Chapter Fifteen: Rehearsal Night from Hell
When it's finally time to get ready for our rehearsal, the night before the wedding, we're all buzzing with nervous excitement. Everyone is rushing around trying to get our ducks in a row, when the doorbell rings. I rush to answer it and find, that leaning in our doorway, is Beatrice Pangborn. At least, it looks like Beatrice. After a second look, I realize that this girl is barely half alive and I need to get her inside, now!
"By the Angel, what happened to you, Beatrice?" I ask as gently as I possibly can. I realize right away that she probably can't even answer me because her lips are swollen shut. Her face is bruised so it's nearly unrecognizable; in fact if not for her jet black hair with its distinctive style, I wouldn't have recognized her at all. And on closer inspection her hair is matted through with blood. Her dress, which looks like it used to be a long flowing gown is torn to well above the knees. It's a crimson red color, so at first it isn't noticeable but as I continue to take in the scene it becomes evident there's blood everywhere.
"Iratze." She says in a shaky muffled voice, but I'm already pulling out my stele as she speaks. I quickly draw my most powerful healing rune, and it starts to work just a little bit, but it should have fixed her up completely. So, I have one more thing I can try. "MAGNUS!" I yell, which was apparently unnecessary because he's just entering the room. As soon as Beatrice sees the warlock out of her swollen half shut eyelids, she freaks out and starts shaking her head, no.
"Try immobilizing her, and maybe a calming rune." He says quickly approaching us in spite of her protests.
"Will it work? My healing rune didn't!" I say, exasperatedly.
"Just draw them, Clary, please!" He says. So I do, and she immediately goes still and quiets down, although she still looks nervous.
"I don't get it, why didn't my other rune work then?" I ask while he begins to work on Beatrice.
"She's spelled. I've seen this before and I think I know who did it. Before the Accords, sometimes warlocks would use this spell on particularly bothersome Shadowhunters, like the kind who hate Downworlders. They would beat the person within an inch of their life and then spell them in such a way that they cannot be healed with runes. It's a practice that was very rare in its time and only ever performed by the darkest of warlocks. I haven't seen this happen in all the time since the accords though. It was outright banned when they were written.
"That's absurd! Can she be healed by magic?" I ask as he continues assessing Beatrice.
"We're about to find out, but I don't see why not. Tessa and I are the only other warlocks in Alicante right now, and I'll bet he didn't know she'd come here. So he probably didn't think to spell her against being healed by the likes of me." He says, blue sparks running from his fingers.
"But Magnus, isn't the warlock representative the only other warlock in Alicante? Surely you aren't suggesting that the party responsible for this could be the council's high warlock?" I ask, silently pleading that he could be wrong. Elias Locke was recently elected to his position on the council because they believe that choosing such a young warlock will bring them a fresh perspective. I've met him several times since we've been in Alicante, and he seems nice. Not the type of person who would do something like this.
"That is, in fact, precisely what I am suggesting. Now Clary, would you mind getting me some towels please? Healing her is going to take a while and I'd like to get her cleaned up a bit." He says. I nod robotically and head off to find towels and let everyone else know of the situation.
When I get back, I notice right away that Magnus doesn't look too happy. I kneel down beside them and realise his face is streaked with tears. "Talk to me, Magnus please! It's really bad, isn't it?" I ask.
"Oh Sweety. Unfortunately, he didn't just hit her, Clary. He also raped her. Badly. She was coherent for a few minutes while you were gone and she spoke briefly about what happened. She confirmed that it was Elias. It seems she was spouting off her usual anti-Downworlder bigotry at the pub and Elias overheard. He waited until she left and cornered her on her way home." He sighs.
"Her body will eventually recover but I'm not so sure about her mental health. Because of the things he said to her, she actually believes this was her own fault. He brainwashed her into thinking that she deserves this! If it were simply a spell, I could reverse the damage, but this was all done psychologically. The only thing that will heal her now is proper treatment and nurture. And it's going to take a long time, years if not longer. I'm so, so sorry." Magnus is clearly distressed and feeling helpless and so am I. Beatrice may not be the most likable girl, but she does not deserve this! No one does. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through.
"Clarissa?" I hear her faintly say.
"I'm here, Beatrice. I'm here." I say softly, taking her hand.
"Don't leave me, please?" She begs insistently, with what little strength she has. I look at Magnus, wondering why it's me that she wants to stay with her, given our brief and somewhat tumultuous history.
"You were the first person she saw, since her attack and you helped her. In her current state, that makes you the only person she feels she can trust at the moment." He says, looking somewhat defeated.
