I promise, it won't hurt Chapter 9, a hunger games fanfic

Chapter 9

At first the news caused quite a stir inside me. What if it wasn't enough to have the war ended and peace restored? What if they still wanted all the victors dead, the ones that were the living memory and proof of the horrors we had to cope with for the last I-don't-knbow-how-many-years? Maybe Peeta and I could protect ourselves and Haymitch. But what if we can't? What if they go for Beetee, after all he has done for this country? What if they go for Annie and her son, they are completely defenseless? What if they go for...? What if they go for Johanna and she isn't able to survive? I wish I could know how she is...

Peeta is worried too. Well, he's more upset than worried. He says he might know who killed her, but he rather not to discuss it. What started all of this was the news. The news of Enobaria's death, murder. She was found dead with a gash in her chest that split her heart in half. I don't remember where.

That's when I decide to make the call. Well, I didn't decide it alone. Peeta told me that if I was so worried I should try to contact them. And that's why I find myself with three phone numbers written on a paper with names before their respective numbers. I dial the number and wait.

Ring...

"Hello" I hear Bettee's voice on the other side of the call and release a relieved sigh I was unknown to its existence.

"Oh! Hello Beetee." I respond to him. "How's everything going?"

"I am well, Katniss. I hope you are, as well." He answers me with that precautious tone he always has. "Why are you calling me, Katniss?"

"Well, I just want to make sure you are alright."

"Oh, of course. After the news of Enobaria's death you surely thought they would finish killing us off. I understand your concern, but it's needles. The people who could kill us would, apart from ourselves, have nothing but gratitude to offer us." I nod even though he can't see me.

"Okay. You're right. But I'll still call everyone."

"Of course you will. Goodbye Katniss."

"Goodbye Beetee." And I finish the call. I don't hesitate to dial the next number.

Ring…

And an automatic voice starts talking, telling me to leave a message at the voicemail after the "beep". So I hang up before that happens. Should I call again? What would that make of me? I chose Peeta. Would it be weird to leave her a message? Would she get mad at me? Would it hurt her?

Ring…

The same automatic voice starts talking and I hang up before it has time to finish the message. With my hands trembling I dial the same number again.

Ring…

I hang up. I can't take this. What if something happened to her? Surely, if they're trying to kill us, it's better to first kill the more vicious ones. Or is this her rejecting me? She knows me. She knows I would try to find a way to see if she's alright. But how could I expect her to answer? I don't even know if she's in Seven. I don't even know if… And then comes a memory that I thought was long forgotten. Our last moment alone in Thirteen. That last shower, where I had her in my arms for the last time and I was able to take any if's from her mind. How ironic it is that now I'm swimming in them.

Pushing that away I dial the last number in the paper.

Ring…

"Hello!" says the voice I was waiting for, but more agitated than I remember. "Who is this?" That's when I notice that instead of responding I just felt glad to hear her voice so full of life.

"Annie! How are you?" I ask her, forgetting that she asked me who I am.

"Oh, Katniss! It's good to hear from you."

"I'm glad you could answer the phone. How's everything?"

"All good. Julian is a wonderful boy. It truly impresses me how well he's adapting to the sea, though I shouldn't be surprised at all."

"Oh, that's wonderful. You know you can come visit anytime you want." I say even though I'm not sure I would like to see that perfect mix of Annie and Finnick in front of me. First time I saw the boy I felt my stomach sinking in because he's a living memory of Finnick, and above all, a living proof of Finnick and Annie's unconditional love.

"Of course. I just want to make sure he grows traditionally with the sea like Finnick and I did, and Johanna comes to visit quite often. But I'll surely visit you again as soon as possible." I'm glad Annie is able to raise Julian in Four with no mayor trouble and that she has someone who knew Finnick well to help her. And that's the piece of information that captures my attention the most. Annie is probably the only one who can give me info on Johanna. The only one who actually know what has happened to her since the rebellion ended.

"Okay, cool." my tongue tingles with want for asking about Johanna, but I restrain myself for a moment. "Annie… I called because of what happened to Enobaria and I'm just making sure everyone is alright."

"Oh, yes. That was unfortunate, but it was going to happen anyways. She's too stubborn. But all is fine here. You don't have to worry; the person who did it loves the rest of us."

"How's Johanna, have you heard anything from her recently?" I ask, almost against my own will.

"Johanna is alright. She visits a lot and she never stays in Seven for long, so if you want to talk to her I can tell her to call you. Actually, she just got here; do you want to talk to her?" My heart races uncontrollably and I'm quick to answer.

"No, no, no. I just wanted to know if she was fine. And now I know. You can say hi to her from me." I hurry to tell her. The last thing I want to do now is to confront Johanna. What would I say? That's when I hear her from Annie's side.

