Walking down the streets of Brooklyn the next day, i felt empty. Spot had told me that i could take a day off since i was no good, since i didn't talk, and to be a newsgirl, it's kind of a given to speak. So he said i should figure out my priorities or something along those lines.
Knowing i had no money and the sun almost felt like it was following me, making me burn, inside and out, i just went back inside, and lay motionless in Spot and my bed for the rest of the slow moving day in the nothingness of my thoughts.
At night, some of the Manhattan newsies came for a meeting, i guessed, but if their meeting included loud drunk girls, smoking, and laughing, it would be a much more different meeting than i've ever been to.
Spot seemed to forget that i was in the room, so when he brought two broads up to the room, he was quite surprised to find me there. "Oh, sorry goils, we's'll just go some place else-" but i got up and walked out of the room, leaving Spot speechless, and very much still surprised.
When i was walking down the stairs, i was greeted by a very happy looking Racetrack. "Heya Evelyn!" i nodded at his presence and he frowned. "Spot's told me what 'appened yestaday." i shrugged and kept walking, so he walked along with me.
"He's also says you'se hasn't been talkin' much eidar. Says when 'e rescued ya, you'se called him Brandon?" that name struck me by surprise. But all i could do was shrug. "Whose.. Brandon?" he gave me a sympathetic look which just made my heart feel heavy.
Racetrack looked me straight in the eye, concern echoing in his eyes. But i couldn't even say that name without feeling like i would break down. I shook my head at him, which he in turn, gave me a sad look.
"I'm-" i didn't finish my sentence, because i felt like my insides were going to burst. I ran outside, but fell. So i hit the ground with my fists, not caring if it hurt or even bled.
"Why?!" i yelled at the top of my lungs. "No.. No, NO!" i pounded my fists at the ground even more and eventually the numbness took over so i couldn't tell if it hurt or not.
Nobody was out in the middle of Brooklyn. And i was alone, again. I lightly punched the ground, but then i finally looked at my hands. They were all bloodied and dirty.
I walked my way back to the lodging house, but didn't go in. I cleaned my hands in the river and sat, throwing rocks. It wasn't long before i realized that someone was sitting silently next to me this whole time.
"Spot.." he was looking at my hands, so i also looked down. I tried to hide them, but it doesn't matter anyways, he already saw. "Oh this?" i started to half-heartedly laugh. I rubbed my neck, something i did, at the moment because i felt nervous.
"I tripped" i lied and smiled with my lips. "why.." he paused, trying to sort out his words. He reached out at my hand, but i pulled back out of pure instinct. Our eyes flickered upward, making contact. Somehow his eyes made me feel guilty.
I don't know how, but i felt, well, worthless even more so now, with him. "What 'appened?" he asked, staring into my empty eye sockets. "What?" he bore deeper into my eyes, reading... Nothing.
"Der ain't nothin' in der anymoa." i blankly stared at him. Maybe he was drunk.. "Why'se ain't ya angry at me'se?" i furrowed my eyebrows. And then, something very unexpected happened.
Spot got up and picked me up with him, bridal style. Our eyes met and if we had kissed, it might've been perfect. Except for the fact that he threw me in th"e water below, knowing i can't swim.
I flapped my arms all around me trying so desperately to find air. Each time my head was above water, i saw Spot watching, his eyes hardening on me. "H-" i was under water again "Hel" i gurgled in more water "Help!" i yelled at the top of my lungs.
By now, i saw some newsies appear out of nowhere by Spot. Racetrack and Jack had tried to jump in but i saw movement and Spot pushing them back. What the hell was he doing? I grasped for more air. Soon, i would have to sink, and i just hope that when i do, i wouldn't wake up. It's useless.
I took one last breath and all at once, my mind drifted off to somewhere else, my arms stopped flailing and my legs stopped moving. My whole body felt numb and my heart slowed. I could almost hear it in my ears.
But something felt off, why didn't i feel at peace? Should i feel peaceful before my death? I blinked, each time closing more and more until the bright full moon escaped my sight.
The light started to fade until a beautiful voice called out my name. "Evelyn," i opened my eyes abruptly, looking around at the murky water. "Brandon?" i asked the voice, but it sounded muffled and created bubbles around my mouth.
His beautiful lips curled into a smile. The way he always did to make me feel better. I could feel that lump in my throat again. I wanted so badly to cry, but quite frankly, i forgot how. "Don't do this, please."
"I.." but then i realized that he can't here me. Why did you leave me? I thought.
Brandon wasn't dead. But how come i see him as only a shimmer in the water, as if he was a ghost? "Do you remember when i taught you how to swim?" he looked away, as if seeing us as mere children, playing in the water was so clear. He smiled at the nothingness of the water. Than his eyes shocked me, they looked.. Happy.
"Think, my dear Evelyn. Think hard. How did you swim when i left you there? What did you do?" I thought back to years ago when Brandon had done the same thing as Spot is doing to me right now. I bit lip, swallowing the lump in my throat.
I wanted so badly to respond, but all i could do was nod. I started to flap my arms and move my legs again. And before i knew it, i was swimming again. When i reached the surface, i guess i felt relieved. But i also felt even more worst than i did before when i was breathing.
Why did he have to leave? I thou- no. I knew i loved him with all my heart. Why..
I started to puppy dog my way toward the dock and lifted myself up. I was cold, purple, and probably looked dead. My whole body trembled as the wind took me by surprise. I gave Spot and the other newsies an empty look. My heart felt hollow, i couldn't feel anything.
"I'm sorry for worrying you guys." my voice shivered with my whole body. They all gave me looks of pure relief and pity. I didn't want them to worry about me. "I- i'm sorry, i'll stop doing stupid stunts now, please don't worry about me anymore."
""Don't worry"?" Racetrack said, surprised. "Evelyn, you'se family 'ere now. Neva, eva tell us not ta worry." i bit my lip and felt really guilty and ashamed. "I'm-" but before i could finish my sentence Racetrack had cut me off. "Come 'ere, group hug, come on"
Racetrack and all the other newsies were slowly closing in, and even Spot was pushed into this whole mess. I just stood there, letting them enjoy this moment.
He whispered in my ear, but it didn't really feel like Racetracks' voice, and i'm sure he wouldn't have said "You'se an idiot." i pulled back and i guess i shouldn't be surprised, but i was. Because it wasn't Racetracks' face that i was staring at. It was Spot's.
"What the fuck?!" i yelled at the top of my lungs, startling even myself. He smirked down at me, and i usually when he smirks at me, i get super angry, but it just felt right to smile. It felt a little good to be a little happy again.
All the boys around me laughed and it vibrated through every newsie, which made me almost lose my balance and fall. But i couldn't help myself, i just laughed. I laughed to my hearts content, and you know what? It felt damn good.