Hi everyone! So much for my hopes that I would update by mid-December, haha, sorry about that, you four great followers, you! :P So this chapter is the longest I've written so far in this fic (maybe that makes up for the fact that I haven't updated in forever :) ) I'm thinking from now on, especially while schools going on, the chapters are going to be way shorter, but then maybe during breaks and summer vacation (if I haven't finished by then...doesn't really look like it at the rate I'm going) I'll write longer ones.

Thanks to all of you who have read, followed, reviewed and favourited. All of you are awesome! :D

Special thanks to Tbugwilson (who I can't PM so I'll just thank you here): Thank you!

As always, the characters belong to Jana Oliver (though I wouldn't mind stealing Beck for a day...you know, in case I run into a fiend :P)

I watched the last good thing walk away. I watched her get into her car, slam the door and drive away – without a backward glance. I stood there and watched her go, let her go…made her go. I knew she would have stayed by my side, with her fierce loyalty and stubborn pride, but she'd already taken an all-inclusive trip to hell and what kind of man would I be if I dragged her back?

She'd fought me every step of the way. Even when I threw words meant to not only stab but impale, she'd swallowed back her hurt and looked deep inside me; trying to find the piece of puzzle that would make my uncaring ways and scaring words make sense.

I knew she would stay, even when Justine would publish her article that painted me as a murderer. Even when we would be dragged back to Sadlersville where everyone looked at me like a slutty piece of dirt.

Even when she'd meet my momma.

That was why I fought hard, kicked and punched with my words, until she'd left. I won but all I wanted to do was chase after the car, shouting her name, until I saw the brake lights. As I held myself back, all I wanted to do was pull her away from this good bye, draw her into a fierce hug and say sorry until she understood.

But reality warred with my fantasy and I once again shot back to why I sent her away to begin with. I wanted her far away by the time the shit hit the fan.

So I steeled my heart, wrapped it tightly in Kevlar so nothing else would stab at it, and shut the door.

I numbly shut the door on all present possibilities.

I desperately wanted to travel back in time to shove the door shut to the past.

And I prayed that there would still be a door left to open in the future.

7 Years Later…

I checked my reflection in the mirror one last time. Eyeing my hair, I ran my fingers through it, trying to arrange it into something that looked presentable. It was longer than it'd been, well anything was longer than the military cut I had. I looked at my reflection and tried to see it the way a stranger would. Tried to see me the way she would.

It'd been so many years, and it wasn't just my hair that'd changed. I'd changed. Oh so many years ago, after I'd watched Riley drive away I'd thrown my things into a bag and drove down to Sadlersville. I was itching for a fight and of course it was Donovan who found me in that puffed up state. He finally managed to talk me into staying with him and after more than six frustrating years, we'd finally uncovered the truth. It was almost plain, dumb luck too. Dumb on McGovern's part anyway.

McGovern had taken Nate's rifle after he'd killed them in the swamp and he thought that after so many years no one would recognize it if he tried to sell it. So he sold it to the town's pawn shop and it was plain chance that Donovan had to go in to talk to the pawn store's owner about some stolen jewelry that may come his way. He saw the rifle on display behind the counter and something had nagged at him the whole time he spoke with the owner. Before Donovan left he'd asked to see the rifle. He brushed his fingers over the place someone had scratched out something on the side, but as he lifted the gun he saw the initials NTK on the underbelly. Donovan thought he was hallucinating; he'd been looking for a clue for so many years only to have something like this show up right in front of him.

Within the hour McGovern was arrested and held without bail, not that anyone wanted to bail him out to begin with. When his cell door clanged shut the chains I'd been dragging for half my life dissolved. I felt light, lighter than I could ever remember feeling. It was like my life had started then. Even with my newfound sense of calm there was something missing and that something came in the shape of a sassy, smart mouth girl who could more than hold her own with me. Even after almost seven years, not a day went by where I didn't think of her, not a night went by where I didn't dream of her laugh, the way she rolled her eyes in annoyance, the too few kisses we had.

It was time to go and set things straight, tell her what I actually wanted to tell her the day I pushed her away. It was time to try and make a future, and hopefully, if everything went well, she'd be next to me.

I got into my car and drove over to the address Master Stewart had given me.

"It's been close ta seven years, lad," he'd said as he gave me the address, "just remember that."

I slowed to a stop in front of the address and with a deep breath I got out of the car and walked up to the door. I took another deep breath to try and calm myself. I'd been in battles where my heart didn't beat nearly as fast as it was in that moment. Before I could think anymore, and creep the neighbours out by just standing in front of the door, I raised my hand and knocked. Before I was ready, all too soon, I heard faint footsteps approaching the door.

When I heard the footsteps stop I took in a quick breath and blew it out equally as fast.

When I heard the lock click open I swallowed largely.

When I saw the doorknob start to turn I think I lost all train of thought.

