Chapter 4 Dealing with it

Charlie woke up with his heart pounding. Bella was screaming bloody murder in her bedroom.

"Edward! No!" she called out followed by a heart-wrenching sob. "No, Edward! Please no! Help me!"

Charlie ran to her room and held her hand. He knew now not to shake her awake. She had to wake from the dream on her own, or else she would not get back to sleep. He gently brushed his thumb over the back of her hand willing the dream to end quickly, realizing something had happened to cause her dreams of the accident to start again. Charlie still thought it was unusual for her to have such a scar from a car accident, but Carlisle insisted she was fine and the lack of quick medical care on her honeymoon would not affect her.

"Dad," Bella whispered as she finally awoke from the nightmare she had been free of for months. "Sorry, I woke you up. I've been doing good."

"That's what I'm here for, don't you worry about it all," Charlie reassured her as he got up from the chair by her bed. "When are you going to tell me what happened?"

"It wasn't much, I just slipped off the bar stool. Greg tried to help me up, but really he just pushed my shirt up and everyone saw the scar," Bella told him plainly, trying to keep the shudders she felt creeping up. Charlie still thought the scar was from the car accident and there was no way she wanted him to think it was anything else.

"Thanks for coming in, Dad. Really, though, I am fine. I just didn't want other people to see it, ever. It's such an unusual scar, people want to inspect it closer. It feels weird, and I don't really like people that close to me. You know how I am. Ever since the accident, and losing Edward, I'm not ready for people to be that close. Maybe someday, but right now, I want to focus on school and making some friends," Bella explained, yawning.

"Well, kid, let's get back to sleep. It'll be alright, you'll see. Everybody has scars they don't want to share with others, whether you can see them or not," Charlie said before heading off to his room.

Bella turned on her side and let the silent tears fall. Widow, she was a widow. It was hard to believe, though the hardest part was keeping the truth from Charlie. It wasn't like she could go see a therapist and talk about what happened. Her parents thought she had been in a car accident while on her honeymoon. The story was their car slipped on a muddy downhill road and crashed into a tree at the bottom, instantly killing Edward and severely injuring Bella. Bella wiped her tears knowing that wasn't what happened at all.

She didn't really miss Edward, not after what had happened. She sighed rubbing her belly. She would always wonder what would have happened with the baby that was growing in her belly. All that she had left were horrific memories and a scar; the biggest, ugliest scar possible.

Without her control, the flashbacks started. Realizing on her honeymoon that she was late, looking at the box of tampons, and feeling a little nudge. The smile that broke out on her face, the racing of her heart as she knew she had to tell Edward. The smile on Edward's face when she told him what she suspected. Everything had seemed wonderful, perfect. They headed back to Washington early because Edward wanted to make sure she was healthy. Carlisle met them at the airport, whisking them off quickly in his car. Edward and Carlisle were whispering, but Bella wasn't really worried that she couldn't hear. She stared out the window, picturing herself and Edward at their home in Forks when she was 9 months pregnant. It really wasn't what she had planned for her future, but it made her happy. They might have to delay heading to Dartmouth, but with his family, they could manage school and a baby.

Bella started breathing fast. It had seemed like a dream at the point, who knew she was headed for a nightmare. She didn't want to remember it. She wanted it to all go away, to go back in time and do things differently. Bella curled tighter under the covers as she willed the images to go away. They wouldn't, she realized, as the rest came to her.

They had pulled over to a gas station, as Bella looked around. Edward got out and came around to her, smiling lovingly. "Hey," he said quietly. "We're almost there and then Carlisle will be able to check you out." Bella nodded, stretching up to peck Edward on the mouth. She should have noticed then that he didn't kiss her back, but she didn't. She was in her own world, her happy bubble.

Later they had arrived at a house she didn't recognize. "Edward? Where are we? I thought we were headed back to the house so Carlisle could check me out?" she asked.

"Bella, we don't want the wolves to know we're back, so we're here at another house in Washington," Edward responded, bringing up the one person she didn't want to think about right now, knowing how she had crushed his heart at the wedding.

They walked in together to the house and Carlisle led them to what was clearly his office, only a smaller version of the original. He started taking out equipment to check her out. He'd already started jotting notes down, and turning on machines. The fluttering heartbeat could be heard with vampire hearing, but not Bella's ears. Carlisle placed the transducer for the ultrasound on her abdomen and began swirling it around, clicking and concentrating. Bella waited impatiently for information on her little guy, smiling nervously at Edward as he stood staring. Bella knew Carlisle was communicating his thoughts to Edward and was mildly annoyed they weren't telling her anything yet.

"So, what can you see?" Bella asked, looking to Edward for reassurance that she was ok.

Things had seemed fine after that night. They assured her everything was fine but the baby was growing faster than expected. Edward and Carlisle insisted she stay there to keep the wolves from finding out about her pregnancy. There was so much they didn't know about it and they needed to keep her and the baby safe. Of course, Bella complied because she now had someone else to think of and keep alive.

Edward rarely left Bella alone, only leaving to hunt for a while when necessary. None of the other Cullens came to the house, except Carlisle, but Edward assured her this was to keep up appearances in town that they were still on their honeymoon. That was what everyone thought and they didn't want to change that.

About 3 weeks later, Fate, reared her ugly head and there was a knock at the door. More like a pounding, a relentless pounding. Bella wondered how someone had snuck up without Edward knowing. He should have been able to read their thoughts.

"Edward? Who's at the door?" she called out to the house, as the banging continued. Grunting, she pushed herself off the edge of the chair and headed to the window to look down and see who was there.

She gasped. Jacob? What the hell was he doing here? How did he know? How did he find her? She waddled her way down the stairs, grasping the rail carefully.

"Coming!" she called out not wanting him to leave before she got there. She opened the door a crack, and said, "Jacob? What are you doing here?"

"Bella! Thank God. I knew I would find you. I was at the Cullen's house and I knew I could smell you on Carlisle. He said you were still gone. But clearly, you're here, hiding. What the hell?" he ranted at her. "You gonna let me in, or what? Where's Edward anyway? I can't believe he didn't answer the door before I got here just waiting to make me leave."

"Jacob, come on, stop. You know Edward wouldn't do that. He and I are married now, he knows you and I are friends. Of course you can come in," she said, as she stepped back to open the door further, wondering where Edward had gone as she was never left alone.

Jacob stood there, staring at her, not moving at all. It was creepy the way he was so still because it was just not like him. Without a word, he turned and walked out the door, got in his car and left.

Bella stopped the flashbacks there. She could not take anymore. Her heart couldn't hold all of the grief she was to suffer. She got up from her bed and walked over to her dresser. Digging under her socks and underwear, she pulled out the little blue blanket. It was the only thing she had left of her past. Rubbing it against her face to dry her tears, she went back to bed, clutching the scrap as if it could save her.