Part 7: One Pain Lessened
The jungle blurred as we raced through it. Nahuel precision was so much quicker than mine had been earlier. You could tell that he knew every inch of the land, I dared even believe that he knew where each limb, each root, each tree stood. The pain in my leg was decreasing, but I was pretty sure I had already bitten a hole in my lip from trying to not think about the sensation that rolled over me again and again. I figured this was the downside of being what Nahuel and I were, as much as we liked to think we were impenetrable, obviously we weren't. Our skin was tough, almost metal-like, yet I guess even I could bleed. I caught sight of the camp and Nahuel slowed down to a brisk walk as he made his way for the main long house where he could hear Huilen.
"Ness! Jeez, what happened?!" Jacob yelled across the clearing upon smelling the blood. Within moments he was by my side his eye's jerking back and forth between Nahuel and me.
"It's just a cut, I'll be fine." I said through a quince of pain, I adjusted my grip around Nahuel's neck.
Jacob looked as if he didn't know whether to try and take me from Nahuel's arms or just follow along. Nahuel decided for him, within seconds he and I were through the door to the main house and he set me carefully down onto a cot beside the wall. Huilen it seemed was one step ahead, already preparing some sort of medicine, her hands pressed the pestle firmly down as she grinded some sort of plant I couldn't recognize.
"Not to worry. This should do the trick." Huilen said with a smile. "How much pain are you in?"
"Uh, its not as bad as when it first happened." I bit my lip again.
"She's in a lot of pain." Jacob's eyes never left my face.
"Jake—"
"Ness, you never bit your lip that hard unless you're hurt or angry."
"It hurts a lot." I gave in. Jacob was right it was extremely painful no use trying to hide it.
"I'm so sorry, Renesmee, I should have—"
"What was your part in all of this!?" Jacob stood up, his emotions clearing getting the better of him.
"Jacob!" I eyed him and upon seeing my expression he sat back down, trying very hard to control his rising anger. "It's not Nahuel's fault." I gazed towards Nahuel. "It's not your fault. It was just an accident."
"Accident? Ness, your half-vampire, you shouldn't have accidents!" Jacob tone was harsh and even he winced as he heard himself.
"I just jumped off a cliff and grazed a rock on the bottom of the river."
"How big was the cliff?" Jacob looked at the cut on my leg only further indicating his point.
"Chalochoal Falls is the largest waterfall in hundreds of miles." Nahuel commented as he helped Huilen carry the supplies needed to dress the wound.
"You just felt like jumping off of the largest waterfall in Brazil?"
"It's not the largest, but still spectacular." Huilen applied the green paste along the wound, her fingers delicate as she moved from the top of the cut near the knee to the bottom near the ankle.
"It doesn't bother you?" I asked upon seeing her noise twitch, she had obviously taken a breath and with it came the familiar hint of sweetness.
"No, there is enough vampire in you to cover the temptation." Her eyes caught my gaze and she smiled. "Unless I'm mid-hunt." I smiled slightly remembering our introduction. "This will burn slightly as it stays on." Huilen added one more coat before wrapping my leg with a fresh cloth.
As she tied it securely I began to feel the burn, she wasn't kidding. I bit harder on my lip, upon seeing my reaction Jacob instantly moved to sit by my side. Gathering my hands in his, I instinctively pressed down on them, hard, as if doing so would alleviate the pain. If I was hurting him, he didn't let on. He just let me squeeze and squeeze until the burning finally dissipated.
"You weren't kidding when you said it would burn."
"That means it's just fulfilling its purpose." Huilen nodded. "I will get you some water, it will soothe."
"Is this…normal?" Jacob gaze looked up from our hands to Nahuel. Nahuel's eyes darkened upon hearing his question, he didn't speak for a few seconds. The silence only increased Jacob's heart rate, and thus mine as well.
"It's never happened before." Nahuel spoke honestly. "I have been wounded only a few times in my life, all by southern tribes, like your kind." Nahuel's eyes found Jacob. "Not enough to do any real damage."
