Chapter 4

I awake with a groan. Another day in the ICU step down unit – pain level ten million. It's like this every time since I've regained consciousness in this hospital. There's always someone at my side when I awaken; either my dad, Kate, or Jose. Everything is a blur in terms of time. I think I regained consciousness a few days ago, but my brain is scrambled so I'm not certain. All I know is that I'm on a four hour cycle – awaken in the worst pain ever, the nurse shoots something into my IV, get stoned and say stupid stuff, pass out, and an hour later awaken again feeling like I've had a few cocktails as rigor mortis sets in. Amazingly, my head still hurts, my ears are ringing, and if I move too fast my entire body aches and the room begins to spin, but the medication takes the edge off and frankly, it makes me not care about the pain – so it's a win-win for me as long as I push the nurses call button once that's done I sigh and think - Go me!

"Open your eyes sleeping beauty," my dad orders. "Breakfast is here."

Slowly I open my eyes as he pulls the tray cover from the food. I'm in too much pain to move, much less eat. Besides the hospital food is below par; that, coupled with being on soft foods doesn't help the quality or flavor. I'm being polite here. It tastes worse than Kate's cooking and that's saying something.

"I'm not hungry dad." After a brief pause, I add, "Wow, I sound like Marilyn Monroe when I'm high as a kite – all soft and breathy. Maybe now is the time to re-record my answering machine message."

"Good luck with that," he replies covering up breakfast. "Your phone is probably at the bottom of the river. Kate will be by in an hour with a decent breakfast and your replacement phone. You were due for an upgrade, so she picked it up on her way home last night."

"I feel like hell Dad. My brain feels like a scrambled egg."

"Baby girl, you look like hell and have been through hell. I've been holding off the police from asking you about what happened until you are a bit stronger. Do you remember what happened to you?"

The more I think, the more my head hurts, then panic slowly sets in. "I was driving to Portland, singing along to the radio like I always do."

"So poorly," Kate laughs as she stands in the doorway with a tray of hot drinks in her hand, a small bag from a telecom store, and a bag of food. She takes the seat next to my dad.

"Okay, so I'm no Adele when it comes to my singing voice." They laugh and agree. "The ride was going well, no issues. I took a call along the way and not more than a few minutes after I hung up I noticed an aggressive driver about a half mile back in my lane. I was going maybe five miles per hour over the speed limit, but they had to be going at least twenty over the limit, so I immediately moved to the right lane thinking they would just pass and that would be the end of it. It wasn't."

Kate was in the reporter zone because she was sitting at the edge of her seat asking and then even though she knew the outcome.

"It was like a freak show. The other driver had a black leather mask on with a cigarette hanging between what I assume was their lips. It was surreal, like something out of a low budget horror movie. I panicked and hit the gas, but they followed and began rear-ending my car over and over again before they pulled alongside. This went on for a few miles I think."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and the monitors around me began beeping. I knew my pulse and blood pressure were going through the roof, but I couldn't stop it. The panic attack was setting in and even with the oxygen cannula, I was struggling to breathe. I leaned forward causing my ribs to throb and my head to spin. "Why would someone want to hurt me? Why? I don't understand."

After that, I have a vague recollection of the doctor and a nurse coming into the room, Dad and Kate ushered out, and seconds later two different medications being added to my IV, then my entire body relaxed and my breathing returned to normal. It took another few minutes before the spinning sensation stopped but at that point I was too tired to move, much less open my eyes or talk. It was like being awake, yet separated from my body. It felt odd. All I could think was – GO ME! Pain medication is awesome!

A few minutes passed and I heard Kate telling my dad that she was heading back to Portland and would be back tomorrow with Jose Sr. Apparently she was using my father's pick-up truck and bringing my bed and belongings to the new apartment in Seattle for when I was discharged in a few days. According to the doctors I needed to remain close to the hospital for regular follow up visits for the first few weeks. So much for finals and graduation. I felt tears dripping down my face. Whoever this crazy person was took away not only my health, but my piece of mind, my senior year, and my college graduation.

"It's okay baby," my dad soothed as he gently moved a few stray hairs from my face. "Apparently your friend Mr. Grey made arrangements for you to take your finals from Seattle. Your professors said even if you scored a zero on each final you would pass all of your classes and graduate on time. In a few days you'll feel well enough to study, and at the beginning of next week you can take your finals and if you feel up to it, we'll try to head to graduation at the end of the week."

"Okay," I reply softly, at least I believe I replied.

"Your mom called me from her vacation. Apparently Bob hurt his knee and required surgery, so they headed back to Savannah. She said to tell you that she'd see you when she could."

I think I nodded in response. Well at least I hope I did.

"Don't fight the pain and anti-anxiety medicine baby girl. The best thing you can do is sleep right now."

