Liara entered the base mess, a half-demolished school cafeteria. The rubble had been mostly moved into the far corner. There was gaping hole in the room's wall, covered by a sheet of plastic, which allowed a stream of the dull gray morning light in. The ceiling was sagging in many places, held up by makeshift supports. Her senses were assaulted by the accompanying sounds and smells: the conversations, the soft patter of rain against the roof, laughter, the sizzle of something on a grill, the often interesting aroma of human food. She stood in the doorway, and looked out over the sea of tables, and found Joker eating his morning meal alone, isolated in the far corner of the room. He looked different, and yet very much the same, she noted as she passed between tables, making her way toward him. Alliance regulation uniform, scruffy copper-colored beard… but beneath the normalcy, there was something else. Something more subtle. It's probably that haunted look in his eyes. I recognize that look.

It was the same look that she saw on the face in the mirror every morning, before she forced the expression onto her face that proclaimed she was coping; the false smile, the feigned interest, the mock joy. That look was the inky darkness that dwells within; the void that made feeling things like joy or happiness a near impossible feat.

He didn't look up as she approached the table. "Mind if I join you?" She asked. Why is it so difficult? I should feel such closeness to these people- the ones who were with us. But now that he's gone…

Joker peered out from beneath the bill of his cap. "It's a free country. Or, I think it is." Joker appeared to ponder for a moment, and then nodded to himself. "Yeah, England is definitely a free country, so you should be alright."

Liara couldn't help but smile. Joker's quick wit had not escaped him. He pushed his plate of half-eaten eggs aside. "So, how's civilian life treating you, Liara?"

She shrugged indifferently, a sad half-smile on her face. "Not sure I'll ever look at anything the same. It's not as though I'm actually a civilian per se- I still have my…other connections. 'Classified' was never really a term that applied to me. The military does try to remind me from time to time I'm not one of them, however."

"Yeah. When you're in, you're a guest; when you're out, you're a pest." Joker swirled the dregs of some kind of juice. "Don't know if you'd heard or not- they took the Normandy from me. I'm starting to think it's going to be turned into a museum or something. Maybe they can use your old quarters as a gift shop?" He shrugged. "It's been dry-docked ever since…" His voice trailed off into uncomfortable silence.

"Seems ungrateful of them." Liara leaned back in her seat. "I would think after your service, they'd give you choice of assignments."

Joker gave a scoff. "Not really how it works. Or at least that's what they tell me."

Liara glanced about, suddenly aware that the din had receded considerably. The dining hall had quieted as the morning crowd cleared out and shuffled off to duty. With the exception of a few kitchen personnel, they were alone. So why is he still sitting here?

"So what have you been doing, Joker?" she asked, her face growing serious. "I've been at this base ever since we returned to Earth, and I don't think I've seen you once."

He leaned back on two legs of his chair, rocking. "Oh you know. Flying shuttle, running important people, documents. Nothing as exciting as, say… outrunning an energy wave resembling a supernova coming from a crazy Prothean Crucible."

Liara knew he had meant it as a jest, but she couldn't bring herself to find it funny. Nothing about that day ever seemed funny. It was the never-ending reminder that he was gone, and she had the next nine hundred or so years to mourn him. Liara closed her eyes.

Focus.

Her calm and collected visage back in place, she cleared her throat and continued. "Admiral Hackett tells me you volunteered as the test pilot for the new drive core vessel."

He nodded. "I figure anything has got to be better than flying shuttles here. How Cortez could fly those things all the time is beyond me."

"Aren't you worried?"

"About what?" Joker asked. Liara examined his face closely, reading his features. No, she decided, he's not kidding.

"Any number of things could go wrong. It could be a one-way trip. The drive core could vaporize you, or worse, malfunction and leave you marooned in space."

Joker mumbled something under his breath that Liara didn't quite catch. It sounded like 'too late' or something to that effect. Liara folded her hands on the table and leaned in closer, puzzled. "What was that?"

