He just stood there, frozen. I was still catching my breath, but I mumbled his name once again and he entered. I must have woken him up because he rubbed his eyes sleepily. As he stepped closer, I felt better somehow. I moved to wipe my tears and when I turned back, his arms were around me, holding me. He didn't say anything, he just held me, the way every human wishes. His warm fingers stroked my back soothingly in the darkness of that room, soothing my sobs.
After some time, he laid me down, pulled me against his chest, and wrapped me in the sheets. I felt safe, I'll admit it. The way his heart fluttered beside my ear. The unconditional nurturing he provided. I fell asleep in his arms that night, just like that. I dreamed only of happy things. It was strange to finally be free of those awful nightmares, even if only for one night.
When I woke up, he was gone, the sheets still warm from where he had been. I sat up and smiled. I coaxed myself to get up that morning and for once, it felt right. The sun was shining so brightly, it was almost blinding when I sauntered into the kitchen. Diana was cooking up some breakfast, and it smelled like home.
"Where's Damon?" I asked curiously.
"He went out with Elliott. Damon has a job interview today as an apprentice of some sort. Damon looked excited." Diana flipped a pancake with a grin, gesturing toward the table.
I nodded and walked toward the little table. I was excited to dig in. It seemed to be a validation of my sudden positivity. Life is funny that way, as if undecided. It didn't know if it wanted me to be happy or not. Would Damon get the job? Would I forgive that same man? Life wasn't ready to tell me the answers, not yet at least.
Diana passed me the maple syrup before turning her eyes to her own plate. I ate greedily, feeling like I had not eaten in years. With a good night's sleep and a hot meal, I felt content, maybe even a little happy. It must have been the tenth bite where my stomach abruptly clenched. My face distorted when I felt my stomach suddenly flip like somersaults.
I ran to the kitchen sink, throwing up my food unexpectedly. By the time I came up for air, I was coughing and panicking, grabbing my mouth in shock. My legs began to tremble and my heart raced feverishly through my bloodstream.
"Elena, are you okay, honey?" Diana shouted, rushing over and pulling herself right up beside me.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I never throw up. I think I've been poisoned. The Prophet is trying to kill me," I cried, staring at what I had just done in the sink.
I was hysterical, immediately considering the Prophet's death threats as the only viable reason behind my sickness. I was convinced that that evil man had found us. The thought was drowning me in agony and fear. Even Diana tried to reassure me that I was okay, but all I could do was sob over her words.
"Shhh...everything's okay. I ate the pancakes and I'm fine. It must be something else," She whispered gently before wrapping her arms around me an embrace.
"I'm dying," I mumbled into her arm as she hugged me.
"Could you possibly be pregnant, Elena? Did Damon use protection with you?" She asked.
"What do you mean by protection?" I questioned, unsure what she meant.
"I guess not," She sighed in a whisper, "Elena, I think you might be carrying his baby. I'll run to the store and get you a pregnancy test. For now, don't tell Damon until we are sure, okay? Everything will be fine," She announced reassuringly, staring me in the eyes.
"I'm scared. I've never had a baby," I cried, cringing at the thought of it growing inside me.
I couldn't be pregnant. I wasn't ready. I needed time. I didn't know anything about having a baby. Sure I had raised my siblings, but carrying it, delivering it, bonding with it...that was different.
"Don't be scared. We still aren't sure. Not until we check," She smiled, and I'll admit that that smile made me feel safer.
It wasn't long before she jumped in her car and headed for the store. The wait was the worst part. I sat crying in the living room while I waited, burying my face into the cushions. It felt like hours had passed, maybe even days. I just needed to know.
Diana bought two tests, storming through the front door with them. She smiled like a mother at me, taking my hand and leading me into the bathroom. She told me to pee on a plastic stick, and I did. We both waited anxiously and I thought that if I waited any longer, I would suffocate myself.
"Elena, it's positive" She whispered with a small smile.
"What does that mean?" I questioned, my eyes clicking away skittishly when I looked at her.
"You're gonna have a baby," She smiled even more, still holding the test in her hand.
I'm not sure what face I made when she told me. It may have been angry or shocked or maybe even sad. I didn't know if I felt ready to be a mother. I wasn't even used to this new life yet. How could I bring a child into a world I couldn't decode myself?
Damon and Elliott came home later that day, smiles etched on their lips as they stepped through the front door. They were chatting away about something and laughing. I rarely saw Damon laugh, but it was nice, and I pulled my eyes away quickly before either could notice me staring curiously at them. Diana and I were cooking together in the kitchen. I guess she was attempting to teach me to cook some lasagna thing. I didn't even know how to pronounce the words, but I agreed to help out. I wanted something to take my mind off of the baby.
