Disclaimer: I do not own KKM!
Author notes: Hey! This chapter is a large one. It is Wolfram's P.O.V of the events from Chapter 1- 3. I added brotherly love. It might be a bit OOC. The amazing poem below is written by Fanelight. Go to my favorites list to find the whole poem. It is an amazing poem! Hope you like this chapter!
I love you, Yuuri.
.
May my words reach you.
May my feelings touch you.
And let my love be reciprocated by you.
For the heart of this prince,
Beats only for
You.-
The Heart of a Prince by Fanelight
Chapter 4: Fire in my Heart (Wolfram P.O.V)
The day before the ball:
I go through my daily routine as usual. Training the soldiers, picnic lunch with my lovely daughter, a bit more training, preparing reports and many other insignificant things. The day was nice and the sun shone brightly but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that something wasn't right. And I, as a soldier, had learnt to trust my instinct more than anything.
Two maids passed me carrying a basket full of ribbons. For the ball. I roll my eyes. I hated balls. They were loud and noisy and filled with people I much rather not talk to. But being a Noble had its disadvantages. You had to be sociable and approachable. The three day ball was Mothers idea. As usual. More opportunities for the Wimp to cheat. I frown. When is Yuri going to return?
As if on cue, I heard the two maids talking about him. "It's a good thing that His Majesty has returned in time for the ball." I freeze. The wimp has come back. I could feel my lips pulling upwards to form a small smile. Thinking about him always made me happy. But he couldn't have returned just now. Maybe he returned in the morning but no one informed me? My smile changed into a frown. How can he not tell me? I was his fiancée for Shinou's sake! Even though deep in my heart I know that there was very less chance for my feelings to be reciprocated, I still kept hope.
The light was slowly fading. A few more hours until the sky turned completely dark. Like Yuri's hair and eyes. I shook my head, lightly scowling. It's disgusting how my love for Yuri has turned me from a proud soldier into a pitiful mazuko. I better stop these kinds of thoughts or I might have to burn myself. A soldier isn't supposed to think these kinds of thoughts after all.
I make my way towards Yuri's office. I might be lucky to talk to him alone even for a few seconds. But even as I hope I know that it was impossible. And as if to confirm it, Gunter and Conr- Weller appeared from the other end of the corridor. I don't mind it.
Fine! Maybe I did mind a teeny tiny bit but I anyway share a bed with Yuri at night so he could bear their company for now.
"Weller, Gunter." I greeted them as they join me. Weller just smiles his usual gentle/annoying smile. I ignore him. Even though I don't hate him anymore- truthfully I never did hate him in the first place- I still refused to call him by his name. I respected him but I still couldn't forgive how he lied to me about being a Half-human. Though technically he never lied because I automatically assumed that he was a Mazuko just like me and Gwendal and never asked him about it. So I guess it was my mistake too... But majority of it was his! He should've told me that he was a half human.
We stayed quiet until we reached Yuri's office. A scowl on my face, I burst inside without knocking. "Yuri!" I snap as I enter the room. "Really! You could've at least informed me that you were back from Earth."
He looked at me nervously. Most probably thinking if another excuse of avoiding me. I felt my heart sink at that thought.
"Um… actually Wolf I was coming to meet you anyway." He explained the nervous and slightly guilty look never leaving his face. I was surprised. He was going to look for me? I might ignore many things but even I couldn't ignore the fact that Yuri would never look for me willingly unless he had something important to say. Most of the time I was the one who went looking for him. Like a love sick dragon. I internally groan. Now I was comparing myself to a live sick dragon. Making a mental note to myself to get rid of these wimpy thoughts, I look at Yuri. "Me?" The confusion I felt inside was clear in my voice.
