into the room; pausing for a second as he took in the rearrangements done to the small space.

"What do we have here?" the man asked his tone decidedly lecherous upon spotting an untouched bed, "... are you and the radioactive blond sleeping in the same bed now, Uchiha?"

His killer glare was even more homicidal this time. "Get. Out."

Kakashi paused again then reached out a hand to the Uchiha's forehead which Sasuke promptly shrugged off. "...what's wrong with you?"

"My usual Saturday night insomnia begotten migraine..." he answered, "...started last night... they never usually last this long... but the do go away...and so should you."

"Nope, not happening." he answered blithely handing a small package to the hunched over raven. "It is your birthday, right?"

Clearly Kakashi had robbed his private file...again.

"So?" he snorted, massaging his throbbing temples. "What's in it?"

"Condoms." He replied flatly.

Sasuke slowly looked from the package to the grinning man beside him and dully asked, "Did the board of directors who hired you, made sure to verify that fancy filigreed degree of yours, you know...so it's not forged?"

A pale hand grasped at a pale blue vested chest paired with a sigh, "You wound me, Uchiha...you wound me deep." he grinned nudging the box over to him; "I'm kidding about the condoms gaki...just open it."

Cautiously Sasuke pulled off the wrapping and a small ring sized wooden box tumbled out. Popping the lid the stared confused at a mid-sized key lying in the bottom. "What's this?"

"A key to my office." Kakashi answered knowing full well he was obliterating a major rule.

"Kak-" he started to say, eyeing the piece of metal like it was a hot iron.

"I trust you, Sasuke." He said making his way to the door, "...just don't do anything to make me regret it."

Sasuke went silent.

(*)(*)(*)

It was the periodical exams time again. Sasuke half-heartedly scanned the passage he was to summarise and snorted. An excerpt from the Murasaki Shikibu's 'The Tale of Genji'; an 11'Th century tale considered by many critics to be the humanity's first novel.

It spanned over four hundred characters but primarily focused on one. The passage he was to summarize was about the intricacies of the feudal system as described by the author.

Shifting the paper he started writing; 'The fundamental system underlying the feudal era goverme-'

(*)(*)(*)

*****Tsunade's office; Medical Wing Sector*****

Shrugging off another stained white medical robe she automatically reached for the bottle of sake blatantly sticking out of the lower desk draw and took a healthy drink. The spiced liquor hit her stomach and she sighed in relief.

Reaching up she pulled the ties out of her ponytails and allowed her hair to settle freely across her shoulders as she eyed the two folders in front of her; each one initialled; 'Uchiha Sasuke' and 'Uzumaki Naruto'.

Their tests results had just come back from the overnight rush order she had ordered on them. Flipping Naruto's open she, with a sceptical eye, skimmed over the results; body temp; normal, pulse rate; normal, blood pressure; a smidgen high but basically normal. X-rays showed a minimal fracture in Naruto's left elbow, blood sugar showed very slight hypoglycaemia but that was easily corrected, blood plasma; normal. She ran over the rest and smiled tightly thinking; 'Not bad, Gaki.'

Replacing the folder she took up the Uchiha's and opened it. The majority of the results, temp, pressure, reflexes, ocular ability; seemed fine until she got to the blood plasma and stopped dead; fingers clamping down on the folder till it almost tore in two.

His ESR(1) rate was extremely high; the first sign of serious inflammation. She quickly read the CRP(2) and swallowed tightly, re-reading the figures to be sure she wasn't hallucinating.

How the hell did the Uchiha have such an acute bacterial infection this high and he wasn't in a coma or shivering on a hospital bed? His white blood cells had to be fighting like a Spartan gladiator just to keep him breathing.

Marshalling her strength she scanned the rest of the results and gritted her teeth tightly when what she was expecting, but hoping wasn't there, glared back at her: Sasuke had hypo-albuminemia(3): extremely low blood protein. It was like the basic body building substance was disappearing from his body.

What the hell was causing it? She breathed deeply to centre herself. Low blood protein was primary caused by tissue injury or muscle strain. Was it the shoulder muscle strain he had some weeks ago that possibly hadn't healed properly that was causing the drain?

