The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie

Chapter 5: TROLL DAY!

With the sun shining bright once again, the chattering continued on happily. Occasionally a brave dwarf would imitate Zee's awkward moment of the previous night but for the most part it was all friendly and enjoyable for all.

"So," Balin asked as he rode his pony beside Fili's, "What was your home like if you do not mind my asking?"

"Uh!" Sam blushed a bit, how could she be honest while she's still lying? She remembered what they discussed but more detailed things were not ever brought up. "It was okay I guess, we just hated how bad things were getting."

"What do you mean?" he continued, "Was there conflict among your people."

"Yeah!" Zee called back to them as Kili's pony was ahead of them, "We were on the verge of a civil war!"

"A civil war?" Dwalin hooted a laugh, "How can a war be civil?"

"It's a ridiculous name, yes," Sam agreed, "but the last civil war we had was rather disturbing so we left."

"Was the first war recent?" Dwalin asked curiously.

"No..." Sam tried to recall the exact number of years it had been since that war but it couldn't come up in her head. "It was many years ago, over a hundred for sure."

"How bad was it?" Ori asked, his journal wide open and surely filled with notes.

"Um," She knew how to describe it but she wasn't all that sure they would understand completely. "It was basically where families were torn apart and fighting against each other."

"What?" Fili was shocked, a war so awful that families were against one another? He heard of no such thing! "Why would they do that? Family is the greatest support you will ever have."

"Not during that war." Zee called back again, "And I think it's best we leave it at that, okay?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I really don't want to talk about our home anymore. We left it for a reason and we'd like not to dwell on that."

The dwarves agreed to drop it before Thorin called them to a stop. The ruins they stopped at seemed like they were once a small house and they were.

Sam and Zee held back on bringing up their knowledge and passed off their unease to just discomfort from riding for so long, not to mention that they never fully dried off from the rain.

"Fili, Kili," Thorin called to the brothers as they helped Sam and Zee walk because they were incredibly sore. "look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."

Sam and Zee smiled apologetically to the brothers, such a job starts out fun but very quickly it turns boring. "See you boys later!" they waved as they approached the ruins, almost forgetting that Gandalf and Thorin would be arguing over going to Rivendell.

"I did not know it was your's to keep." Thorin gave Gandalf a look like he dare question his choice, upsetting the wizard greatly. Gandalf stormed past the girls and the dwarves angrily, if they didn't know the movie they would have thought that he was leaving for good.

"Gandalf?" Bilbo called to the wizard, "Where are you going?"

"To seek the company of the only one who has any sense!" he huffed, still heading back the way they came.

"Who's that?" Bilbo innocently asked.

"Myself Master Baggins!" Gandalf just about yelled, adding quietly afterwards, "I've had enough of dwarves for one day."

Sam and Zee glanced at each other awkwardly, neither were sure what to do or even say until Jackie came up to them.

"Are you two okay?" she asked worriedly, "You're both kinda pale."

"It's nothing." Sam answered quickly, "I just really hate it when people yell like that."

"It was super awkward." Zee added, sort of hugging herself, "Either way, I can't get archery lessons."

"Oh!" Sam remembered that the brothers were going to be busy with the ponies, "That's right huh? Looks like you're staying here with us then."

"No so fast lass." Dwalin said as he approached Sam, "Thorin said you three needed to learn to fight."

"To fight?" Sam asked, "You mean like sword fight?"

Dwalin nodded, "Thorin and I decided to teach you."

"But Kili's teaching me archery." Zee argued, "I don't wanna learn to use a sword!"

"Yeah that frightens me too." Sam grinned, "You'd probably kill one of us because you're swinging that damn thing around so much."

"I would not!"

"I agree with Sam." Jackie added with a laugh, "I don't even trust you with archery, you almost killed yourself a few times."

"Oh shut up!" Zee blushed angrily, she wanted to learn archery so that she had a better chance at bonding with Legolas.

"You're all still learning regardless." He told them, "Now hurry over there and Balin will help you find a suitable sword."

