The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie
Chapter 14: Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Let's Fuck-ing Go!
Zee and Jackie were brought next to the Goblin King's throne, he planned on saving them for the grand dinner he ordered to be prepared. Once Azog claimed his prize, the king would feast on the two girls as his own personal reward to himself.
As he happily sung his sickening song, dancing on the other goblins, a little goblin had curiously opened Thorin's sword. It didn't know that the sword was the infamous Orcrist so when the sheath was barely pulled off it screeched in fear, throwing it before the king.
"Gah!" The king cowered away from the sword, climbing onto his throne. "I know that sword! It is the Goblin Cleaver, the Biter!"
The goblins began to panic and fall into a frenzy and they began attacking the dwarves rather viciously. Zee and Jackie also were getting roughly grabbed and scratched by the disgusting creatures. They were getting beaten with thick ropes and tackled down, even Thorin found himself on the floor with a goblin on top of him.
"The blade that sliced us out! Slice them, eat them, kill them! Kill them all!" The Goblin King pointed at Thorin and demanded, "Cut off his head!"
A goblin had his knife risen over his head, ready to stab Thorin, when a blinding ball of light appeared and the winds knocked everyone down. The fires partially had blown out but when they regain their light, the two figures of Gandalf and Sam had appeared.
Sam rushed over to Zee and Jackie, pulling them up from the floor even though they were still a bit dazed.
"Take up arms." Gandalf said to the dwarves, "Fight. Fight!"
The dwarves recovered from their daze and began pushing off the goblins and retaking their weapons. Zee and Jackie also finally snapped out of their daze and could barely have a reunion with Sam.
"You're back!" Zee hugged Sam but then a goblin tried to tackle them. "You left me you bitch!"
Sam shot a blast of ice at the creature, freezing it to death. "Hugs later, we gotta go!" The girls hurried to follow Gandalf and the dwarves. The way out was going to be rough and getting lost wasn't on their agenda.
"Follow the grey man!" Zee pointed at Gandalf as they either shoved or punched off the goblins. "I KEEL GOBLINS!"
Sam grabbed Jackie and they both hid behind Zee, "I'd like to not be in the line of fire again." Sam had said to Jackie when questioned.
"Ah!" Jackie nodded in agreement, "Good choice, good choice!"
The two stayed behind their homicidal friend, true, Sam also helped by freezing the goblins and some of the bridges to keep them from following but Zee was almost as resourceful as the dwarves. With her telekinesis powers, she had some of the most random shit being thrown around at the goblins (including other goblins.).
They hurried off on a narrow, makeshift bridge while being both pursued and approached by furious goblins. Of course they had a few mishaps, mainly because some goblins decided to attack them and their elimination was required.
For instance, they happened to have followed Dwalin into a herd of goblins and it was decided to push the goblins off the bridges by swinging a log in the same wiping motion as a windshield wiper. The girls also contributed to the cause as some goblins had tried to jump over Dwalin and Zee managed to throw them overboard.
"How many of these ugly bastards are there?!" Zee growled in an annoyed, mock British accent as they now followed Kili, who was pushing away oncoming goblins with a ladder he found. "Seriously, can't these inbred motherfuckers just get lost?"
"Oh!" Sam replied back sarcastically, "But that would be too easy for us Zee!"
What was the worse part of their escape was when they had to cut one side of a bridge and swing to the other side of the cavern. Sam and Jackie jumped off with the first half of the company while Zee, for some reason, decided to stay on a moment longer.
"Ugh!" Zee groaned when she finally jumped off, "I do not ever want to do that again!"
"Why'd you stay?" Sam and Jackie asked as they both carried her away to another bridge. The goblins seemed to be so incredibly bound and determined to keep them.
Suddenly, the Goblin King came up from under a bridge they were on. He stood up, bubbling fat and all, and looked down at the company.
"So you thought you could escape my kingdom?" He mocked as he swung his staff at Gandalf, who had been in the lead at the moment, pushing the older man onto the dwarves behind him. "What are you gonna do now, wizard?"