"I wanted to break the engagement with you." He said. I froze. I couldn't have heard it right. My ears must be deceiving me. I might've trained a bit too hard and now I am having hallucinations. Yuri kept on speaking but I had completely tuned out. It was as if a heavy veil had descended inside my brain. Everything was hazy. Only a few words pierced through the numbness. Only good friends, sorry, never interested and many other insignificant words. I wanted to ask Yuri why did he do such a thing but before I could even open my mouth, Yuri mumbled an excuse about meeting the Great Sage and ran past me, out of the room. 'He is still a wimp.' I thought idly in some corner of my mind that still hadn't registered the fact that Yuri had broken the engagement. A ringing sound filled my ears.
"Wolfram..." I hear Weller mummer. That was when reality set in. Yuri had broken the engagement. The curtain had been lifted and I felt like my senses had been heightened. I could see and hear everything clearly. But along with that I could also feel the aching pain in my chest. How can this be? How could this be done by such a smiling sweetheart? But there is no way that I am going to show any weakness in front of others.
"I am fine Weller." I snapped trying to keep my emotions in check. My emotions were in control for the time being but I knew that I could snap anytime. So I brushed past them without looking at their faces. I knew what kind of expression would be there. Pity.
I clenched my hands tightly into fists. I don't want anyone's pity! I felt moisture on my cheek. I stopped in my tracks as I touch my cheek. It was wet. Dammit! A soldier isn't supposed to show any kind of weakness! I rub my cheeks roughly to dispel of any proof that I had been crying. I needed to be alone. Needed some time to think and put my thoughts in order. I knew one place where I wouldn't be disturbed. At least not for the time being.
Dust coated every inch of the room. The room was mostly bare containing only a queen sized bed, a drawer and a small cupboard. It had been ages since I last entered this room. Since I started sleeping in the Royal Bedchambers I didn't feel the need to come to my old room. No one need. The dust was an evidence of that.
Making my way towards my old bed, I feel a temporary feeling of calm over come me as I caught sight of my old bed sheets that were of a faded blue in cover. This room was my personal sanctuary. Dust rose from the sheets as I sat down slowly. A lot of dust had collected on the sheets. I coughed as I covered my nose. The feeling of peace that I had felt when I entered this room had long since disappeared. Instead, I felt suffocated as if someone had placed a huge and heavy stone on my chest. I knew I should forget the wimp since he broke my heart- not that I would admit it to anyone. But what could I do if the person who broke my heart was the only one who could fix it?
Sighing I bury my head in my hands. Suddenly someone knocked on my door. No one could know that I am here. Except...
"Go away Weller." I growl my voice a bit muffled due to my hands. But as expected he did not listen to me and entered the room anyway. I did not look up. Maybe if I ignore him he would leave.
"Wolfram." Yeah right. Fat chance of that ever happening.
Groaning in irritation I look up to see him standing right in front of me with an unreadable expression in his face. He had closed the door. To prevent anyone from eavesdropping I presume. But by now everyone might have come to know about what had happened. Gossip spread faster than wild fire in the Castle.
"What do you want Weller?" Maybe if I was rude enough he would go. But instead of taking the hint and leaving like I would've liked him to do, he just sat beside me. I could feel the warmth of his body. It calmed me a bit. It had been years since I last sat next to him without any complaints about his blood. The last time was before I came to know the truth. Now I had matured enough to stop all those kind of insults. But that didn't mean I was happy with him. Even if I was beginning to consider him as my brother.
He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. I growled and shrugged it off, though it was half heartedly. It was good to know that someone cared. "Wolfram..." Well- Conrart muttered again. At that moment I wanted to laugh. A humorless laugh. It was a rare sight to see him speechless. Normally he would have something to say. Something reassuring. But not this time.
"So I guess Yuri has done it at last huh?" I ask in what I hope is a casual tone. Talking about Yuri still made my heart ache. But there was no way I was showing any kind of weakness in front of Conrart- Weller. I glanced at him. He looked pained. Guilt filled my heart. Even if I hadn't completely forgiven him he was still my brother. He was family. Not that I was forgiving him. I scowled. Since when had things become so complicated?