"Hey Annie, I'm back. I found some more CD's, but these are in pretty bad condition. I don't know if I can save the music in them." her voice is distant, but it's hers. "Where's Julian?"

"He's in his room. We just came back from the beach. I was teaching him some fishing tricks."

"Can I teach him some tricks I learned from Finnick?"

"No, he's too young for that." Annie is quick to answer her.

"Oh, please!" and as her steps get farther and farther away, I hear her complain, "Huff, too young…"

"I'm very sorry about that, Katniss" Annie says almost sounding embarrassed. "You know how she is."

"Yes, I know." I answer as my heart tightens. Listening to Johanna's voice brought too many feelings. "I have to go now. Thank you Annie."

"You're welcome Katniss. I'll see you around."

"See you around." I hang up and this feeling starts to stir up inside me. My venter boils and that warmth is invading my body. Why?! Johanna needs to stop having these effects on me. "Peeta? Peeta. Peeta!" I call for him as I start looking around and he quickly pops out from the kitchen looking slightly concerned.

"What happened? Is everything alright?" He asks as he cleans up his hands on his apron.

"Everything is good. No one is hurt." I say trying to control myself.

"Good." He takes his apron off, puts it near the oven and turns around to smile it me. He's always so careful. Always making sure everything is alright. So good hearted and loving. "I'm glad" he says widening his smile, showing his bright teeth. His eyes shine and break the last string of control I had in me. I hurry to him, crashing my lips on his.

I surely took him by surprise, but he, as always, is quick to understand what is happening. Yet, he's surely unaware of how far I plan to go with him this time. I push him against the wall grinding against his body. Peeta's hands seem to be everywhere at the same time. Nngh, I love his hands. They're always warm. Always loving. I grab the collar of his shirt pulling him closer.

"Peeta" I whisper against his lips with a low and hoarse voice. He swirls me around putting me against the wall. "Couch" I try to say. I'm burning again, like I haven't in too long. I raise my legs and wrap them around his waist. Peeta grabs my thighs holding me up and keeps on kissing me everywhere he can. I push myself against him feeling a bulge in his pants that confirms he wants this as much as I do. "Now." I growl and he is quick to obey me.

For a moment I wonder if he's going to be able to carry me, but the tender kisses he marks my neck and chest with are quick to get my mind of it and before I know it, he is gently dropping me on the couch. I break out to catch my breath and Peeta moves on to my neck, not really helping my breathing to stabilize but pushing me to what I wanted to do next. I start tugging at his shirt but not been able to take it off and Peeta barely stops kissing me to help me.

I lean forward to remove my own shirt and Peeta proceeds to kiss his way in between my breasts and then my ribs. His hands slide from my thighs to my back and now it's his turn to need my help.

"I can't"he mutters while trying to remove my bra. I lean forward, holding his face with one hand and kissing him deeply, and reaching back with my other hand to open my bra. When I finish taking it off, Peeta breaks our kiss and moves back a little, leaning on his knees and looking up at me. His eyes sparkle with adoration as they run on my now completely naked torso. "um a eh" Peeta tries to say something but not a word comes out.

I pull him back up to me. I really don't care what he has to say at this moment. I just want him to love me. With that in mind I kiss him passionately. When we run out of air he start to move his kisses down my neck and trails his way down my stomach paying not enough attention to my breasts… but that's okay; we've never done this before and if I learned, he can learn too. His lips are now focusing in my venter, closer and closer to the edge of my pants firing that bubbling and warm feeling inside me. I hear a creaking noise but it's immediately sent to the back of my head, so I pay it no mind. He starts unbuttoning my pants with rather shaky hands. I didn't think before about how much Peeta must have wanted or waited for this and how nervous he is. Afterall he loves me.

"Oh boy!" I suddenly hear Haymitch's voice mixed with his laughter, "I should have knocked before I came in." I feel like the world was pulled from under me and my face burns with embarrassment. Peeta quickly stands up and gives me a pillow that I quickly use to cover myself.

"YOU THINK?!" I screech at him trying not to seem as embarrassed as I am.

"Haymitch!, I was gonna check on you… later. Can you leave now? This really doesn't need to get any more awkward," Peeta says being the good speaker as he usually is and saving us. Haymitch nods still chuckling a bit.

"Yea. I know, I know." He answers as he walks out. Peeta waits for him to leave to turn to me, but by then I was already putting my bra and shirt back on. Peeta looks a bit disoriented and open his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry. But I can't now. I gotta go." I cut him off. I rush to him touching his shirtless chest and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing my bow and arrows and running out the door.

After hunting I get back home and start preparing the turkey for cooking. That's when I hear Peeta close to the kitchen. He looks at me and gives me a sheepish smile with a silent question, "can I help you?" I smile back, nodding shortly at him, giving the silent answer he wanted, "yes." He walks towards me and starts heating the oven and preparing the seasoning while I slice up the turkey.

