It's been a week since Allen and I had our walk in the forest below the Order. And though it pains me to say it, I must say it. I miss him. I haven't seen him since our walk. I haven't seen him since I dropped him off at his room, seeming a little more chipper than before I asked him to accompany me on our walk. I haven't seen him since he was sent out on a mission. And it's driving me absolutely crazy.
It pains me even more to say that I'm worried about him, but, again, it has to be said. He's such an idiotic little bean sprout – who knows what kind of mess he'll get himself into. He always puts his life at risk like the idiot that he is for other people, whether he knows them personally or not. He disregards his safety and health far more often than he should. If it were up to me, he'd stay indoors. Eternally. He'd never be allowed out of his room, which would be made of soft cushions and cornerless, soft and rubbery furniture. But I'm sure that even then he'd find a way to hurt himself. I don't even understand how he does it, but he always manages to get hurt.
At this moment, I'm in my room, pacing. I bite my lip, wondering what exactly the short stack is up to. Fighting? Eating? Sleeping? Maybe traveling back home, with Innocence in hand? I hope that it's the last one. Then I could try to get my feelings across to him again. Maybe take him on another walk, with dinner this time. Suddenly, I sigh. I can't believe how pathetic I've become. How far gone am I? How enslaved am I to my feelings for the shorty named Allen Walker? For that pathetic, stupid, idiotic, horrid, cursed, snow-haired Exorcist named Allen Walker? I stop my pacing, facing a wall. After exhaling another long, drawn-out sigh, I lean forward, letting my forehead hit the wall with a thud. I stay like that for a long while.
Allen might be an idiot, but I must be a bigger idiot for loving him. Sure, he's cute as a kitten and his smile is as beautiful as a lotus with rays of moonlight seething from it, but still. I'm a big, pathetic, stupid idiot. How could I have let my feelings for him turn to love? When did they become love? I don't even know any more. His cute, foolish mannerisms must have brainwashed me. He stuck an arrow in my heart when I wasn't looking, and no matter what or how hard I try, I can't pull it out. I don't even want to pull it out anymore. I stopped wanting to when I decided that I'd try to confess to him.
A knock at my door wakes me from my stupor of thoughts. Lifting my forehead from the wall and shaking my head to clear it, I stand tall and straight as I always do when confronted with social interaction. I head to the door and open it, seeing Lenalee staring up at me with a frantic gaze in her eyes.
"Have you seen Allen?" she asked. I was surprised. He was on a mission. Didn't she know that? I recall her being his best friend.
"He's on a mission. Has been for a week," I reply to her, giving her my usual cold glare. She shook her head, confusing me further.
"He got back a while ago, and he was acting very strangely! He gave Komui the Innocence and said he was going to the Mess Hall, but he never showed! And no one can find him! He's been gone for two hours!" she hysterically spoke in quick sentences. My eyes widen slightly, and I fight to keep my gaze calm.
"Please, will you help us look for him?" she asks.
"Che," my usual response. "Since I have nothing to do," I keep my voice sounding slightly angry and annoyed, though it's hard. After she thanks me, I head out of my room, walking and looking around, keeping myself together since I'm under the eyes of the others in the halls of the Order. Then I remember that Lenalee said that people had been searching for him for around two hours – the Order is big, but with several people searching, and I'm guessing that there are many people searching, it's hard to believe that they haven't looked everywhere inside and around the Order's premises. Which means…
After about ten minutes, I'm in the town below the Order. I go to the flower shop first instinctively, picking up a sunflower, hoping that it would make the missing boy smile when I was to find him. After searching worriedly throughout the town, I start looking in the forest. It wasn't long before I saw a blotch of white, sitting next to a tree. I was about to call out to him when I noticed him trembling. I quietly make my way closer, and am surprised by what I see. He's… crying. The silent sound of his tears and sobs coursing through the air is almost deafening. All is quiet in the forest around us, and I just stare at him. Finally, I gather my courage and walk beside him, standing and leaning against the tree. Still, he doesn't notice me until I wag the sunflower lazily down in front of his face. His gasp of surprise was adorable, but I keep my straight face.
"Bean Sprout, why are you crying?" I question him.
"It's… It's nothing," he states, wiping away his tears and standing, a hand covering his right eye. "I just don't feel well."
"You're lying…" I mumble, a little angry. I hand him the sunflower, which he smiles a little at through his tears.
"I thought that you would need a little sunshine to brighten your day," I say before he can ask about the flower. To this, he giggles, but his hand stays over his eye.
"It's beautiful…" he murmurs quietly. "It's so bright and hopeful, Kanda. It's kind of cute."
"Why are you covering your eye?" Silence. "Staying silent and hiding it won't help you or any of us worriers, Shorty." Again, silence. He stares down at the ground, biting his lip with a worried, scared, sad look in his uncovered eye. Irritated and fed up, I reach out, roughly grabbing the hand hiding his eye, and I pull it away. I'm stunned by what I see, stumbling back. He watches me, the fear growing in his expression. He turns from me, beginning to run, but I grab his arm and pull him to me, holding him.
"Kanda, let go!" he cries, squirming.
"No! Not until you tell me why your damn skin around your eye is grey!" He struggles a little bit more, but finally falls limp in my grasp, sobbing and crying silently yet again as he thinks of what to say, of how to answer.
"On my last mission, I ran into the Earl and the Noah," he begins. My eyes grow huge at the statement. "I fought with them a bit. But they were, for some reason, careful not to hurt me. They just kept laughing each time I tried to attack. Then, Road said something weird like "Why are you attacking your own family," and they fled. After I got back to my hotel and looked in a mirror, I noticed… this. They… Kanda, they called me a Noah."
I tremble, staring down at him with my wide eyes, still not letting him go. But I'm not trembling out of fear. I'm not shaking from anger. I'm just… Shocked. Disbelieving. Hoping that what he said isn't true.
Allen Walker, the one I've come to love so much – a powerful, idiotic, clumsy, short little Exorcist – a Noah?
Please, if there is a God, let this be a joke. A cruel, sick joke. Not Allen. Anyone but Allen. Don't let him become a Noah. Don't let him become a monster. Don't let him become my enemy.
First off, everyone, I'm really sorry that this chapter took so long. Not only did it take a LOT of thought and time to actually write, but life has been getting rather busy and rough. Finals were tough, I've had lots of award ceremonies to go to, and now graduation is tomorrow. Up next are the open houses that I'm going to and moving with my family. I don't enjoy giving excuses, but these life occurrences have been plaguing my time, for which I really do apologize.