Part 6: Nine Lives

The cool water felt heavenly as it rushed over my head and bare shoulders. I never knew I could feel like this. The sound of the waterfalls was all I could hear. For the first time in my life, every other sound was drowned out. It was just the feel of my breathing, the coolness of the water, the smell of tropical flowers and fruits, and the blackness of the night. For the first time in a long time, I was at peace.

Which was ironic considering I had dragged myself off my cot and out of my room only minutes ago because I had been tossing and turning for nearly three hours. A small smile crept onto my face. I never believed I would ever actually be here, in this place, like this. Home seemed far away at this moment. To say I missed my family was an understatement; I yearned to see their faces, to tell them all that had happened. This place, this oasis, this journey had sparked something within me that I never knew existed.

I felt just as much home here in this secluded place, far away from anyone and anything, as I had so many times in my meadow of wildflowers. The thought itself made me take an even deeper breath. The water massaged my skin as I ran my fingers through my hair allowing the full stream to cover my face.

I breathed deep letting the warm crisp night air into my lungs. The smell of cinnamon tickled my nose. Instinctively I turned from the waterfall, allowing my vision to gaze the lagoon's shoreline. Had he been standing there the whole time? I saw through the darkness his figure moving towards me, his bare chest catching the moonlight as he waded through the shallow water to where I was. I just stood still watching him as he drew closer, the roar of the water over me was all I heard. I saw his mouth move but couldn't catch what he said. I stepped forward allowing the water to fall behind me.

"Couldn't sleep?" He spoke again upon seeing my confused face.

"Just felt like a swim." I wiped my face with my hands freeing it of excess water. "I've never been in a more beautiful place."

My eyes once again took in everything around us, the lagoon which stretched out around us, the three waterfalls that fell behind me, the vegetation that grew over and on the cliffs that created a secluded canopy above. Come morning there would be nothing but green and blue, yet now everything was black and silver.

"It's pretty incredible isn't it?" He agreed. "I found some amazing watering holes nearby. We should check them out tomorrow."

"Yeah, that would be fun. Maybe Nahuel and Huilen can show us around the area, I'm sure they know several spots that would be breathtaking to see." I said with a smile. At the mention of Nahuel Jacob's eyes darted away, his expression changing. "You don't like him, do you?"

Jacob's hands moved over the water in circles allowing the rushing stream to form different patterns on the surface. I stared at his face hoping to see some sort of emotion from him. He simply stared at the water as if trying to find something to say. His eyes found mine and he just half-smiled.

"Without him we might not be here." Jacob's voice was soft, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I know. Who knew almost getting killed by Huilen had its upside." I said with a laugh.

"No, I didn't mean…I meant before, Ness, that day in the meadow with the Volturi. It was Nahuel's witness that changed everything. Without him you, Bella, Edward, your family, my pack we might all be dead. I am indebted to him." Jacob heartbeat quickened and even in the dim light of the moon I could tell his face seemed pained.

"You and I would have survived, Jake. My mom made sure of that." I tried to comfort him. Upon seeing his agreeing nod, I dove from where I stood into the water and swam away from the waterfalls. Jacob followed and we swam side by side into the middle of the lagoon.

I don't know why but in that moment I imagined what my life might have been if that moment had gone differently. What if Nahuel had come later, or if Alice couldn't find him in time? How different would my life have been then? I would have grown up on the run from the Volturi, Jacob as my only family. I smiled deeply at the thoughts that flooded my mind. It was too funny not to.

"What's humorous about that?" Jacob asked upon seeing my smile.

"Its just maybe things wouldn't have been so different after all. I mean we might have been here doing exactly this, just the two of us in some remote place of the world where the Volturi couldn't find us." My thoughts darkened. "I shouldn't have found that funny. My family, our friends risked…everything." I began to breathe heavily, my heart pounding "how could I have thought…I'm…that was horrible. I'm horrible."

I stopped swimming, my feet found the rocky bottom, and I stood allowing the current of water to rush around my chest. My body shook as I placed my hands over my face as the memories from that day flooded my mind. I rarely let myself go there, it was too painful. I tried to breathe but felt like I was drowning as if my body had been pushed down into the depth of the lagoon rather than standing. Images of black hooded vampires, the look of anguish and fear on my parent's faces, Jacob's tense body, the quiet tension of the unknown.

"Ness, look at me." I heard Jacob's voice, I felt his warm breath against my face. "You're not horrible." Within moments he had placed his hands on my wrists, gently pulling them from my hidden face. "Nessie, you're not horrible. Please, look at me."

