Disclaimer: I do NOT claim to own anything from J.K's or Tolkien's Universes.
Chapter 10 – Utter Chaos & an Interlude of Kindness
Before he knew it, Bilbo had 12 dwarves, one wizard, and a quickly emptying pantry in his hobbit hole. Dwarves piled in grabbing copious amounts of food each, his jams, fine cheeses and cured meats. Bilbo repeated over and over for them to put the food back but they all pretended not to hear so within minutes everything was gone, his pantry was desolate.
"A tad excessive don't you think… Have you got a cheese knife?" Bilbo asked in astonishment as the large one named Bombur walked by with ALL of his cheese.
"Cheese knife! He eats it by the block." Bilbo jumped at the sudden voice behind him belonging Bofur whose name he remembered from the introductions due to his odd hat.
In the dining room, and part of the hallway, the rest of the dwarves were either organising chairs or the feast on the table.
"Excuse me Mr Gandalf, May I tempt you with a cup of camomile?" Dori asked as he poured the old wizard a drink.
"No thank you Dori, Wine for me I think," Gandalf replied good-naturedly before taking a moment to look for Bilbo and count the company.
"Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, uhh… Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, ah and Ori." Checking each dwarf off on his fingers before commenting with Bifur about the absence of one particular dwarf. Bilbo was frantically trying to stop each dwarf doing whatever it was they were up doing, to no avail.
"My dear Bilbo what on earth is the matter?" Gandalf questioned the flustered hobbit, not at all expecting him to react quite like this. As they passed the dining room they could see all the dwarves had dug in, quite literally too, with their hands as they started the feast. Fili, one of the younger dwarves, was on top of the table treading on all the food offering up the ale to the others.
"What's the matter?! I'm surrounded by dwarves. Look at the state of my kitchen, there is mud trod into the carpet, they've pillaged the pantry, I'm not even going to get started on what they've done to the bathroom, they've all but destroyed the plumbing. I don't understand what they're doing in my house!" Bilbo ended an octave higher than he started with.
"Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" the little one called Ori asked Bilbo. His manners calmed Bilbo a little but that soon disappeared when Fili snatched up the plate then threw it sharply at Kili narrowly missing Gandalf, who tossed it into the kitchen. Bilbo's blood pressure went up again. "Don't. That pottery is over a hundred years old!"
The group of dwarves in the dining room started playing with the silverware.
"Don't do that. You'll blunt them!"
"Ya hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur teased.
"Blunt the knives and bend the forks!" Kili started to sing, and his brother joined him, knocking bowls with his elbows. "Smash the bottles and burn the corks!"
All twelve dwarves joined in with the song and tossed the plates all around Bilbo's home. He tried to catch some, but someone beat him to it every time.
"Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
"Cut the cloth and tread the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!"
"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl,
Pound them up with a thumping pole,
And when you've finished, if any are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!"
"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"
Bilbo's jaw dropped in astonishment all the plates and bowls had been washed and stacked perfectly on the clean table with the dwarves and Gandalf crowded around it, laughing at him.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Everyone went silent, turning their heads in the direction of the front door.
"He is here." Gandalf's somewhat ominous tone made Bilbo feel a little weary.
Gandalf went to the front door every dwarf trailed after him. Poor Bilbo couldn't see a thing from his position at the back of the group. Gandalf opened the door, although standing there clad in his travel gear Thorin Oakenshield exuded an air of stateliness. The dwarves clamoured to see their leader while Bilbo craned his neck at the back of the group to see who else has come to invade his home tonight.
"Gandalf." He said acknowledging the wizard, "You told me this place would be easy to find. I lost my way twice. Wouldn't have found it at all if it hadn't been for that mark on the door."
As Thorin removed his traveling cloak and passed it to Kili, Bilbo managed to squeeze through the crowd into the entrance hall.
"Mark? There's no mark on that door it was painted a week ago." He tried to inspect it, but Gandalf quickly closed it.
"There is a mark I put it there myself. Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."
