AN: Hi. Enjoy.

Chapter 4

I was sitting in Edward's lap. My excuse was that there wasn't enough chairs. The real reason is that watching Edward's embarrassment was addictive and a complete turn-on.

"You see that we can't stop having sex. Not during school hours, of course. That would just be horrible!" I nibbled on Edward's ear and made him squirm. I looked up grinning. "As soon as the bell rings than it's on! Could I get another cup, please? It's a delightful brew! Ecuadorian?"

"Folgers," Al, the poor man who lead the group, fanned himself with one of those black and white composition notebooks that schoolchildren used. The whole group had them. I wanted to read them and find out all of their kinky secrets. The poor souls. I almost felt bad for making up all these elaborate stories to get Edward worked up. Not bad enough to stop or anything.

I counted this as our first date. I should take him to get something to eat. My treat, of course. I was a feminist and could buy my man food. I imagined feeding him a strawberry milkshake. He would lick it off his straw so slow. I would let him lick it off my boo—

Edward shifted under me. "Bella! You need to stop talking now!"

I looked around at the flustered people around me who were squirming in their seats. I giggled. "I said that out loud? Sorry! My lover gets me so worked up that I can't help having fantasies all the time. Once we were having Thanksgiving Dinner with his family and I just rambled on about how I was going to satisfy him in the pantry. This was during dessert. His poor aunt fainted into her pumpkin pie. It was horrifying. That was until he made me come next to his mother's preserves and the spices."

"There is something terribly wrong with you," he hissed in my ear. It was sexy.

"I know. Isn't it grand!" I whispered back as I bit into his ear again. He let out a growl. "Baby, this year at Daddy's we need to be very quiet. We can use the shed he uses to clean the fish."

I would definitely put out on the first date. This isn't always the case, but Edward's special.

A rather buxom woman leaned down and flashed the crowd with her twins. She clutched a paper plate filled with donuts and grapes. "Would the fish still be in the shed?"

"Do you wish for there to be fish in the shed?" I inquired. I read her name tag. "Irina?"

Her blue eyes grew wide. "Oh yes! I like the smell of fish. It reminds me of my papa's fishing boat. I used to make sweet love to a boy named Demetri where they loaded up the fish. Our passion consummated on a burlap sack, Annie Gables."

I made up an alias for our name tags. Edward was Harry Radcliffe. I felt this made me look smart, but Edward was just confused about my ideas on role playing.

"I think it's great and smelly advice, Irina. It's about time that my love learned how to remove scales and make whoopee next to all our hard work. Just like they did in olden times!" I glanced back at Edward who looked green in the gills. "You know we should get a drink, Irina. I bet you have the best stories."

A big guy named Felix with tattoos of mermaids looked at Irina with stars in his eyes. He crooned, "She really does!"

He loved her. I should play matchmaker. I could wear a scarf around my head and pretend this was Fiddler on the Roof, the Naughty Edition.

"Bella, we should be going!" Edward pleaded.

I took a leisurely sip of coffee and sighed. "What he means to say is that he wants to be coming in me."

"Why is he calling you a different name?" Al questioned. I think he was getting suspicious.

I stood up and stretched. "Pet name. Means beautiful. Isn't my Harry the dreamiest? Who needs more coffee?"

Edward kind of smiled when I winked at him.

"Do you feel no shame about how sex has such a strong power over you?" Al asked. He pointed to a picture of Jesus holding a lamb.

For a moment I felt awful with the picture of Jesus smiling benignly at me. That was until I saw Jasper walk in with Alice. He was holding her hand tightly. "Al, what are you doing here? This is supposed to be the AA meeting."

You have to be kidding me. It was time to teach Mr. Whitlock a lesson.

I skipped over to him. "Why so pleased to meet you! I'm Annie Gables, originally from Nova Scotia. Do you have fornication problems like my Harry and I do?"

Jasper's mouth dropped open in shock.

Alice saw the twinkle in my eye. She spoke in a very thick English accent. "How lovely to meet you, Annie! I'm Alice. I'm from England. My Jasper has a predilection for dressing up in a white, fluffy rabbit costume when we make love. He makes me dress like a queen covered in hearts and shout that I want to lop off someone's head. Isn't that quite odd?"

"It is scandalous indeed, Miss Alice! It makes Harry chasing me around the house while he only wears a wizard's hat seem quite benign! Would you care for some coffee, my dear?" I took her hand to lead her over to the coffee urn.

She shook her head sadly. "I'm a tea type of lady."

"They have Lipton's!"

Alice clapped her hands joyfully. "How lovely!"

"What are you doing here?" I whispered into her ear. "Jasper want to sober you up too? They changed times. This is the sexy is bad group."

She giggled and linked arms with me. "He wants us to pray about his lustful thoughts about me. I was positively an innocent last night, but he's having dirty dreams about me. I think he needs to ditch the Snow Queen and make some of his dreams come true."

That's when I heard Edward start laughing. It started with a chuckle and became a full bodied belly laugh.

Jasper asked confusion, "Edward, what is the matter with you?"

"You must be mistaken. My name is Harry. Annie, we have reservations to get some lunch. Thank you for the meeting, but I think we'll be just fine." He came over and linked our fingers.

Alice patted his shoulder. "Sounds like a jolly good plan. I think I will walk out with you."

"We were going to head to the altar, Alice," Jasper came running over and almost tripping over his own feet. "Pray to God for guidance."