"So what does this mean?" Jacob's gaze fell from him to my wrapped leg.
"It means that she is part-human, Jacob, nothing more."
"I will just have to think twice before jumping of cliffs from now on." I squeezed his hand in mine and smiled hoping it would alleviate his concern. It didn't. "Jacob." I moved to look at him dead on. His eyes finally finding mine. "I'll be fine." I squeezed his hand again and this time he seemed to slowly come around, his body relaxed, squeezing my hand in return.
"Here you go." Huilen handed me a glass almost to the brim with water. "It might taste bitter."
"What did you put in it?" Jacob mumbled, his nose twitching from its obvious potent smell.
"Nothing you need to worry about it. Just a few medicinal root juices."
"Tasty." I spoke through a cough. I could barely stomach the cool liquid that tasted more like soured milk than water.
"Her body would heal quicker with blood." Huilen spoke glancing up at Nahuel.
"There must be some sort of monkey or big cat wondering these parts." Jacob stood to leave but Nahuel only stood in his way.
"Huilen meant human blood." Nahuel glanced back at me and then to Huilen once more. "How critical is it?"
"Hard to tell, if her body rejects the herbs it could get worse."
"I am guessing there isn't a blood bank near here." Jacob mumbled as he wiped his face in frustration.
"The tribes would never forgive—"
"The herbs will work." I spoke cutting off Nahuel. "No need to get drastic right now."
"Rest then." Huilen smiled and as if reading her mind Nahuel followed her out into the clearing, leaving Jacob behind.
"Can I get you anything?" Jacob said as he helped me lie back onto the cot carefully moving my leg.
I felt peaceful, calm as if I was falling into soft grass rather than the cot's leather binding. I began to wonder if Huilen put something else into that drink.
"Tell me something, Jake." I heard myself mumble as I nestled myself into a comfortable position.
"What do you want me to tell?" His voice heightened as if he suddenly felt caught.
"Anything, a story, a memory." My eyes became heavy and I couldn't keep them open anymore.
I only half remember seeing Jacob take a seat on the ground, his arms curling around his knees, his body secured only inches from me. His smile broadened as he began to speak, the sound of his voice reminded me of all those summer nights we had spent around the crackling fire on the reservation, warm and intoxicating. What story Jacob told me I can't remember, I simply remember drifting away effortlessly.
I awoke some time later and I couldn't help but notice I had a smile on my face. Why, I couldn't guess, for upon waking the knowledge of the steady pain returned. My eyes scanned the open room around me only to find Huilen arranging a group of vibrant colored flowers she had picked recently.
"How do you feel?" She asked upon noticing my gazing eyes. "Any pain?" I just nodded as I bite my lip again.
"Burning?"
"Yeah, still."
"That's a good sign. The ointment will burn until it's fully healed. When it stops you know your cut is sealed. You'll probably have a scar, but at least no further disease will cause you harm."
"Disease, really?"
"Well, your tissues are half-human, thus still susceptible to infection upon opening. It's the exposing them that is the hard part."
"Jumping off cliffs at high altitude being one of the ways." I said sarcastically as I tried to sit up.
"One of the few we have recognized so far." She said with a nod.
"Does Nahuel have scars?" My mind tried to recall noticing them, but his arms and chest had been clear of any anomaly that I had noticed.
"Two actually." Nahuel spoke for himself as he cleared the entryway. "I thought I heard you stirring. How do you feel?"
"A bother." I mumbled under my breath. Upon hearing my words Nahuel and Huilen just smiled widely, Nahuel even laughed exposing his pristine white teeth.
"You are not a bother, Renesmee." Nahuel placed a hand on my shoulder. "Quite the opposite actually." I just glanced up at him and smiled, he removed his hand and brought a chair nearer to the cot, sitting down as gracefully as he had entered the room.
"Do you think it's time to change the wrapping?" Nahuel called over his shoulder.
"In a few minutes or so yes, she says it still burns—"
"That's a good sign." Nahuel nodded.
"I'll go gather more leaves."
