Chapter 14: The Demon of the Sea

Sasame

He was convulsing on the ground as if in physical agony. The way his body contorted was enticing to watch—but he did not deserve this now. He had been so faithful recently, listening to my every whim. Soothing me when I feigned anxiety. I knew that girl was no longer a threat; her spirit had been broken and Hayate's attachment to her could not come close to the bonds I had him shackled with. But her…I rued the day her final act sealed her deep within his mind. I could never be truly rid of her.

He was sobbing now that his breathing seemed to restore slightly. I observed his moans—pleading for forgiveness—and I allowed myself a smile. No—she was simply another chain that bound him to me. His failure to protect her was one of many tendrils of guilt that kept him close to me. I brought his lips to mine and kissed him gently, proceeding to breathe life back into him. When I moved away, he made a final shudder and then became still, his breathing even and soft.

My own, my precious Hayate…

I removed his clothes—his jacket, his undershirt, his boots and his breeches—and admired his body for a moment before running my hand across his skin. The warmth of his skin was alluring; I leaned forward and licked the sweat off of his skin. I savored the taste of him in my mouth before running my tongue once again over his skin. If I could consume him within me so he was truly one with myself…

I clamped my mouth around his nipples, sucking hard. The nipples became erect, and in my excitement, I bit down hard. A moan escaped his lips, but he remained unconscious. Unconscious so I could play with him longer.

I brought my hand to his hair, running his fingers through the long tendrils. Almost black as night in perfect contrast to the hair that covered my head. I buried my face into his hair, breathing in his smell, his sweat, imprinting it into my memory.

"Forgive me…" he murmured. His face once more contorted in agony. I turned away, suddenly angry with him for all the changes that had placed distance between us since that time in London long ago. The Hayate I wanted was long gone—by my own hand.

"…Sasame…" he breathed a moment later. I paused, and turned back to face his sleeping form as my eyes narrowed. The only one who had stayed by my side as I transformed to the demon I was now, the only one who had been there when I had been so pathetically weak that I could not defend myself, the only one who tolerated every aspect of my being…

I was excited. Mother had told me that she would take me to the royal flower viewing. I was happy. She knew how much I loved flowers—I had learned how to take care of many of the flowers in the garden from our personal gardener—and felt that this was her special treat for me for my birthday. I wore my favorite outfit—a silk white tunic with sandalwood colored breeches and sandals that were close to being a size too small.

She was being extra nice to me today, but I guessed that was because it was my birthday. She had our cooks make my most favorite foods and pack it into a picnic, along with a slice of golden vanilla-flavored cake. I wanted to eat the cake now, but Mother said I needed to wait. I nodded, anticipating eating the cake with her surrounded by flowers.

I didn't know why, but Mother's smile looked too strained—as if she wasn't really happy. Had I done something to make her mad? I apologized to her, but she shook her head and then grabbed me into a firm hug. She smelled of rose perfume. When she released me, her eyes seemed too watery, like she was going to cry.

I decided I would try to cheer her up today.

The flower viewing was crowded, so I stuck close to her. There were flowers of all kinds—tulips, chrysanthemums, and roses as well as my personal favorite, lilacs of a light lavender color. I liked them because they were close to the color of my eyes. I had overheard some of the maids commenting on how my eyes looked like the eyes of a demon. When I had told Mother this, she found out which maids had said this and had them fired. But I didn't forget what they had said. It was only the lilacs that proved to me that my eyes were natural and beautiful like them.

Mother turned to me and pressed the picnic basket into my hand. I looked at her confused for a moment, but her smile was reassuring. I grasped the basket and smiled back.

"You're a good boy, Sasame, and I love you," she said, kissing the top of my head.

Mother, who rarely told me that she loved me directly, was telling me now. I felt so happy and decided that it was the best birthday I had ever had. I beamed in response. I dropped the picnic basket and wrapped my arms around her neck.

"I love you, too," I said.

She pulled my arms out of the hug, and looked at me in a strange way.

"I need to go do something. Just wait here, okay?" she asked.

I nodded. I would wait for her—for the surprise I thought she was bringing me. I watched her disappear in the crowd. I stood there with the picnic basket, waiting and waiting. The crowd began to thin as the sun began to set. I began to panic. Did something bad happen to her? She had told me to wait here, but I couldn't stay still anymore. I picked up the picnic basket and began to run around the garden, looking for her.

I was getting hungry, but determined not to eat any of the food until I found her. I wanted to eat my cake with Mother, even if I could no longer see the flowers. No matter how much I ran around, I could not find her. A guard came over to me to escort me out. The flower show had ended, but I still hadn't found Mother.

I began to cry. I tried to explain to the guard that I was looking for my mother, but he would not listen and turned me out. I explained who I was—the son of the Duke—but he only gave me a blank stare and ushered me out. What was going on?

Maybe Mother had felt ill and gone back home. Was she feeling so ill that she forgot to send a maid to fetch me? I decided that was what had happened and began to walk home. But I didn't know how to get back home from here. There had always been someone with me wherever I went so I never felt the need to pay attention to my surroundings.

I stumbled and fell to the pavement. My breeches tore at the knee. My white tunic was now dirty with the grime off the streets. I collapsed onto the ground, wanting someone—anyone—to come help me. To take me home.

