AN: It is the wonderful Alice's White Rabbit's birthday! This chapter is for her.

This is extreme silliness. Enjoy.

Chapter 2

"We've been ditched," Alice cried. She started beating her head against the brightly colored striped table cloth.

Remember when I said that lady was overly dramatic? Tequila and Dos Equis made my darling friend even worse.

I patted the ears attached to the headband she wore. "Simmer down, kitten."

Alice was literally dressed as a cat. A really furry and dirty cat that looked like it had mange.

"I was hoping that Jasper would notice I was Grizabella from Cats!" She banged her head again and barely missed the bowl guacamole. "If he did, we would be soul mates!"

I just sighed and looked around at around our surroundings. Jerry who owned this establishment had filled it with stereotypical Mexican restaurant decorations like brightly striped fabrics and sombreros. He was an Irish guy from Jersey, so I wasn't surprised to see some four leaf clovers sprinkled around. The chef in the back was a French guy named something like Laurent or Lafayette. He was classically trained in making crepes, but I think his skills with making enchiladas was still a work in progress.

His Halloween decorations were those punch out pumpkins, skeletons, and witches that were hung on the walls with masking tape. Every table had a plastic pumpkin that small children use to collect candy filled, not with sugary treats, but with nachos. There were also little skull votives holders filled with salsa. The decor was not very high-end, but the food was delicious. Maybe the food was delicious, because the bartender was very generous with the hard liquor in the margaritas. I would eat a barely cooked Hot Pocket with a frozen middle with gusto after drinking this much alcohol.

"I'm not surprised that those guys decided not to show," I admitted.

All day long, I sat and pondered about Edward. Did he ever smile? What music did he listen too? Was it all classical, all the time? Perhaps he snuck in some teenage girl pop about wrecking balls or boys being trouble? Could I ever get him to watch movies about Austin Powers? Sure it was old, but that comedy was a classic. It would be fun to say weird sexual innuendos from the sixties and see how Edward reacts. I imagine he would get flustered and then pretend to be disgusted. I would find it hysterical and strangely sexy.

Katie's husband, Garrett scoffed, "Do they have a problem with beer and tacos? If they do then they aren't real men! Right, Em?"

He adjusted his wig and patriotically striped sweat band that was slipping down on his forehead. Emmett, in return, just smiled nervously and played with the stethoscope that Tanya stuck on him.

His wife was looking annoyed next to him. She muttered, "Andre fucking Agassi. The only thing that saves him from me cutting him off is those amazing short-shorts."

Katie wanted Garrett to be a sheep to match her Little Bo Peep. I could have told her that was never going to happen.

The good thing was Katie's grumbling made Alice giggle. It didn't quite completely make her feel any better that her sour puss obsession didn't show up, but at least she seemed slightly more upbeat.

It was ridiculous to get so sad about some guy that you barely know not showing up. Annoyed, however, was the perfect emotion for the evening. I was not going to let that get me down for tonight was Halloween. The night that all the ghosts and goblins come out to play. I intend to play with them.

I must admit that I was glancing at the door occasionally.

"Bella darling, stop destroying that poor napkin," Tanya demanded as she placed a couple of new pitchers of beers on the table. "The next round of margaritas are in their way and I got these wonderful frothy additions for free."

She wiggled her hips at us. That lady was perfect for getting free booze. I should be giving her tips and not the bartender.

"Kate, why don't you wave your Bo Peeps at the bar and see if you can get us some free quesadillas?" Garrett suggested. "We've have Alec's college tuition to pay for in fifteen years. We've got to get saving, wife."

Katie looked up from where she was trying to keep her slipping shepherdess staff from clanging onto the floor. "Why don't I see how far I can shove this staff up your ass, husband?"

"Keep talking like that, Katie. It's hot when you're all spicy and cranky." Garrett was grinning from ear to ear.

Alice looked at Tanya's costume. "You do remember that you're a nurse in real life, Tan?"

"Oh honey, this is a slutty nurse. Totally two different things if you think about it. At work, I take care of kids with colds. Tonight, I can play doctor." She sat next to a blushing Emmett.

"True, but it's only slighter sluttier than your normal work uniform," I added.

