Yeah, it's been awhile I know…
Chapter four
The rest of the week dragged by slowly and painfully. There were two more impromptu shopping trips and Edward had visited her every night, but Bella never once broke out of character. She never broke down and started crying. She never screamed until her voice went hoarse. She never tried to push Edward away. Even though she desperately wanted to.
School was different now. She didn't talk to any of the other students unless she absolutely had to. Jessica and Angela had gotten sick of her blowing them off and just quit trying to hang out with her. She no longer sat with them at lunch either. Edward had said that she was welcome to sit with his family. And what could she say? Nothing that's what. Resistance could mean her death.
Bella looked down at her feet and hugged herself. She jumped when she felt a cold arm slid around her waist. She looked up and smiled. Smiling had gotten a lot easier now…but none of them were ever real.
"Hello my love, I want you to meet my parents today." he smiled down.
Bella swallowed. Two more vampires?
"Are-are you sure? What if they don't like me? What if they don't approve?" please agree. Please agree.
To her horror Edward just laughed.
"They've heard all about you and they already love you. Alice has been singing your praises at home nonstop."
She paled.
"O-okay. Now?" she asked. Could she at least get some time to mentally prepare herself?
"No," he shook his head, "Esme is already cooking. She told me it would be ready in a few minutes."
Bella blinked in surprise.
"Cooking?"
"Yes, she hasn't cooked human food in a long time and has been practicing all week. She's been practicing from the moment we started dating." He chuckled.
She let out a choked laugh and Edward smiled at her and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
'Just a doll. Just a doll to be fed and clothed and put to bed at night.' She thought somewhat hysterically. She took a few calming breaths. The ride to the Cullen's house was over far too soon. Nonetheless she closed her eyes the whole way there to try and mentally prepare herself for this evening. Thankfully, Edward thought she was just afraid to meet her parents. He had no idea that she was afraid of walking into a nest of blood sucking fucking vampires.
Luckily he was oblivious as always.
Bella swallowed as the car came to a stop.
"Are you sure about this Edward?" it couldn't hurt to give it another shot.
"Yes." He chuckled. And that was that.
She grabbed the door handle, but Edward was already there with it opened. Her heart stuttered. He held his hand out and she took it and allowed him to help her out of the car.
"It will be alright I promise."
Yeah. She didn't believe him.
The house was gorgeous of course. And the décor was even better. He guided her into a beautifully decorated living room and she bit her lip. Edwards's whole family was standing in the middle of the room with an unnatural stillness. Her anxiety increased.
"Bella! I'm glad you came!" Alice squealed and ran up to hug Bella. Thankfully she was careful of her unnatural strength. Bella hugged her back and smiled weakly.
"Hello Alice." Alice stepped back and nodded at Edward. Edward grabbed Bella's arm and guided her into the middle of the room in front of two impossibly beautiful people.
"Isabella, I'd like you to meet my parents Carlisle and Esme. Father, mother this is my girlfriend Isabella Swan."
Bella felt horribly inadequate in front of the two beautiful vampires, but she supposed it was better than the all-consuming fear. She gave them a weak shy smile.
"Hello. You can call me Bella." She said. She was surprised when her voice did not waver once.
"Bella. I'm so glad to finally meet you. I've heard so many good things." Esme walked forward and hugged her quickly before stepping back.
"I'm happy to meet you as well Bella. I'm glad Edward has finally found someone that makes him happy."
Bella just smiled.
"Come come! I've made you something to eat. Do you like lasagna?" Esme asked. Edward gestured for Bella to follow Esme in the kitchen.
"I like lasagna. I haven't had it in a long time though." Bella said. The food smelled good, but nothing seemed particularly appetizing since Bella had started 'dating' Edward. But obviously she couldn't say that, and dolls needed to eat after all. So she sat down obediently and ate her food. She tried to ignore Esme watching her eat.
"It's good. You are a very good cook Esme."
"I'm glad you like it! I wasn't sure if it was good I haven't had human food in a very long time, but I remember this one as being very appealing to me." She gave her a motherly smile and continued to watch her eat. Bella shifted uncomfortably and Esme's smile faded.
"Is something wrong dear?" she asked worriedly.
"No!" Bella shouted, but then blushed, "I mean no. nothing's wrong. It just makes my kinda nervous when people watch me eat. I feel like I probably have food on my face or something green in my teeth." She forced a giggle.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Well, I'm going to clean the dishes." Esme giggled, "I haven't been able to say that in so long." she happily turned to the sink. Bella ate her food in silence. It was actually very good. Her anxiety was the only thing that kept her from enjoying it.
"You can take the rest of it home with you, Bella. I'm sure Chief Swan will enjoy it and it's not like anyone else here could eat it," she chuckled to herself, "I'll be sure to have snacks and other food for you next time you visit."
The last forkful of lasagna tasted like ash in her mouth.
Next time.
Next time.
Next time.
Fuck.
She couldn't deal with this.
"You…you really want me around?" Bella asked hoping for the very opposite.
"Of course dear. We'd love you have you around." Esme wiped her hands on the dish towel and walked over to Bella and hugged her quickly before pulling away. Bella looked into Esme's dark brown eyes. They were hazel when Bella first walked in.
