The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie
Chapter 3: The Eventful Dinner
Sam and Thorin sat at the opening of the dining room with Zee, Jackie, and Bilbo behind them. The stew Bombur made them was filling and fair, considering where most of the ingredients went. Sam, Zee, and Jackie decided to not talk during the meeting unless they absolutely have to, reason being that they were afraid of accidentally telling the dwarves that they know how the journey would end. Technically only Sam and Zee really knew, Jackie wasn't a nerd for The Hobbit like they were.
"Any word from the Iron Hills?" Dwalin asked, all the dwarves were eager to hear the news of if they were backed up by other dwarves.
"Aye," he sighed, "And they said the journey is ours and ours alone."
The mood kind of fell right there, the dwarves must have felt more confident with the help of the Iron Hill than alone. Sam so badly wanted to cheer them up but she wasn't sure she could without letting out a slip
"Well I'm not afraid!" Sweet, innocent Ori said proudly, the girls didn't believe he wasn't afraid his voice almost quivered in fear.
"Right!" Kili added, "And we have a wizard to help us!"
Gandalf suddenly got flustered when Kili said that Gandalf had to have killed tons of dragons, obviously that wasn't true. Wishing to move the spotlight, Gandalf pulled out the map of Erebor so they could discuss their plan.
"The gates are sealed." Balin said gravely, "There's no way in."
"Are you sure?" Sam asked without exactly meaning to, she suddenly felt her heart miss a beat when everyone stared at her, "I-I mean, where we're from, people liked to have secret doors in their houses. I would imagine there had to be one for you guys too."
Gandalf smiled, "There is one." he pointed at Erebor and continued, "There's an invisible door somewhere on the mountain."
"Really?" Thorin asked.
"The only problem is,"Gandalf sighed, "I do not know where it is but the answer is somewhere on this map."
"Where?" Zee asked, peeking over Sam's head, "I don't see anything."
"I'm not sure," Gandalf answered, "but I do plan on finding out."
"And what happens when you guys get in?" Jackie asked, she was still mad that Zee and Sam managed to convince Thorin to let the extra two to join them.
"We need a burglar." As soon as the words left Gandalf's mouth, everyone turned to Bilbo.
The poor hobbit panicked, "W-What?! You-I-huh?!"
"They want you to be their burglar." Zee said, it sounded more like a question which was what Zee wanted.
"What? No-No!" Bilbo hurriedly said, "I can't!"
"I agreed with Bilbo." Balin said, "He's hardly fit for the dangers of the wild."
The dwarves started arguing over Bilbo, it was both annoying and comical to Sam and Zee (not really for Jackie). When Gandalf had enough of the debate, he bashed his hands on the table which did a wonderful job scaring the crap out of the girls.
"If I say he is our burglar then that is what he is!" he snapped, "Hobbits can be seen if they wish and are very quiet. Not to mention the scent of hobbits are completely unknown to Smaug."
"That does sound incredibly useful." Sam offered to Bilbo who reluctantly listened to Gandalf.
Thorin glanced at Balin, "Give him the contract."
Balin nodded and handed Bilbo the super long contract that listed his job description as well as other arrangements. "Up to but not exceeding one fourteenth of the total profit, if any." he muttered to himself, he actually looked like he was going to sign it when he came across another arrangement. "Incineration?!"
"Aye lad." Bofur grinned, "He'll melt the flesh straight off your bones in a blink of an eye!"
Sam, catching the color fade from Bilbo's face, turned toward Bofur, "Uh dude, I think you should zip it."
"Are you alright lad?" Balin asked Bilbo.
"Yeah, I think so." he was gonna faint, the three could see that easily.
"Just think, furnace with wings!" he continued even though Sam was trying to shut him up.
"I-I need air."
"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!"
"BOFUR!" Sam snapped angrily before heard a nope came from Bilbo and he face planted into the floor. "Great..."
"Well that was lovely." Zee groaned as she moved aside for Sam to get out, "We'll leave this to the people who caused it." The three girls did leave, going to the spot where Bilbo said they could sleep for the night.
"We're gonna have an awesome trip." Jackie told the other two sarcastically, "You two are going to age prematurely by the middle of this."
"That's not true," Sam argued with a grin, "Zee will make it longer than me so she can see her squirrel."
Zee turned ever so menacingly toward Sam for calling Legolas a squirrel, she absolutely hated it when Sam call her Boo that. It was demeaning to his beauty as an elf. "Whatever." she said mockingly, doing a weird little head nod to emphasis her displeasure.
"Oh hush it squirrel lover." Sam rolled her eyes at Zee and went to go find Bilbo to see if he was okay. She felt bad that Bofur just scared the poor hobbit shitless.
