It's still dark when I wake up. For a moment I'm shocked to realise that I'm lying in bed naked next to Killian. But then it all comes back to me. The amazing night we spend together comes rushing back to me. I close my eyes and breath in his scent. Killian is sound asleep, softly snoring and holding me tight. I'm too wrapped up in my thoughts to go back to sleep. Gently I play with the hairs on his chest reliving every loving moment from last night.
'Well, love, I've gotta say... I've had worse things to wake me', he says grinning.
'Didn't mean to wake you, sorry', I say smiling. He kisses me softly and for a moment I think he's ready to repeat last night. But all he does is hold me close. And for the first time it's perfectly fine with me.
'Why did you thank me?' He asks after a while.
'For showing me what making love is. I already said that', I whisper back. He moves down on the bed a little so he's at my level.
'There's more to it, isn't there?' I start to feel shy and look down a little. He, as always, picks up on it. 'Don't be embarresed, love.' I look back up at him and meet his eyes.
'It just never felt like this', I admit.
'Like what?'
'Good. Amazing, even. Safe and comfortable.'
'Talk to me, Emma. You can tell me.' I sigh and lean my forehead against his so that I just have to whisper.
'It never felt this good. Nobody ever took this much time for me. Not Neal, not Walsh. I've just had one night stands. I never stayed the night. Foster care wasn't pretty and I don't want to get into the details but let's just say men have a sick taste in young girls. After that I've always been nervous and scared.'
'Why didn't you say something. I would've been more careful', he says worried.
'More careful?' I say with a slight smile. 'Killian, you are the first man to show me love. This was the first time it didn't hurt', I admit shyly.
'You didn't deserve what happened to you. And you deserved a man to show you what making love is. And it's making me sad to thing that this was the first time it felt good for you.' There are a few tears making it's way down my cheecks.
'This felt like it was my first time', I admit in a really soft whisper.
'And was it worth it?' He asks grinning. I start to laugh at the tone of his voice.
'Still a pirate', I joke before turning serious again, 'but yeah, it really was.'
'I'm glad', he says before kissing me. And again he doesn't push me to go further. Even though we're both still naked and I can feel his arousel against my leg. It's not that I don't want to. I just want to remember last night a little while longer.
'Do you want to take a shower together?' He asks. I nod. 'Come on then.' He holds out his hand and pulls me up. We quickly walk towards the bathroom. When the water is warm we get in. Killian pulls me against his chest as the water streams over our bodies. After hair is wet he bends down to grab the shampoo bottle. Knowing he only has one hand and no hook I take the bottle from him.
'I'll help', I say gently. He holds out his hand and I squeeze the soap in his hand. As good as he can do it he washes my hair. Everything he does is so soft, so sweet that I suddenly start to cry as he rinses my hair.
'Emma?'
'Sorry', I say hoarsly. He holds me close, rubbing slow, gentle circles on my back.
'What's wrong, love?' He whispers in my ear.
'I feel loved', I say softly and look up at him.
'That is because you are, Emma.' Again he kisses me. 'And don't ever apologize for crying or your feelings. Everyone deserves someone to show their feelings to. And I will gladly be yours.'
After I calm down we wash up and get out of the shower. When I look at the clock I see we've been in the shower for at least 30 minutes. And I'm completely fine with it. But as I'm getting dressed something hits me. My parents are going to kill me.