"When I first met Yuri" I began eager to get it out of me. To get what out of me I wasn't sure. "I hated him. No not hated. I disliked him immensely." I amended. "He had come from a different world and was to become our king. I guess I was bitter because I thought that Gwendal was better suited for the position at that time." It all seemed so foolish now. Even though Gwendal would be a capable king no one could compare to Yuri.
"He couldn't even ride a horse. And when he slapped me I felt completely insulted. Angry too. Though that was due to Mother's perfume. That was the reason I challenged him to a duel. I was confident I would win. After all he was an amateur that didn't' even know how to hold a sword properly. Well... We both know the outcome of the duel." I smile wryly at the memory. Though I was really glad that he had defeated me. As I came to know more about him, I began to change. For the good. Though in the end, he broke my heart.
"Now I deeply regret insulting his mother" I reveal. Who would've thought that I would fall in love with a wimp like him? I must've been the last one to except that to happen. We are opposites. I was fire, he was water. He was kind hearted, I was hot headed. So I guess the saying that "opposites attract" is true. Though the attraction is not mutual.
Getting up from the bed, I made my way towards the window. The sun was beginning to set. The sky was a beautiful golden color. "I feel like I'm waiting for something that will never happen. But" I turned to look at Conrart who was still sitting on my bed an unreadable expression on his face. "I know I'll wait forever for the day when he'll see me as more than a friend." That is completely true. There is no way I would be able to forget him so I would wait forever for him. I turned back to stare out of the window. I felt Conrart come up to me. He pulled me into a tight hug. My body was stiff, unused to the affection. But I managed to relax my body. For now, just for this moment, he was my big brother who cared about me. I could feel a few tears leak from my eyes but I made no attempt to clean it. It was a long time since I felt the brotherly warmth.
I had pushed him away a long time ago but he still didn't hate me. I never even treated him like my brother but he never ever considered me anything but a young brother. I hugged him back trying to take warmth from his body.
After a few moments I pulled away. Wiping my face I kept my face down. I could feel embarrassment setting in. I couldn't believe I had cried in front of Well- Conrart. "It's good you are not giving up." Conrart commented gently. Looking up I smile bitterly. "But won't it be better if I just let go? If I could just give up?"
"Wolfram, giving up is one of the easiest things that anyone could do. Not giving up even when others would understand if you do, THAT is true strength." He explained. I just stared at him. Then summoning whatever energy I had left I smiled brightly at him. "Thank you Little Big Brother." I whisper.
For a moment he looked shocked. But he quickly covered it up with a smile and patted my shoulder. "You are always welcome Little Brother." We stood there smiling at each other for a moment. Who knew that breaking the engagement was what it took to bring me and Conrart together?
"By the way, Gwendal wants to talk to you." Conrart tone is too casual. I groan. I was in no mood to talk to anyone else. Maybe I could get out of it by showing my puppy eyes to Conrart? He used to fall for it when we were younger. So maybe...
"I am not going to tell Gwendal to talk to you tomorrow." There goes my plan! I glare at him. "Fine Weller." I snap, going back to using his surname. But he just smiled calmly at me. Though he was smiling at me there was a weird look in his eyes. The look he got when he was very angry but was controlling it. "Don't tell anything to Yuri." I warned him as I stepped out my room.
He just looked at me for a moment before following me. "I am not making any promises." I opened my mouth to protest but he just pushed me forward gently. I huffed but kept quiet.
Walking briskly I reach Gwendal's office. On my way I could see many maids and guards whisper to each other and look away when our eyes meet. Did they think I was stupid enough not to know what they were talking about? I felt like I was on auto pilot. Shaking my head I knocked twice and entered.
"Brother." Gwendal was sitting on his desk signing papers as usual. Of course the wimp would skip his paperwork. But he didn't have the right to call Yuri a wimp now. It was either 'His Majesty' or 'His Highness'.
