AN: Hiya! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed...really do appreciate each and every one of them. Also thank you for the follows/favs! All I can say for this chapter is don't hate me for it...you'll see why. On a side note here, I love you Amber! Now go ahead and read...enjoy =]

Thursday 7:01 PM

It's still fairly bright outside as Brendan walks out of the church. His mind is clear but unfocused as he drives down a familiar path. Whether he planned to or not, he finds himself back at the hospital. He has no control over his legs as they make their way down different hallways. The next thing he knows he's at the North Wing. He looks around and there are still a few patients hanging around outside their rooms. Brendan ignores them all and avoids any contact with anyone around him. A nurse in the Wing tries to get his attention but gets completely overlooked. Brendan turns the corner and sees a light still showing through the blinds from a specific room. He composes himself and knocks on the door.

"Come in."

Two words. Two simple, one syllable words. Two words that don't mean anything at all, but mean everything to him. It's not the words themselves; it's the person who said it. The voice. It makes Brendan feel normal, feel important, feel complete.

Brendan walks in and sees Ste with a phone in his hand. Brendan gives him a small smile and Ste returns it and then focuses back on the phone.

"When did you get that?"

"Oh Cheryl nicked a phone from lost and found and we just put my SIM card in it and voila!" Ste goes to lift the phone in victory and ends up clumsily dropping it on the floor. "Bloody hell. I broke another one!"

Brendan can't help but giggle at him. Actually giggle. He wants to slap himself afterwards for it but instead he picks up the phone from the floor and it takes everything in him not to look through it.

"Doesn't seem broken."

Ste flicks through it for a minute and then looks up at Brendan. "Still works just scratched it." He places it on the table next to him and gives Brendan his full attention. "What you doing here anyway? Thought you were off."

"I am but I was nearby, thought I should come check up on you." Brendan leans down and his lips hover over Stes.

"You gonna kiss me or are we just going to inhale each other's air?"

"Steven I went 99% of the way the least you could do is contribute the last 1."

"Nope you owe me."

"I don't but fine." Brendan moves the last inch and places his lips on Stes. Their lips mold to one another. Brendan lifts himself onto the bed and moves to be on top of Ste. The kiss continues being gentle and soft as both Brendan and Ste start to move their bodies together. Their arousal start building up and the kiss goes from gentle to rough in a second. Brendan places his thumb on Stes bottom lip and slips his tongue inside Stes mouth. A moan escapes from Ste and Brendan can feel him. Literally feel him as his cock is hitting him right in the stomach. Brendan moves his hand down and runs his hand over Stes growing erection, making Ste moan in pleasure. Brendan looks at his dark blown out pupils and has to contain himself from just fucking him raw right there and then. Every noise that comes out of Stes mouth is tipping him over the edge and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold off.

"Steven-" Brendan makes speaks it low but commanding "-I want your dick in my mouth."

"Please..." Ste feels Brendan's hand move off him and already he misses it. He doesn't have a chance to think much more after that as the next second his pants are being pull down forcefully. He becomes self-conscious and goes to cover himself with his hands but they get pushed aside.

"You have a beautiful cock Steven. Can I..." Brendan licks his lips and looks at him for his permission.

Ste breathes out before he nods as he sees Brendan move down his body. He closes his eyes as he feels Brendan's lips on the tip of his cock. Brendan gives it a kiss at first. He has no idea why but he does it repeatedly and then adds his tongue into it, licking the pre cum already leaking out of it. Brendan's erection starts to literally hurt but he ignores it and gets back to pleasuring the boy beneath him. He licks down Stes shaft leaving a trail of his own saliva on it. It glistens with the light above them and Brendan has never felt so aroused in his life. His mouth takes him in once again and this time he moves it further up as he applies more suction to it. He stops the pressure only to roll his tongue all over Stes cock. The boy is moaning so loudly and that only makes him suck him off harder.

"Bren...oh god...please"

Brendan's chest tightens as Stes voice hits him right in the heart. The feeling is something he can't even describe. It's a feeling he has never had in his life. His whole body is hot and pulsing and he releases a low growl as he deep throats Ste. His nose brushes against Stes pubic hair and he bites him.

"Ohh! What was...fuck!" He doesn't finish his sentence as Brendan's hands are now massaging his balls at the same time. Ste opens his eyes and looks down and it takes his breathe away. Brendan sucking him off has got to be one the most amazing things he has ever seen. His eyes are closed and his cheeks keep collapsing as he sucks harder. Brendan opens his eyes almost as if he knows Ste is watching and they make eye contact. It takes everything in Ste to not cum at that moment alone and then Brendan smiles at him. It knocks Ste completely out. He thinks he's in another world.