"Excuse me?" Sam turned as saw a blond dwarf standing in the hall, "I don't believe we ever got acquainted."
Sam blushed, despite realizing she had spent a few hours alone with Thorin she never did grasp completely that she'd meet Kili and Fili in person. "Uh yeah, we never did."
"I am Fili, son of Dis and heir to Thorin." Fili bowed to her and kissed the top of her hand. If she lived in an anime, her face would have turned a hundred percent red.
"Uh, I'm Sam." he said hurriedly, damn her shy nature around strangers! "Um, would you know where Bilbo is, I just wanna make sure he's still alive after Bofur's lovely comments."
Fili laughed though she did miss the strange twitch of his lip, "Gandalf took him to the living room."
"Oh!" Sam should have known, she loved Unexpected Journey a bit more that Desolation Of Smaug! "Duh, where else would Gandalf take the poor guy, I'm such a ditz."
Fili gave her a funny look, he didn't understand her strange use of common tongue but it enticed him greatly. "I was about to go see how he was as well, we can go together."
Sam immediately noticed something was off, she did not recall any of the dwarves checking on Bilbo. Thorin and Balin were the only ones remotely near by when Gandalf and Bilbo talked, why was Fili suddenly interested in Bilbo so soon? Not to mention that she knew Fili was going in the opposite direction of the living room.
"Sure." Sam smiled regardless, "I wouldn't mind at all."
Fili seemed rather pleased that Sam took his request and Sam made a mental note to keep an eye on the blond dwarf. She didn't want to jump to any conclusions when she's only met the guy.
"Where are you from Sam?" Fili asked as they snaked through a few other dwarves, "If you don't mind me asking."
"Um," Okay, she always meant to learn the map of Middle-Earth but never got to it. Well, she was a truly terrible liar so it would best to be a bit more honest. "Kind of far away from here, it's hard to explain."
"Really?" he asked, "How so?"
Damn, he had to keep asking, how could she get out of this? She tried to think of a response that didn't totally give away what they were hiding. "No one has really heard of our people," she lied, "We are secretive and do not leave our community."
"And why did you three leave?"
"We hated it there," she continued to lie, she was going to have to inform her friends of the story she just made up for them. She hoped they didn't mind the slight Children Of The Corn reference she made, it wasn't like she was making them crazy religious. Hopefully. "The isolation sucks."
"Sucks?" he gave her another funny look, "I'm afraid I do not understand your strange language."
Sam grinned evilly, "I'd tell ya but if it bugs you so much I think I rather let you suffer." she continued toward the living room with Fili not saying a word about her comment.
When Sam and Fili got to the living room, Gandalf was going off about how Bilbo use to be when he was a little kid.
"You use to get dirty Bilbo?" Sam interrupted with a grin, "I can't imagine! How are you doing?"
"Fine." he answered, taking a sip of his tea.
"I'm guess from Gandalf's raving you don't wanna come with us." She concluded sweetly, just because they agreed to keep their knowledge a secret didn't mean they couldn't mess with things a bit. "Why won't you come Bilbo?"
Gandalf was almost bothered with Sam poking her nose in their conversation but at the same time he saw that Bilbo didn't seem to refuse the girls like he did the dwarves.
He sighed and shifted uncomfortably, "I'm a Baggins, a hobbit of the Shire, I can't-"
"You can stop right there Bilbo." Sam told him, holding up a finger. "I think you wanna go but the fact you supposedly have all this honor or reputation to hold up is keep you from joining us."
"But-"
"Now, now." Sam continued not letting Bilbo speak, "True, things are gonna happen that could change you but trust me, I know you'll come back."
Bilbo looked down at his cup and then a bit back at Sam, "What makes you so sure?"
Sam grinned, "Because I just do, if you ain't optimistic then you're never gonna get anywhere."
Bilbo looked down again, he was unsure of how to turn down the offer when it came from Sam. Her persistence was going to grind away his resolve to not get involved. "I'm not so sure..."
"Okay then tell you what." Sam said, her natural lawyer side suddenly came out. "We'll leave in the morning, you won't find a trace of us except for that contract. You'll know what to do then." Deciding she messed with the poor hobbit enough, Sam left to go back to her friends. She hadn't noticed that Fili was still with her.
"What makes you so sure Bilbo will come?" he asked curiously.
Sam looked over her shoulder and grinned like a fool, "A woman's intuition, that's all." Not to mention I've watched the movies I don't know how many times.
He smiled back, "Does this intuition have anything against taking a bet?"
"No one damn bit." she turned around completely and grinned, "Whatcha betting sir?"
"Ten pieces of gold." he grinned back, "And you?"
"Hmm.." she thought about that, she had no money to bet with so she was gonna have to play the innocent card, "I'm afraid I have nothing to bet with."