Tanya gave me a wink. "Agreed. Dr. Emmett, is my costume appropriate for tonight's activities?"

"Sure, Miss Denali," he answered sheepishly. "I shouldn't be your doctor tonight. I'm not smart enough anymore to even pretend."

My heart was breaking for this poor man. Luckily, Tanya was on his side.

"Darlin', I promise that you are smart and I believe in you." She put her arm around his broad back and started rubbing it. Emmett looked like he was heaven.

Alice whispered in my ear, "She's going to ride that man like a bull rider when we get done here."

I elbowed my best friend in the ribs. "Show some decorum, Ali. It's cute!"

Alice was right. Tanya probably already had her cowgirl hat and lasso ready to go at her house.

The idea of it made me laugh so hard that I choked on a tortilla chip. My life flashed before my eyes. The time I accidentally killed my goldfish by pouring dad's vodka tonic into the bowl. I thought Mr. Bubbles would want some new water. Tears sprung to my eyes from that story of fishy murder so foul. Of course, it could be all the coughing on slivers of chip.

I didn't want to die. The newspapers would have stories about the poor teacher who perished on Halloween by haunted Mexican food. They would write how she never would find her one true love and get married at a horse farm surrounded by livestock. They would wax poetic about her artistic masterpieces. They would have pictures of—

Newspapers are the actual dying breed. Everything is on the internet these days.

That would have been my last thought if I wasn't lifted up by two strong arms that started to push into my abdomen like a really uncomfortable huge. Pieces of the chip came flying out of my mouth and all over the floor.

A voice spoke into my ear as I continued to sputter, "Miss Swan . . . Bella, you okay?"

I looked behind me to see Edward's face close to mine as he held me tightly. It felt amazing having him holding me. I should tell him that he's my hero.

"I'm cool," I answered instead.

He let go immediately. Of course.

There he stood in front of me with his khaki wearing blond twin behind him. They were most definitely not dressed for the ghostly holiday. Instead, they were going for the more business casual attire. Edward at least seemed to try and jazz it up a bit with blue and white plaid. Mr. Cardboard Jasper, was in his usual white. I don't think Alice cared one bit, because she was salivating into a margarita glass.

They had brief cases with them. I just had to ask, "Are you bible salesmen for Halloween?"

Jasper looked at me aghast. "Do you have a problem with the bible?"

"No . . . I . . . Umm . . . Just joking?" There wasn't any way around offending this guy.

"The bible is a sacred text," he continued.

I think Edward was smirking at his friend's righteous indignation and my discomfort.

"Right. I know," I answered sheepishly.

Alice had no qualms with pointing to my now empty chair beside her. "Ignore that heathen. Would you like some guacamole?"

"Thank you. I think I shall," Jasper replied. He was stiff as a board, but he did give her a flicker of a smile. It was more affectionate than the looks he gave his girlfriend. Perhaps Ali has a chance after all. "Are you Grizabella?"

Aww hell, Alice was done for now. We would never stop hearing about Captain Wet Blanket.

"I thought we were here to discuss teaching methods?" Edward asked in confusion. He looked at my costume with a concerned look. "What are you wearing?"

I gave a spin so he could take in my white leotard and tights that I had thrown splotches of paint on. "Do you like it? I'm an abstract painting!"

"It is certainly creative," he admitted.

I was hoping for accolades about my ravishing beauty, but I would take what I could get for now.

Edward pointed to a table next to the where I was sitting with my friends. "We should probably get started. Jasper, come join us?"

Jasper was too busy staring at the cleavage poking out of Alice's furry costume. "I think I'll just pick Miss Brandon's brain about how she influenced her children to attack the classrooms today in costume."

Alice winked at me, then turned to Cranky Pants. "What are your thoughts on good old fashioned role playing fun?"

Edward tapped my shoulder. "We should get started."

Uh huh.

XXXXXX

"Can I use your neck as a salt lick?" I asked as I tried to cram a lemon in Edward's mouth. My shot of tequila was waiting for some action.

He pulled away and looked adorably annoyed. "Bella, I asked you to rank your thoughts on using a reward system to motivate your students to study more."

"I think rewards are a super plan."