"So ... this is the hobbit." He said in a deep voice as he started to circle Bilbo like a hawk does its prey. "Tell me Mr Baggins, have you done much fighting?"
"What?" Bilbo asked, extremely confused as to why he was being asked such a question.
"Axe or sword? Which is your weapon?"
Bilbo finally regained some confidence and answered indignantly, "Well I do have some skill in conkers if you must know, I fail to see why that's relevant."
"Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar."
The dwarves all chuckled and headed into the living room. Gandalf slumped against the wall looking down at Bilbo somewhat relieved that part was over. He was now more worried about convincing Thorin to allow an extra member to join his company one that was not planned upon.
…
By the time Hermione reached Hobbiton the sun had fully set making it rather difficult to navigate through the tiny streets. There was barely a hobbit in sight. Gandalf had told her to head towards the grandest hill in Hobbiton and then look for Bag End, the place where this dinner party was meant to be held. But Hermione had a little problem, it being so dark she was unable to determine where the hills start and end, blended between each hill, their shadows darkening the paths. The little she could see in the darkness was from the light shining through the windows of what she assumed to be hobbit homes within the hills themselves and Hermione didn't want to risk being caught using her wand for light. Not three metres up the path was a hobbit man carting through his gate what looked to be gardening tools.
"Excuse me Sir!" she called out to him, it seemed not the best idea as the man dropped all his tools in fright.
"Oh no! I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" Hermione rushed towards him, "Here let me help." Bending over to help him retrieve his belongings.
"Yes, I'm alright. You gave me quite a fright though." He said good-humouredly to Hermione. He looked her up and down like he was scrutinising her. "Why are you here in Hobbiton then? Haven't seen human women folk around here before."
"Oh, well I'm here on business, actually you wouldn't happen to know where I could find Bag End would you?" Hermione said vaguely, although she had become quite adept at lying over the years she still didn't like to do so.
"Of course, I'll walk you there if you like. I just have to put these away first." Hermione helped the Hobbit pack away his tools before they walked back along the path.
"I'm Hamfast Gamgee, what may I call you?" he said looking up at Hermione with a big smile.
"Lady Hermione, but you may call me Hermione." She still wasn't comfortable with using a title before her name, she felt like she was being arrogant.
"So Hermione, what business do you have with Mr Baggins? It's not often we get the race of men in these parts, so I apologise if I seem nosey." Hamfast blushed as he said this realising he was rambling.
Hermione's lip quirked in amusement at his innocence and indulged his curiosity, "I have a meeting with him and the Wizard Gandalf." Although she didn't fully know the nature of this meeting, only what little she Gandalf had discussed about the prophecies.
"Well, here it is, Bag End," he exclaimed spreading his arm showing it off cheerfully. "Good evening Lady Hermione."
"Good evening to you too Hamfast, thank you for your assistance." Hermione smiled gratefully at him before stepping over the little fence rather than fiddling with the little latch on the gate. She heard a laugh behind her and then his hairy feet retreating along the dirt path.
Hermione sighed heavily as she approached the little round door of Bag End. The moonlight shone down now over the landscape of Hobbiton in bathing it in silver light. She was able to make out a few more distinct natural features now that the moon was rising.
Hermione heard quiet voices through a slightly ajar window. She bent down to peak in, and could vaguely make out the interior but saw no people. She could tell the candles in the entrance hall were starting to burn out from the dulling flicker of light off the walls. Hermione stepped back in front of the door and mustered up her Gryffindor courage from within and firmly banged on the door three times, although she had noticed to small doorbell she didn't want to risk it not being heard. The muffled chatter slipping through the window ceased, she stood slightly bent so she could see under the door frame as the darkness surrounded her until the door opened to soft light and a familiar face.
Now I know some of you may be a little concerned that this chapter is very similar to the movie but the rest of the story wont be like this. It was just necessary to do so in the lead up of Hermione meeting the dwarves. This story will still follow the storyline of the Hobbit but there will be some twists obviously due to Hermione's presence.