He sighed. "I'm marooned here, Liara. Everything is gone. My ship, my girl, my best friend…" He stopped rocking his chair, leaning close across the table. They were only inches apart, speaking in hushed tones. "I've got nothing. So what's a little suicide mission? Not like I haven't been on one before."

He must be talking about the Omega-4 relay. I remember seeing Shepard before that mission. That was right after I'd become the Shadow Broker. Liara's breath caught in her chest as she remembered the night before he'd left. How he'd taken her on a tour of the SR-2. How his lips had felt like fire on her skin…The pain came rushing back, tearing through her chest. Liara shook her head, willing the painful memories away.

How can I convince him this is different? He seems so disheartened, so indifferent to everything…

"You of all people should understand that Shepard won't be there to haul you out of the fire." She said quietly, ignoring the roaring in her ears that accompanied the pain in her chest. "No more inspiring speeches. No more leading the charge." Liara stopped, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Each breath felt like inhaling napalm, and exhaling broken glass.

Goddess, it hurts just to talk about him… I miss him so much.

Joker stood from the table. "The truth is, I don't have any reason to not do this… And unless you can think of one- a real one- I'm going." He waited, arms crossed over his chest.

Liara stared at him for a moment, thinking carefully on her reply. He looked so serious, so unlike the Joker she remembered. What would Shepard say?

"The real truth is, Joker… sometimes we do what's right in front of us, because we don't see all the alternatives around us. We blind ourselves; delude ourselves into thinking that this is the only way forward."

Joker appeared to consider her words before breaking into a lopsided grin. "I think you're confused- Vrolik Syndrome doesn't affect a person's vision."

Liara laughed softly and shook her head. "I think you've missed the point…"

Joker held up a hand to stop her. "Liara… I've gotta do this. I have to get away from this place. I look around, and everything I see reminds me of what we lost. I mean, look at these people. They just want to rebuild, go back to normal." He made a quotation motion with his fingers. "There is no normal; no going back. Our lives are radically different from what they were."

"What does any of that have to do with you taking this assignment?" Liara asked. "You're talking about wanting to leave Earth, fine. You could take a dozen different ship assignments-"

"They won't let me." He looked down at the table, as if ashamed, before looking up into Liara's startled face. "They won't clear me for full duty. Hell, I had to practically get on my knees and beg Hackett to let me take an assignment that no one else even wants. I'm not the same, Liara. Leaving Shepard behind like that…" He shook his head. "It did something to me. It messed me up. I'm…" He looked around, grasping for words, but Liara knew exactly what he meant.

"Broken." She finished. Joker could only nod. And now I understand. Goddess. How many of us feel like this in the wake of your death, Shepard? Is it everyone you touched? Every life you saved? Or just those of us who were close enough to really know you?

"Yeah, I guess broken is a good word. Kind of ironic, isn't it? A guy with brittle bone disease, and it's his mind that's broken." Joker sighed. "I have to do this. Maybe, if I can just start flying again, I can work past this. I tried to tell those quack doctors to let me fly and get all this out of my system, but they weren't really interested in listening. Something about putting hundreds of lives and millions of credits worth of equipment at risk or some nonsense." He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "As if I'd ever crash a ship. It's not like I'm Vega or something."

Liara shook her head with a smile. "I don't know… I recall the Normandy making an emergency landing after the Crucible-" she stopped herself suddenly, all the laughter going out of her voice. She shuddered, and fought back the tears that rimmed her eyes, threatening to rain down and destroy her carefully built façade.

Joker stared at her intently, nodding. "Yeah. So… Looks like I'm not the only one who's broken."

Author's Note: Thanks again to everyone reading the story! I have to thank Owelpost for her help with this chapter, and thanks to everyone else for reading chapter one and making me think that publishing this wasn't a half-bad idea after all :)

If your paint or photoshop skills are solid, or you've got a talent with a pencil, I'm looking for cover art. All credit will be given of course. Contact me for details if you're interested!