Gwendal looked up and I noticed something flash on his face. But before I could ponder more on it, it was gone. "Sit." He gestured the seat in front of him. I quietly sat down.
"Are you alright?" He asked. I could feel the surprise on my face at Gwendal's words. Normally Gwendal was emotionless about most of the things. But the look he was giving me was worried. I just sat there gasping like a fish. Did Anissina's invention go wrong and affected his head? That was the only explanation I could come up with.
"I- I am fine." I managed to stutter out. I really hoped Gwendal would dismiss me. This was getting more and more awkward by the moment. It had been a long time since I sat with Gwendal like this. Actually I never sat with Gwendal like this. I made my move to stand up and excuse myself.
His steely blue eyes pined me down to my seat. Shrinking down I think that I prefer when Gwendal was grumpy and irritated. That made sense. This did not make sense. An emotional Gwendal was like a lady like Anissina. Not a good comparison.
"Wolfram. I hope you are not going to do anything foolish." Gwendal's look intensified. I was confused. What did he mean by that?
"Don't worry. I won't burn that wimp or the castle to ashes." I snap my surprise disappearing. So he was more worried about Yuri than me. I was fine by that. What more should I expect?
He sighed. "I did not mean it like that." He muttered more to himself than to me. "What I meant was that don't show anyone your weakness. Show that kid that you are capable of handling this." He stopped and took a deep breath. "I think you know what to do. Don't even think of skipping the ball tomorrow." I just looked at him. So what he wanted to tell me was that I should not break down and show any weakness? I guess he was telling me to be happy in his own grumpy way.
I smiled at him. The same smile I had given to Conrart. "Thank you Brother." I purposely made my eyes wide. I could see the light blush spreading on his cheeks. "Cute" I heard him mummer. He looked at me for a moment. Then reaching for something under his desk he pulled out a big…. Bearbee? At least I think it's a bearbee.
"Thank you." I say again as I accept the gift from him. Even though it wasn't recognizable it was warm and fit in my hand perfectly. He just waved his hand dismissing me. Nodding I get up and make my way out of the office.
Be strong? What other option do I have? Initially I had thought of skipping the ball but after talking to Gwendal I decided not to. Feeling better at making a strong decision, I made my way towards my room. I couldn't bear to face Yuuri this soon even though I made my decision to ignore him.
I reached my room without any problems. Not that I expected any. I did anticipate running into Yuri but luck was on my side and the corridor was mostly deserted. Everyone was at dinner. Entering my room I fall on my bed making dust rise from it. Coughing I wave my hands trying to get rid of the dust. Stupid I know. After a lot of minutes, the dust finally settled down. I laid down slowly making mental note to ask the maids to clean this room the first thing in the morning.
I fall asleep immediately dreams of My Wimp filling my head.
First Day (Night) of the Ball:
I would need all my energy for today's ball. The day had gone normally. I attended breakfast and managed to avoid Yuri for the rest of the day. Luck was on my side. Though if it was really on my side Yuri never would have broken his engagement with me.
I stand in the shadows observing the Wimp as he dances with the ladies. That was all he ever wanted. A girl. A lady. His world does not accept same gender relations. For someone so open minded he is so closed minded for such kind of things. Who cared what the gender was if the love is true? But he is not known for being smart so I don't really blame him.
I twirled the wine in my glass. I made sure that people saw me so that no one could say that I hadn't attended the ball. But I couldn't do anything else. I didn't have any more strength in me. Luckily others seemed to sense my mood and left me alone.
Life was full of ironies. I had never understood until now.
"Wolfy..." Looking up I saw my mother standing there. Her normally bright eyes, a copy if mine, were filled with sadness. And pity.
"Mother..." I whisper. It is true that she wasn't there for me when I was small but I knew she lived me in her own way. Being the Maoh had taken a lot of time from her. It wasn't that she could help it. A few tears escaped my eyes. Shit! I wasn't supposed to be crying. I was supposed to stand strong. Before I could wipe them away Mother reached out and wiped them. I could feel her love through that one touch itself.
