The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie
Chapter 6: Wizards, Orcs, and Elves, Oh My!
"There must be a troll horde nearby." Thorin told the group, "We might find some newer weapons."
And so the company went on a small search for the horde that should contain valuables all while smelling worse than rotten carcasses. It wasn't hard to find, there was only one cave near by and it stank for miles.
"Whoa!" the girls groaned as the horrid smell greeted their noses, "Damn that's foul!"
Sam coughed and hacked, "I thought my dad's farts were deadly!"
"Air!" Zee gasped, hurriedly running away from the cave, "I need air!"
Thorin and Gandalf took Bofur, Dwalin, Gloin, and Nori into the horde while the rest decided to lounge around away from the mouth of the cave.
"Sam?" Kili asked as he came over to the girls, "Can I talk to you for a minute."
"Sure!" Sam agreed, forgetting that she was angry at Fili and that she was the same dwarf's One. "What's up?"
Kili nudged his head toward the small slope nearby, wanting to talk to her as privately as possible. "So," he nibbled on his lip, unsure of how to proceed with his task, "I assume you're still mad at Fili huh?"
"For yelling at me?" Sam asked, the answer was only so painfully obvious, "Is that why you asked me to talk? To discuss your brother's manginaness?"
"Man what?" he asked confusingly, "What is that?"
Sam blushed, nothing was more insulting to a guy's pride by saying he had a vagina. "Let's forget I used that word, but either way I am still mad at him."
"It's not his fault." Kili said, "It's just that.."
"It has to do with that whole Azyung doesn't it." Sam asked, forgetting that she wasn't suppose to know what the word meant.
"W-W-What makes you think that's it?" Kili asked.
"It sounded like some weird endearment." Sam quickly said, covering up her knowledge. "What's it mean anyway?"
"I can't tell you." Kili said, "Khuzdul is a secret language."
"Well then," Sam sighed, "I don't know what's the point of this."
"Okay." Kili looked so pressured, "Just don't tell Fili or Thorin okay?"
"Fine." Sam agreed.
"Fili wants to make you his consort." Kili said with a sigh, "He knows Thorin might not approve but there's a huge process he has to go through to make you his bride."
"Wait, bride?" Sam asked, she almost fainted out of shock, "So he-you-I...You got to be kidding me here."
"He was mad because you put yourself in danger and he doesn't want to lose you." Kili continued to explain how Fili wasn't really that mad at her, just concerned.
"I-I" Sam lowered her head and blushed, "Kili, I'm a normal daughter of men, not a dwarven princess. I can't marry Fili."
"Do you not return his feelings?" Kili asked, "You're his One which means he's your One too, this isn't something that only one race can feel."
"We only just met!" Sam argued, trying to worm her way out of this, "Kili, people need time to develop feelings."
"When it's not their One they do." Kili pointed out.
"Okay," Sam sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I cannot say at this point that I have romantic feelings for him yet. I need time to process this."
"Alright," Kili nodded, "but please give him a chance."
"I'll try." Sam groaned, "But I'm serious Kili, I'm way too young for this. Isn't there like some age requirement, maturity point or something?"
"Of course." Kili nodded, "Dwarves reach maturity around their early seventies."
"Seventies?" Sam figured as much, seeing that dwarves live until they are of at least two hundred fifty years old, "Dude, I'm seventeen years old."
"But don't men age differently?" he asked, "Gloin heard you tell Bilbo your age and he said that for men, you're almost an adult."
Damn it! She was cornered, these bastards! The only thing she could consider hopeful is Thorin's rejection of the whole thing, it was slim but a hope nonetheless. "Alright fine," she sighed in defeat, "just don't bother me with it for a while okay. A day or two will suit me fine."
Kili smiled and nodded, "Will do Sam." he took his leave as Thorin and his small group exited the cave with new treasures.
"You okay, Sam?" Jackie asked when Sam returned to the other two girls, "You look kinda pale."
"Paler than usual." Zee added.
Sam didn't answer, she'd rather just stay quiet for a bit until her head cleared out all over exaggerations she had. She really just needed a moment to herself but among thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, her friends, and a wizard, where would she get that?
Before she could think of a solution for herself, Thorin alarmed everyone of an oncoming being.
"Thieves! Fire! Murder! " a scraggly voice called out and soon came a sleigh driven by rabbits that carried an old man with bird poop on his face.
