The next morning I woke up beneath the covers of my new bed, my body aching every time I moved to turn over in my sleep. I was still naked from the night before, far too weak to put back on my dress. The flowers my mother had braided into my hair were now withered and dilapidated beside me on the bed. I looked down at my body and immediately noticed the bruises covering my body.
I slipped from the sheets, walking over to the mirror above my new dresser. I was surprised that Damon had given me one. As I stared into it, my eyes brimmed with tears out of pure disgust with myself. Seeing my face bruised and dried blood still smeared all over my cheeks made my heart sink. I traced my features, dragging the tears along the path I drew with my fingers.
Before long, I pulled my eyes from the sight and walked over to my luggage. I grabbed one of my few dresses, heading to the shower to clean myself up. I quickly put on one of my nightgowns, so I could walk to the bathroom without exposing myself. Outside in the kitchen, I saw Caroline and Rebekah gathered beside the stove like my own mothers would do every morning. I quietly tiptoed down the hall, but heard someone stopped me suddenly.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you, Elena. Damon is taking a shower, but if you would like to join him be my guest," Rebekah shouted, rolling her eyes.
I cringed at the thought of his body using the same shower as me. The same body that had pinned me down and took away everything.
"Is there another bathroom I can use? I really need to clean up," My face was turning red with embarrassment the longer I stood there in my nightgown and I used the dress to shield my bloody face.
"That is your personal bathroom, so I guess not," She snapped, turning back to the stove to cook the food she was preparing.
"Okay," I whispered loudly, hugging my dress tighter to my chest. I could still smell the faint scent of my mother, only making me feel worse. I turned around and headed back to my room where I would wait until it was my turn to stand in the same shower as my abuser.
I quietly shut the door behind me and sat back down on the bed. I knew I would have to wash the sheets that were smeared with blood, not only for the cleanliness, but for my own sanity. I grabbed the Book of Mormon from my bag and hummed my favorite hymn quietly.
"Lord, I know there is a reason you did this to me. There must be and I pray that you will help discover that reason. I know everything will be okay. Thank you for everything I have not lost and may the the things I have be waiting in Heaven for me. Amen" I whispered before hearing the door open.
"Elena," The familiar voice made my heart race. It was my husband, my abuser, my master.
He walked over to me and I cringed, nearly jumping onto the bed for safety. I was so afraid that my body began to tremble in fear.
"Rebekah told me you were waiting for the bathroom," He said sternly.
"I'll g-go in fifteen minutes," I muttered quietly, hoping to avoid eye contact.
"It wasn't a question, Elena. I am telling you it's time to take your shower." His eyes once again pierced into mine.
"I-I don't need someone to take care of me. I can decide when I want to shower," I hissed.
"Anything that concerns you is ultimately up to me. Whatever I want you to do is what you will do, got it?" He barked, giving me a sarcastic smirk.
I wanted to retort with a defiant myriad of words that would end in a good beating for me, but I kept my mouth shut and simply nodded.
I got up from the bed slowly and then walked toward the door where he stood. I was so afraid, but I allowed him to take my hand in his anyway. He led me down the hall to the bathroom before stopping me before I could go in.
"We're going to be subordinate today, right Elena?" He questioned rudimentarily while moving his hand down my body, causing me to pull away. The sensations only reminded me of our wedding night, of his conquest.
"We are not going to make a scene in front of Caroline and Rebekah." The way he spat it only heightened my anger towards him.
He pressed me to the wall, pushing himself up against my body. I tried to push him off, but he only wedged me harder between his body and the hallway. Soon, I was gasping for air, causing me to finally stop fighting him. It was when I finally gave up that he forcibly kissed my lips, muffling my attempt at a defiant plea.
He stroked my bloodied cheek in his hand and no matter how much I began to thrash against him, he didn't even budge. I finally relinquished, allowing my face to go slack. I saw him smirk at my surrender, giving me one last kiss before pulling away.
"See, now you are being a good wife," He said softly, moving his eyes to my battered bruises and cuts.
He still had me pinned, giving him the opportunity to brush his fingers over them. His face actually looked somewhat resentful, almost horrified by the wounds. I felt an urge to spit in his face and call him a monster, but I kept my lips sealed.
"Elena, clean yourself up," He said, his eyes still glued to my dismantled body, "I will no doubt do it for you if you dare refuse."
He released me from his hold, walking away down the hall where I heard him greet and kiss each of the girls in the kitchen.
