"Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen..." Emma couldn't sleep, so she was pacing the length of her room, all forty-two steps across. So far she'd made six or seven laps.
Tomorrow she would be married to a woman she barely knew, a woman who still thought she was a man. If that wasn't fucked up, she really didn't know what else it could possibly qualify as.
The blonde shook her head. She really didn't want to think about Regina right now; she'd known from the start that the best course of action was not to get involved with the brunette. There was no future in a friendship with the other woman – Regina would eventually find out she wasn't a handsome prince, and she would rightly blame Emma for deceiving her. And probably never talk to her again. So what was the point?
But it hadn't been that easy, had it? From the beginning, Emma had recognized something in Regina, a kindred spirit, perhaps. There was a haunted look in the brunette's eyes, when she thought no one was looking, that made Emma think that perhaps she might understand how it felt to be trapped in a gilded cage.
So when Emma had heard that one of the mares was going to foal soon, she'd immediately thought of how much Regina loved to ride. And she'd given instructions to be informed of any change in the mare's condition. She blanched slightly, remembering the birth. Ok, so she hadn't know it would be quite so...messy. Maybe she'd leave future baby horses in Regina's capable hands. Although...the thank you had certainly been worth it. Without her quite realizing it, a silly grin played across Emma's face. She wasn't used to anyone being in her physical space; most people gave her a wide berth, and she naturally avoided anyone who could expose her true gender. So when Regina had pressed a soft thank-you kiss to her cheek...
She didn't blush, and her knees definitely did not get weak. It was in the prince handbook somewhere, she was sure. "Prince will not swoon when beautiful woman kisses him...her...whatever." Yeah, like that. It was right between the finer points of fighting dragons and the socio-economic considerations of rescuing a kingdom full of sleeping people (bottom line, it was way too expensive. Avoid if possible). Falling down on her bed, Emma resolved to do what she did best; not think about it too much, or at all if she could get away with it.
XxXx
Regina threw up twice before breakfast, which thankfully consisted of some kind of tasteless porridge. Clearly someone in the kitchens had cooked for wedding days before and was used to nervous brides. She put a hand to her stomach as it protested, determined to keep down the porridge. The sun had barely risen in the sky, but she'd been up for hours already, surrounded by maids who seemed intent on flaying all of the skin off her body. She'd been primped and scrubbed and done up until she was dizzy. Really, the mass of petticoats under her dress might be the only thing keeping her upright at this point.
The wedding would take place mid-morning, to take advantage of the cool spring air. Privately Regina thought it was just an excuse to get the ceremony out of the way so everyone could get on with the important stuff, like feasting.
"My lady?" A voice at her side startled Regina, but it was just another of the faceless maids, offering her a glass of water.
"Thank you." Regina gulped the water down as greedily as she could in the corseted dress, but as the liquid hit her stomach it protested violently and she had to fight down the nausea. Would this day never be over? And yet she wished it had never come. She had laid awake all night in her bed, watching the yellow moon through the window. As it set slowly, giving way to the harsh light of day, her dreams had set with it. There would be no knight in shining armor, come to sweep her away with true love's first kiss. She would be forever bound to the court and the castle, her only freedom a carefully-guarded ride through manicured hedgerows. The world her mother had bred her for.
She knew she should count her blessings. The Prince was a little standoffish, but unexpectedly sweet, and seemed to be genuinely concerned with her happiness. Still, she knew very little about the man she was about to marry. She had thought that after he'd given the little filly to her that they might become friends, at least, but then he had all but disappeared, nearly running the other way whenever he saw her.
No matter how beautiful the cage, Regina knew that she would soon be trapped forever.
A few short hours later, Regina was standing outside of the ornate doors that lead to the same hall the engagement party had taken place in. Her stomach still hadn't settled down, but thankfully she'd been able to keep everything in its rightful place. Only a few more minutes and the music would change, signaling her entrance.
Regina placed a hand on the cool wood to steady herself, taking one long, slow breath.
She heard the rising chords, felt an encouraging hand on the small of her back. Henry appeared beside her, offering words of comfort as he prepared to lead her down the aisle to her future husband.
Her husband. How long would it take before she was used to thinking that?
The doors swung wide and Regina was momentarily blinded by the kaleidoscope of light filtering through the wide stained glass windows. Motes of dust floated lightly in the still air, flitting freely between rays of red and green and purple.
A blur of faces gazed at Regina expectantly and Henry began to gently walk her down the aisle. For her part, Regina decided that it would be a miracle if she managed to get through the ceremony without fainting. As it was, she could barely feel her legs move as she walked woodenly toward her fate.
At the altar with the priest, Emma stood waiting for her bride in a white suit with heavy golden embroidery. It itched like hell, and as she waited for the guests to file in and the ceremony to start, all she could think about was getting out of it and into something more comfortable. She let out a low bark of laughter at the thought that she couldn't wait for her wedding night only because she wanted to get into her silk bedclothes and go to sleep, but the dour-looking priest shot her a disproving look. She nearly shot him one right back, but thought better of it. It wouldn't do to have the prince excommunicated on his wedding day.
When the doors opened and Regina finally appeared, all thoughts of comfort – all thoughts, period – disappeared completely from Emma's mind as her brain worked overtime trying to burn the image into her memory. She'd never considered herself a particularly sexual person; she had some idea of the mechanics, sure, but she'd never been physically attracted to someone.