Gandalf pushed himself at the Goblin King and jabbed the fat monster in the eye with his staff. With the creature crying in pain, Gandalf sliced open a layer of the king's stomach.
Holding the wound, the Goblin King nodded, "That'll do it." Gandalf sliced the Goblin King's throat, the large corpse now added weight to the weak bridge causing it to break from its supports.
"Hold on!" Thorin called as they slid down the cave's wall, everyone grabbed on to pieces of wood in hopes of not falling off.
"We're gonna die!" Zee grabbed Sam and Jackie and hugged them tightly, "Just know I love you two so much! And I'm going to miss your mom's lasagna, Sam!"
"We are not going to die!" Sam snapped at her friend, they knew what was gonna happen so Zee needed to relax. "You're not getting it anymore anyways, Zee!"
"Brace for impact!" Gandalf shouted just before they crashed at the bottom. The girls, having not grabbed onto anything except each other, sort of flung off the bridge onto the cold hard ground.
"Fuck!" Sam and Zee groaned, Jackie had a softer landing on top of the two. "Jackie, why?!"
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Jackie said as she hurried off of the two, they groaned even more.
Gandalf came out of the wreckage and looked at the dwarves, who also sounded no different than Sam and Zee.
Bofur looked around from where he was and said, "Well, that could have been worse."
Just then, the corpse of the deceased Goblin King fell on top of the wreckage. The dwarves were still, sadly, in the wreckage when that event occurred and now their bruises have bruises.
"You've got to be joking!" Dwalin grunted as he and another dwarf came out from the extra weight.
Fili was quick to crawl out and hurry to Sam, checking her for injuries. "Did you get hurt?"
"Calm down, Fili," Sam laughed nervously, "I'm gonna get hurt anyways, just relax."
Fili seemed bothered by that answer but smiled back, it was such a tender moment until Zee made a comment.
"Oh, so cheesy and romantic huh, Jackie?" Zee grinned at Jackie while Jackie just put her hands up.
"Thanks..." they both glared at Zee but then Kili pointed out that the goblins were on their way to finish them off.
"There's too many, we can't fight them!" Dwalin told Gandalf.
"Only one thing will save us, daylight!" Gandalf ushered everyone to the same tunnel that he and Sam had used to come in.
There was no need for light as the entrance acted at a compass for them. Somewhere along the way, the goblins stopped chasing them but still they hurried out of the cave. They were wanting nothing more than to see the light of day again.
"Oh sweet, sweet light!" Zee cried as they all ran down to a small clearing. "Oh, how I miss the light of day!"
Gandalf stopped and counted everyone by their names, he was relieved until he realized that Bilbo was missing.
"Where is Bilbo?" he asked, the other dwarves and girls looked around in shock. "Where is our hobbit!?"
"Did he get lost?" Jackie asked, concerned for the hobbit they all liked.
"Was he even with us?" Zee asked Ori and Kili, "I remember he was there when we fell down there but after that..."
"I'll tell you what happened," Thorin said accusingly, like he was trying to place some blame on Bilbo, "the hobbit saw an opportunity and he took it. He wasn't made for the rough life and he took his chance to head back to his little hobbit hole."
Sam was about to snap at Thorin, which was gonna make her lose brownie points, but she took offense to what he said about the sweet hobbit. Bilbo was a kind and devoted hobbit, not to mention the poor guy held feelings for the cold king. Feelings that Thorin did not deserve to be granted.
However, Bilbo interrupted the big speech by coming out from behind a tree.
"Bilbo!" The girls rushed over to Bilbo and hugged him while Gandalf sighed in relief, "We were worried!""
Bilbo blushed a bit, "Th-Thank you for your concern!"
"We were afraid for you!" Zee pulled away, "Regret what you said now huh?" she turned toward Thorin mockingly.
"How did you escape?" One of the dwarves asked curiously.
Bilbo laughed nervously and stuffed something into his coat pocket, something that caught Gandalf's attention but he didn't bring it up.
"What does it matter?" Gandalf asked, "He's back and that's all that matters."