"I won't leave you, Beatrice. Magnus is going to be working on you for a while, to make you better okay? I'll be by your side for as long as you need me, alright?" I say, clasping her hand. I smile sincerely at her and I want to silently convey to her somehow through my body language and actions that we will do everything in our power to make this okay for her somehow. I notice out of the corner of my eye, that Izzy is standing in the doorway beckoning me.
"Beatrice, I want you to turn your head that way, if you can." I say. She complies with a groan of pain. "Do you see, over there across the room, where Izzy is standing?" I ask. She nods. "Well I have to go across the room and stand over there for just a bit to talk with her, alright? I will keep an eye on you the entire time and be back as quick as I can. If you need anything, anything at all, just yell for me, okay?" I ask gently.
"Okay, but please hurry back Clary." She nods pathetically.
"I will, I promise!" I smile reassuringly and walk over to Izzy, making sure to turn back around to face Beatrice as I do so.
"I have to talk here, we have to make it quick and she wants me to keep an eye on her. The girl is so traumatized Izzy, and because I was the one who came to the door, I'm the only person she trusts so she'll only talk to me. I don't know what to do, Iz." I sigh, reaching for Izzy and holding her in my arms for comfort.
"Clary, they sent me to let you know that Tessa has been able to track Elias, he's running, but for some reason, he's still somewhere in Idris. We have a shot at catching up with him if we go now. I was supposed to ask you to come with us, it would be a help to have the extra rune power but obviously, you can't leave Beatrice. So what I want to know instead is, are you alright if the boys and I go along on the hunt for this creep? They will need all the Shadowhunters they can get on this if we have any shot at bringing him in. I know the timing is horrible but we can't afford to waste another minute, okay?" She asks me, her eyes pleading for me to be okay with this.
"As much as I'd like to be there when they catch this bastard, you're right, I can't leave Beatrice like this. So you guys go ahead but before you do, I'm coating you each in my runes so that at least they can help you out even while I'm not there to." I say, reaching for my stele. I ensure Isabelle is thoroughly runed and then ask her to send the boys in, one at a time, so as not to frighten Beatrice. Then I go right back to her side.
"Beatrice, Sweety, my family are going out right now to be on the team that captures this asshole but don't worry, I'll be staying right here by your side. I just need to go to the doorway again when Jace and Jon come by here to get their runes drawn on, alright?" I say. She nods slightly and I know she's thinking about the possibility of them catching Elias when a single tear rolls down her cheek. I want to reach out to her and hug her tightly and tell her it's okay. But I know that in her fragile state, both physically and emotionally, that would do more harm than good. So instead, I continue holding her hand and praying that we'll catch a break and get this guy.
Beatrice and I say a few words to each other once in a while and I try to cheer her up slightly but mostly I let her rest. I must have fallen asleep myself sometime later because when I wake up again, I realize it's been six hours since everyone left. The only ones who stayed behind, beside Magnus and I, are my parents and Max, because he is too young to go.
"How's Beatrice?" I ask Magnus, who also hasn't left her side it seems.
"She's doing a lot better physically. It'll still be a couple of days for her wounds to heal completely and that's only if she keeps taking the potions I've mixed up for her. Otherwise, it could take months. She's been awake for a few brief stretches here and there and your parents have come by a few times to check on her. She overheard them one time talking about whether you would cancel the wedding and she got very upset. She said she doesn't want you to cancel your wedding. She asked me if she'll be well enough to attend by then and I said yes, as long as she takes it easy. She asks that you please go ahead with your ceremony and celebrations. Says it will give her a feeling of normalcy to be out among friends. And Clary, I quite concur." He says.
I had totally forgotten that this is technically the morning of our wedding day. The rehearsal never even happened with everything that went on last night, so the wedding hasn't even been on my mind. Everything since Beatrice showed up at our door has just been a blur and frankly, I don't even know if Izzy and the boys will be back in time to go ahead with things. "We'll have to play it by ear, but if that's what she really wants, I'll do everything in my power to make it happen." I sigh. "Do you think emotionally she's going to recover?" I ask him.
"Tough to say." He exhales, as my parents walk in to check on her again. "She has a lot of anxiety and I wish there was someone around that she might talk to who has been through something like this and has healed. It might help her to see the silver lining so to speak." He says. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dad nod in agreement and whisper to Jocelyn.
"Jocelyn, go and fetch Amatis, would you, please?" Dad whispers. Jocelyn nods and, throwing a coat on, heads out the door. I go up to Dad to find out what that little aside was about.
"I don't understand Dad. No offense to Aunty Amatis, but what is she supposed to do?" I ask.
