Chapter Eleven: Restricted Freedom

Hayate

I stepped into his cabin with my head bowed. I was exhausted from both holding back the storm that that stupid girl had unleashed and from cleaning up the mess afterward. Kei was now handling the clean up, which I was grateful for.

I looked around at his empty cabin and felt a pang when I saw the empty containers of opium. How many had he gone through in the short time since the last capture? As much as I wanted to toss that girl overboard for trying to harm everything that was important to Sasame, I also owed her my gratitude. She was able to do what I could not get myself to do—namely remove the opium from his presence. I knew how much it eased his nerves and how much happier he looked from it, but I also knew it was shaving away his life in tiny increments. A poison that contained happiness.

As I slumped against the wall, I wondered what Sasame would decide to do with the girl. He had entertained her presence on this ship so far, but I could not believe he would do so anymore. Would he kill her immediately? Or would he torture her slowly for her audacity? Would he discover her true gender if he had not already? I shuddered as I imagined him ravishing her. As much as she deserved punishment…

I rose to my feet and staggered over to the door. The least I could do for her was to end her life myself. Just as I was about to open the door, it swung open towards me. A blood soaked demon walked through the door. I knew I looked no better now, but to see his pure white hair stained dark red pained me. Tired as I was, I should have been the one to do it.

I opened my mouth to ask about the girl, when his lips covered mine. I could feel him trembling ever so slightly—a side effect of being off the opium—and gently ran my hand through his hair. I felt his hand slide through my hair as well with a gentleness I had not felt from him in a while. He pulled back from the kiss and gazed at me with those sharp cold eyes while a cruel smile threatened to tug at the corners of his lips.

"My faithful dog," he said softly as he allowed the smile to grow, "You have done well."

I looked away and said in a low voice, "I do not deserve such praise. I only did my duty."

As I felt his cold fingertips stroke my skin, I shuddered. His fingers traced my jawbone and then onto my neck, tracing the lines of now crusted over blood. He leaned forward and began to lick the blood slowly, as if he were savoring every drop. His mouth sucked at my neck as if wanting to drink the blood within and without. A satisfied moan escaped my lips. But before I lost myself to him completely, I needed to ask one thing.

"The cabin boy?" I breathed.

His lips immediately stopped. I felt his entire being freeze and braced myself. And not a moment too soon. He clamped down with his teeth onto my neck so hard I feared it might kill me. I bit my lip hard to prevent myself from howling in pain and felt a new rivulet of blood from lip join the blood that already coated me.

He pulled back from my neck, his lips a brilliant red-brown from the new and old blood he had consumed. His purple eyes danced with a wild light and the smile was gone.

"That pathetic excuse for a female?" he sneered.

I froze. I suddenly felt my vision blurring, my surroundings mixing with the image of a woman with long black hair. Her green eyes filled with tears, almost accusatory as she curled up on the bed, her body racked in pain. She was trapped and I had not set her free. She was trapped and I had not protected her. I had not protected her…

"She was entertaining to manipulate," Sasame said, breaking my train of thought. My eyes focused onto his triumphant expression.

"Your little pet actually thought she was tricking me," he said, laughter following his remark. His eyes were sparkling with amusement. He had enjoyed the mutiny and her feeble attempts to threaten him. She was so far from being a true threat that she was nothing more than a toy for him. A new game that he would definitely win.

"I had allowed her to steal the opium just for a bit of fun—I had been getting so bored recently," he sighed as if admiring his own handiwork. He leaned back to my neck and began licking the open wound. I winced as I initially felt his tongue on the open flesh, but gradually became used to the sensation.

I now had another thanks that I owed that girl. She had distracted him and given him cause for enjoyment. I had not seen him as gleeful as I did now in a while. I was glad I had on a whim allowed that girl to stay on the ship; she was proving her worth well for all the trouble she had caused. I only hoped that she had entertained him enough. Enough that she would be spared…

Sasame's face underwent a sudden transformation. It twisted from utter glee to cold fury within seconds. I felt Sasame's hand up my shirt as his other hand grabbed my hair. His face was torn with anger but also hurt, possessive jealousy but also fear. The same accusatory eyes. I pulled him close. But even as I kissed him, I felt the semblance of cohesiveness I had maintained during the mutiny crumble. Sasame's form became hazy as if he were fading away. And all I could see were the angry eyes of that stupid girl…

"Get out," Sasame snapped, tearing away from me.