The dinner is quiet and enjoyable. He's sitting close to me and I let my body move closer to him as much as I can. When we finish eating Peeta takes the dishes to the sink and starts rinsing them while I take care of the rest, which really means that I stand there playing with edge of my shirt trying to figure out what to do. Should I try again? Should I do nothing? Do I wait for him to make a move, but please it's Peeta. He's not going to make a move. He's too gentle. He needs a permission. He needs to know it's 100% okay for him to make a move. And me running away isn't exactly the signal of "you can make a move". So I do it as soon as he finishes to rinse the dishes.

As he dries his hands I move closer to him. I place my hands on him making him move and letting my hands hover over his body as he does so. We lock eyes as I slide my arms around his neck and kiss his lips, pressing him against the kitchen counter. Peeta was clearly nervous. Just like me in that afternoon about a year ago when I was the one being pressed against a bed. We eventually went to my room. But this was very different from anything I had with Johanna. There was no confidence in his actions. He seemed almost scared of everything, yet he was ever so gentle. Which was other great difference since he lacked the perpetuating dominance I was used to. But it was good and heavens I really needed this. I needed to feel loved. I needed to feel wanted. I needed to feel pleased. And on goes a few weeks.

I'm on the couch looking at that catalogue Peeta and I did some time ago when I hear a knock on the main door.

"Don't worry, I'll get it" I say to Peeta, who is cooking something in the kitchen. He nods at me as I go answer the door. I open the door, not really knowing who to expect to see on the other side, hell I didn't even care.

"'Sup brainless?" Johanna says with that smirk plastered on her face. "Missed me?" She raises an eyebrow and her smirk only increases when my eyes are wide open with surprise and disbelief and fear and excitement and joy and confusion.

Before she can utter another word I pull her into my arms and smash my lips against hers without a second thought. Johanna tries to protest but her arms are already around my waist pulling me in and my fingers tangled in her hair. Heavens and hell! I missed her so much! Her smell is intoxicating. Only a few moments into this kiss and I'm already giddy. Why didn't she come before?

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice breaks our steamy silence making my skin crawl with fear and my increased heartbeat goes from excitement to anxiety. "Who is it?" In less than a second Johanna and I are as far apart as the entrance hall lets us. Johanna quickly fixes her hair as I clear my throat.

"Guess who." I answer him trying not let the guilt be apparent in my voice. Johanna walks to the kitchen as if nothing had happened.

"How's my prison buddy?" she asks him walking in the kitchen and opening her arms.

"Johanna!" Peeta turns to greet her. "It's been a while since I last heard from you!" They walk towards each other and share a quick hug. It was the weirdest thing ever-to see both of them hugging like they were actually good friends. But I suppose that after surviving what they did together, and then mildly recovering from it makes you feel attached, just like I was more attached to Peeta-or Johanna-than to Gale because of our experience with the Games.

"We'll be waiting for you in the living room, alright?" I ask Peeta, to which he answers with affirmative hum. I gesture to Johanna to follow me with a gesture of my head and walk to the living room and drop my body on the couch, she sits next to me. I fiddle with my fingers, not knowing what to do with my hands. "Johanna a" I try to say it. I try to look at her. But I can't. My eyes quickly drop to my hands.

"What?" She asks turning to me and I stay silence she puts an elbow on the top of the couch and lays her head on her hand, looking at me, waiting for me to answer or not. Even when focusing in my hands I can feel her body next to mine, how relaxed she is. I can almost see her smirk. But when I turn to her all I see is a genuine smile and curious eyes that actually want to know what I was going to say.

I lean back looking at her. I want to kiss her again, but I can't.

"I'm happy here with Peeta." I end up saying. He might walk in at any moment. The smile turns into a grimace and I wish I had said something else. She's opening her mouth to answer me when Peeta walks in with a tray of sandwiches.

"Hey Peeta" Johanna starts with fake joy, "Katniss here was telling me about how wonderful and amazing and happy everything is here. I'm seriously considering moving here because it sounds like paradise!" Maybe Peeta doesn't notice it, but the bitterness spilling out of her mouth make me regret I ever opened mine seconds ago.

Peeta raises his eyebrows in surprise as he sets the tray in the coffee table.

"Well, we make the best of what we have and it's pretty great." Peeta says smiling tenderly at me and I hear a silent huff coming from Johanna.

We talk and eat for a while. I keep my mouth shut most of the time while Peeta and Johanna act as strangely good friends.

"This house has a bathroom, right?" Johanna asks as if there was a possibility bathrooms weren't a thing in Disctrict 12.

"Yes, of course" Peeta answers Johanna and she starts to stand up.

"I'll take you."I say more hurriedly than I expected while I stand up. Both of them look at me strangely for a second.