It was getting colder. I shivered and hugged my knees closer to my body. I heard a dog barking farther away and thought of my golden, friendly Alexander back at home. I wanted to go home…

"You got food in there?" a voice asked me. I looked up from my curled position and found myself staring into a pair of dark blue eyes. He was eyeing my picnic basket with a hungry, almost rabid look. I nodded.

"Care to share some?" he asked, sitting next to me. I gestured to him weakly that he was welcome to it. He opened it up with the same excitement I would open Christmas presents.

"Wow! This is fancy stuff! Are you some rich kid or something?" he asked, while starting to shovel down the sandwich that was in there.

I didn't know what to answer. The Duke was my father. I needed to get back home. Home…maybe this kid could take me home!

"I'm the Duke's son. Do you know how to get to him?" I asked. He finished swallowing his sandwich and licked his fingers.

"You're kidding me. You're the Duke's son? Well, I owe you for the food anyway. Everyone knows where the Duke lives after all. Follow me," he said, extending his hand out to me. I hesitated, but then placed my hand in his. It was dirty, but surprisingly warm. I allowed myself to hope that he could help me out.

I hurried after him, thinking of all the things I would do once I got home. I would take a nice, hot bath, play with Alexander, read a book and eat my cake with Mother. When we reached the gates of my home, I felt elation. I rushed forward and hugged him in thanks. He stiffened, as if unused to the gesture.

"Um, well, I'd best be going then," he said once I had released him.

"Thank you," I said. He looked embarrassed.

"Yeah, okay," he said and turned to leave. I made my way to the gate and called out to be let in. The guard at the gate—someone I had known for my entire life—looked at me with a cold expression and did not budge. I asked again to be let in, but still no response. What was going on today?

And that was when I saw Father. He strode over with an enraged look on his face. I tried to think wildly of what I had done to upset him, but could come up with nothing.

He came up to the gate and glared down at me.

"You are no son of mine, you demon. Now get out of here before I have you removed," he stated in a thundering voice.

My lip quivered. I never cried in front of Father, but I could not help it now. I felt frozen in place, unable to understand what had happened. I saw Father gesture to the guard, who began to move towards me—

A hand covered my eyes and I was pulled backwards, away from the gate, away from my no longer home.

"Leave him alone," I heard the boy say. The tears were streaming down my cheeks as he led me away from my home. He brought me to what was most likely his home—a small crevice in a wall. I continued sniffling. He managed to bring my picnic basket and pulled out the cake.

"Here," he said, wiping my cheeks with his other hand, "Eat."

I took the cake and tore it in half. A birthday cake was no fun unless it was shared with others.

After watching me take a first bite, he bit into the portion I handed to him.

"I've never had anything like this!" he exclaimed. I smiled a little at his reaction. He brought his hand to my head and patted it gently.

"It'll be okay," he said, "My name's Hayate. What's yours?"

"S-sasame," I answered.

"Sasame, huh? Well, Sasame, you've got some interesting eyes," he replied, still savoring his bit of cake.

"They don't scare you?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Nah, they're really pretty," he said, leaning in closer to my face to get a better view of my irises.

And I moved forward to kiss him…

Jarred by the sudden memory of the day that had twisted my life upside down, I stood frozen, staring at Hayate's sleeping form. His kindness back then had saved me—continued to save me, even as it poisoned me.

I knelt down and kissed him on the brow before rising to reach for a washcloth. I ran the cloth over his skin—over the many scars I had given him. Scars for each time he had tried to defy me. I needed him broken enough to be bound to me, but not too broken. I wanted my trained dog to dance at my every will…

I placed him in my bed and fitted him with new clothes, reminding myself to have him pay me in kind for the services he was receiving from me. Just so that he would not forget his place.

I observed his sleeping face, amused by how many expressions arose within a span of moments. Moments passed and he seemed comfortable enough in his slumber. I took Dante's Divine Comedy from my desk table and opened it up to read. Immersing myself in his depiction of purgatory, I smiled as I noted how each of my sins—pride, envy, wrath, sloth, greed, gluttony and lust—had been born thanks to Hayate. How his kindness had molded me into the demon I was now. How I relished what he had unleashed from within me.

Holding the book in hand, I watched him as he finally settled into a peaceful mien. I felt oddly comfortable and at ease. Silence enveloping Hayate and I. It almost reminded me of old times—and suddenly the moment was gone. I could not go back. The past was done, and there was the future to conquer. I would not be weak like Hayate—crippled by the sins of the past. I would trample over anything to obtain what I deserved.

He began to stir. I watched him with amusement and curiously reflected that his existence had defined me for so long. That he was essential to me. The one who thought my eyes were interesting. The one who had seen me as more than a demon. I placed Dante aside and made my way over to him. I had neglected to wash his face; the streak of tears seemed too delicious to wipe away.

I knelt down and kissed him lightly on his cheek, as if to absorb the tear streaks. As if to beg for his forgiveness. The sudden desire to be gentle passed. I wanted him gone—out of my sight—before I crumbled any further. I turned away from him and said, "You have been remiss of your duties. I expect you on deck within the hour."

"Yes Captain," he answered immediately, "I apologize for my negligence."

I remained facing the window as he left. I could not show him anymore of my weaknesses. In order to remain captain of this ship and to achieve my goals, I needed to become the demon I had been accused of being from the beginning. A merciless demon of the sea.