Just a little thing I thought up randomly one day.
Last chapter. This is the end. I hope it turned out good. Thanks for reading
I own nothing. Please, review?
"Hey Deeks," Callen said sitting next to me on the beach.
I looked at the older man in confusion before my eyes went back to looking at the ocean. Whatever the reason Callen was here I didn't really want to deal with him. Or anything for that matter.
The sun had risen over the horizon about half an hour ago and I hadn't moved from this spot since then. I didn't have to be at work for another hour so I didn't see the point of doing anything.
Right now I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to think. Honestly there was a lot of things that I needed to think about and I had been putting it off for as long as I possibly could.
All my thoughts had ended up being so jumbled that it didn't really matter what I was thinking. None of it made sense. For once couldn't I have something easy to deal with in my life?
Was it so much to ask that I have something in my life that was somewhat stable? That was all that I wanted right now. Something that I could actually lean on without fearing that it would break.
Everything broke though. I had learned that lesson a long time ago. I don't know why I thought that everything was going to change when I started to work with NCIS, but I was stupid to think that.
At first I had thought that Hetty bringing me onto the team was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. I had been so happy to not have to be alone for once in my life.
As my time with them continued though I found myself hating working with them. Well, not working for them, I loved not working alone. I hated working with people that not only didn't trust me, but didn't even like me.
Yeah, I knew that I was annoying and I wasn't nearly as trained as the rest of them, but I did everything I could to make sure that I was the best cop that I could be and I thought that was enough.
With how everyone continued to treat me over the three years it obviously wasn't. I didn't even know what I was supposed to do with that. If I should even try to do something at all.
It was no surprise that, from the very beginning, I questioned whether or not I should go back to working just for LAPD. I was good there and I didn't have anyone I felt I could let down.
That was where I belonged. It was where I learned everything I knew and where I knew I was helping people. I was okay with that, or at least I had thought that I was okay with that.
Now I saw everything that working for NCIS held. I saw just how much more I could do if I worked with them. I also saw just how many people were also working for the same cause.
Yes, there was a lot more I could be doing if I stayed, but there was a lot of things that I still needed to do. A lot of work that needed to be done and I didn't know who was doing it.
Part of me felt like I didn't know anything about anything anymore. Why was this so much of a decision? Did I truly have to get attached to people that wanted nothing to do with me?
"What are you doing here, Callen?" I questioned when I realized that the older man wasn't leaving.
"Waiting," Callen replied.
"For what?"
"You to tell me what you were thinking when your talked to Hetty the day after your birthday."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Really? Because I heard everything that you said."
Sighing I looked away from the man. That conversation was between Hetty and I. and I ever regretted having told Hetty everything that I had been thinking. I had wanted to do this alone.
"Deeks," Callen spoke, "Talk to me."
"Why?"
"Because you need to talk."
"I need to figure this out."
"Let me help."
Clenching my jaw I stood up and started to make my way down the beach. From here I could see a few surfers in the water and a few more coming, but they were far enough away to not hear what I was saying.
Though that wasn't the biggest issue right now. No, that was what was going on in my mind. Was I actually able to tell Callen everything or did I just play it off as if nothing was wrong now?
He had heard everything that I said to Hetty and I knew that he wasn't the type to let things go, but that didn't make this any easier. I wasn't really the type of person to talk unless I had to.
Maybe that was the point. I was between a rock and a hard place. There was nothing else that I could do. Callen was willing to listen. That was really my only option at this point.
"You don't have to be here, Callen," I said softly.
"You're part of my team, Deeks," Callen shrugged.
"Am I?"
"Why wouldn't you be?"
"Doesn't seem like it sometimes."
"Yeah, I got that from what you said to Hetty. Doesn't mean that you were right. You are part of my team, Deeks."
"Then where's the rest of the team?"
"Them talking to you is up to them. Not me. I won't push them to do something, even when it's something I know needs to be done. Right now it's between you and me. You want to talk to them do it."
"I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to talk to you."
"If you didn't want to talk to me then you would have walked out. Hell, you would have left a long time ago if you didn't want to try to fix this."
"What if it can't be fixed?"
"Never know if you don't try."
Nodding my head I fell back next to the man and closed my eyes. I knew that Callen was right. That I had to try to talk, try to fix this. No matter how much I didn't want to talk.
"I don't know if I should continue to work with NCIS," I whispered.
"Why not?"
"I don't like working someplace where I'm not sure I'm trusted."
"What makes you think you're not trusted?"
"Everything? Come on, you know exactly why I feel this."
"Doesn't matter what I know. What matters is what you say. Why don't you feel trusted?"
"Callen…"
"Why don't you feel trusted?"
"I don't…"
"Why don't you feel trusted, Deeks?"
"Because no one can trust me if I don't trust myself!"
Moving quickly I stood up once again and started to pace. Okay, that was what I was thinking, but I hadn't meant to go that far into my thoughts right now. I was just going to scratch the surface to make him leave me alone.
Right now there was just too much in my mind for me to do that though. No matter how hard I was trying I could feel the walls that I kept around me starting to crumble.
Still, Callen was simply sitting there quietly. He was waiting for me to continue while he made sure to keep his face blank. He didn't want me to know what he thought about me now.
"What if I can't do this job anymore, Callen?" I asked staring at him, "What if I can't help people anymore?"
"Then I'm glad that Hetty got this," Callen answered pulling out an envelope, "Turns out that there was something that was looking for you, but with you working undercover as much as you do she couldn't. She never stopped trying. Because of that it was easy for Hetty to get into contact with her. She asked Hetty give this to you."
Taking the envelope from him I slowly opened it trying to figure out who was looking for me. Obviously there was no danger, but I knew better than to think that nothing could go wrong.
Dear Mr. Deeks,
I doubt you remember me, but I remember you. You used to volunteer at this shelter that I stayed at sometimes. It was about eight years ago. I was fifteen and honestly I didn't think I was going to make it to sixteen.
Anyway, I remember you sitting next to me one day with that smile that you always had on your face. I remember wanting to hit that smile off of your face. You just sat there and didn't say a word. You did that for days until you placed a book in front of me. I still have that book actually.
It was actually because of you that I am where I am now. The man that never said a word to me. He never had to. Just sitting next to me, giving me that book, smiling happily was enough. Thank you. For everything.
"Still think you can't help people, Deeks?" Callen questioned staring at me.