It's not that I didn't want a child, but I was too young, not to mention that a baby guaranteed Damon's involvement in my life, or so I hoped. Being alone was scary, but being alone with a baby was scarier. I kept my eyes on the boiling pasta in the pot, listening to the extensive and enthusiastic conversation between the two men.
"Elliott, Damon, we're eating in ten minutes," Diana shouted to them from the doorframe.
The laughing died down soon enough and they joined us in the kitchen moments later. Damon flashed his eyes up at me for a fleeting second, but tore them away when I looked back. Elliott offered to set the table, wrapping his arms around his wife and kissing her hair. Just the way they looked at each other was exactly what I imagined true love to be like. It was beautiful and it only made me sadder knowing it would never happen to me. Even if I forgave Damon, I'm not sure I could ever love him like that.
When we all sat down, Elliott looked like he had ants in his pants, anxiously waiting to divulge something important. His eyes kept moving to Damon's, urging him to speak up. I pushed some green peas around on my plate, trying to look preoccupied. When Damon finally said something, he cleared his throat first, setting his silverware down on his plate.
"Well, I-I got the job," He says monotonically at first, but a smile appears on his lips seconds later.
Diana and Elliott immediately began to clap and smile and I guess, celebrate? My stomach was becoming unsettled at the thought of having to tell Damon my big 'news'. I forced a smile and looked up at his piercing, blue orbs. I nodded my head to show my approval. I wish I could have given him more than that. Maybe a 'congrats' or even a 'that's great, Damon'. I just couldn't.
Damon went on to explain his new job, how nervous he had been during the interview, and his immediate reaction when they told him he had gotten the position. I listened for most of it, but my mind was on other things. My mind was on the future and if I would be in his or he in mine. Would my job search be as easy? My talents were restricted to cooking, cleaning, and child care. I wasn't sure anyone would pay for any of those, not when they were technically free already.
"Damon, can I please speak to you in the livingroom?" I asked when the table is cleared.
He nodded understandingly, following me to where Diana and Elliott spent many of their nights in front of the television. I sat on the sofa, keeping my eyes ahead as he planted himself beside me. My heart was pounding against my ribs, my hands just clammy pits. I had to force myself to peer up at him. If I was going to tell him, I had to do it right.
"I'm not sure how to tell you this," I whispered nervously.
I grabbed his hand and pulled it to my body, planting it flat against my abdomen. His eyes furrowed, possibly in anger, but I'm pretty sure he was just at a loss for words. I realized his hand was soft, warm, just like it had been in the shower. It seemed like forever ago, but that morning was forever ingrained in my mind.
"So, a baby?" He breathed, staring at my waist curiously.
I nodded. I was ready to cry, ready to break down. I was really having this baby. This was his baby, my baby, our baby. It was something we shared that I could never change. The thought scared me, but even more, I was afraid that he would walk out of that room, horrified.
"I'm so happy," He whispered, the edges of his lips curving up ever-so-slowly into a huge grin.
I nodded my head a little, relieved, but kept my eyes casted downward. I wasn't as happy as he was, and contrastly, I was nearly trembling, ready to faint from fear. When I turned my face away from him, I felt his fingers curl under my chin, tugging it gently to look at him. Tears brimmed in my eyes, threatening to trickle down the skin of my cheeks. I blinked rapidly to keep them contained, but they plummeted anyway.
"Elena, I'm not going to let anything happen to you or our child, okay?" He said softly.
I nodded my head slightly, still hesitant to believe him.
"When?" He asked me moments later and for a second I looked at him in confusion.
"When is the baby coming?" He articulated the second time.
"I-I don't know," I began to mutter, "Diana's bringing me to see a doctor tomorrow."
No matter what I did, I could not stop trembling. There was something about seeing a doctor that scared me. I didn't expect it at first, but I wanted Damon there, even if he just stayed in the waiting area.
"Do...do you mind coming tomorrow?" I asked under my breath.
I had never seen it before, but Damon Salvatore's eyes lit up at my words. His eyes were a sharp blue in that moment, like ice cubes in a glass of blue Kool Aid. Ever-so-softly, he nodded his head and within seconds, I felt his fingers trickle along the back of my resting hand. There was so much hope instilled in me in that moment. I felt hope...and I surrendered to that hope. The thought of a future with Damon was ephemeral, but in some ways, tangible. In his piercing orbs, I saw a life worth living for.