Alice turned to the Jesus poster. "Jesus, please give Jasper the bravery to follow his own heart and do the right thing. Also, please make sure I have enough money in my purse to add fries to my order at McDonald's."

"I'll be buying you lunch somewhere nice, Alice." Jasper held out his hand.

"You'll be buying me wine," she stated resolutely.

He looked cranky, but I knew he would do what she said.

I made sure to get Irina's number before we left. That girl was a trip!

It just shows you what some creativity and positive thinking would get you. What looked to be a bad morning actually ended up to be way Edward looked carefree it seemed he was thinking that too.

XXXXXX

I was trying to play footsie with Edward under the table of this cute bistro near the high school. It was the place that served quiche and salads created with organic greens drizzled in a homemade vinaigrette. It wasn't a place for me to be getting frisky, but that hasn't stopped me before.

"You're kicking me under the table," he stated .His words jolted me from watching him eat some fancy sandwich that had watercress and sprouts.

"It's called flirtatious foot nudging. You should try it sometime. If you stayed still I could rub that same foot up your thigh." I innocently sipped my wine.

He sucked down his iced tea and looked flushed.

"Bella, what are we doing here? Is this something you consider to be fun times? Will it lead to more serious pursuits like marriage and raising children?"

I rubbed my face. "I have no idea, Edward. We haven't officially been out on a real date. Though sex addiction meetings could be considered some interesting foreplay."

The waiter refilled my water with wide eyes. I grinned at him. "How you doin'?"

Edward stifled a laugh. "Bella—"

"You can be happy. It looks good on you, Edward." I stood up. "I'm not sure what's happening here, but I want to discover it with you. I'm going to head to the bathroom."

I didn't make it there, because Edward grabbed me by the waist and spun me around into his arms. He kissed me until I was weak in the knees.

"What was that?" I asked breathlessly.

"That was me kissing you, Miss Bella Swan." He kissed the tip of my nose.

Every person in that restaurant was watching us. Actually, there wasn't that many people. The food was pretty good so I found that confusing. Though not as confusing as Edward just attacking my lips in the middle of the room. It was very predictable like in a generic romantic movie. It was possible that his iced tea was spiked or possibly he ordered the Long Island variety and I just hadn't noticed.

"Are you sick?" I placed my hand on his forehead. He felt cool.

"No. I'm fine." He pulled away slightly. "I think the best idea is wooing."

"Naked wooing?"

My words made him frown. "No. Wooing in the way it was done in the days of old. You are quite a hyper sexualized woman, Bella."

"Are you taking sex off the table?" There goes my dreams of taking him back to my house and making a man out of him. I think he might be a virgin and this is his attempt of putting off getting vertical. I bet he's been studying the Karma Sutra. It's probably scaring him. You've got to be very limber to do some of that stuff.

"We will be working our way to making love. I will be performing for you the human equivalent of the mating dances of male birds of paradise. You will then think of me as more than just a stuffy biology teacher." He seemed to be getting excited at the prospect of his weird dance idea.

I played with the collar of this shirt. "Will this dance includes stripping?"

"Bella, I'm not talking about actually dancing!"

"I can get you a g-string," I helpfully suggested.

"I'm talking about moonlight dinners. Walks on the beach to talk about our hopes and dreams. Sweet kisses in a canoe as I row us around a lake on a sunny day." Edward pulled out his wallet and tossed money onto the table. "Let us go take a walk in the park and stomp in the dried leaves."

"Stomp dried leaves?" I let him lead me out of the restaurant. "I can think of other things we can do."

He stopped abruptly and grinned. "Something naked?"

"You're starting to figure me out, Mr. Cullen." This made me laugh. "Seriously though, I have sketches to grade."

"Grading them naked, Miss Swan?" Oh my! He can actually tease when he wants to.

"Edward, would you like to grade naked with me? You can bring over quizzes about chlorophyll and we can mark papers with a red pen. If you're a good boy, you can mark me afterwards."

This just made him groan.

I squeezed his hand and continued, "How about I make some tea and we can grade papers and listen to jazz. It soothes me when I have to try to find something positive about Michael Newton's artwork. I can't stand that little punk."

"That boy is a menace," Edward agreed. "He tried to steal the cow eyes we were going to be dissecting."

"What for?"

Edward grimaced. "I really don't want to know."

"Tea?"

He gave me a hug. "Tea."

XXXXXX

Two Hours Later

I was straddling Edward on my couch. "Don't be such a big baby."

"Don't Bella!"

He was such a child.

"Will you hold still?" I implored. Both of his hands were in mine. He was trying to move me off his lap, but there was no budging. I was an excellent mechanical bull rider. There was no way this bull was going to knock me off.

"Bella!" He cried.

I mashed my lips onto his and, as he was distracted by my mouth, I plucked the splinter out of his thumb.

Only Edward could manage getting a splinter from my coffee table.

Instead of kissing his mouth, I kissed his boo boo. "Feel better?"

Edward flipped me over onto my back. He started kissing me. His fingers grasped my waist.

Once he stopped so we could breathe, I asked, "What about wooing?"

"Making out can be wooing."

"Nice." I put his one hand on my breast. "Can I add touching my breasts as a part of this wooing?"

"I accept this in the wooing negotiations." He started sucking on my neck.

Lesson one of teaching Edward Cullen the ways of love is negotiation is a powerful tool. More powerful is fixing his boo boos. If he breaks a finger we might manage to make it to third base. One can only hope.