I stepped into the bathroom, taking off my nightgown and scrubbing my body down roughly just to take away the feeling of him on me, just so I could feel like myself again. It was too painful to scrub between my legs, so I lightly rubbed until all the dried blood was gone. I couldn't believe that such a sensitive area was meant to be so forcefully violated. Was it like this for everyone? Did Rebekah and Caroline dread when Damon would sleep in the same bed?
I finished up in the bathroom by putting on a clean dress before braiding my hair. For what it was, I felt better. I felt cleaner, but not whole...I never would feel that way again. I found my way to the kitchen that was now empty. The girls were now across the room in the living area with Rebekah's young children. They were both boys, pale with blonde hair. They looked just like Rebekah. For a second I tried to imagine her deceased spouse. Did the children resemble him?
"Breakfast is in the fridge, but remember that the kitchen is mine. I am the one who cooks, no one else." Rebekah smirked, her arms crossed defensively.
"Okay," I muttered quietly.
I was more obedient when I was around Rebekah than when I was around Damon. I was willing to challenge a man that could abuse me physically, but not challenge a girl who wouldn't lay a finger on me. The irony of the entire situation just left me feeling empty. I pushed away the girl's rudeness and carefully grabbed the cold eggs that were sitting in the fridge. I scarfed them down, so hungry I didn't even care.
For the rest of the day I just cleaned like I was told. I polished the furniture, vacuumed everywhere I could find, and folded what felt like ten loads of laundry. By the end I was exhausted, but having fresh sheets on my bed gave me a little peace of mind. I watched as Caroline played with the children, even though they were not her own. In my family, it didn't matter who your birth mother was, everyone raised each other's children. You treated the other kids no differently than your birth siblings. It was nice to see that that belief was still enriched in this family, too.
'Family' time was from 4pm until dinner was served around 6pm. We all gathered in the living room with our Bibles and hymn books, listening as Damon read us scriptures. We were allowed to sew or knit while he spoke, but I just picked at my cuticles and rocked in my chair for most of it. Rebekah smiled encouragingly at Damon, pricking her finger with her needle every so often from her carelessness. It was comical. Caroline, on the other hand, cradled one of the boys in her arms, stroking his forehead with the backs of her fingers. The oldest of the two was likely six years of age.
"Elena, are you listening?" Damon asked angrily and I was instantly pulled from my daydream.
"Y-yes," I stammered nervously.
I looked up to meet his eyes. They looked darker than usual and made him look cruel.
"Maybe the Bible isn't as important to you as the rest of us, but that does not mean you can just sit there and not listen. I have some scriptures for you. You may find them useful the next time you need help being a good wife," He snapped and I heard a faint laugh from Rebekah's lips.
He skimmed his book for a moment before speaking.
"Here we go in Ephesians…'Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.'" He spat the words harshly at me, "What do you think that Bible verse means, Elena?"
I stayed silent, directing my eyes downward. I heard him flip through the Book, his eyes searching for another verse to put me in my place.
"In Corinthians, 'For the man is not of the woman: But the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man'." His words burned right through me.
"I don't belong to you," I whispered under my breath.
"What did you say Elena? I don't own you? 1 Timothy says." He paused, flipping pages in an ardent manner before smirking, "'I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet'."
His blue orbs were stabbing me with his attentive stare, making my stomach clench in fear and embarrassment. The children stared angrily at me. They were already learning that being male made a person powerful. They were being brainwashed into being just like Damon. He wasn't even their real father and they knew that this was the way the world was, based solely on the way he acted around them.
"God disagrees. Read His word and you will understand. You submit yourself to your husband, you give yourself to him. You do not speak, you do not tell me what to do, you do not patronize me."
My eyes finally began to brim with tears. I felt a lump grow in my throat, a sensation that made me feel as though I were being suffocated.
"Crying makes a person weak, Elena," He almost laughed, slamming the book shut.
That's when I rose from my chair and for only a mere second, I looked into his eyes
"Damn you," I spat, bolting for the front door.
The other wives watched in horror. I had offended my husband and damned him with my insubordinance. I refused to be ridiculed by the Bible I had always found hope in. It was the book that reminded me that God was good and loving and merciful. How could he give me this life? This was a nightmare, an inescapable nightmare.
I ran down the porch steps and toward the public park. It was more of a vast plot of land rather than a place to have fun, but it would do. I needed to get away from him, away from that house, and away from my life, even if only for a few minutes.
I collapsed onto the grass, sobbing. My nails raked at the ground and a pained whimper left my lips. I heard him behind me then. I didn't move. I buried my face into the grass, ignoring his horrifying presence. I didn't even have the courage to turn around and look at him.
"Get back in the house," He commanded sternly.
"N-No," I stammered.