Dad sighs and shakes his head. "Clarissa, I'm sorry. I can't answer that because it isn't for me to say. Let's just say, if anyone will understand this from Beatrice's point of view and be able to help her heal from this… it is Amatis. Fair enough?" He says very quietly, so no one overhears and that's when I realize. The reason he thinks Amatis can help is because something like this must have happened to her at some point in her life. And never in a million years would I have guessed that.
Now, this whole thing is making me start to wonder. How many women does it happen to? How many people that we know, or that we pass by, going about our daily lives are victims of rape? How many lives are ruined by some asshole who can't keep his hands to himself? I look my father in the eyes and I know that he recognizes this moment for what it is.
I can fight horrific, horrible, demons. I can deal with being discriminated against, because my partners and I choose a different lifestyle than most people. I can deal with almost anything but this? This goes over my head and this scares me. I'm never afraid. Fear isn't supposed to be in my vocabulary and I don't know how to handle it. This? This is the moment that my innocence is truly lost. And how do I process it? The answer… I channel it… into anger.
"I hate them Dad! I hate Elias Locke! And I hate whoever hurt Aunty Amatis! I hate them and I hope they rot in hell! I hope they die. I hope that they and everyone else like them are punished for their atrocities. They should not get away with it, they should not be allowed!" I yell, thankful that it's only Dad and Maryse and Magnus around to hear my outburst.
"Be careful what you wish for, Clarissa." He sighs, looking like I just punched him.
"What do you mean, Dad?" I say, starting to get a very bad feeling about this.
"You're right about the fact that it should not be allowed to happen. However, if every sex offender was killed for their crime, then two very innocent children we know would not have a father right now and I would have lost my Parabatai." He says quietly, unable to meet my eyes. What? Surely I misheard that!
"You aren't suggesting what I think you're suggesting, surely?" I say, shock and horror overtaking me. "I want you to tell me, right now, Dad, what happened to Amatis!" I exhale sharply.
"Nothing like this, that's for certain. What happened to Beatrice was an intentional act of violence designed to cause her pain. If you sit down and calm yourself, I will tell you the story, but it isn't public knowledge and I implore you to keep it that way. The Graymark family has suffered enough prejudice without anyone fueling that fire, promise?" He asks me.
"Fine, but I want the whole story and I want the honest truth, not just some sugar coated version for publication, please." I yield.
"That's fair and that's what you'll get." He says. "You know that there was a time when your uncle Lucian was bitten by a werewolf and was in danger of contracting Lycanthropy, right?" He asks and I nod.
"Well, sufficed to say that on that night, he was distraught. He should have been able to come to me as his Parabatai, to discuss his problem. It was my responsibility to be there for him though his struggles. However, at the time I was a loose cannon myself. Hell bent on revenge against Downworld and the Clave for what I deemed to be irreconcilable grievances that I had with them. He knew that as zealous as I had become, I wouldn't have listened if he had told me about his predicament. So instead, He sought to drown his sorrows in a bottle. Of course, as is usually the case all that served to do was make his situation worse. He left the pub highly inebriated and sought comfort from the one person who he knew would not turn him away, his sister.
"Now at that time, Amatis was still married to Jace's father, Stephen. But that particular night, he was not at home. He was out, on a mission for me. So Lucian shows up at his sister's door and seeks solace from her. But in his distraught and intoxicated state, he forgets himself. You see, Lucian and Amatis were always emotionally close. Some would have said too close. But whatever they may have felt for one another in those days, they had never acted on it. If he had come to her with his confessions of love before she was wed to Stephen, I wager she would have decided to be with Lucian.
"However, while there were many things Amatis would willingly do for her brother, cheating on her husband wasn't one of them. Lucian, on the other hand, his mind filled with all of my wretched anti-Downworld propaganda and a fresh set of werewolf tooth marks glistening at his throat, believed he had nothing left to live for. He felt that he was turning into a monster, so he decided to act like one. She feebly protested, torn between what she believed to be the right thing and her feelings for her brother. I don't even think Lucian registered that it wasn't consensual, until Stephen came home and found them together.
"Stephen threw him out the door and began beating him mercilessly. But even in her distressed state, Amatis wouldn't let her brother be killed. She threw herself in front of him, thus preventing his death at the hands of her husband. The next morning, Stephen begged her to press charges. But she would not condemn her brother, whom she loved dearly in spite of his actions, to be punished thusly. She knew her brother well enough to know that his guilt over the matter would be plenty punishment enough. I think that to some extent, he still carries that burden all these years later and he will continue to carry it for the rest of his life.