"That's not true," he had a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. "How about I get to put a braid, in your hair, with this clasp." He pulled a braid of his forward to view to show her his clasp.
Sam rolled that idea around and nodded, "Fine."
The next morning they all set out early in the morning, of course that didn't sit well with Zee.
"This fucking sucks!" Zee groaned as she held onto Kili, they all had to choose who to ride with and Zee decided to ride with the brunette of the brothers. "Why so early?"
Sam and Jackie started to giggle at Zee's anger at waking up so early. "Dude relax." Sam loved to wake Zee up early in the morning on weekends as well as during the summer. She would text her at nine in the morning, while Zee was still in a deep sleep. Of course that was texting, Sam knew better than to do that with her anywhere near by. Which was also why she told Bombur and Kili to wake her up.
As they rode away from the Shire, the other dwarves started to take bets about Bilbo coming. Leave it to darn luck that Sam decided to ride with Fili.
"Don't forget our bet." Fili grinned to her over his shoulder, "I'm looking forward to braiding your hair."
Sam grinned back with full confidence, "That ain't gonna happen sweet pea." In fact, he should be on his way now!
"Oh yeah?"
Sure enough, they all heard Bilbo shouting after. "Wait!" Bilbo was running awfully fast, managing to catch them all while being barefoot. "Wait, I signed it."
"I cant-" Fili gasped angrily.
"You best believe Blondie." Sam grinned happily, using her fake British accent. "Looks like I am owed ten pieces sir."
Fili mumbled to himself angrily as he dug into his pocket and pulled out his small pouch of gold. "I can't believe this..."
Sam just grinned like a dork while Zee and Kili seemingly found something amusing, they found the small bet too interesting to ignore.
"Does Fili like her?" Zee asked Kili quietly, she didn't want to gain attention from anyone else.
"Of course he does." Kili answered, "He bet that if Bilbo didn't come he could braid Sam's hair."
"Why's that a big deal?"
"Braids have very special meanings." Kili said softly, "When a male braids a female's hair with his clasp he is marking her as his One."
"His what?"
"His One." Kili repeated, "It means she's his one and only love."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Zee said, she smiled though she wasn't exactly happy. She was actually caught between laughing and being worried. "You don't mean like a soul mate do ya?"
"That's exactly what I mean." he grinned, "Dwarves can tell at first sight if someone is there mate."
"B-B-But she's apart of the race of men, like me and Jackie." she knew that was a dumb argument but dwarves were secretive creatures, there's no way they'd let a human girl in.
"It doesn't matter." he said before stilling, "Okay it might be a bit of a problem."
"Huh?"
"I-I can't tell you." he said quickly, "And whatever you do, don't tell Sam. Dwarves have to win their mates and you telling her will kind of mess with that."
"You want me to hide something from my best friend and almost sister?" she asked, "That's gonna cost you."
"What?" he asked, he couldn't believe this girl, "You can't be serious."
"Fine then." Zee smirked evilly, "Besides, how do you know she hasn't, at least, figured out that he's acting funny with her."
"Uh!"
Zee grinned in victory, she knew Sam could be completely airheaded at any time but Sam knew a bit more about dwarven culture than she did. All Zee really had to do was remind Sam of what she already knew.
"What do you want.." he sighed, "What's your price?"
"Teach me archery." she grinned evilly, too bad the second dwarf prince never was warned about Zee's devious ways."Teach me or I will scream everything you just told me right now."
Kili glared over his shoulder but agreed, "Fine, we'll start your lessons when we stop."
"Okay!" Zee smiled, hugging him a bit tighter. "Thank you Kili."
"Yeah, yeah." Kili now wished that Zee rode with Balin instead, he wouldn't be digging his own grave if he let her ride with Balin.
Jackie, who rode with Bofur, never once noticed that Bilbo was looking at her and Bofur rather intently. Bofur, however, did.
"I wonder what's wrong with Bilbo." Bofur said as he noticed that Bilbo kept looking back at him. "He's being rather moody."
"He doesn't like that pony." Jackie stated, thinking nothing of the hobbit, "Not to mention it was probably Sam's persistence that convinced him to join us."
"Maybe." he sighed, "Still, I'd rather he not be turning around all mad."
Jackie shrugged her shoulders but spoke no more, she didn't see it as something she should care about. She only associated herself in Sam and Zee's problems because they were funny. These guys were more dramatic then her friends, how could that even be possibly!? Zee's whole 'The Gates of Heaven Opened!' episode was even beat by these guys.
"Anyways," Bofur continued, "I'm curious to know about you and your friends."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Like how did you meet." he said, "All of you are completely different personalities."
"Oh," Jackie shrugged again, "I met Sam first, she actually didn't really like me at first but I never noticed. About two months later we became friends."