"I'm glad." Bella's voice sounded so far away, "I have to go. Charlie's expected me home soon."
"I'll take you home." Edward's voice sounded from the doorway. She whipped her head around.
"You just love doing that don't you?" Bella asked before she could sensor her mouth. Edward merely chuckled at her.
"I just love the shocked look on your face."
Bella rolled her eyes and Edward and Esme chuckled at her. Bella's emotions had lightened and she was trying desperately to cling to the feeling. She couldn't deal with fear right now. Esme or Carlisle could pick up on it. The jig would be up and so would her life.
She stood from the table.
"Should I tell the others goodbye?" she asked politely.
A chorus of goodbyes rang through the house and she jumped in surprise.
"They've already heard you." Esme said very amused. Bella smiled.
"I suppose so. Well, goodbye everyone." As she walked out of the front door with Edward she wished that this would be the last goodbye to them ever.
Edward shut her car door for her and in seconds he was in the driver's seat. She didn't jump this time. She was expecting it. He started the too long drive to her house.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine why do you ask?"
"Jasper felt your fear when you were in the kitchen, but then he said the emotions afterward were positive. Are you alright?"
"My fear?" Bella felt her skin grew chill.
"Jasper is an empath. He can feel and project emotions and Alice can see parts of the future unfortunately her visions aren't concrete. The future changes a lot. The others in our family don't have gifts."
Oh god.
What was she going to do? If Jasper could feel how terrified she was on a daily basis…
"I'm alright. I just got a bit nervous. I wasn't sure if your parents wanted me around."
Edward leaned over and put his hand over hers.
"Well, they do. Carlisle and Esme absolutely adore you. I can tell. You are welcome in our house any time Bella."
Bella swallowed. That's what she was afraid of.
A human in the vampires nest.
A small fly caught in the web of a family of spiders.
A doll trapped in a house with no way out.
-Time skip-
Tonight Edward dropped her off and said he wasn't going to come back. Well, for the night at least. She didn't question it. She was too thankful for the time alone because the moment she was sure that he was far away from her house she broke down and began crying. After a few minutes she pulled herself together. She was glad that Charlie wasn't home. She knew that this would have sent him into a panic. She put the lasagna in the refrigerator and walked up the stair and into her room. She sat on the bed and put her head in her hands.
"A fucking empath and a mind reader? How am I going to get around that?!" she screamed in her hands before forcing herself to calm down.
Bella walked over to her computer and sat down. She needed some help. She waited for an impossibly long time before the computer started up. She clicked on the internet browser and began her search.
For the next two hours Bella researched. First she looked for a way around Alice's visions. From what she could tell being unpredictable was the best way, but she didn't want Alice to think she was completely unpredictable. They would watch her closer and try to predict her the old fashioned way. See what she would do next. She figured that the major decisions that she didn't want any of them to find out about had to be spontaneous and decided moments before. Anything else was fine. As much as she didn't like the thought of Alice seeing her future she would rather Alice see something unimportant like what she was going to write her book report on rather than Bella planning on running away.
With that done she turned to the Jasper problem. She vaguely remembered Edward saying something about Jasper being new to the 'lifestyle'. Edward didn't want Jasper around Bella and that was fine with her. Her best bet was to say far far away from Jasper. Some of the information online told her that she should lie her ass off all the time. Yeah, you can't lie with your emotions, but you can sure as hell lie about why you feel them. Other stuff she found said that she should try to concentrate on other things, lesser emotions if you will and amplify them. Kind of like what she did today with Edward and Esme in the kitchen. If she concentrated on the good then the fear faded. She doubted that she would ever be completely unafraid, but being in constant terror wouldn't be good especially when she needed to concentrate on other things. And if Jasper ever asked about the lingering fear, well she could just lie.
The distant moment she had experienced earlier frightened her. She couldn't afford to be that way around them. Constant alertness was her best chance at survival. She also looked that up online and found that it was a byproduct of her intense fear. They pointed to some resources for meditation and medication in order to control those moments. She doubted that she would ever be able to get her hands on those pills, but meditation and other calming exercises could go a long way. Especially with helping her control her emotions. Jasper wouldn't notice her too much if she felt calm to him all the time. Maybe a bit bipolar if she went from panicked to calm, but hey better to be pegged as bipolar than as prey. She snorted.
Bella sat back in the computer chair and rubbed her eyes. She looked over at the clock and her eyebrows rose in her surprise. It was 12:47am. She must've been concentrating really hard if she hadn't heard Charlie come in at 8:30. She stood up and went ran a bath of hot water. She didn't want to wake Charlie, but she really needed a hot bath right now.
Bella eased into the water and leaned back against the tub. She closed her eyes and did some deep breathing exercises she found online and tried to clear her mind. She wasn't sure if she was successful, but she did feel better by the time the water began to cool.
That night was the best night sleep that she had in an incredibly long time.
AN: HI everybody! Did you miss me? Ha. It's been a long time since I wrote anything for this story. I just started reading twilight fanfiction again. Hopefully, I get another chapter up a lot sooner.