The door opened and in the entrance stood Riley. Where my hair was longer her hair was cut shoulder length and with the extra weight gone it curled more at the bottoms. She looked older, not obviously older, but it was there in the slight laugh crinkles in the corner of her eyes. She still had one hand on the doorknob as she stood staring at me.

"Beck," she breathed out in a question. She looked at me as if she'd seen a ghost. Well maybe she had seeing as how I was a ghost from the past. She took a stuttering breath.

"Hey girl." It was so lame and yet in that moment I couldn't think of anything else to say. After a few more seconds that we spent just staring at each other, Riley unfroze.

"Beck," she said louder this time, her eyes travelling all over me unable to believe what she was seeing. She took two steps forward and unexpectedly pulled me into a tight hug. My heart vibrated as I hugged her back.

"God Beck, I didn't know what had happened to you," she said as she pulled back. "You just picked up and left, not a word to anyone, not a word to me. It's been what, almost seven years? We thought a fiend got you while you were trapping. Master Stewart and I stayed up almost three days straight trying to track you down." She shook her head in remembered frustration.

"I know, it was a selfish thin' te do, leave and not say a word te nobody. I had te go, figure things out in my life, put things straight."

Riley leaned back against the doorframe. "You left because of the article, didn't you?"

I shrugged slightly. 'That was a large part of it, yeah."

Riley shook her head. "What I don't understand is why you didn't tell me. I told you everything back then but you couldn't do the same? I thought we didn't have secrets."

I looked away and took a moment to find the words while I looked at the flower bed besides the porch. "I didn't want ya te know, didn't want ya te look at me differently because even if ye didn't believe it things would've changed for us." I paused and looked at Riley. "I had te go and figure out my own mess, alone, without draggin' ya along for the ride."

Riley took in the way he stood and the way he spoke. He'd always been confident but there was a part of him that he used to keep closed off from everyone, including herself. It was something that made his entire body slump in weariness when he thought no one was looking. As Riley looked at Beck now she could see that the shadow that followed him before wasn't there anymore; he looked like a free man.

"You figured it out, didn't you?"

I nodded. "I did. I dunno if ya heard but McGovern was tried and convicted of two counts of murder."

"I heard," Riley said softly. She smiled slightly at me. "I'm happy for you Beck, that you found the truth."

I swallowed but it did nothing for my dry throat.

"I found somethin' else," I looked into Riley's eyes, trapping them with my own. "I found that I couldn't forget ya, and somehow I didn't wanna. I found that whenever I saw a couple walkin' in town, holdin' hands and pushin' their stroller I wanted that te be us. I found that ya were the person I wanted te turn te when I heard somethin' funny, or when I was sad or in a mood because I knew that ya would know exactly what te say." I paused and tried to search past the shock on Riley's face.

"I found that even after seven years I still love ya," I said quietly.

She started to shake her head slowly but I wasn't sure if she didn't believe what I said or if she couldn't believe it. She opened her mouth to say something but before she could say anything, before she could possibly protest, I cut her off.

"I know it's been seven years, and I know I pushed ya away but ya need te understand," I pleaded, "I didn't want people lookin' at ya and whisperin' that ya were datin' a murderer. Ya were, are too good for that."

Riley closed her eyes and her brow furrowed from pain. "Beck, stop," she said hoarsely.

I smiled a little and didn't listen; there was just one more thing I wanted to say.

"I've got no more secrets, no more bones in my closet and all I wanna do now is take yer hand and start again, with you by my side." I said it slowly, savouring every word because I'd been wanting to say that for so long, so damn long. My heart was completely at her mercy and I watched to see if she would pick it up and hold it close or if she would turn around and leave it there.

"Beck," she looked at me with wide, desperate, pained eyes and her breath hitched. "I can't." Tears started to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Beck but I can't, I just can't." She looked at me with equal parts pain and sympathy. Or maybe it was sympathetic pain.

From inside the house I heard another pair of footsteps and a voice called out.

"Honey, who is it?"

A man appeared from behind Riley and as he passed behind her he lightly touched the tips of his fingers to her bottom back. It was a gesture that was so gentle and reassuring and seemed to whisper 'I'm here if you need me' that I wondered if the man even knew he did it or if it was just all unconscious.

It was that gesture alone that broke my heart. In all the circumstances that I'd imagined – and trust me, there were a lot – never did I imagine this. As I stood there trying to catch my breath, trying to reorganise my face into something that wasn't broken, trying to scrape up what was left of my heart off the welcome mat, I wanted to scream at how selfish I had been. How selfish was I to think that after I yelled and cut her out of my life, that she'd just sit around counting flower petals until I came back seven years later. I wanted to go back to that naive me that arrived on her doorsteps five minutes before and give him a good slap upside the head.

More than that I wanted to know just how in the hell I was supposed to reorganise my life when the middle piece, the rock that the entire structure was built on, was pulled away.