I hesitated, wanting to make sure that he had recovered enough to be on his own. When he saw that I did not move, he grabbed me violently by the hair and threw me across the room. My back hit the cabin floor hard, winding me for several moments. It was long enough for him to thrust himself into me in a methodical fashion, as though his mind had long gone elsewhere.

"Sasame," I cried out, trying to bring him back—back to me. His unfocused eyes became sharp once more, and he thrust harder. I felt my hips strain and knew I would be in agony the following day, but I endured it for his sake. I was his outlet—the reservoir—for his pain and frustration. I would accept it all.

When he was done, he rose and muttered, "That cabin girl of yours wasn't worth my time."

Perhaps it was because he could see the relief that spread through my face; he then followed his statement with a phrase that chilled me.

"Besides, I felt it would be better to break her than to kill her."

I rose and threw on clothes in a hurry, unable to look Sasame in the eye. He remained silent, and I wondered at his tolerance. Was this his reward for my efforts? That I could keep the pet he had granted me? Or was it because he enjoyed playing games with her?

As I began heading to the door, I felt his hands around my neck, teasing and squeezing ever so slightly. And his voice beside my ear: "I'll leave her alive so that you know to whom you truly belong to."

I placed what I hoped was a reassuring hand on his.

"Thank you."

He released my neck and I ran—away from him—to where she was being kept captive. The whole race down to the brig my mind was a blur. I could neither see nor think straight and I wondered in a haze when that girl had started to affect me to this extent. Why had I rescued her during the storm? Why did I not kill her for initiating the mutiny? Why did I spare her life when she first came aboard?

Why?

I paused when I reached her cell. Her clothes were torn and tattered. Her head was bowed and I could tell she was nursing wounds from being whipped. Nothing so far to indicate punishment beyond the normal course. In fact, I thought Sasame had been kind enough to leave her aboard the ship and not walk the plank. Perhaps it was more self-interest than kindness…

She sensed my approach and immediately stood, her entire body language screaming hostility. The fire in her eyes suggested that she had not been broken by whatever Sasame had done to her, but I did not trust it. After all, she probably viewed me as nothing but a threat now too. I gazed into her mask of bravado, trying to keep my face calm of any emotion. Of relief that she was alive, of gratitude, of a desire to reach out to her.

"Have you come to kill me?" she spat, venom in each of her words. I felt a slight twinge of regret that whatever trust had formed between us had been broken—but it lasted only a moment. After all, she was the one who had broken it.

"No. If you so desire, I am here to let you free," I stated.

She glared at me with suspicion.

"So that I can die by the hands of the crew? Don't take me for a fool," she hissed. Her hands were clenched and her eyes are accusing. What had she hoped I would do? Step aside and let her destroy the Pretear? But these accusing eyes did not burn into me like hers or Sasame's did. They simply were, and I accepted them.

"I will ensure your safety," I replied.

"By which you mean you will keep a very close eye on me," she snarled.

"By the laws of this ship, your actions deserve marooning. You have been granted stay upon this ship. Consider yourself fortunate."

"Fortunate to be trapped on this hell-ship? I would rather be marooned—set free…"

"Don't be stupid!" I cut in, furious, "Do you want to die? There isn't land for miles around!"

"Dying would be preferable," she shot back. I felt something snap inside of me. I was so incredibly angry with her—angrier than I had been when she had shown up with the mutinous crew. I tore into her cell and drew my sword, aiming the tip at her neck.

"I dare you to say those words again, when the threat of death is mere inches away from you," I hissed.

She froze, her eyes fixated not on the tip of my sword, but straight at me. I could see her begin to tremble ever so slightly and I realized she had never seen my bare anger exposed like this. And I still had not discovered what she had endured from Sasame. I sighed and sheathed my sword. She continued to be frozen in place.

When I extended my hand towards her, she snapped back and slapped my hand away like a cornered animal that had been abused to the point that it could no longer form trust.

"What did he do to you?" I asked softly.

"Why do you care?" she snapped, but the bite in her voice was almost imperceptibly being replaced by weariness.

Realizing that it was futile to probe any further, I turned and left the cell door open.

"I'll bring bandages and ointment. If there's anything else you need…" I began.

"He said I wasn't even worth…being treated like a woman," she said softly. I did not turn around, fearing that movement might cause her clamp up again.

"So he didn't...?"

"No."

I sighed in relief. For whatever reason, he had spared her life and her dignity—whatever was left of it at the moment. I considered everything that had occurred and felt truly grateful. Grateful that I still had the opportunity to protect her…