"It does matter." Thorin came forward and asked, "Why did you come back?"
Bilbo looked a bit uncomfortable but answered, "W-Well, you were right. I wasn't made to travel the wilderness and I do miss my hobbit hole with all it's comforts. And that's why I'm staying."
Thorin gave Bilbo a strange look as he took in Bilbo's words, how did his hobbit hole inspire him to stay among them.
"You don't have a home, it was stolen from you, and I want to do whatever I can to help you get it back." Bilbo smiled at Thorin a bit, hoping he might not get shunned again.
Thorin was visibly touched by Bilbo's kind speech but, just as he was about to express his feelings about it, the sound of wargs howling in the distance caught everyone's attention.
"That better not be who I think it is..." Zee whispered to Sam as they backed away ever so slowly. The other dwarves also backed away a bit while Gandalf and Thorin's minds both seemed to be in sync.
"Out of the frying pan." Thorin said to Gandalf.
"And into the fire." Gandalf finished gravely as they now started running toward the cliff that was oh so conveniently in their way.
"To the trees!" Zee exclaimed as she practically jumped and, somehow, manage to catch a branch that she could use to climb into the tree. Sam and Jackie followed Zee into her tree with Fili and Kili, all could see the wargs coming toward the cliff.
"Are we gonna die now?" Jackie asked Sam and Zee while they all clutch the trunk of the tree. The trees were thankfully tall but the wargs were able to jump up just a little below everyone's feet.
"With the way these fuckers are jumping," Zee said as she looked down at the oversized wolves, "the tree is bound to uproot soon."
"Then we'll jump," Kili said as he grabbed Jackie and hoisted her on his back, the tree was already beginning to uproot. "to the next tree!"
Fili grabbed Sam's waist as a mean to keep her close and, when the tree collided with another, they all jumped into the new one's branches. However, the wargs relentless attack the trees to make them fall, in hopes that the dwarves would fall out of the trees.
"These oversized bastards!" Zee screech as they hit the very last tree that was conveniently standing a foot, or more, on the edge of the cliff. She looked up at Gandalf and saw him lighting the pine cones, "Sam! Your fire!"
Sam looked at Zee then at her left hand before extending it toward the attacking creatures. She let her fire blast out at them, the wargs fled from the tree but they hadn't roamed far. They waited by the small ledge just across the way, they looked toward the orc pack behind them, as if waiting for a command.
"Someone tell me this isn't so..." Sam breathed as Azog and his white warg appeared on the ledge, he looked toward them with sickening delight.
"Azog," Sam and Zee said in unison, "the defiler." Neither of the girls noticed that the dwarves heard them but it hardly mattered as Thorin was more upset over the orc still being alive.
Azog spoke to them in black speech, though they could not speak black speech Sam and Zee knew exactly what he was saying. He was mocking Thorin and his father and grandfather, he was trying to provoke Thorin into a battle that would very much end the king's life.
" This really doesn't look good." Jackie said as she hugged the tree, "What do we do?"
Before anyone could answer her, the tree made a loud crunch beneath them. The tree started to move toward the cliff's edge and the dwarves were not prepared for the tree to fall. Some of the dwarves were knocked from the branches, only able to hold for dear life because the others managed to grab them. Sam and Zee were one of the few to be in that predicament.
"Eek!" they screamed as Fili and Kili managed to hold them in place. "Oh god!"
"Hold on!" Kili said to them as he struggled to pull Zee up. "I can't grip anything Fili!"
Fili looked at Sam in fear, "Don't worry, we won't drop you!" The concern in his voice only served to worry Sam and Zee, they knew he wasn't sure if he was right.
"Can't you move yourself up here Zee?" Kili asked her, "with your powers and all?"
"Our powers can't work right in these situations yet!" Sam said, Hérion had told them that their powers needed a certain amount of time to properly mature and handle certain situations, like the one they were in at the moment. Zee's needed more time as her powers were more complicated than Sam's, Sam and Jackie were almost to their maturity.