I don't remember falling asleep but I don't think I slept long. All I know is when I finally opened my eyes my pain level was down below five using the nurses scale of one to ten. It was nice being able to turn my head without having tears in my eyes.

"How are you holding up kiddo?" my dad asked. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, just really tired. Do you remember the first time you took me fishing on your boat?"

He smiles in response.

"I'm sorry I puked in your fish bucket after eating a worm," I laughed and it hurt but it was worth it just to hear Dad's laugh.

"You were five, so you are forgiven."

We are interrupted by a knock on the door. When it opens a tall, thin older woman with light brown hair enters wearing a lab coat over a set of royal blue scrubs. "Miss Steele?"

"Yes."

"I'm Dr. Trevelyan. I'm the attending on duty covering pediatrics and family medicine. Since your primary care physician is in Portland, he requested I visit you for the remainder of your stay and provide your immediate follow up care until you well enough to travel. My colleague Dr. Hunter visited you a number of times during your stay so far."

"Okay," I sighed

"Your vital signs have stabilized after the incident earlier. How is your pain level right now on a scale of one to ten?" she asked.

"Five, maybe six."

She pulled out a small flashlight and looked into my eyes, then had me follow the light without moving my head. This made the room begin to spin and before I knew it I threw up all over her scrubs.

"Sorry," I mumbled before I began crying.

"It's okay," she replied kindly as she cleaned herself up a bit at the nearby sink. Finally she removed her lab coat and pulled a small clear trash bag from under the sink and put it in. Luckily her scrubs were still clean. "Anastasia, you need to calm down. Crying is going to increase your dizziness and blood pressure, which will make your head hurt worse. Besides, I work in pediatrics quite frequently so my patients throw up on my more than I care to admit. It's part of the job."

"It doesn't make it any less mortifying," I reply.

She carefully loosens the sling holding my left arm against my body, before unwrapping the bandages on my finger to shoulder bandages to see how my incisions are healing from the surgery. "All in all, you are healing nicely," she tells me before hitting the call button and asking the nurse to bring in the bandage cart. It takes them ten minutes, but my left arm is once again bandaged and swaddled with the sling against my body.

"We're ordering another brain scan for early this afternoon. If the swelling in your brain has gone down enough, we are going to get you out of bed and sitting in that chair over there for a bit," she states motioning to the chair where Ray has been sitting for what seems like days. "I know from what the nurses have told me the pain medication makes you a bit loopy for a while, but it's a necessary evil right now. We also will be adding in a low dose anti-seizure medication, an anti-nausea medication, and anti-anxiety medication. All three will make you a bit sleepier and loopier, so we are going to stagger them throughout your day. This is fairly common place with a severe concussion."

The nurse hands her a computer tablet and I watch as Dr. Trevelyan types away before handing it back to her. "Overall Anastasia, how do you feel?"

"Just broken."

"And emotionally," the doctor asks.

"About the same."

She stands up and tells me it will get better once the pain level subsides a bit and that she'll be back after my test this afternoon. "Until then, rest," she orders as she leaves the room.

"Well that sounded better than last time a doctor examined you," Dad informs me.

Dad seems nervous as he paces the room a bit. I can always tell when he's nervous as he gets restless and won't look me in the eye when talking to me.

"What's wrong dad?"

"Your friend Christian Grey wants to see you. I've been keeping him away until I knew if you wanted to see him. How do you know him?"

"Kate's dating his brother." I hate keeping information from my father, but I can't tell him I went to give him my virginity and all he was interested in doing was tying me up, beating and fucking me. I don't want Dad in jail for killing a billionaire.

"Well, he's been calling ten times a day and wants to see you. I don't like him."

"Well, at least we are in agreement on something. I'll see Taylor, not Grey," I barely whisper.

"You mean the bodyguard?"

"Yes."

"You know Grey has had one of his bodyguards outside your door at all times. The main one is Sawyer. Do you want to see him?" Dad asked.

I take a deep breath and sigh. Just as I feel like my head is starting to clear slightly the nurse comes in and puts some of the new medications into my IV. "Yes, now please. I want to see him alone and get this over with."

I open my eyes and look at Dad and he's clearly not happy about it, but he does as I ask. A moment later a tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, hunk dressed in a fancy suit enters my room and my father reluctantly leaves.

"You're Sawyer?"

"Yes ma'am, Luke Sawyer and I work for Mr. Grey. He's worried about your safety," he replies sitting in the chair next to my bed.

For a big bodyguard type he's more soft-spoken than I thought he would be. "Can you help me sit up more?"

He nods and helps pull me up more in the bed and adjusts my pillows. I feel like I'm the teacup ride at an amusement park and the room begins to spin. Sawyer immediately eases me back onto the pillow, telling me to close my eyes and take a few deep breathes. It helps.