That lemon wanted to be crammed in his cranky mouth hole. It wanted me to suck it out with some lip action. There was no other way that would lead to me to kissing Edward Cullen. I needed to be creative.

I mean, seriously, it was Halloween night and Edward was drinking tap water. Who does that? Even Jasper the pickle puss looked like he was drinking a Coke.

"I need the answer to be a number from one to ten, Bella."

"One being great and ten being no fucking way?" I questioned. I wasn't really listening to his words, just staring at his mouth.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes. I made him tired. I wondered if I should get him a coffee. "Could you please try to be serious for a moment?"

I held up my lemon and the salt shaker. "Let's tryout the reward system. You let me put a lemon wedge in your mouth and this salt on your neck then I answer nicely. If you let me put the shot glass on your lap to give these nice people a show, I'll write you a book report."

"Miss Swan!"

"Fine. Tanya will you help a girl out?" I asked my friend who was speaking intently to Emmett. They were being far too serious on a night like this. Two grumpy guys were enough at this impromptu party.

"Sure, sugar!" She stuck my shot glass in her cleavage and a lemon in her mouth.

I licked her neck and poured salt on it. The whole time I watched Edward's reaction. He looked like he was watching a nature documentary. It wasn't at all a promising reaction. My drunken seduction technique was a flop.

Still a girl needs to follow through. There is no wasting tequila. I took it back like a champ and grabbed the lemon out of her mouth quickly. We didn't even touch.

That didn't stop Garrett from hooting and yelling, "That was so hot!"

Katie slapped him on the back of his head making him laugh harder.

"You're an educator and Miss Denali is a medical professional! How do you deem this behavior acceptable?" Edward questioned with his arms crossed tightly across the chest.

"Because our students should be all sugared up and in bed at this hour or sneaking out of the house to cause mischief," I pointed out. "I'm a grown woman celebrating with good friends at night. I'm sorry if you are unable to relax during off-hours, but don't bring me down."

"Oh." He looked at me in surprise.

"Jasper keeps touching Alice's hand. Your buddy is having fun. Why can't you?"

Edward didn't seem to believe me until he saw Jasper squeeze Alice's hand. He whispered, "He won't even touch Rosalie's hand. They thinking touching is a waste of time."

"It appears that he has chosen the wrong woman. Alice is all about touching and he seems to be enjoying himself," I pointed out. I wasn't surprised about Rosalie and Jasper. Those two generated the opposite of heat. They made ice cubes instead.

"It seems you have a collected quite the assortment of friends." He was looking over us all like he was observing a science experiment where the results were not as he expected. "The janitor socializes with you all socially? That is unexpected."

Saying things like that make Edward's attractiveness wane. Being a snob wasn't okay in any setting.

I glared at him. "Do you have a problem with that? He's a good man and I think—"

"I admire the way you all are so kind to him. It's an admirable quality." He gave a small smile. "I think I might go outside for a few minutes to get some fresh air."

The Tin Man had a heart and it might actually be golden. I watched as he walked out the door. Edward was so attractive to me then that I needed just a tiny bit more liquid courage. I grabbed Garrett's practically full beer and chugged it down.

"Hey!" He squealed. "Get your own, Swan!"

I ignored Garrett and followed Edward outside. He was reading something on his phone. I hoped it wasn't something important, because I was going to interrupt him. It was a toss-up if he would find it rude.

"Edward?"

He turned around. "Yes?"

I kissed him with gusto. My hands were in his hair and to my surprise his hands were on my waist. He tasted delicious. Edward must have snuck a mint when he got out here.

He pulled away slightly. "That was unexpected."

Oh. I wasn't sure if my stomach was queasy due to his words or all the alcohol that I consumed.

Until he added, "I'm fairly certain in a good way."

That was much better, however my stomach was still rolling.

"Edward, please don't take this in the wrong way. Kissing you is amazing and I like you, but—"

He smiled a real smile. "That's nice. Why would I—"

I expelled the contents of my stomach onto his shirt.

Edward looked down in horror.

I have heard that the way to true love doesn't ever run smooth. Or at least, Alice always says it. This is a perfect example. Our bond can only deepen after something like this.

Who I'm I kidding? We're doomed.