The three girls made their way over to a wider clearing suitable for such training where Balin already stood for them. He had some of their extra swords laid out for the girls to find one that they could manage. Unfortunately, these were dwarvish sword and made for dwarves, not weak human girls. The only one to not be all that bothered with the weight was Sam, oddly enough.

"Once you get use to it," she said as she gently swung it around, "it's actually not all that bad."

"I guess we'll start with you then Sam." Thorin said as he came over with his sword. "First, your posture."

Dwalin and Thorin spent a good twenty minutes adjusting Sam's posture before actually teaching her to fight. It actually surprised the girls how well Sam was receiving the lessons, it was almost worrisome.

"This is kinda fun!" Sam smiled when she blocked an attack from Thorin.

"You're fair." Thorin told her as he swung at her again, her sword clashing with his, "How can you say you don't know how to use a sword when your actions say otherwise?"

"I swear to you Thorin," Sam said as she dodged another strike, "I do not know how to fight but, for some reason, I'm taking this in rather well." Just as she said that, her sword suddenly went cold with hard ice freezing over it then quickly caught fire.

"Whoa!" Sam dropped the blade, shocked to see that it returned to being a regular sword without any scorch marks or frost.

"What was that?" Zee asked as she and Jackie rushed over to her, "Sam, did you do that?"

"I-I" She couldn't talk, she glanced at her hands to see if she had any burns or frost, instead she found that where she stood looked like there was fire underneath the ground. "W-What is..?"

"Was that magic?" Ori asked eagerly, already he had his journal out and opened, "Can you do it again?"

"Uh..." Sam looked at her hands, a bit spooked at the idea that she was the one responsible for that. "I don't know how..."

"Pick up the sword again." Dwalin told her.

"H-huh?" Sam stared at him worriedly, "Why?"

"It happened when you had the sword." he reasoned, "Try again."

Sam hesitant, she didn't really like the idea of having magic as much as she probably should. It was just really weird to her. "Okay..." Sam picked up the sword, slightly relieved that nothing happened.

"It must have to do with her energy." Balin concluded, "When Gandalf comes back, we'll ask him."

Sam and Zee were eating the stew that Bombur made for everyone when Bilbo started complaining about Gandalf being gone for too long.

"He's a wizard," Bofur told him, "he does as he pleases."

That answer didn't sit well with Bilbo but there was nothing the poor hobbit could do. Sam always saw that Bilbo sort of clung to Gandalf in the Unexpected Journey so naturally he would be bothered by the wizard not being around.

"Here," Bofur handed Bilbo two bowls, "Give these to the lads."

"I'll go too." Sam put her stew aside and decided to join Bilbo, "It's gonna be a boring walk if you go alone."

Bilbo, grateful for the friendly company, agreed, "Thank you, Sam."

"No problem." She smiled at the hobbit, when the two were far enough Sam had to ask, "Bilbo, do you not like Bofur?"

"What?" He asked, blushing like a school girl, "What do you mean? Of course I like Bofur!"

"Well, you always glare at him when we're riding." Sam pointed out, "Not to mention you get really mad when he makes Jackie laugh."

Bilbo put his head down, "I-I don't hate him..."

"If you don't hate him then why glare at him?"

Bilbo didn't say anything for a moment then he finally sighed, "I guess I'm just a bit jealous..."

"Jealous?" This was what Sam was waiting for, "Why?"

"I-I think we should stop discussing this." Bilbo insisted, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Maybe it'll make you feel better." Sam continued to press for information, "I won't tell anyone! I swear!"

Bilbo built up a sheen of sweat across his forehead from her pressuring, "U-Uh..."

"C'mon!" Sam grinned happily, bumping his elbow with her's in a suggestive manner. "Spit it out!"

"Fine!" Bilbo blushed madly, "I fancy Jackie."

"Fancy?" Sam giggled, "You mean you have a crush on her?"

"What is a crush?" Bilbo asked, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"It's the same thing as fancying someone." Sam quickly defined the word, "So you like her? That's why you're all jelly with Bofur! How cute!"