"I love you." Ste blurts it out all in a rush. He has been holding it in since the day he saw him and he couldn't hold it in anymore. He truly loves him. Unconditionally. He loves him for the person he is. He loves his flaws, scars, and wounds. He loves the man that he knows is broken. The man that goes through life suffering in silence. If he could he would take all that pain from him. He can't but he won't stop trying to help. There's only one thing that will make him stop...death. So as he speaks these 3 words he doesn't know what to expect. It catches him off guard when Brendan stops everything he was doing. His whole body freezes and suddenly Ste can feel a sudden coldness around him radiating from Brendan. 'I screwed up, it's too early' he thinks to himself.

"Bren I didn't...I'm...forget I said that." Ste looks down at him but Brendan isn't looking back at him. It only takes a couple of seconds before Brendan's hand is gripping Stes cock. "Fuck that hurts!" Ste finally catches a glance at Brendan and his eyes show a sort of desperation. He can't figure out why though.

Brendan starts pumping his cock before he takes him in his mouth again. This time it's fast and uncoordinated. He sucks so hard that his cheeks start to physically hurt. Ste grips onto the sheets below him as his hips thrust up. Brendan places an arm under Stes body and lifts his hips up pushing Stes cock further down his throat until it hits the back of it.

"Ah hell I'm gonna..."

Milky white hot liquid comes shooting out of him straight into Brendan's mouth. It's a constant flow and feels like it keeps going as his orgasm goes through his whole body. His toes curl, his eyes roll back, his vision goes blurry, and his breath disappears. Brendan swallows every last drop of him and waits till he knows Ste has come down from his climax.

Brendan releases Stes dick from his mouth with a loud pop and moves up towards Ste.

"Lick your cum off my lips."

Ste has never seen anything hotter than Brendan having his own cum on his mouth. He sticks his tongue out and licks it all off.

Brendan smirks at him when he finishes and rolls off to the side to lie next to him.

"Brendan, umm what I said-"

"Shhh. Don't worry about it. It was just in the moment type of thing. I know you didn't mean it."

"But Bren I did m-"

"Stop. Can we just...not talk please."

Ste is exhausted from the mind blowing blow job he just received that he doesn't have it in him to continue. He moves his arm so that Brendan can wrap his arms over his waist. Brendan is about to close his eyes when he thinks he sees something outside the room.

"Did you see something move outside?"

"No don't think so."

He's about to ignore it when he sees it again. This time though he's sure something moved. Or someone move.

"You didn't see that?"

"What? No. Stop being paranoid."

"Right. Look I gotta go I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow though."

Ste pouts and crosses his arms across his chest. "You can't stay. Please?"

"Don't do that you know I can't say no and I really need to go before someone catches me here." His eyes move towards the same spot outside the room where he spotted someone. "Have a goodnight." He looks around real quick and gives him a kiss goodbye.

Thursday 8:33 PM

He feels everyone's eyes on him burning into the back of his head as he walks through the hospital. He tries keeping his head down as he makes his way out towards the parking lot. Brendan sees his car and then sees the guy leaning against it.

"Brendan wasn't expecting you here on your day off. You must really enjoy your job." Eoghan emphasizes the word enjoy, making sure it's the only word he hears.

"Just left something behind yesterday." Brendan tries to reach for the handle but Eoghan leans over to cover it.

"What did you leave?"

"My phone." He takes it out of his pocket just to show him. "Got it now though so going home." As soon as the words leave his mouth he wishes he could take them back.

"Is that an invitation Brendan?"

"No. It's a statement. Do you mind?" He motions for the car door and Eoghan actually moves away from it but as soon as Brendan moves Eoghan turns him around and pins him against the car.

"You been a busy boy tonight haven't you?"

"What are you talking about?" He tries reaching for the door handle.

"The way you suck a cock is beautiful. Those perfect lips of yours. I remember how they feel. But actually watching you give a blow job is on a whole other level. Your cheeks sucking and the moans you make Brendan, I almost came just watching you."

"Wasn't me."

"Really? Because your scar gives you away. It was such a good show and-" Eoghan licks his lips and stares straight at Brendans groin "-your dick being all hard made me lose my breath." He moves his hand down Brendan's body and lightly touches his dick. "I want this."

"Get your hand off me before I crack your skull open."

"Aggression, I like that. I don't get it Brendan. I'm offering you a passing score on your annual report and promising to not say anything about what I saw today and you still refuse."

Brendan pushes him off of him so hard that Eoghan ends up on the concrete pavement.

"You don't listen do you? I give you warning after warning but you still disobey. Don't fucking touch me again." Brendan opens his car door but before he gets in he gives Eoghan a swift kick to his ribs. "Say anything about this to anyone and I'll end you."