"And what about Miss. Zee?" he asked, "When did you meet her?"
"Sam met her first," Sam already told them about her lie of where they were from so they managed to come up with a complete exploitation they all could remember. "They met during lessons and eventually Zee got Sam to open up and they've been best friends ever since."
"And when did ya meet her?" he asked again, "Did Sam introduce you?"
"Yeah sort of, Sam liked to hang out with Zee a lot and I sort just found my way into their little duo." Jackie wasn't even sure how that happened actually, it was kind of a blur. Sam said she felt the same way when she thought back to when she met Zee.
"Interesting." he hummed, "And now your all close like family huh?"
"Sometimes," she answered truthfully, "there are times where we annoy the crap out of each other."
"I say," he laughed, "I don't understand your odd talking lass, do you mind teaching me?"
Jackie shrugged again, "Sure why not, I'm not devilishly evil like Sam and Zee are."
Again, Bofur laughed at Jackie's comment of Sam and Zee and, of course, the two getting laughed at heard. They and their chariots were not that far from the goofy dwarf and their friend to not hear, though it could be said they both were listening quite intently.
"The nerve!" Zee hissed, "I am not that cruel!"
"I'm not that much of a raging bitch." Sam added with a pout.
Fili and Kili rolled their eyes at the girls' complaints, "You won't teach us your little language you speak."
"That's not cruelty." Zee told them in a half monotone voice, "That's funny. There is a freaking difference."
"Not to mention we were planning on teaching you eventually." Sam added, "Now I think we won't, right Zee?"
"Right." Zee nodded her head and huffed like she was offended before breaking their act, "Now that I think about Bilbo is looking at them kind of weird."
Sam poked her head out from behind Fili and caught Bilbo casting a glare at Bofur and Jackie. "Yeah he is. What's up with that?"
"It seems that he's jealous." Fili said as he too took a glance at the scowling hobbit. "I can't imagine why though."
"He had her first." Kili said without thinking, "He also got quite red when I said that I thought she was his wife."
"You thought that?" Sam giggled, "My god, that's kind of funny."
"But anyone would get embarrassed if you thought a stranger was married to them." Zee argued, "But I have to say, there is something going on here."
"And we must get to the bottom of it!" Sam added for Zee as they both peeked their heads over the brothers' shoulders.
"What?"
"You two are going to help us." Zee smiled in fake innocence.
"Or we will have some horrible punishment planned for you." Sam grinned like some twisted horror movie character.
Fili and Kili's eyes went wide and both nodded in agreement out of fear of what she could possible have planned for them.
"Good!" Sam smiled sweetly, her previous evilness vanished so quickly. "Now then, here's what you're gonna do."
"You two will keep tabs on Bofur while we deal with Bilbo." Zee told them, she kind of sounded like a general, "If you learn anything juicy, you come and tell us. In secret of course."
"What is tabs?" Kili asked, "and what do you mean something juicy?"
Sam and Zee groaned in annoyance, they should have really carefully worded their demands.
"Okay," Sam said, "what we meant was you two watch Bofur for any odd or unusual behavior regarding our friend."
"When he does things that seem intriguing that involves our friend, let us know." Zee finished, "Do we have an understanding now?"
The brothers nodded, "Yes." So they got a bit of a lesson of their way of speaking out of the two and were now they're associates in this plot, the journey could have started in worse ways.
Sam and Zee, on the other hand, were just perky and giggly about poking their noses into Jackie's love life, even if the girl wasn't even aware that she probably had a love triangle. It would work as something to keep Sam and Zee from annoying the crap out of Thorin or the other dwarves.
"So what exactly do we look for?" Kili asked lowly, he was slightly afraid of this mission.
"Just little things for now." Sam said, "Like how he talks about her, if he ever does, that'll work for now."
And if he doesn't talk about her?" Fili asked, thinking he found a way out of this mess.
"Then ask him!" Zee hissed, "You can totally bring up the subject of her quite casually!"
So the whole Gates of heaven story is funnier if watched but what happened was that Zee tripped on a piece of metal that was sticking out of the ground and she claimed that as she near fell to the earth that the gates of heaven opened up and God( or Jesus) looked down and said "You're back!?" It was really funny for me and Jackie.
Also, while we are at Starbucks, Zee forgot that she had to pick her mom up from work! I didn't know you could forget your own mother! I knew you could forget kids, wives, husbands, siblings but your mother?! How did that happen!? Either way the situation is being fixed.
The braids thing, I've read a lot of fanfics that say braids have meanings and I love the idea so Imma rolling with it.
Anywho we have our first follower, 1Corinthians 1313. Thank you so much darling for the support!
See ya next time
~Michelle Lacie Kat