"Oh mygod! Am I slipping?!" Zee asked as she notice that her hand was becoming sweaty. "Kili, please don't drop me!"
"I'm trying!" Kili grabbed her by the arm with his other hand as his arm was getting tired and tried to pull her closer, "Just hold on."
"What else can I do?!" she snapped at him, still slipping, "Oh my god, I'm too young to die!"
While the boys were busy with Sam and Zee, Jackie noticed Thorin rushing toward Azog. "Ah! Thorin!"
"What?!" Zee barked at Jackie, she was getting annoyed with everyone at this point. "What the hell did he do now?!"
"He went over to Azog!" Jackie told them, it was a quick second before she screamed, "Azog's gonna kill him!"
"WHAT!?" Fili and Kili unintentionally loosened their grips, causing Sam and Zee to slip a bit. "Whoa!"
"What was that for!" Zee cried, "Come on, we don't wanna die!"
"Sorry!" The brothers said as they used both of their hands to hold the girls. "Damn it!"
Sam looked over toward Ori and Dori, they were already slipping as well and, by now, Gandalf had already called to Gwaihir and his fellow eagles. They would be safe to fall when Ori and Dori did, as unappealing as it would be.
"Fili..." Sam was going to need to plead with the prince, she knew too well he would not like this. "Do you trust me?"
"Why?" He asked, not liking the strange look in her eyes. "Why, Sam? Why do you ask me this?"
"I need you to trust me, okay?" Sam looked over at Ori and Dori again, she waited until they finally slipped off of Gandalf's staff to let go of Fili's hand.
"No!" Fili tried to grab her as she fell, "No, Sam!"
Sam only closed her eyes, hoping to whatever god that the eagles would come. And thank goodness to whom ever answered her as she felt the plush softness of the bird's feathers. Looking around, feeling the cold wind against her flushed cheeks, Sam saw the three look at her in shock and disbelief. Along with that, she saw where Bilbo had already hurried out to protect Thorin and where the eagles were helping fend off the orcs.
"You crazy bitch!" Zee shouted at her, in her relief she did laugh a bit before she slipped out of Kili's grip. "Shit!"
Sam's Eagle flew back for Zee, catching her just as he had caught Sam. Sam hurried to Zee and hugged her, "We're gonna make it!" the two shared the embrace until Zee made an ugh sound.
"One problem." Zee sound like she was gonna puke, "Motion sickness!"
"Oh!" Sam let Zee lay down on the eagle, "Just relax Zee, you'll be okay."
"Sam!" Sam turned around to see Jackie was on an eagle with Ori .and Dori. "Zee! Is she okay?"
"She's a bit sick, she'll be good though." Sam waved to Jackie when she noticed that Fili and Kili were flying beside her eagle, she could feel the anger boiling in Fili and she made it known to him through their bond that she really hadn't meant to freak him out so bad. She took note of the anger rising so she tried to just ignore him, they were alive and she knew the eagles were coming for them.
"I told him about this.." Sam said to herself, forgetting that Zee was next to her.
"You told who what?" Zee asked groggily, "Sam?"
Sam looked away and reluctantly answered Zee, "Fili, I told him about us..like I wasn't suppose to..." Sam sheepishly smiled at Zee who looked up at her in disbelief. "Shit happens."
Unable to yell at her, Zee just said, "You're a fucking bitch."
"You'd do the same thing for Legolas!" Sam hissed at Zee, who managed to prop herself in rage.
"Hey, don't be bringing my-erm!" Zee had to stop mid-sentence to prevent the vomit in her throat from surfacing, "golden elf into this." she finished weakly.
"Look, if I'm to have a real relationship with Fili I couldn't keep lying to him." Sam told Zee as she moved away to give her friend space, "You know I can't lie to someone I care about..."
"That sounded so cheesy-ugh!" Zee pressed her face into the eagle's back, willing away the nausea. "Oh my god, remind me to never do this again unless it's one hundred percent necessary."
"You know, considering I'm the one with the fear of flying, I'm taking this mighty well." Sam said, feeling proud of herself, "This isn't all that bad."