"Jelly?"

"Shortened version of jealous." Sam explained, "But really, you seriously have feelings for her?"

Bilbo didn't answer, just nodded his head.

Sam gave a small squeal, "I can't believe it!"

"Shush!" Bilbo quickly covered Sam's mouth, of course after setting down the brothers' meals. "You said you wouldn't say anything!"

Sam pushed away his hands, "Okay, okay! I'll keep it to myself."

"Thank you." he huffed, "I do appreciate that you'd respect that wish."

Sam just happily followed Bilbo to where the brothers stood stone still, gazing upon the ponies. Bilbo tried to hand them their dinner, only to realized that something was wrong.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"We were suppose to be looking after the ponies." Kili said, still staring off toward the animals.

"Only we encountered a slight problem." Fili said, turning to look at the hobbit.

"We had sixteen."

"Now there's fourteen."

Panic now swelled within the four, more so Sam as she knew where the ponies were. The three tried to determine what happened to the innocent creatures when Sam spotted the light of the trolls' fire.

"Look!" Sam whispered to them, "There's a light."

The trio hurried over to Sam and followed to where she was pointing, from here no one could see the trolls but Sam knew they would be seeing one very soon.

"I think we need to tell Thorin." Sam pleaded with the brothers, "Pretty please."

"Thorin has enough to worry about." Fili told her, "It can't be anything too serious."

Sam wasn't even reassured but did nothing to change their situation. She wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, the trolls weren't there and that the ponies got loose but her common sense told her to quit lying to herself.

They all followed the light, stealthily hiding behind trees, only to be nearly spotted by the thieving troll Sam was worried over.

"He's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo urgently whispered.

"He has poor Minty?" Sam asked in shock, she adored Minty.

"Aye!" Kili whispered back.

"I think they're going to eat them." Bilbo hurriedly whispered, "We need to do something."

Almost like a light bulb, the brothers turned to Bilbo. "Yes, you should!"

Sam glared at Fili and Kili, "Oh no! You two are not sending him out to be killed!"

"He won't get hurt!" Fili told her, "He'll be fine."

"It's perfectly safe," Kili told both Sam and Bilbo, "we'll be right behind you."

Fili and Kili took the bowls from Bilbo and Fili pushed him toward the trolls' camp. "If you run into trouble hoot once like a farm owl and twice like a brown owl."

Just as Bilbo was walking toward the camp, muttering to himself on what to do, the brothers dragged Sam back to their camp.

"You can't be serious!" Sam hissed, "We can't just leave him!"

"Trolls favor the flesh of women." Kili told her, "You and the girls need to stay away and we're getting Thorin."

"Oh!" Sam barked a bit at them, "Now you're getting him?"

"Will you just promise you'll stay at camp?" Fili asked, "Please azyung?"

Sam stilled, she heard that word before (well not heard but read.) and she recognized it immediately for what it was. It meant something along the lines of love, his love...Thanks to this sudden realization Sam finally understood why Fili wanted to put a braid in her hair. Braids done between a female and male were a symbol of their bond as each others' other half. How did she forget that?!

"Uh..." Sam blushed and nodded, "Y-Yeah okay, whatever!" Oh man! How embarrassing it was for her to realize these things! Not to mention she only just met Fili!

When they reached the camp, Thorin and the others hurriedly gathered their weapons and made way to the trolls' camp. Sam, Zee, and Jackie stayed behind as told.

"I'm so embarrassed!" Sam blushed as she explained her situation to her friends, "I can't be his One!"

"Calm down Sam!" Zee told her, grabbing Sam's shoulders and shaking them a bit roughly. "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is!" Sam argued back, like always Jackie refuse to get involved and just patiently waited for the company to return. "A dwarf either marries his/her craft or their One and do you know what happens when they find their One and lose them?"

"No." Zee said, not understanding where this was going, "What happens?"

"They wither away and die!" Sam felt like she was in-between a rock and a hard place. "I don't want to be responsible for that!"

"Okay, okay." Zee said, hoping to calm her down, "Surely you can't be his girlfriend, you're human."