"Stephen felt that in choosing to spare Lucian, Amatis was choosing to side with her brother over him. He told her that if she would not press charges, their marriage was effectively over. She believed that if he truly loved her, he would not make her choose. So they divorced quickly and quietly and Stephan begged me to find him someone he deemed would be 'a more suitable wife'. Enter, Céline Montclaire. And time healed the Graymarks and renewed their love for one another. And a few years later, Lucian proposed to Amatis. They've been blissfully happy ever since, as I'm sure you can't deny.
"Clarissa, I'm only telling you this story because we're bringing Amatis in to help with Beatrice. I know you are upset about what happened to your friend and, believe me that was a terrible, terrible, crime for which Elias Locke will dearly pay. However, you simply can't paint every picture with the exact same brush and I think you know that. Now Clary, you do love your uncle Lucian, right?" He asks me.
"Well… I am very, very upset with him. But, I suppose, when I really think about it, I do ultimately still love him. It just hurts me to think that he could treat her that way! That he could treat any woman that way. That, any man might treat a woman that way. It's a lot to take in. Before today, the only context I ever thought of rape in, was where it pertained to demons and the production of baby warlocks. I suppose I knew that sometimes it happens to mundanes at the hands of other mundanes. But the thought of it happening to a fellow Shadowhunter, of someone I know being disrespected in that manner, it hits too close to home, Dad. It's so unnerving!" I say, tears streaming down my face, despite the fact that I seldom cry.
"I know that, Clarissa. And believe me if there was anything that I could say that I thought would fix any of this for you, I would say it. But the fact of the matter is, sometimes, the world can be a cruel place. We must try to remember, that it is also a very beautiful one. And I know it's not any consolation, given the circumstances, but if nothing bad ever happened in the world, we wouldn't have any cause to appreciate its beauty either.
"And we mustn't forget that something very beautiful is about to happen within your own family later today. Beatrice has asked that the wedding go on as planned, because she believes that attending it might bring her a sense of normalcy. Plus, it will be her Iris Germanica that you carry in your bouquets, and I think that seeing the beautiful flowers she worked so hard to grow might do her some good as well and remind her of happier times, understand?" I nod and give Dad a hug, happy to know that my family is always there for me, no matter what I'm going through.
Just then, the front door bursts open and several weary Shadowhunters pour through it. The noise causes Beatrice to stir and as she wakes, she looks just as anxious as I am to hear what happened. Izzy comes straight over to her and leans down at her level. "Beatrice honey… we got him." She says, her eyes tearing. "Now most of us wanted to lynch him on the spot, of course. It was, however brought to our attention that to do so would be breaking the accords. So he's going to be tried and convicted. Don't worry though, if you don't think you can attend the trial you don't have to. Enough of us have seen the damage done to you to get him convicted without your testimony, okay?" Izzy smiles.
"Thank you Isabelle. But when the trial happens, I want to be there for it. I want to watch his punishment be handed down. I want to see his face when he realizes he isn't getting away with hurting me. And as soon as I am well, I want to talk to him in person, please." She says quietly. I can understand her desire to be at the trial, but I also believe that talking to him one on one could be physiologically damaging, so I tell her that.
"I realize, he will probably say even more hurtful things to me and I know to expect that. But regardless of what happened to me, I am aware that I instigated the events of last night with my own hatred. If I hadn't said all of those horrible things at the bar, I wouldn't have incurred Elias's wrath. Don't worry. I'm not saying that what happened to me is my fault. It's just that, now I know how it feels to have someone hurt you badly. And it's got me thinking, how many people in my lifetime may have been hurt by the things I've said.
"I plan to issue a formal apology at the trial for my blatant disregard of the accords. But I'd also like to apologize to Elias because, he's probably going to be sentenced to death for this and I don't want him to die without clearing the air between us. I understand that he might not be receptive to that and that's fine. I just know that I will feel a lot better from my end if I make this right." She says. And it's the most I've heard her say since this happened. Her speech has moved me and made me see Beatrice in a new light. Obviously this experience has changed her. Maybe it's even made her a better person. I guess there is a silver lining after all.
At this moment, Mama gets back with Amatis in tow. Maryse pulls me aside while introductions are made between Beatrice and Amatis. "You've done a lot for Beatrice, Sweety and I know she appreciates it. The best thing you can do for her right now, is to get some rest for your wedding. Beatrice wants you to go on as planned. So I suggest your family spend the morning sleeping and we'll wake you when it's time to get ready, alright?" She smiles. I nod feebly, thinking that after everything that's happened, sleep is sounding pretty good.