"Imma kick you when I get better." Zee gave a small laugh when Sam gasped, it reminded her of when they would sit at Sam's apartment and just talk about random things. "Do you think we should tell them?"
"Tell them?" Sam asked, "You mean the company?"
"Yeah, you already told Fili and no doubt he can't keep a secret from Kili." Zee reasoned, "Maybe it's time to say something."
"I don't know if we can handle that kind of situation." Sam sighed, she wasn't always up for a confrontation. "I think we should hint at it."
"Is that really the best?" Zee asked, her sickness was starting to go away, "You know what, sure. That'll work."
"You sound unsure?" Sam laughed a bit, this was what it was like talking to a sick Zee. "Just don't mention the elves. We'll act like it wasn't gonna happen."
Zee smiled a bit, "What happened to not lying?"
Sam rolled her eyes, "Shut up, what could we say in that event? They'd get mad at us if they knew."
Zee nodded, "Yeah I guess." she rolled over and watched the sky, "So not as fun as fanfics make it."
With a smile Sam looked up and saw Carrock in the distance. "Hey, we're gonna land soon Zee."
"Yes please!" Zee groaned, "Oh, I missed sweet land."
Sam didn't make a comment, she was a bit afraid to tell Zee that they were actually landing on that tall rock formation and not on solid land.
"You're being quiet, it worries me." Zee said, lifting herself up a bit, "What's wrong?"
Sam rolled her eyes, she was suppose to be the forgetful one. "We're landing on Carrock, remember?"
"Carrock?" Zee said, the word was familiar but what it was couldn't come to mind, "Carrock, Carrock, Car-" She stopped and stared at Sam with wide eyes?
"Yeah.." Sam twiddled her thumbs a bit as she looked away, "I do believe that makes it an issue huh?"
Zee hurried to the ear of the eagle and told him to drop them on the ground. However, the eagle wasn't able to reach the ground so he left them on Carrock just like the others.
"I hate this so much." Zee said as she stood on the rock, "I know where I rank in this world."
Sam shrugged and did her best to not be bothered by the height, of course she was wondering if her fear of heights was easier to confront over Fili being mad at her for being reckless.
"Why would you do that?" Fili demanded, Sam felt like she was being scolded by her father and that wasn't something she liked at all. "You could have died!"
Sam cringed but pleaded with Fili, "Can't we talk about this later in private please?" Sure, the dwarves had heard her and Zee in the tree but she hadn't known that. All she knew was that she didn't want Fili to raise that alarm at the moment.
"You could have died." he said in a lower voice, "Don't you ever do that again."
"Fili, please calm down." Sam begged softly, She never thought that Fili would get this mad. "Please, I know what I'm doing."
Fili shook his head and walked away, intending on seeing how his uncle was after the abuse the older dwarf received. He was furious with Sam but he knew better than to completely yell at her. She did tell him that she knew things that he couldn't know but now he felt that he did need to know. He didn't want her to take unnecessary risks like that again.
Jackie was the only one who wasn't involve in Sam's little drama, she was caught in Thorin's confession toward Bilbo. She found it so touching that Thorin was actually being nice to Bilbo, for once!
"Is that...?" Bilbo breathed after he and Thorin embraced and he caught sight of something behind the king.
"Ah." Gandalf came closer to the two, he hadn't noticed that Erebor stood so far and yet so close to where they were. "The last of the dwarvish kingdoms, the Lonely Mountain."
"Erebor.." Thorin said in awe, how long had it been since he last saw it in the distance like this? It felt like it had been an eternity and yet, it was not such a distant memory. "Our home."
Everyone gazed in awe at the solitary peak, it was still far but they were closer than they ever had been before. Their home was not so far away, it seemed like they all could just reach out and touch it, like a dream.
"I believe the worse is behind us." Bilbo said to Thorin with a comforting smile, though he and everyone knew that this was only the beginning. Beginning of things that they could cherish or regret, things that definitely would change them.
I have returned! I wanted to post this last month but Imma a lazy bitch so I don't care. Hope You enjoy it and good night!