"Okay" Peeta shrugs and takes the tray back to the kitchen to start washing the dishes.

I go upstairs with Johanna at my back. When we get there, I open the bathroom door and pull her in by the collar of her shirt and spin us around to close the door with my foot. Johanna looks rather disoriented when I slam her against me and kiss her. She seems reluctant but kisses me back. Heavens! I missed this woman. I missed her smell. I missed her lips. I missed her bite. I missed her hands. I still do. This isn't enough to make up for all the time apart. Johanna pulls away and I think she tries to say something, but before I can think about it properly I'm pulling her back in. She grabs my wrists and pins me against a wall. Please Johanna, fuck me against this door. But she pulls away. Her face is flushed, her lips are swollen and her eyes are full of regret and anger when they lock with mine.

"Katniss, no." Her voice is firm like that last time we spoke. "You have to stop this Katniss. I told you before - no more. You can't do this to me and you can't do this to Peeta. You still have no idea of what you want, do you?" She finally leys go of my wrists. What does she want from me? I want her. That's one of the things I'vee wanted the most for a long time.

"What do you want me to do?" I finally ask her, afraid of the answer. She looks me wide-eyed as if my skull was too thick for me to understand things.

"What do I want you to do?" She stares at me. Her eyes are on fire. "What do I want from you?" her voice is a calm whisper filled with exasperation. "I want you to do something, Katniss! Whatever it is! I want you to do anything. I want to take action for once in your life instead of just rolling with it when you have nothing biting at your heels." She slams the dorm behind me with her fists, each in each side of my face. "Goddammit Katniss." And I think she might cry. "I know everything you've ever done was in a spring of survival. Now you don't need it anymore, so you're doing nothing. You went where they took you and stayed where they left you and then used whatever was closer to you as you liked." When Johanna finishes her arms have already dropped to her side and now she looks tired. Johanna pushes me out of the way and leaves the bathroom with no other word.

I'm still trying to make sense of everything she said when I find myself sitting on the toilet, bawling and whishing she would come back. Wishing should say she didn't mean and just kiss me. But she never does. And I walk out of the bathroom forgetting to wash my face, or not even caring to.

I walk downstairs, dreading what I'm about to do.

"Peeta, we need to talk." I tell him as he looks up at me attentively.

"Sure."

"Peeta… I care a lot about you and I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me. But I can't do this anymore." I thought of starting slowly, but then it comes all out at once. I wait. I don't know exactly for what, but certainly nothing nice. Peeta looks up at me with a sad but sincere smile.

"I figured you wouldn't be able to hold it after she came to visit." He says, and there's barely a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm glad you came to me though. I thought you were gonna grab your stuff and leave without a word." I smile at him because really, what else can I do? He couldn't be sweeter and more understanding about this. I smile at him. I don't know if it's a wide smile, a sincere smile or tender. I don't care what smile it is because suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling coming from my heart that made me smile, no matter if I wanted to or not.

"Peeta! Thank you!" I run to Peeta to engulf him in a tight embrace and when we come apart my face is wet with tears. "I'll go grab my stuff."

"You shouldn't have to Katniss." He says holding my hands between his. "This is your house and I left almost all my stuff at my house since Delly is staying there." I gap at him. Is this really how he's reacting? Is this real? "Katniss, I might keep my mouth shut and care a lot about you, but I'm not blind or stupid." My eyes are wide with surprise.

"Aren't you gonna ask for anything in return?" I ask him, "tell me I owe you something?" Now he's smile is almost sad, maybe disappointed.

"You'll never owe me a thing Katniss. Maybe just an invitation to the wedding." I smile at him and squeeze his hand. "I'll go get my stuff. Now go get her!"

And like his last exclamation fuel my veins I sprint out of the house to find Johanna and crash in her arms. I cry, cry a lot, grinning like an idiot. I love you. I love you. I love you. She's surprised at first but then she understands. This isn't me playing, this is me doing something. Taking what I want, what makes me feel full, for myself. She kisses my forehead tenderly and I feel like I'm melting into her embrace.

"I love you." The whispered words slip out of my lips before I even notice. Somehow we're back home. I was in a trance so it's reasonable I didn't notice us walking back.

"I love you too." She whispers back and my heart races a whole different speed.

"Really?" I ask her blushing even harder.

"No, brainless. I'm just playing with you." Johanna answers pinning me against the wall and lowers her lips to my ear, "I came all the way to Twelve because I have absolutely no feelings for you." With that she bites my earlobe earning a moan deep from my throat.

Heavens, I missed her.

A/N: 'Sup guys. I know, it's been a really long time but here it is. And it's the end. I'm already working on other fics, but if you have any requests just ask me. And I'm going to update the whole fic because I'm editing it. Hope you enjoyed it.