"Elena, listen to me right now." His voice was low and I moved my eyes until I saw him push a hand through his long, black locks.
"There is no reason you needed to do that. You have never for a second believed that I am a human being. You abuse me. You hurt me," I barked in tears, "I owe you nothing, Damon. So, no, I won't listen to you because I will never forgive you for what you did to me."
"Please," He whispered, "Get into that house before I do something I will regret."
He was actually begging me to listen. I could tell he was fed up with it, but this man held me down and did the most disgusting of things to my body. He took away my purity and my innocence. I had to fight him.
"Were you going to hit me? Drag me? Pin me down and do what you did last night? Do it right here then. Let everyone know what you did to me," I shouted harshly.
His lips were pursed and I could see he was holding back his anger. I was challenging a man, my own husband. He had to force himself not to lash out at me.
"I hope they hear," He hissed with clenched teeth, stepping forward until he grabbed the collar of my dress, pulling me up to my feet.
I felt his hand slap me and hard. I cried out, my hand shooting up to cup my burning cheek. He then proceeded to grab my wrist and tug me toward the house. I tried to fight him, but his strength was too powerful. I repeatedly yanked my hand away, but his grip only tightened.
"Let go, you monster," I screamed in pain.
"When we get to the house, I expect you to apologize to the rest of the family. After, I want you to sit in your chair until Rebekah has served dinner. Got it?" His voice was so deep and full of so much tension that I only kept screaming out of fear of it.
He pulled me up the porch steps and into the house. I collapsed onto my knees when he let go of my wrist. That didn't stop him from hooking his arms under my arms and pulling me into a standing position. He gave me a harsh glare as if to tell me to behave and I nodded with a trembling lower lip.
He walked into the living room and I followed shyly behind. I felt another tear slide down my cheek, but I quickly wiped it away. Caroline and Rebekah were exactly where we had left them, except now they were chatting away. Their heads snapped in our direction and the room fell silent.
"Elena," He whispered angrily.
I paused for a moment before conjuring up the strength to speak.
"I-I'm sorry everyone," I stuttered, my cheek burning as I spoke.
"For what?" Damon shot back with his arms folded across his chest.
"For interrupting 'family' time and for leaving the house and for being out of place," I mumbled.
They all stared at me and I let a few more hidden tears slip. Damon pointed at the empty chair beside him and I walked toward it obediently.
Everyone in the family always gathered around the table for dinner, forcing me to be even closer to Damon, who continued to give me cruel glances every so often. The table was set and Rebekah called us to the table.
Damon sat at the head of the table as I expected, Rebekah and Caroline on either side of him. The two children sat beside the women, forcing me to sit at the other end of the table, directly across from Damon. It's like they were planning it from the beginning. I wanted to scream as I sat down in my seat. We held hands for 'grace' before digging into the food, which I'll admit was good.
"Damon, is it my turn tonight?" Rebekah asked as she gobbled down a piece of bread off her plate.
"I slept in your room last night, Rebekah. Elena wanted to be alone last night," His eyes for a moment looked toward me as if to rub it in my face,"so tonight it is her turn."
I felt my heart sink. Not again.
"That is not fair, Damon. I cannot stand it. She gave up her turn last night. She doesn't get it again tonight. You are giving her special treatment," Rebekah yelled, pushing out her chair and standing. She slammed down her fist on the table and began to cry.
"She doesn't deserve you. You are too good for her," She was shouting, trying to grab his hand possessively.
"ENOUGH REBEKAH," He shouted, slamming his fist on the table, causing the children to scream out. His face immediately turned red.
"I will not take this. Go to your room now," He said calmly, while I just pretended to stare at my food.
Rebekah walked away from the table toward her room, Damon following behind. Moments later, I heard her scream, her cries echoing through the house.
"What is he doing to her?" I asked, shocked by the sudden shrieks.
"That's how Damon punishes us...with his belt. It hurts so bad. He usually does it on our backside, but when he's really angry he will do right between our legs. That's why I just try to do everything he says to avoid it," She said as she bounced a baby on her knee.
I swear I saw her smile for a second. Her telling me about his punishments only made me more scared about later, causing my hands to tremble uncontrollably.
"Well, I guess it's better if I just go get ready for bed," I muttered and I pushed my chair out.
I needed to get out of there. That's when I watched him re enter the dining area. My heart skipped a beat.
"Elena, sit back down," Damon commanded, obviously returning from Rebekah's room.
I didn't even think twice before pulling my chair back out and sitting. Damon continued to devour his dinner, the house dead silent.