I looked at the man, with his hazel eyes and curly brown hair that brushed the sides of his glasses; he stood beside Riley and looked at me quizzically. He looked at Riley and from the way his eyebrows lifted slightly in concern I could tell he wasn't buying Riley's plastered on smile.

"Is everything okay?"

Typically, in any other situation, the question would have come with hidden threats, glaring looks and pointed throat clearing. Usually this was the time when the guy would flex his muscles, cross his arms over his chest and expand like a bullfrog all in the sake of male dominance. Yet when this guy asked the question, he asked it like he was genuinely interested in the answer and that it wasn't a ploy to show who's boss. The way he looked at Riley, I could tell that he had full confidence in her, that this show was all hers to run and that he wasn't just going to strong handle his way in. I could tell because it was the same look I'd given her many years ago.

"I'm fine," she gave him a small reassuring smile that said that she didn't want to talk about it now but that they'll talk later. It was such a domestic expression that I could feel the green-eyed jealousy demon nag at me but I pushed it down because I had no right to that feeling.

Riley extended her hand toward me and looked at me hesitantly, as if she was unsure if she was allowed to do that. I gave her a small smile and Lord I hoped it didn't look like a grimace.

"This is Beck," she said and looked over at the guy. "You remember I told you about Beck."

The guy started to grin. "So you're Beck. It's nice to finally put a face to the name, I've heard so much about you." He held out his hand and I shook it. "Heard you're a hell of a demon trapper too." I wonder if he knew the whole story behind who I really was, because if he did and he was still this friendly then wow, he'd give the padre back home a run for his money.

"Beck," Riley carried on and she looked at me with those big eyes that held warmth and sympathy and apologies, "this is Aaron, he's my fiancé."

Of course. Truth be told, I couldn't say I was surprised. You'd have to be blind as a bat to not see the link that connected the two, but it still stung something fierce somewhere deep down; in a place where I wasn't expecting to bleed anymore. Not since I got my life rolling back on the right track.

Or so I thought anyway.

"It's nice te meet ya too," I said to Aaron and if he noticed the initial flash of pain that crossed my face, well, he was nice enough not to say anything.

Aaron smiled at me earnestly and it might have been my beaten up mind playing tricks on me but I could have sworn that there was a look in his eyes that said he knew. That he knew everything that I'd said, everything that I was feeling and that he understood. It wasn't pity, because I swear on my grandma's rhubarb pie, that if he'd looked at me with pity I would have punched him right then and there.

Dammit Beck, you're not supposed to like the guy that steals your girl away...

But I did. My gut was telling me that this was a good guy, truckloads better than that Simon kid and that angel guy...put together. I loved Riley enough to be happy for her, even if in that moment I wanted to grab her up, put her in my truck and drive until we ran out of gas.

"Why don't you join us for lunch," Aaron nodded with his head towards what I could only guess was the kitchen. "We were just about to sit down. You can tell us all about those demons you've got down in Saldersville. I've always wanted to know, is it true that the gators down there are 20 ft long? I read somewhere that there was this gator that went right up to the patio and ate the meat off the barbeque." Aaron shook his head in wonder.

I breathed out a laugh despite myself. He was a good guy and God, I'd missed Riley but there was just no universe where we all sat down and ate tea and crumpets like nothing was going on, even if that guy had the patience of a monk. I peeked over at Riley and she looked equally as horrified at the idea.

"I've got te get goin' actually. I just wanted to drop on by and say my hellos." Riley visibly relaxed and I didn't blame her.

"Well any other time you're in the neighbourhood don't be a stranger," and I felt he actually meant it.

"You've got seven years to catch me up on," Riley added with a hesitant smile.

I looked at both of them and I felt time come to a stop for just a fraction of a second. I let all my feelings for Riley rise to the surface; all the hidden hopes, all the fantasized plans I'd pictured in my head and had added to each night before I'd fallen asleep, all the love and desire that pulsed through my very being. I pulled it all to the surface and just held it there. I closed my eyes and for the last time, I let myself feel everything before I let it all pour out of me and seep into the ground. I knew I'd never mention anymore of this to Riley, that I wouldn't be showing up with anymore declarations. Once upon a time I'd had my chance and we'd had our moments but now it was time for me to move on. They were tall words when I stood there feeling like someone had beat me up with the point of an umbrella but I knew from the bottom of my heart that they were true. It was time to close that door and faintly smile at all the remembered memories as I locked it and threw away the key.

I blinked and time resumed. As I looked at Riley I knew that one day we'd be friends like we once were, maybe not tomorrow but one day. Hell, Aaron might even add into the friend category by the way things were shaping up.

I looked at the two of them and knew that this wasn't the last time we'd be seeing each other, but it was the last time I'd come with anything more than friendship in my heart.

"I might just take y'all up on that offer."

As always, I love to hear from you guys if you want to tell me what you thought or if you have a word for a letter you really want me to do. I welcome the challenge, so you say Z is for Zucchini, I say bring it on! :D

Have a good one you all and thanks again!