"Radagast!" Gandalf said fondly, "It's Radagast The Brown."
The Brown wizard looked much more mentally frail in real life than he did in the movie, his eyes were wide with fear while at the same time it looked like he was wondering what he was doing there.
"What on earth are you doing here?" Gandalf asked a bit more quietly.
"I was looking for you Gandalf! Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong." Radagast spoke so urgently and then it was like he just forgot.
"Yes?" Gandalf asked.
"Ooh!" Radagast moaned, "Just give me a moment. Ooh! I just had a thought and now I've lost it! It was right there, on the tip of my tongue!" Suddenly Radagast stopped and one could see that he did have something on his tongue. "Oh, it's not a thought at all!"
Everyone cringed as the wizard stuck out his tongue, showing that he had a stick insect in his mouth. "It's a silly old stick insect." Gandalf picked up the bug and handed it to Radagast.
"That's just gross man." Zee took a few steps away, the germophobe felt like she wanted to puke.
While Sam and Jackie were just as grossed out, they found themselves busy petting the sweet rabbits. "They're so cute."
Radagast, as if the rabbits had spoken to him, happily asked the girls to watch his rabbits, "They like you!" Was his exact words.
"We will be a moment." Gandalf said as he took his fellow wizard of to the side to talk.
"That was so weird." Zee said, kneeling down with Sam and Jackie to pet the rabbits, "They are cute though."
"They're so tame too." Jackie commented, "And he must have a special bond with them for them to be able to understand each other."
Sam nodded, the one she was petting seemed to enjoy it so much that he started to thump his little rabbit foot. "How adorable, he reminds me of Thumper."
The rabbit looked at her and started to hop around in excitement. Either he liked the name or that was his name, it was something about what she said.
"Is that your name?" Sam asked, when she received a shake she giggled, "Would you like it to be?"
The rabbit nodded happily and hopped into her arms. He nuzzled her neck, which happened to be a major tickle spot for Sam. For a moment, everything seemed so perfect until a loud howl from a warg was heard so close to where they were.
"W-Was that a wolf?" Bilbo stuttered worriedly, "A-A-Are there wolves out here?"
Bofur was the one to answer, "A wolf? No, that was not a wolf."
Zee turned toward the two and screamed when she saw the warg. "Son of a bitch!"
Everyone turned toward the warg, it jumped out at them only to be killed by Thorin and his new sword.
Another warg showed up behind Thorin and the king was unable to remove his sword from the first warg ."Kili!" Thorin called to the brunette, "Ready you're bow!"
It was shot by Kili but the arrow didn't penetrate the warg's hide enough to kill it so Dwalin smashed its skull. By this time, Gandalf and Radagast rejoined everyone and Gandalf looked none too happy.
"Warg scouts!" Thorin grunted as he removed his sword from the warg's head, "Which means an orc pack is not far behind."
"Orc pack?" Bilbo asked, the fear and panic he felt was shared among the girls.
"Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?!" Gandalf stomped toward Thorin angrily.
"No one." Thorin told him.
"Who did you tell!?" he demanded.
"No one, I swear!" Thorin raised his voice just a bit and Gandalf dropped the accusation but didn't looked one bit convinced. "What is Durin's name is going on?"
"You're being hunted." Everyone now held a look of fear and panic, even Dwalin.
"That just sounds fabulous!" Sam and Zee squealed.
"We have to get out of here." Dwalin told Thorin, they both ignored the girls' whine.
Just then, Ori and Bifur showed up as they were nearby with the ponies. "We can't! We have no ponies!" he told them, "They bolted."
"Bolted?" Jackie asked, "They took off on us?"
"This is really great!" Zee growled sarcastically, "Now what do we do?!"
Radagast, half leaning on his staff, offered to draw them off of the group's trail with his rabbit sleigh. Gandalf had refuse, stating that the rabbits wouldn't be able to outrun the Gundabad wargs but Radagast was insistent.
"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits!" he told Gandalf, gaining Gandalf's confidence, "I'd like to see them try."
The one thing all three girls equally despised was running, it wasn't necessarily the running itself more so the fact that they were running for their lives.
"I..totally..hate this." Sam panted as she ran along side Jackie and Zee, "I forgot about..this."
"I..did too..." Zee panted back, "Shit!"
The dwarves weren't having any trouble with running but with Radagast riding around so much it was rather hard to stay hidden from the wargs and orcs. They had to take brief stops randomly behind boulders and then start running again.