"Hey," Sam smiled a bit, "you're right. Thorin wouldn't allow it."

"Huh?"

"Fili is Thorin's heir." Sam reasoned, "Surely a future king of Erebor can't marry a human girl!"

"Well there you go!" Zee smiled, "You figured out your whole problem!"

"And if you two are done with that," Jackie said to get their attention, "are you sure that they're going to be okay?"

"Well yeah." they both nodded.

"The trolls are suppose to catch them," Sam said as she recalled the exact scene, "and then Bilbo plays for time until Gandalf comes."

"But how do we know that's still gonna happen?" Jackie had a feeling that they have changed much of the story already with just their presence. "What if something changes?"

"Uh...?" Sam and Zee glanced at each other, it was a possibility and a pretty big one.

"We could just go look." Jackie suggested, "They can't smell us right?"

"Well," Sam chewed on her lip, "No they can't but Fili said trolls love the taste of women's flesh."

"We don't have to get all that close." Zee offered, "Just close enough to see what was going on."

"Okay.." Sam felt it wasn't a good idea but at the same time she was now concerned.

So the three tiptoed through the thick woods, following Sam's direction toward the other camp. They did all they could to be quiet and soon found themselves witnessing half the dwarves being cooked over a fire and the rest on the sidelines in sacks.

"Well this looks pretty bad." Jackie told them angrily, "You never said anything about them being cooked alive!"

"Bilbo's going to save them!" Zee snapped, "That's how this works!"

On cue, Bilbo stood up "Wait! You're making a horrible mistake!"

"See?" Sam smiled, "It all going according to the movie, we can't mess that up now!"

"But look!" Jackie said, "That one isn't buying it!"

"Hey!" Sam barked, "We agreed to not get involved!"

"But Sam, we can't leave them like this!" Jackie argued back at her, "And this is a perfect time to practice your magic."

"Oh c'mon!" Sam complained, totally not liking that idea."I could hurt one of them!"

"I agree!" Zee said, "Gandalf's coming!"

Suddenly, one of the trolls turned toward to where the girls were hiding. "Blimey!" he said, "I think there's more!"

The girls gasped, they forgotten how loud they could be! They were so into their argument that they failed to remember that they were hiding from nasty trolls.

"Fuck!" Zee exclaimed.

"Split!" Sam ushered, Jackie going to the left and her and Zee going to the right.

"Hey!" Zee turned a bit to Sam, "Where you going?"

"Me? What about you?!"

"Shit!" they both cursed, turning around to save their friend. "We left Jackie!"

However, the troll caught their friend long before they even realized that she was alone. He carried her back to the other two, earning approval.

"For fuck's sakes!" they both face palmed themselves.

Kili snapped his head toward the two idiots, "Sam? Zee?" his eyes widened in rage and disbelief.

Both girls raised one hand, giving Kili a timid wave and mouthing, "Hi..."

"What do we do?!" Sam asked Zee.

"I don't know!"

"Let's cut her up!" One of the trolls suggested, "Eat her raw!"

The two stopped their arguing and gasped in shock, "Aw hell no!" There was no way in hell they were about to let their friend be eaten.

Sam then noticed that the ground was freezing underneath her feet, "Zee, look."

"Huh?" Zee looked down and jumped away in shock, "Whoa!"

"I think we got my magic to work."

"No shit!"

"But I don't know how to use it at all!" Sam whispered to her, "Not to mention that they'll figure out it's me."

"Get emotional!" Zee told her, "Be Elsa! Even though I hate that movie right now! And we'll just fuck with them then."

"How?" Zee suddenly slapped Sam's shoulder rather harshly, "Ow!" Sam tried to swing at Zee using her right arm only to have a burst of ice shoot out toward the Trolls when she missed.

"Ah!" One of the trolls shrieked, "Something froze me buttocks!"

Sam and Zee shared a look, their evil minds synced together and devised a perfect plan. "You go left and I go right!"