With nothing more, Huilen left the room in a flash of bronze and brown leaving a hollowed space where she had once stood. The flowers I noticed were perfectly positioned, a beautiful display of orange, purple, yellow and red. Their sweet scent created an aroma throughout the main house.
"Do you mind?" Nahuel asked as his eyes glanced down at my leg.
Upon seeing my nod of approval he gently reached down and helped lift my leg onto his thigh, holding it still as his fingers gently unwrapped the leaves that covered the ointment Huilen created.
"Did your wounds take long to heal?"
"Much longer than this, I took fever and infection, took me nearly a month to recover."
"How…how is that possible?" I shook my head as if not understanding.
"We are not invincible, Renesmee, no one is, not even your parents or Jacob." Nahuel spoke softly as his fingers removed the rest of the leaves exposing the cut. I winced as his words reminded me once again of my nightmares. "Did I hurt you?" His expression changed to worry and concern as he gazed into my face.
"Oh, no…I just…was remembering that day in the meadow. How close we all came to—" I couldn't finish.
"Do you think about that often?"
"No…yes, sometimes."
"You were but a child."
"Yes, but even then I think I was aware of how much danger I had put everyone in. How much we could have lost, how many people I loved could have been killed because of me."
"You think it was your fault." Nahuel looked straight at me, his hands grew still, his eyes darkened as if they held an unknown power behind them. I couldn't speak. "You do, don't you?"
My eyes glanced away from his face to my leg, the cut was almost healed, the skin was red around the edges of the wound, the green ointment nearly gone, the burning however still remained.
"You and I are more alike than I thought."
He took a piece of cloth from a basin of water that had been sitting on the ground, and gently washed the edges of my wound, cleaning off what was left of the ointment. The water soothed the burn for a second before it returned again.
"It seems we both have taken on the blame for events that were out of our control."
"What do you mean?" I asked my eyes finding his again.
"It is not your fault nor mine that we are what we are. When I was born we had not the technology nor the knowledge to perform what your family did, in turn I was born, but my mother succumbed to death. It took me a while to realize that I shouldn't blame myself for her passing, that I shouldn't feel at fault for the circumstances around it that were none of my doing."
"Hating your father?" I spoke quietly, afraid of whether or not I would hurt him by saying so.
"Yes, that more than anything. I hated him for nearly a century for what he did to my mother, and what he has done to others."
"I have lived my whole life believing that one day they will come back for me." I spoke words that I had never revealed to anyone, not even my family, not even to Jacob. Words and thoughts that had been burned in my mind ever since I saw Aro's expression when he found out what I truly was, how unique I was.
"The Volturi?" Nahuel questioned as he placed the wet cloth back into the basin and reached for a dry one that hung over the bed. I nodded at him, their eyes and faces filling my mind.
"Within the first few months of my life I had grown into understanding of the great darkness that circled around my family, a darkness because Irena had seen me that day in the meadow. Once you came to give testimony, once the Volturi saw what could be, how much I didn't threaten our exposure, the darkness slowly lifted. Yet, much to the confusion of my family I think a small part of it stayed with me still. Alice, we knew, would be able to detect the Volturi's movements, much like she had before but I am a blind spot to her. She can only see my life through the lenses of other's. Much to her dismay, and my family, my life is a great puzzle, a mystery to her and the rest of us."
"Fear of what might be." Nahuel stated honestly as his fingers moved gently over my leg.
He took such care as he cleaned my wound to not cause me more pain, I could hear his heart beat slow and steady, but every now and then, when his eyes meet mine, it began to race. I couldn't help but steadily blush when it did.
"For them yes, for me I think it was fear of what might happen to the people I love. I saw desire in Aro's eyes when he looked at me, a fervent desire for me to be his no matter what it cost. Even as a child I knew what he was capable of."
"You grew up feeling this way?" Nahuel expression looked pained.
"Not always, there were times when the darkness would diminish, times when the love of my family was greater than the fear I felt."
"And Jacob?" Nahuel spoke so softly, his hands stopping, his eyes catching mine. I felt my heart beat quicken. I knew Nahuel could hear it too.