During one stop, Sam heard Thorin ask Gandalf where he was leading everyone. Gandalf never answered but his silence seemed to be an answer in itself for Thorin.
"Sam?" Zee asked her friend, "Isn't there suppose to be a warg and orc coming after us soon?"
Sam shot her a glare, bringing that up was not something she felt was exactly bright. After all, any of the dwarves could hear them and that would be just great. There's nothing they needed more than to let their whole secret come out.
Zee's question was immediately answered when their next stop was found with their enemy already on top of the boulder. He and his warg seemed to have caught onto their scent and that was probably not a very good scent at this point.
Thorin turned his head slowly to Kili and gave a nod of his head. Kili, understanding what his uncle wanted, took an arrow from his quiver and, with an obvious burst of courage, he ran from their spot to shoot the warg first. Once the warg was hurt, not dead yet, the orc tried to summon the others but Kili shot its horn out of its hand.
It took a few more shots to kill the warg and Dwalin had to kill the orc but regardless, they still caught the attention of the other orcs. Forced to flee again, this time in pursuit, the company ran into a valley that offered no shelter from the orcs.
Sam grabbed Zee and Jackie's arms and forced them to follow her, Sam made sure that they followed Gandalf to the secret entrance of Rivendell.
"Oh sweet, sweet hidden entrance to Rivendell!" Zee exclaimed, in her relief she forgot that she wasn't suppose to know about that.
Sam and Jackie shot glares at Zee but Gandalf, far more concerned with the dwarves, poked his head out and called to the fools.
"I swear," Sam hissed as they heard the dwarves coming, "I'm going to kill you for that slip."
"Sorry!" Zee sort of backed away, it wasn't that she was afraid of Sam but since Sam has her new found powers, the force is strong with Sam. "I didn't mean to let it slip!"
"Still!" Sam didn't say anything more as the dwarves were piling into the hidden entrance. They would be lucky if Gandalf actually wasn't paying attention to them but that was such an unlikely scenario. The dwarves heard nothing so there was a relief but if Gandalf did...Damn...
When Fili, Kili, and Thorin finally jumped down to the entrance the sound of horns and horses was heard. Not that long after the sounds came, a dead orc fell down into their hiding spot.
Thorin angrily reached down an pulled out the arrow that was in the orc's head. "Elves." he spat out the name.
Dwalin poked his head around the bend of a narrow pathway, "I cannot see where pathway leads!" he called to everyone, "Do we follow it or not?"
Bofur nodded, "Follow it of course!" The company, due to how narrow the path was, were force to walk in a single file.
"I think that would be wise." Gandalf muttered softly, taking to the back of the whole company.
"You know," Zee mumbled to Sam, "I'm not claustrophobic but this is bugging me."
"I'm with you on that." Sam groaned a bit, she wasn't claustrophobic either but she was feeling a bit bothered by how narrow the walkway was.
The walk, which felt like it took an eternity to reach the end, stopped on stone steps leading to the most beautiful place anyone could ever see. The place had an aura of comfort and welcoming while still looking so untouchable.
"The Valley of Imraldis." Gandalf announced proudly, none of the dwarves seemed impressed like the girls and Bilbo. In fact, they were rather furious about being here. "In the common tongue, it's known by another name."
"Rivendell." Bilbo breathed.
"Here lies the last homely house east of the sea."
"Wow.." the girls followed Bilbo's awe and gazed upon the beautiful city.
Thorin, stomping toward Gandalf, held no awe nor interest, "So this was your plan all along?" he accused, "To seek refuge with our enemy."
Gandalf, annoyed with Thorin's accusation, gave the king a stern look. "You have no enemies here Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself."
Sam and Zee had to bite their tongues to keep from saying anything that would get them on Thorin's bad side.
"Do you think they will give our quest their blessing?" Thorin asked, "They will try to stop us."
"Of course they will." Gandalf agreed, "But we have questions that need to be answered."
Thorin actually thought about that, it seems that in his hate he didn't realize he would actually need the help of the elves.
"If we are to be successful this will need to handled with tack and respect." He told Thorin, "And no small degree of charm. Which is why you will leave the talking to me."
The girls shared a look, they were a bit offended but at the moment they were also a bit freaked out over whether or not Gandalf heard Zee's little slip.
Yay! we made it to Rivendell and Zee may have just totally ruined our whole lie! Isn't that totally grand?