Or was it the venom ingestion from the Black Mamba bite?

Flipping through his file she noted that he had previous cases of a respiratory condition that had landed him in ICU for a month. It had been dormant for years but was that it...was it flaring up again? No...not possible...the last she checked he wasn't wheezing, coughing or having any respiratory issues, at all.

Something else was up.

Her eyes closed for a second then opened to look at the pulmonary tests results. Aside from minor phlegm presence that was detected, there was nothing that seemed extremely abnormal.

But clearly there was something going extremely wrong in the Uchiha's body. Staring at the page Tsunade felt like she had just been hurled back to her first year in medical school; when the sadistic tutors would give their naïve underlings mysterious, unsolvable illnesses and a strict deadline to find the cures for them.

Grimly she took another sip of the sake, shoved it aside. This was going to be another all-nighter.

(*)(*)(*)

"You're pale." Itachi said eyes narrowing, reaching across the desk and placing a palm over Sasuke's damn forehead. "...and you're burning up...what is going on, Otouto?"

"Just a headache," Sasuke braved trying to steady his eyesight, "...it's nothing really...it'll pass."

Itachi didn't look comforted at all. Sasuke marshalled a grin; "You look good though...when I get out of here I'm personally going to have to meet this Kisame of yours."

A slight rose pink flushed the young architect's face as his eyes flicked over Sasuke's shoulder and widened. "Is that..."

"Sasuke Itachi." The head psychoanalyst voice sounded behind him, "...nice to finally meet you...you know...in person."

Sasuke didn't have to shift to know Kakashi was right behind him. "Are you stalking me or something, Kakashi?"

Red eyes widened at the casual greeting shaking the offered hand. "You must be Hatake-san... I remember father talking about you...that you were one of the few he knew would excel."

"I'm flattered." Kakashi said smiling clapping a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, "...I know I'm good but whatever I'm good at, your little brother exceeds me. You can't trip this one up."

Itachi sighed, "Sasuke...what have I told you about playing nice?"

"I'm utterly incapable of doing that, Nii-san... you should know...it's genetic." He retorted annoyed with the heat of Kakashi's hand seeping through his clothes.

"Oh!" the older raven said, brushing a tendril of his hair behind his ear while reaching down into his briefcase and pulled a low rectangle box which he placed before the younger one. "Happy birthday."

"Jewellery, Itachi?" he asked askance.

"Just open it and stop being difficult." Itachi ordered eyes narrowing.

Sasuke opened the box and was immediately transported to his seven year old self; the image of his mother's pale neck sporting a finely twined silver necklace, the dangling pendant embedded with the blood red ruby and white gold forming the Uchiha symbol; sprang up before him. His vision field narrowed to the relic sitting before him.

"...where did you..." he whispered.

"The family vault." Itachi answered. "...I know mother would rather you have it."

"Aniki..." he trailed off, picking up the trinket as reverently as possible. Somehow, someway he could, even after a decade, feel his mother's clean energy pulsing from the ornament. He clasped his fist around it.

"Arigato, gozaimasu..." he replied using the most formal thanks he could conjure, "I'll take care of it."

(*)(*)(*)

"For the last time," Sasuke pressed obstinately, "I'm not sick."

Tsunade shoved a sheet of paper inches before his eyes, "THIS says you are! Read it; you're not stupid. You're blood plasma levels are off the damn charts; it's like preparing for a minor flood and getting a damn tsunami. You have an acute bacterial infection, there is almost no protein in your blood and the bags under your eyes shout you're not sleeping. DO NOT PLAY WITH ME!"

Honey brown eyes glared into his as she calmed down breathing hard; "Stop being stupid kid...this is not something to ignore."

Scanning the sheet Sasuke silently agreed with her. It was all there. He had enough medical knowledge to know that it was serious. But how and where could he have contracted a bacterial pathogen?

"Have you been in contact with any aerosol chemicals recently?" she quizzed.

"No." he answered truthfully, mind racing over every suspicious action in the last few weeks.

"What about liquids... solvents?" she asked after ticking something off on the clipboard she had before her.

"No?" he returned.