"What about Jacob?" At the mention of his name, I found myself searching the sounds around me to detect him. My eyes scanning the room as if doing so would help me find him.
"He is not here, Renesmee. He left awhile ago."
"Where…where did he go?" I shifted suddenly causing another pain to shoot through my leg.
"Simple perimeter checks probably." Nahuel shrugged. "He finds those comforting it seems.
"Old habit." I said through a smile.
"You never answered my question." Upon seeing me turn to him, Nahuel continued. "Did the darkness disappear when you were with him too?"
"No…with Jacob..." I found my eyes burned as I recalled the memory in the meadow, saying goodbye, "with Jacob it just grows stronger."
"He imprinted on you, didn't he?" I knew Nahuel had been holding that question in. I could tell by the way he said it, it wasn't a question, more a statement that he said under his breath, a statement he knew was already true.
"When I was first born." I gave him the answer I knew he was looking for.
"When you were born?" Nahuel's eyes found mine, a deep questioning held within them. I knew he wanted to understand more, to ask more.
"Jacob and my mom had been friends since childhood. They grew closer once my mom returned to Forks in high school." Nahuel eyes looked confused, but I just continued on. "They both…they both cared for each other."
"And Edward?"
"My mother fell in love with him first, at least that's what they told me. Jacob just kind of was always there in the background, loving and protecting my mom no matter what, even when he knew she was in love with another."
"Had he imprinted on her?" Nahuel asked trying to sort out what I was saying.
"No, he never did. My parents married and Jacob stepped out of the way, he let my mom have her choice. Then I happened. When I was born Jacob was there, he helped my father deliver me. Yet my Aunt said it wasn't until later that he finally looked at me."
"He blamed you for your mother's death." Nahuel spoke his emotions were heightened from the similarity of our stories.
"We've never really talked about it, but I guess he must have felt that way in the beginning."
"Then he imprinted?" Nahuel stated and his eyes darkened upon seeing me nod.
"Upon seeing me truly for the first time, yes he did, he imprinted. I don't remember it happening of course, I was too young, but over those few months as I grew quickly I became keenly aware of how much Jacob cared about me. He was…he was mine." The words stumbled out of me before I even realized I had spoken them. Yet I knew they were in every way true.
"You care for him deeply." Nahuel's eyes caught mine once more.
"Jake's been…he's been a lot to me over the years, always a protector, a friend."
"I feel as if there is something you are trying to hide." Nahuel smiled upon seeing my confused expression. "I am not blind, Renesmee. I see the way you are with him, you are reserved, careful, as if you are building a wall to keep him at a distance."
"Quite perceptive aren't you?"
"I just see." Nahuel smiled deeper.
"There is a history between us that would take days to explain, Nahuel. The truth is that Jacob will always care about me, the imprinting makes it that way, there is nothing I can do about it."
"But you would if you could?"
"I…I don't know. A part of me thinks so yes, that if there were a cure for him, then life would be easier for him. I could slip away from my life back home and he would go on, find someone to love and build… a family, free from…free from all of this…safe from what might be." I knew I was rambling, my thoughts and words flowing so fast and so confusing that I figured Nahuel wasn't still paying attention, yet his gaze was still set upon my face, his expression stoic as always.
"You really have thought about it."
"I don't want to hurt him, Nahuel. You heard him the other night, what it's like for someone like him if someone like me chooses differently." The images Jacob has painted the other night filled my mind, my heart rate increased, and so did my breathing. Either way Jacob was bound to get hurt. Either way I was hurting him, either way I was responsible for his probable death.
"Lay back, you need to rest." Nahuel spoke softly. He carefully lifted my leg as I complied. "Rest, Renesmee, do not trouble yourself with such thoughts. Sleep, Huilen will be back to dress the wound."
I closed my eyes trying to calm myself. Nahuel hands adjusted my leg one more time before his touch was gone. I caught the faint sound of paws scratching the earth, the familiar scent of wood and cinnamon before I fell asleep. It seemed Nahuel had heard Jacob approaching, forcibly ending our conversation.