"What did I do wrong?" I ask. I felt like my mouth had a mind of its own. Watching my Mother's face crumple I wish I hadn't asked that question. I didn't want her to be sad because of me. Being the youngest was a lot of pressure. Gwendal was an expert on war strategies and a capable warrior, Conrart is also one of the best swordsman around and me? I am just a pretty face. That was one of the reason I trained so hard trying to improve my skills. To be thought of as something more than a pretty face.
"Ohhh Wolfy. Nothing. You did nothing wrong." Mother whispered as she pulled me into a hug. It wasn't her normal one where I would suffocate to death but a reassuring one. A motherly hug. I hugged her back but soon pulled back. I wasn't supposed to be showing any weakness. I look around trying to see if anyone had spotted us. It looked like everyone was busy enjoying themselves. Including Yuri. I turn back to Mother. "I can't stand it anymore. I am going." I turn and walk towards my room. That was all I could handle for one night.
Second Day (Night) of the Ball:
I avoided Yuri as much as I could today too. Even thought the theme of the ball was Masquerade I didn't bother wearing a mask. I already wore an imaginary mask on my face to hide my emotions. Not that anyone knew.
This time, I stood by the buffet table instead of in the shadows. I would show everyone that I could be strong if I wanted to. So I stood there and looked on as Yuri danced with hussy after hussy. Many people came up to me asking me for dance but I declined them.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of another black hair entering. The Sage. Turning my attention back to the dance floor I let my eyes wander towards Yuri. Loneliness blossomed in my chest. I gripped the glass in my hand a bit tighter.
"May I have a dance?" A cheerful voice asked. I turned, ready to reject but before I could do anything more than open my mouth the lady pulled me on the dance floor. I was going to protest but thought better of it. Maybe if others saw me dancing they might think that I am able to cope with what happened. I kept my mouth shut and studied the woman in front of me. There was something familiar about her though I couldn't pinpoint what.
"My name is Miko but you can call me Jennifer or Mama-san. How are you? What your name anyway?" The woman began chattering. Wolfram blinked. Who was this lady, talking to him as he was someone she knew from a long time.
"My-my name is Wolfram von Belfield." I say too surprised to do anything else. "How I am is none of your business." I snap my defensive barriers coming back up. Of course she was one of those gossipy ladies who wanted to know every detail about the engagement. Gritting his teeth he tried to calm himself. It wouldn't be good to get angry in the middle of the dance.
"You are so cute. Ladies might be falling all over just for a look from you." I blinked. Coming from anyone else I would have thought that they were just sucking up. But this lady really meant it. It was a tactful way of changing the topic. But I was in no mood to talk to her.
"Not cute enough for him... "I mutter turning my face away from her so she couldn't hear what I said. Even if I was cute he wanted a 'female' companion. Not a male.
Luckily the song was over. Bowing slightly I went- or more appropriately ran- away from her. For a moment when I looked at her I found out what was the thing that had felt familiar. Her smile. It was exactly like Yuri's. It had rattled me.
I made my way toward the Gardens. It was full moon. I preferred the sun though. Sighing as I distanced myself from the ballroom I looked up. The stars twinkled down. I smiled feeling peaceful. At least for the moment. Maybe things aren't going right for now but there is always hope for tomorrow. If anyone would've said me that I would become like this, 20 years before, I would've laughed at their faces and challenged them to a duel.
People say that you should not find true love but true love finds you. What they don't say is how to handle going unnoticed by the said true love. I shake my head. This was not the time for all this.
All was well. Even if only for the moment.
Author Notes: Over! I am quite satisfied though the characters may be extremely OOC. Sorry about that! I recently started reading the novels and I LOVE them! They are amazing and quite hilarious. Yuuri isn't always that good and there are a lot more Yuuram moments! Review! Anyway, enough of my ranting. Review!