"Caroline, when we are finished, I expect you to clean up and put the children to sleep," He announced, his eyes never leaving his plate,"Elena, I will meet you in your room in twenty minutes. I want you ready for bed."
My heart was already starting to speed up. It was only seven at night...was he going to violate my body for two hours or did he expect me to go to sleep in twenty minutes?
The minutes ticked by and Damon soon rose from the table, leaving without a word. Caroline rose next, grabbing all the plates from the table before reaching the kitchen with the children following behind. I knew it was my time to leave, but I was trying every attempt to avoid going to my room.
Inevitably, I left, quickly changing into my nightgown. Not even two minutes later, I heard him enter my room. It caused me to jump a little. He walked toward me.
"Please just leave me alone," I begged in what I could only describe as a whimper.
"The faster you submit, the better your life will be. It will be like this every, single night of your existence, so you may as well give up," He advised, taking yet another step closer.
"I'm bleeding, Damon," I whispered.
I couldn't believe I had found an excuse so quickly. Anything to avoid what had happened last night. I felt in that moment that I could not bear a repeat of it.
"No you are not, Elena," He said calmly, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Yes, I am," I lied, my body starting to tremble.
"The only thing that changes is how long your night is going to be," He said walking towards me in long strides before grabbing my arm in a tight grip.
"N-no," I cried out.
He pushed me down onto the bed before gripping my nightgown. I pushed him away, trying to escape him, but he was too fast, pulling the nightgown over my head forcefully. The underwear was being yanked down my legs before I could even think. I was completely naked now, his right hand pinning both of mine above my head. With his other hand, he tried to spread my legs, but I only held them shut harder.
"Stop. It hurts," I screamed, my breathing getting heavier as I held my legs shut.
He instantly stopped trying to pry my legs open, but his right hand still pinned my wrists to the bed.
"I'm going to go get a wet washcloth," He said calmly, "For the blood."
I had lied about it. What would he do when he discovered my clandestine? I was trembling violently, my mind running wild with different scenarios. I watched as he stepped across the hall, leaving the door wide open. I wanted to make a run for it, but I was completely naked and where could I have gone? I would never make the mistake of running to my family's home.
He returned to the room moments later with a damp washcloth and I cringed. I scrambled away again, but he grabbed me in his hold. He let go long enough to grab my ankles. He pulled them until my hips were at the edge of the bed where he stood, my legs now dangling over the mattress and spread wide open. I again fought to close them, but it was futile.
His eyes widened in anger when he looked between my hips.
"I'm s-sorry, Damon" I whimpered, the tears still streaking my cheeks.
"So now you're a liar, too?" He hissed in rage.
"I hate what you did last night. Please understand that," I sobbed.
"Are you a liar? Answer me," He barked.
"Y-yes," I muttered, finally giving up.
I knew I wasn't going to win. I could run, but he would find me. I could scream, but he would just hurt me worse. I could beg, but he would just ignore me. I had to give up...though I didn't want to.
"I'll be good. Please just don't hurt me anymore," I whimpered.
"I've had enough of your behavior," He let go of me long enough to remove his own clothing.
I didn't move, too afraid. I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. He walked back over to the bed, grabbing my waist and sitting me up. I noticed he had his belt in his hand, making me cringe. Would he use it on me like he did Rebekah and Caroline?
He pulled me off the mattress roughly, pushing my back until my hips were slammed into the dresser. I let out another sob of mirror that hung above it was the same one I had looked into that morning. Now, I was looking at myself no more than 12 hours later and I appeared death-like. My eyes were dark pools of emptiness and my olive skin was scattered with new bruises and cuts.
He pressed his entire body up against mine from behind. I gripped the dresser for support, afraid to look up into the reflection. I felt him put his hands on top of mine. He used the leverage to press up closer against my rear. I sobbed more and my hips ground further into the wood of the furniture piece.
"Now you get to watch as I do it," He whispered cruelly beside my ear.
I finally pulled my eyes up to look at the mirror and his blue orbs watched me. I had never seen myself naked, nor had I ever seen a man without clothes. I had been too busy fighting last night to notice Damon's anatomy. Now, I couldn't avoid it.
His hand came around to grope my breast and I let out a whine. He slid it down my body until it stroked my hip. I felt his lips next to my ear again.
"Spread your legs," He breathed, "Now."
I opened my legs wider, shaking in the process and gripping the dresser until my knuckles turned white.
"Good girl," He praised.
I let one last tear slide down my cheek, the defeat finally engulfing me. He then slid into me and I screamed, the area still so sore. I held onto the dresser for dear life and watched in the mirror as his eyes glowed in malevolence.