I gave in and let my hands fall with his. He didn't let them go but rather held them to his chest covering them with his own hands. His bare skin felt warm against mine. Slowly I lifted my head to look into his face. He looked concerned for me as if this was a new part of me he had never seen before, yet within his gaze was a confidence that made my body shutter again. Here he was, my Jacob. The Jake that was strong, strong enough to be here with me despite the pain I now knew I was causing him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me what would happen to you?" The words stumbled out of my mouth. "I never…I mean I never realized—"

"I never wanted you to know." Jacob took a deep breath.

"Why?" I shook my head slightly trying to understand him.

"I didn't want it to affect your decision." Jacob looked over me into the darkness around us. He thought carefully for a moment, his brow furrowed, the water dripping down his bronzed face, falling in droplets into the lagoon around us. "Ness I want you." His eyes never left mine and for a moment it felt like I couldn't breathe. "And I want you to decide to be with me because you want to, not because you feel sorry for me or because you don't want to hurt me."

Another shudder rushed over me, so there it is, I thought. The truth. It seemed Jacob was willing to find the bravery and the courage to say how he felt. The only dilemma was I still couldn't, because I still felt lost inside myself. Another flood of guilt and shame washed over me because I knew he was right. I had been making choices to avoid hurting him; I left home to get away from the thought of it.

"You're wrong, Jake." I spoke under my breath. His eyes looked bewildered as if he was trying to connect the dots. "I am horrible, look…look at what I have done to you…look at what I am doing to you."

I felt the tears fall down my cheeks. Jacob raised a hand to my face, but I turned away from his touch and used whatever strength I had to break free of his grasp. Within moments I was to the shore of the lagoon, within seconds I was safe within my room, within minutes my whole body shook as the tears of pain, fear and anguish over all that happened to me as a child and even now found it's way into the pillow that I grasped tightly to me.

I awoke the next morning from a terrible dream. All throughout the night my mind kept revisiting that snowy meadow, but each time there was a different outcome. I first watched on as my family and friends were killed before my eyes, and then Volturi turned on me. Another scene right before it was all finished, Aro convinced his brothers to hold me as a prisoner, to return with them so that I could be studied. My mind seared with the memories of my previous nightmare, my parents walking along the river, over taken by the leopards. Jacob drowning under a sea of spotted creatures whose teeth tore at him. My breath was heavy as I sat bolt upright on my cot. Dawn it seemed was creeping its way through the jungle for the light was not bright yet, rather a pinkish haze had settled on the floor of my room.

I covered my face with my hands as if doing so would somehow calm me down. I wanted to hide, to burrow so down deep into the cot beneath me that nothing would ever make me feel that way again. I knew as much as I wanted it to be it simply couldn't so slowly I lifted myself from my bed. I reached into my hiking bag to grab a change of clothes. Sliding the quilt separating my room to the living area I created some privacy for myself and quickly changed into my jean shorts and flowing white tank top. It wasn't even mid-morning yet and I could already feel the thickness in the air around me. I listened to the world, no one stirred, I heard nothing but the sounds of the jungle, the sound of the jungle mixed with Jacob's heavy breathing. It seemed he was still sound asleep. Huilen and Nahuel were gone, for I could not detect either of their movements around the huts. It seemed I had two choices, stay here and wait or go explore. I chose the later.

I took the freedom I had been given that morning to run, and run and run as fast as my body would take me. I wanted to regain the power I felt my dreams had taken from me. I wanted to dive and bend, move and conquer the ground below me. I followed as many trails as I could, creating an arch around the main camp. Each new path seemed to twist and turn, winding through the jungle like the great river I had seen in the beginning of my journey. The small streams guided my quick steps as I followed them. I rushed along side them until they grew larger and larger, three or four merging sometimes merging into one. I followed the great water until the land around me became sparse.

Within seconds I was forced to stop abruptly, a great precipice was before me. I took pride in my agility; a few seconds more and I would have ran right off the cliff, down into the unknown that lay before me. As I stood there looking out over the world before me, my toes on the edge, I unexplainably felt afraid. A fear that I would fall off the cliff whose rushing water fiercely went off the side and down until I couldn't see it anymore. I figured it fell into a lagoon somewhere below where it obviously gathered before continuing on its journey south.

"You found my favorite spot." A voice startled me from behind, if my feet hadn't been gripping the ground underneath me I might have fallen over right then and there. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I guess custom does dictate that you should never sneak up on a woman."