The brunette was stunning. Her long hair had been released from its customary braid and tumbled over her shoulders, drawing Emma's gaze down over her long, elegant neck to the delicate swells of the other woman's breasts.
It was like every cliché Emma had ever heard of. Her tongue felt heavy, her mouth dry, yet she still struggled to swallow. Her knees went weak. Her head swam. Her gaze tunneled until all she could register was the vision in white floating toward her.
With supreme effort, Emma managed to get a hold of herself, at least enough to notice that Regina, who had reached the altar and was standing next to her, looked like she was about to pass out. Emma took her hand and offered an encouraging smile, rubbing her thumb in small, slow circles over the soft skin.
Regina shakily returned the smile as they both turned to face the priest, who had begun droning about the unity between man and woman and binding two families together. Regina idly wondered if there was anyone in the hall who bought that 'true love' line. It was no secret that her marriage was a political alliance, like so many others in the nobility.
Snow White caught her eye and gave her a small, secretive wave. Regina smiled at her. Maybe someone still believed in love.
A slight pressure on her hand got her attention and Regina realized that it was time for the wedding vows. The prince turned to face her, his green eyes soft and gentle, soothing away her anxiety for the first time that day.
"From this moment forth, you are blood of my blood, spirit of my spirit."
Emma intoned the standard vows, voice catching only slightly with the enormity of what she was doing. Binding Regina to her forever. She felt faint as she realized that the other woman was well and truly trapped now. There would be no way out for either of them, and Emma herself had doomed her. Because she wasn't stronger, because - be honest - she had wanted to get to know the dark-haired beauty. She should have fought harder, should have convinced her father that this wasn't necessary. There were any number of excuses they could come up with. Hell, making up a curse or prophesy was always a good one. Emma had heard of some witches she could pay off...
"I give you my body, that we two might be one."
Regina spoke the words, and Emma realized there was nothing that could be done. Their fates, for better or worse, were sealed together. Her hand felt numb as she placed the shining gold ring on Regina's finger, imagining it as a shackle. She could almost see the energy flowing through her new wife, the fourth finger of her left hand connected to her heart, both bound and chained.
A kiss, now. Tears glistened in Emma's eyes as she leaned forward to take yet another thing from Regina. Despite herself she gasped as soft lips touched hers. She felt alive. She felt exhilarated. She felt...rather sick, actually, her chest lurching as if she had been spinning like a child, her world tilting.
She broke the kiss and opened her eyes - when had they fallen closed? Regina's steady gaze grounded her, and suddenly all she felt was peace. Emma reveled in it, knowing that it was selfish. Knowing that she would do this all again, to keep the brunette close to her, and hating herself for it.
XxXx
It was late, terribly late when the feasting and dancing and partying finally died down enough for the new couple to slip away. Regina still wasn't sure what her wedding night was going to entail, but anything with Emmett was better than having to listen to her mother telling her over and over again how proud she was. Besides, the thrill of their first kiss was still thrumming through her body, and – wonder of wonders – she found herself oddly exited for the night ahead. Her new husband was handsome, she'd acknowledged that the first time they met. He seemed to care about her...even though she still didn't really know anything about him, perhaps that was something they could fix with time. Maybe he was just as unsure as she had been, and that was why he had been avoiding her.
Her assumptions seemed verified when the prince blushed slightly upon entering the series of rooms that made up their new home, refusing to look either at her or their marriage bad. As the maids worked to divest her of most of her clothes and offered her a light robe to keep her warm in the drafty castle, Emmett wandered nervously around chamber, indecisively entering and leaving the room and jumping anytime a servant got within a few steps of him.
Finally the servants left, whispering and throwing sly glances at the newlyweds.
Regina approached the prince, putting a reassuring hand on his arm. He looked at her quizzically, then sighed.
"Ah, hell." Shrugging off her coat, Emma rolled up the sleeve of her white undershirt. A swift flick of her knife and a few drops of blood spilled onto the bedsheet, staining it a brilliant crimson.
"There, that's enough." She muttered, mostly to herself.
"I-I don't understand..." Regina stared at the sheet in a mixture of shock and not a little horror.
"They'll want to see it in the morning." Emma offered by way of explanation, ripping the stained sheet off the bed and wadding it up in a corner. "It isn't the best situation, but I hope you know that I'm not going to force you into something you don't want." Emma smiled, hoping to put Regina more at ease. "We both know what this marriage is really about, so... you probably don't want me hanging around and bothering you. A lot of couples don't spend the night together except for – you know. There's another set of rooms down the hall, I can bunk there tonight and work something else out in the morning." On a whim, she drew Regina into her arms, not being able to resist nuzzling her nose in dark hair. "If there's anything you need, say the word and it's yours." Picking up her coat and slinging it over one shoulder, Emma hurried out of the room before she could do something she knew she would regret.
Bewildered, Regina sank to the large bed, curling up in one corner and pulling a blanket over her. Whatever she had thought would happen on her wedding night, this was so far outside her realm of understanding that she didn't even know how to deal with it. Had she done something wrong to drive the prince away from her? Why wouldn't he at least stay and sleep in the same room? She had thought, after the kiss they shared...but clearly her feelings had been one-sided. It seemed as if their relationship was constantly in flux; for every step forward, there were two steps back as Emmett retreated into himself.
Exhausted, Regina eventually slipped into sleep, spending the last few hours of her wedding day cold and alone.