The two ran in different directions, one using her new magic while the other threw fair sized rocks at the moronic trolls. The trolls, too busy trying to figure out where all this chaos was coming from, didn't notice Jackie tending to the dwarves on the ground.

"There's one!" A troll reached down and grabbed Zee, "Another female!"

"Let me go you fucking fucktard!" Zee shouted, kicking around like a wild animal, "This is a total lawsuit!"

"She's a squirmy one!" another said, "Those taste the best!"

"I swear vengeance upon thee if you do not unhand me!" She shouted at them, "I will sue for all you have, which probably isn't very much!"

Sam, still hidden, rolled her eyes and decided to screw all stealth for her friends. After all, with her magic it wouldn't matter if she got caught. "Hey!" Sam hopped out and sent another blast of ice at the Troll holding Zee. "Let her go you asshole!"

"Another one?" If Sam wasn't shooting ice at them they would be happy but be it as it may that was gonna take a moment.

The troll holding Zee let her drop onto the cold, hard ground, "Ow, you fucking douche-dick!" Zee, despite the pain, hopped up and ran toward Jackie to assist her. "Let's a go now!"

"What happened to Gandalf has to show up?!" Jackie mocked as they freed the dwarves.

"He will!" Zee shot back, "Do not sass the Sass Master princessa!"

"Bert!" A troll howled, "They are freeing the food!"

The troll, Bert presumably, headed toward the two girls and dwarves but, without actually meaning to, Sam shot out a large flame from her left hand. "Blimey!"

"I've got fire and ice!" Sam happily grinned, "This is fucking awesome!"

As if choosing now to be his grand entrance, Gandalf finally appeared over the rock like he was suppose to. "And the dawn shall take you all!" He thrust his staff into the rock, splitting it so that the trolls were in the light of the sun.

The trolls screamed in agony and backed away in a futile attempt of hiding from the sunlight. Still, no matter the effort, the trio inevitably turned to stone.

Zee glared over at Gandalf, "It's about fucking time! Did you take a stroll before coming to help out old man? Seriously!"

Gandalf shook his head and made his way to the group, he settled on freeing those above the fire while the girls helped those on the ground. "You made it at least."

"You're amazing Sam." Ori said as he was freed, eagerly heading over to the girl. "Fire and ice, who'd have ever thought!"

"I can't believe you!" Fili huffed, storming toward her, "I told you to stay at the camp!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Sam argued, "Okay, a small percent is but Jackie was concerned so we came to check..."

"You could have been killed!" He growled at her, "Don't you ever do anything so stupid again!"

"Stupid?!" Sam gasped angrily, "Who's fault is it anyways that the Trolls took the ponies huh?"

Fili's face turned red, either out of anger or shock she didn't know but she certainly struck a nerve. Instead of replying, Fili stormed away to help Gandalf a bit more.

"Oh!" Zee said to Kili, leaning toward him so that only he would hear her. "First lover's quarrel! So special!"

Kili rolled his eyes and walked away to speak with his brother. It was obvious Fili was upset of Sam's point but he didn't really have much of a reason to be so angry, Sam was gonna be in danger so long as she was on this journey.

"Well that was a show Sam." Zee said, joining the other brunette, "You think he's gonna be pissy for a while?"

"More than likely." Sam sighed, "I hate being accused of shit."

"Obviously." Zee laughed.

"I'm impressed Sam," Gandalf said, coming over to the girls. "I knew there was something special about all of you."

"All of us?" Zee asked, "Only Sam has any powers."

"I do not believe that'll stand for long." he hummed, irritating Zee because he wasn't just out and telling them what he meant.

"Stupid riddles," Zee growled, "why does no one ever say what they mean?"

"Don't know." Sam said, "But you do remember what's happening next right?"

"The troll horde?" Zee groaned, neither of the girls wanted to go into a troll's horde. Everyone knows that nothing smells worse than that. "Kill me Sam, end it all please."

I have returned! Okay, so I realized that I never actually made and reference to what my friends and I were wearing so I drew up some reference sheets for me. I'll post them eventually for everyone to see.