"Is that a question, Uchiha?" she shot back at him.

"No, it's not." He replied strongly when something struck him, hard. An idea so devious, manipulativeandconniving it had to be the work of one person. The question was, with all his genius, how he had not expected something like this.

She sighed completely ignorant of the revelation that had just shook Sasuke to his core. Pocketing her pen she said; "You're going to have to start a regimen of antibiotics until I can isolate what is fuc-" he raised an eyebrow; she coughed, "what is...messing up your system."

"Anything else?" he asked itching to get out of the room.

"Take it easy...no more fighting or I promise you there will be a strait jacket with your name on it." she advised tersely.

He hopped off the chair and was about to leave but then paused to turn around and face her. "By any chance...do you have any cotton swabs around here?"

"Sure but they're capped," she said waving disinterestedly to a jar on the nearest table while completely focused on the checklist she had in front of her. "Knock yourself out."

Slipping four out of the jar he turned and left.

(*)(*)(*)

"Renjii," Sasuke grated out while under the cover of his overlarge white hoodie, "It's time to put your outside contacts and smuggling talents to work... I need a chemical called Gentian Violent."

The dread-headed teen looked askance for a moment before rebounding, "...wait...isn't that the chemical used for Gram Stain (4) detection?"

"Can you get it or not?" he railroaded completely ignoring the question.

Thin locks shook slightly while amber eyes went still, "I'll get it...give me two days at least...may I ask why you need this?"

"Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies." He replied cryptically tugging the hood even further down his face and turned away.

Renjii shrugged: "You should know that your EMP stuff is on the way...I should get them soon." He was informed.

"Perfect."

(*)(*)(*)

"Kakashi," he called out, corralling the man in a corner while he was going to the mess hall, "is there anywhere in this sodden camp that has even a basic microscope I can use?"

The silver haired man paused for a second with a very confused look on his face. "There is one in the medical sector...why?"

"I need to use it." the grim tone coming from the teen's mouth made Kakashi extremely concerned. "...please...it's very important."

To the shrink it sounded like a matter of life and death. Sasuke's face was blank but his eyes were brimming with anxiety. Increasingly Kakashi was getting insanely worried about Sasuke. Clearly he was up to something, something dangerous; but his suspicions aside for the moment, he was going to give the raven the benefit of the doubt...for now.

"Sasuke..." he warned, "...if you get caught..."

"I won't," he assured, "...trust me."

(*)(*)(*)

Wet cloth fully wrapped around his lower face, Sasuke unrolled the set of blueprints on the floor of the empty gardening shed, slipped two of the cotton swabs out of his pocket and carefully swiped the white mass over the thin gossamer paper; twisting to get every thread fully saturated.

After he was sure of it he quickly capped the swabs, rolled up the sheets, stuffed them back into the container and ripped the cloth off his face, breathing fresh air in deeply.

It was a long shot but he couldn't leave any angles of variables unchecked; he didn't have the pleasure of overlooking anything. It was either all or nothing.

(*)(*)(*)

"Uchiha," came the rap on the chess room door, "Phone call for you; it's your brother. Admin now."

That was...surprising to say the least. Why would Itachi be calling him so late? This didn't bode well. After a nod from Kin officially excusing himself from the game, he made his way to Admin. Sakura was absent but a mauve haired secretary just popped her gum and nudged the unhooked phone over to him.

"Itachi?" he asked with major trepidation, "What's going on...is something wrong?"

The sigh that emanated from the other half of the connections made Sasuke tense. "Yes; something is wrong. It's Kisame...his apartment building just burnt down; luckily he wasn't there. Can you tell his brother personally before he hears it someway else?"

Sasuke went rigid. Hell NO! This wasn't happening. As calm as possible he asked: "Do you know what started it?"

"No," Itachi replied, "...As of the moment it's undetermined...the fire chief proposed something about a main breaker in the basement blowing out and that started the blaze."

Bullshit.

Sasuke knew damn well why the building was destroyed. Orochimaru was upping the ante. 'Fucking son of a bitch.'

He had agreed to leave Itachi alone but that had left a wide loophole for anyone associated with him to be fair game. Sasuke could've slapped himself for not specifying the terms. Stupid.

