Banshee: Hello~! Just a little warning, Xemnas is a little OOC in this, but everyone acts weird when they're sleep-deprived. Also, a little reminder to visit my profile and vote in the genderbender poll~! Please and thank you~!

Disclaimer: I only own my OC and the crazy plot.

Chapter Five: Five Months of Bills

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

…

…

After Christmas it was business as usual at The Castle That Never Was. All of the members were sent on missions and were required to turn in a full report upon their return. Saïx collected these reports and gave them to the Superior, being the second-in-command, and all.

It had been almost three weeks after the holidays ended, and the berserker had finished collecting the other members' reports to deliver to Xemnas. He collected them in order of rank, beginning with Xigbar and ending with their nominal member, Nikki.

"I don't see why I have to hand in a report when all I do is clean and go shopping.." Nikki griped as she gave him her report.

"All members must submit a report at the end of the day; no exceptions."

Ignoring her complaints - and swearing, he warped away and reappeared outside Xemnas' office. He knocked three times before entering, shutting the door behind him and stepping further into the room. He cleared his throat to get the Superior's attention, but when he looked up, he raised an eyebrow in confusion when he saw Xemnas sitting at his desk; which had huge mounds of paper piled on it. The Superior appeared to be writing something. Taking a closer look at the papers on the desk, it was all envelopes.

"Xemnas?" Saïx asked.

"What do you want, Saïx? Can't you see I'm busy?" Xemnas demanded, his voice lower than usual, strained, and... irritated? Xemnas never gets irritated. This wasn't good.

"I'm just turning in the reports for the day." The second-in-command said, holding up the stack of papers in his hands.

At the sight of the papers, Xemnas cringed and Saïx could have sworn he heard him hiss as well.

"Paperwork..." Xemnas growled, turning away and resting his head in his hand in exhasperation. He continued talking, but seemed to be speaking to himself rather than to the diviner. "Every day it's more and more paperwork..."

Saïx arched an eyebrow. "Xemnas?"

The Superior looked back at the blue-haired Nobody with a flat, narrow-eyed expression.

"Do you see that stack of envelopes, Saïx?"

He gestured to the stack of papers on the desk.

"Yes."

"Do you know what they are?"

"No."

"Bills. All of them." Xemnas emphasized the word 'bills,' spitting it out as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Gas bills, electric bills, water bills, and worst of all... credit card bills..."

Saïx arched an eyebrow again. "We have credit cards..?" He pondered.

"Of course we do, Saïx." The Superior snapped, looking at Saïx like he wanted to say "What are you, an idiot?"

"How do you think we pay for Christmas every year?" Xemnas sighed. "Christmas... what a deplorable holiday... When I gain control of Kingdom Hearts, the first thing I'll do is destroy it."

"But Xemnas... Christmas isn't a physical thing. It's more of a spiritual concept." Saïx said.

"Then I'll destroy the Christians." Xemnas said. "They are the ones who invented it."

"I don't mean to correct you, but actually it was the Pagans." Saïx pointed out cautiously. "And secular people celebrate Christmas too..."

"Fine then. I'll destroy everyone who celebrates Christmas."

"You'll just end up killing off our entire organization.."

"We can always find more powerful Nobodies to fill in their spots."

"It took us ten years to gather them all in the first place. Can we really spend ten more finding new ones?"

"Very well.." Xemnas sighed again, massaging his temples. He continued, muttering to himself, "One day... One day I will destroy Christmas with the power of Kindgom Hearts..."

"You seem a little off, Xemnas. Are you all right?" Saïx asked, suddenly feeling concern for the Superior (or at least pretending to be concerned, considering Nobodies don't have real emotions and all that jazz) .

"No, Saïx.." The Superior groaned. "I'm not all right." He said, taking the large mug that sat beside him on the desk and drinking its contents with a large gulp.

"Is that coffee?" The berserker asked.

"Yes." Xemnas said. He held out his cup. "Get me another, will you?" He resquested, lightly shaking the mug as a hint for Saïx to take it.

At first, Saïx just looked at the mug. He had a feeling that this wasn't his first cup of coffee, and he had another feeling that it certainly wasn't going to be his last. But he just thought he'd ask anyway. "How many have you had?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"Not enough, apparently."

The diviner took note of Xemnas' face, mostly the bags under his eyes as well as the tired look in the eyes themselves, and he came to one conclusion: "You haven't been sleeping, have you.."

"One week... and a half..."

Saïx arched an eyebrow. "You haven't slept for a week and a half?" He asked in disbelief.

"Isn't that what I just said?" Xemnas snapped, his expression changing from tired to irritated at Saïx's questions. His gaze shifted to his cup, then back to Saïx and growled, "And I don't see any coffee in my cup, Saïx."

"But Xemnas-"

"More. Coffee. Now." Xemnas ordered, enunciating each word and also shaking his mug violently, putting emphasis on the fact that he wanted more coffee and he wanted it now. "Before I turn you into a Dusk."

"... Of course." Saïx said, obediently taking the cup from him.

As he turned to walk away, Xemnas went back to the humungous pile of paperwork littering his desk. Just as the diviner opened up a portal, Xemnas' head perked up as he suddenly remembered something.

"Saïx." He called after the diviner, making him stop and turn his head to look at him.

"Yes?"

Xemnas paused from looking through the paperwork just long enough to look at Saïx with the most serious, stone-faced expression he could - despite being so tired that if he closed his eyes for more than two seconds he'd conk out right then and there - and ordered, "Tell the rest of the members to get off their lazy, good-for-nothing asses and go out and get jobs. It doesn't matter what jobs they get. They can strip for one dollar bills for all I care. These bills aren't going to pay for themselves."

The smile that appeared on Saïx's lips after that could only be described as nothing less than pure evil.

"I'll take care of it."

...

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