"This is spectacular, Nahuel." I said with a smile as he stepped beside me. "You can see for miles."

My gaze was transfixed onto the horizon. The sun was bearing down upon us both, its rays full and glowing as it reached out over the vast jungle in front of us. I could see from here where the water flowed and cut across the land. Low lying clouds fell below us. It wasn't until I really looked down that I began to realize how high up we were.

"This is the highest point around us for many miles. I come here every morning and watch the sun greet the land." I glanced back at Nahuel only to see his eyes were closed, yet upon his face was a gentle smile. He looked peaceful. Within moments his eyes opened and upon noticing my stare he simply smiled deeper. "Care to jump with me?" Nahuel extended his hand.

I looked at his hand, his fingers spread open carefully waiting on mine, then back over the cliff. That same unexplainable fear had returned. I had climbed and descended the mountains around home dozens of times, and they were taller than this, at least I thought they were, I honestly had no idea.

"You are afraid." He chuckled in amusement. At its sudden sound several birds leapt from the trees and took flight above us.

"Is that strange?" I asked slightly jarred.

"We are half human, we feel every emotion the way humans do, except unlike humans the vampire aspect makes us sense it more strongly." Nahuel dropped his hand, seeing my obvious confusion. "Standing here in itself is a complex decision for one like us. The humanness in us detects the danger, and we unfortunately have the senses to see every risk. We have the eyes to see the great distance, the ears to hear the rushing water's fall. We instinctively feel afraid of the potential danger. But we can also feel the strength in our muscles, the flexibility in our bodies, the power to accomplish what is before us."

"I trust what I think I know I can do, yet I still am afraid of what might be."

"Ahh, that right there is the source of it all isn't it, what might be?" Nahuel stretched his arms wide as if embracing the whole scene. "What might be? It all comes down to a choice. Will you live in the fear or will you embrace what might be?" Nahuel smile spread over his entire face, his eyes lightening up as the sun's rays fell over us. He extended his hand once again, our toes now crossing the precipice before us. "So which is it today, Renesmee?"

I tore my gaze from his face and looked out over all that was before me. Without looking back at him, I placed my unsteady hand in his firm grasp and within seconds, before I could think twice, our bodies jumped in unison. We soared down, the waterfall splashing over us as we gained speed. I knew this was the closest I would ever come to feeling like I was flying. Our bodies soared through the air, falling gracefully fast into the great river below us. Nahuel held my hand firmly as we braced ourselves for the impact. I straightened my body and within moments I felt the rush of colder water over me as we sunk into its embrace. The current forced my hand from Nahuels and I hit the bottom of the river hard. A searing pain rushed over my left leg. Sucking in the water around me in response, I began choking as I tried to make my way to the surface.

I gasped as my head cleared the surface and I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming. Nahuel was on the other side of the river, his eyes searching the water for me. Upon seeing my reaction his eyes darkened and within moments he was by my side helping me to shore. My eyes focused as I felt the warm earth beneath me.

"Your leg is cut. You must have grazed a rock on the bottom." Nahuel looked worried as his eyes glanced from me to my leg.

I followed his gaze. It took me a moment to take in what I was seeing, a large cut on my right calf from my ankle to my knee was dripping with what I knew was blood. I glanced to Nahuel's face, afraid of what it might do to him.

"Do not fear. Blood is not tempting to me, at least not yours."

I had never hurt myself before. I had seen Charlie cut his hand deep with a knife when trying to learn how to cook. My cut was nothing like that, it seeped blood and it did slowly begin to drip into the rusty earth under it, but nothing like it would have been if it had been Charlie instead. The scent of it was earthy, like metal, the iron in it made it so, yet to a vampire human blood is sweet, so sweet that it can be detected miles away, mine however was faint, only a glimmer of that remained.

"I have never…I've never been hurt before." I asked as I grasped his shoulder to stand. "Have you?"

"Only once, a run in with a southern tribe. Huilen will know how to heal the wound quickly." Nahuel placed his arm around my waist, the other under my arm that draped across his shoulder. "I'm sorry Renesmee, I shouldn't have asked you to jump. I never imagined that this would happen, it's never happened before."

"I guess this falls under the 'what might be' category." Despite Nahuel's obvious concern, he couldn't help but chuckle at the comment.

"Let's get you back." It took only a few steps before he lifted me fully into his arms and with steady and quick movements we made our way through the jungle in the direction of the lagoon.