I only own my OCs and the damage they cause. Clashing ideals are not intended. I sound like a freaking commercial. Most of you will skip this. I always do. Now, go; stay away from advertised drugs that cause death and tip your waitress, but read this on the way. The next crisis; Reading While Driving. Read this, not your text messages. Talk in real life!

~Zack's POV~

How I find myself knocking on the dwarves door while Leira was watching off to the side. She'd called me out, and I stupidly took the bait. I woke up to Leira packing her bag, telling me to do the same. "Show some guts for once! I'm more of a man than you are!" Of course I was a man! Just not a buff, hot, or sexy kind of man. I was the man who could be an army commander, not a soldier. But brains beat brawn every time. I tapped lightly on the door, then quickly said, "Oh well, nobody home. Guess we'd better- mph!" Leira pushed me forward and my head slammed into the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her grin. I manage to protest, "Leira, don't do what I think your going to!"

She pinned me to the door, then grabbing me by the hair, hit my head on the door repeatedly. Forget brains over brawn. My brains lost, and are now scattered on the door. She dropped me and I cursed, "Fuck! Ugh, see? No one home. Now let's go-" Wrong again. An sword blade was all that protruded from the crack in the door, aimed an inch from my forehead. A voice warned, "Move, and you're a dead man." I weakly joked, "I like my life, so I'll stay still. But she's the one who wants to talk to you! I'm an innocent bystander!" A second blade appeared, but it wasn't pointed at Leira. It was also on me. "Oh, come on! I just said I'm not involved!" A sharp slap to the back of the head made me pull away as Leira corrected, "Yes you are!"

I looked up pleadingly, but she ignored me and looked at the sword's owner and demanded, "Put those fucking things away. I'm here to talk to Thorin Oakenshield, and if you don't let me in, I will throw the idiot on the floor through the door, and the innkeeper will throw you out on the curb. With your quest beginning tomorrow, you're going to want a full night's sleep on a bed. So... will you let me in?" I shook my head; she was going to have at least two holes in her chest in five, four, three, two, one... The blades pulled back, and the door opened. Why did everything work when she threatened people? A dwarf in dark clothes with brown hair asked suspiciously, "What is your business with me?"

Leira confidently answered, "Leira Moon of Porta and Zack Sands of Porta, at your service." I was barely to my feet when she pushed my back and made me lean forward in a bow, she doing the same. Leira continued, "Here to confer with Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, about the quest to Erebor you currently strive to complete. We offer our services." Our services? What could I do that these dwarves couldn't? Then I remembered when we first emerged from the cave, dressed for battle. What did it mean? Were we meant to go with Thorin and Company? The dwarf nodded and said, "You may speak with him. We need all the help we can get. I am Thorin, but you already know that."

~Leira's POV~

I've always had that uncanny ability to make people listen. True, it often involves threats, but it works. I walked past It was silent when Zack asked, "Why do you have such crazy hair? And what's with the beards?"

I quickly twisted his ear and he squealed; he was such a baby. I hissed into his ear, "Mind your manners, twit." He pressed his lips together, and I assumed he was submitting, so I released. I saw Thorin again on the other side of the room, sitting on the bed. He had shed his furs and weapon belt, but he held an axe in his hands. I smiled, bowed, and spoke as I rose. "Oakenshield, I have learned of your endeavors to reclaim the Lonely Mountain, and I offer any assistance possible to help your quest." Thorin laughed softly and lowered his axe.

He questioned, "And what can you offer that will tempt me?" I smiled; ten years of fistfights, fencing, and a good few bar fights broken up in the inns were about to pay off. I smiled, challenging him, and said, "Why don't one of you swing an axe at me and find out." A slight smile tugged at the corner of the dwarf's mouth, and he stood from his chair. "As you wish." He stood and tossed his axe from hand to hand and shook his head as he asked, "You sure? I wouldn't want to hurt you." I laughed and taunted him, "If only I would say the same to you. Come at me already."

That did it. Thorin rushed at me, holding the axe for a side strike, but I dropped to one knee, and grabbed the end of the axe, slamming it into his chest, then ripping it out of his hands. I held the axe at his neck and said, "Want to try again? Because I'd happily oblige, as long as you aren't afraid of a girl." He yanked his axe away, then took a step away, but then tried to catch me off guard from the right, but I swerved. Sad. Just sad. I jumped on the chair, over Thorin, which wasn't too hard, and put an arm around his head in a headlock, and the other grappled the axe from his hands. I confidently said, "Had enough?"

The Thorin's face was entertaining a light smile as he ordered, "You may come to the meeting tomorrow. The Company will decide if you are prepared. But tell me; what is your name?" I grinned as I replied, "Leira. Leira Moon. But sadly, I can't go unless I bring him." I glared pointedly at Zack. He gulped and volunteered, "I could help! I'm a genius! I could figure out any puzzles or traps we encounter!" Thorin uncertainly said, "You may come, but you too will be tested." I couldn't have cared if the building came down at that moment. We were halfway there; I was practically in, but Zack was my worry.

Sorry if you wanted to hear Zack's trial, but I didn't have many ideas, so I'll fix it once I've finished and I'm just reviewing the story. And Zack, if you're reading this, remember: the pointy end isn't the side you grab. He made that mistake once; don't think I'm a liar. Lucky him, it was plastic. :)