"Mr. Sawyer, I need to speak to Taylor."

"Mr. Grey is worried about you. He'd like to see you," he replies watching me closely.

I giggle as the new medicine starts kicking in. Sawyer looks at me oddly and all I can do is giggle some more and inform him I'm stoned. He laughs. "Mr. Grey be hot as all sin, but that doesn't mean I'm going to bite the apple. God, how can someone be so damaged yet still function? You're all kind of hot too by the way and you don't seem screwed up. Is being hot a requirement of the job? Can you explain it to me? I mean look at you? You should go all Zoolander rather than be a bodyguard. Wow, I can picture you in an underwear advertisement in Times Square – to hell with Beckham!"

Sawyer blushes and laughs. "Miss Steele, perhaps you should share your pain and other medications as you are out of your mind right now. How do you feel?"

And there I go giggling some more. "Free. I feel like I can't think. Kate said I always thought too much instead of living, but right now I couldn't think if your life depended on it. I'll tell you a little secret, Kate told me I should stop with overthinking, let the wall down and drop my v-card on the first hot guy I saw."

"V card?" he asked astounded. "Fuck, no wonder you took him down. I'm sorry, excuse my language."

"Fuck yeah, twenty one year old virgin here. So I'm an idiot and I get ready to give it to a fucking ginger and all he knows is a red room of torture, humiliation, and pain. Gingers have no souls you know, at least that's what South Park teaches you. He proves their theory – no soul in that man. Just the perfect, empty, exterior vessel. No sir, no soul. Not my idea of romantic, but what the fuck is that? I mean, why does he do that shit and believe someone like me would want to be tied up, chained, beaten and fucked? Where's Taylor when I need him to offer insight into the fucked up asshole that is Christian Grey? He wanted me to sign a paper, which I'm sure since you worked for him, you signed, that guaranteed my silence. Well fuck Mr. Grey and whoever taught him to be that way."

I can see Sawyer smirking now. "I liked the fact that you signed the tennis players name and not your own. It was amusing."

"Some businessman Grey is," I laugh hard, then swear at the pain. "There was no blood left for the penthouse as it was all down below in his junk. So it's true, men don't have enough blood to populate both appendages. He didn't even review what I signed. What a dumbass!"

Sawyer let out a big laugh. "It's not my place to agree or disagree with you Miss Steele."

"Did whoever hurt me have anything to do with him? I vaguely remember there being a black SUV on the street when I left his penthouse but I couldn't see who was in it."

"We're trying to determine that Miss. Steele," he replies. "Mr. Grey would like to talk to you."

"I'll pass on seeing him other than in pictures and even those make me want to vomit. I'm in no position to beat his dysfunctional ass right now and my pepper spray is gone," I laughed. "Besides, I didn't take enough psychology classes in college to deal with that hot mess."

"He has questions for you," Sawyer explained.

"And I'm sure he wants me to sign another FDA, PDA, RDA, oh whatever that thing was but that's not happening either unless I can sign it in his blood. I mean really? Who does he think he is? He doesn't even act like a real person. This is so fucked up. Hell now I'm totally fucked up too with nightmares of Juggs McFetish chasing me down the highway to kill me."

"The doctors are saying you'll recover one hundred percent," he reassures me. "It'll take some time but you'll heal."

"Physically yes, mentally I feel lost."

"What do you mean?" he asks with concern.

"Just imagine never ever having gone on a date – yeah pathetic, I know. When you finally go on one, you visit the red room. I mean, after Texas I just completely and utterly shut down into my world of books and school. I was already messed up because of someone else's choices, but then my first hesitant steps out into the dating world and look at what I chose? And I can't even change and bat for the other team because my nightmares are about Juggs McFetish. Now I know how crazy cat ladies are made. I'm destined to be one. Where's the nearest pet rescue center?" I ask as I attempt to get out of bed. "I need a few dozen cats."

"Miss Steele, I don't believe it's a wise decision for you to attempt to get out of bed," he tells me. He keeps me upright as my legs dangle from the side of the bed. I can't help but attempt to struggle against his hold.

It's then that I see the bruises on my upper thighs. "Ooh pretty purple. Am I turning into Barney the dinosaur? I liked that show when I was little."

He presses the nurses call button, then yells for the nurse. I can feel the room begin to spin as I tilt my head back to look up at him. "Tell Grey I said to do me a favor and go beat his friend Juggs McFetish for me."

The door to my room opens and Ray now stands at the other side of the bed. "What happened?" I hear him ask Sawyer.

"The medication has her completely out of it. She tried to get out of bed," Sawyer explains as I feel him and my dad lift me back onto the bed.

"If I get a cat Sawyer. I'm going to name one after you," I mumble before falling asleep.