Itachi was still talking, "...so with all the stuff I have to down here I'm going to be absent for a time. I'm sorry Otouto."

"Don't be." He replied trying hard to keep the rage out of his voice. "...take you time...be with him...I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" it seemed the older Uchiha had detected something because the worried tone had slipped into Itachi's voice again.

"Yes..." he assured, "...goodbye brother." He hung up. Sasuke cracked his knuckles aware that his face had just gone flinty; this game had just reached a whole 'nother level.

(*)(*)(*)

"Renjii," he said, "You bro-"

"I know," the caramel skinned teen replied agitatedly while fishing a small glass tube out of his pocket and handing it to the raven. "...it's clearly Orochimaru's work...'Same can take care of himself...I'm not worried about him."

Bringing the tube up to his eye level he squinted, "...How much is it?"

"Thirty millilitres..." He answered. "I hope it's enough."

"Perfect."

(*)(*)(*)

After being placed in the sun the cotton swabs surely had enough time for the bacterial culture to grow and spread. Securing them and the stain he discreetly knocked on Kakashi's door.

The older man stepped out softly closing the door behind him. "Sasuke...I know something is wrong with you. But before anything else I have one condition to doing this; you will come and tell me before...whatever...is going on, gets out of hand."

"Kakash-"

"No." the man snapped eyes flinty, "You will tell me. Promise me that, right now."

There was no way out of it and honestly he did need a trusted outlet for when the time did come. "I promise." He stated seriously, "...I swear."

Grey eyes drove into his harshly before relaxing the second after, "This way then."

They made their way to the medical bay and with a swipe of a key card they entered. Through a set of double doors and a dimly lit hallway they emerged into a room fitted out like a small mini-laboratory.

"You have fifteen minutes." He warned turning around to the door, "Not a second more; understand?"

Moving quickly and silently, Sasuke hunted for some glass slides. Finding some he then removed the capped cotton swabs and the stain from their holding place. Setting the stain on the nearest counter he then quickly smeared the opened swab over a slide.

Next step; find a heat source like a heating pad or a Bunsen burner. Shuffling some boxes under the nearby cupboards he spotted one. Plugging the electric pad in; he heated the sample for five seconds exactly and then removed it with a small set of tongs and placed it into a nearby sink. Allowing it to cool he readied the stain and flooded the slide with the deep purple liquid.

Three seconds after he gently washed the slide with tepid water, careful to not leave any trace of the chemical in the sink.

Heart beating a mile a minute he slid the slide under the microscope and adjusted the settings. He looked. A slab of stone couldn't have gone stiller that him at that moment. He knew what he was seeing, but a small part of him still wanted to disbelieve it.

Bacteria; aggressive bacteria, eerily resembling a snapshot he had seen of staphylococcus microbes. He sat back; hand tracing over his chest; specifically his lungs. The realizations settled into his mind like slowly falling snow. It all fell in place now; the fatigue, the headaches, the vomiting, the loss of appetite.

He had been poisoned.

(*)(*)(*)

Whew...the truth finally comes out...on both fronts. Whatcha' going do Sasuke...whatcha' gonna do?

(*)(*)(*)

Definitions: getting medical up in here!

ESR: stands for Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate. When a sample of blood is taken it is left to settle so to separate the red blood cells, which falls, from the plasma, which floats on top. The ESR machine measures the rate at which blood cells separate from the plasma. This is usually used to detect if there is inflammation. The higher the separation rate the more serious the inflammation.

CRP: stands for C-reactive Protein. Sometimes called 'Acute Phase Protein.' The level of this increase when there is a disease in the body that causes inflammation.

Hypo-albuminemia: low blood protein levels.

Gram Stain: it's a procedure used to detect bacterial presence; devised from Hans Christian Joachim Gram; a Danish doctor.

****Funny fact****

When I got the idea for this story the first (stupid) draft of the summary was; 'Just a story about an unhinged pyromaniac sentenced to a military camp full of other teenage crazies..'...obviously it's evolved.

AND REVIEW DAMNIT!

B.P.

-GRINS-