He drives away leaving Eoghan to slowly get to his feet. By the entrance to the hospital stands Cheryl watching the whole scene play out.

Friday 12:35 PM

From:Cheryl-Need to talk to you ASAP. Come to my office when your shift starts.

Brendan read the text as he pulled up into the parking lot. Not only was he working a 10 hour shift today but judging by Cheryl's text he's in for a serious conversation. He takes his time as he clocks into work and takes a glance into Laura's room. She's not there so he makes a mental note to go locate her afterwards. When he gets to Cheryl's office he wishes, very cruelly, that someone came into trauma so he wouldn't have to deal with her. He's knocks twice and waits.

"Come on in."

Brendan slowly opens the door to see paperwork all over Cheryl's desk. He knows she's a neat freak so it seems odd.

"Umm hiring or firing someone?"

"Neither. These are all your records, reviews, progress notes, resume, basically everything about you.

"You taken this to a whole new layer of stalking Cheryl." Brendan takes a seat across from her as he takes in all the different papers about him.

"Brendan I'm not the one that had all these records of you on hand."

"Oh. Well whoever did is a tad bit obsessed then huh." Brendan wants to ease some of the tension in the room but it doesn't work. Cheryl is looking at him with no emotion showing. She seems on edge though as her fingers keep tapping the desk over and over.

"Seems that way. So you want to tell me why Eoghan is so obsessed with you?"

Silence.

His mind goes through different excuses but he takes too long to answer back.

"Was it to do with what I saw last night by your car?"

Realization hits him as he knows she saw the whole incident with Eoghan. Of course she would. She always seems to be watching over him.

"Cat got your tongue Brendan. Or does Eoghan have that."

"It's not what you think."

"Really?" She throws a file over to him. "Explain to me how last year you got an 88 on your annual report but in actuality from what I can see in that file you had a 42."

"I don't know, I don't have any authority in changing my score."

"No you don't but Eoghan does. Coincidence isn't it."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on between you two and why he gave you a passing score. All this time I was thinking he hated you and apparently that's the complete opposite. Please don't tell me you-" she makes a circle with her finger and then takes her pointing finger and inserts it through it "-you know."

"What's that supposed to be?"

"It's supposed to be someone sticking their dick into the other guy."

"Chez I'm not talking about this with you." Brendan gets up from his chair but Cheryl is already at the door preventing him from leaving.

"Did you fuck him?"

"No."

"Did he-"

"No."

She breathes a sign of relief. "How'd you get the score then? I doubt he just did it out of the kindness of his heart."

She looks at him and sees Brendan's eyes looking down. He's ashamed and she really doesn't want to hear what he did but she can't not know.

"Brendan? What did you do? You can trust me."

After a few seconds of hesitation Brendan speaks up. "He came to me one day and told me my score and said he could help me out with it but I had to help him out with something first." Cheryl gives him a reassuring smile so he continues. "I said no at first but he kept pestering me about it and saying I needed this job. Then it just sorta happened."

"What happened?"

"I went to his office and...umm...I sucked him off." Brendan watches for his sisters' reaction but her eyes are blank. "Cheryl?"

"And then he gave changed your score right?" Brendan nods and she opens the door and walks out.

"Where you going?"

"I'm gonna go kill Eoghan."

"No you're not!" Brendan grabs her around the waist and pulls her back into her office and locks the door. "You can't."

"Why the fuck not! It's not right!"

"I agreed to it."

"I don't care! It's...it's...its rape Brendan don't you see it."

"I wasn't forced to do it."

"HE FORCED YOU TO DO IT TO GET A PASSING SCORE. IT'S RAPE!"

When Brendan doesn't speak up she tries going for the door again.

"Stop. You can't say anything."

"What?"

"If you report it the board will go through my records and find out I failed. You know they'll fire me instantly."

"Do you honestly think I'm gonna let this happen again to you. I can stop it this time. I'm doing this whether you like it or not."

"Please don't. I know what you're doing. You're trying to make it up to me for the past. But you can't. Cheryl I already went through it, you can't change what happened in the past. Stop feeling like you owe it to me for not being there. It wasn't your fault ok."

"But it was. I heard you Brendan."

"What?"

"One night I heard you scream and I thought it was just you having a nightmare like all those other times when you would fall asleep in my room and randomly scream out. I walked out of my room to go check up on you but I saw Seamus walk out of it already. He looked at me and told me he already made sure you were ok. I thought he meant he calmed you down but he had just finished raping you didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"I wish it was me that he raped and not you. You deserved so much more. It should have been me."

Friday 3:37 PM

"This is stupid."

"Yeah Steven walking is stupid. Now stop pouting and move."

For the past 2 hours Ste has been forced to start using his legs. At first he took a step and toppled over only to be caught by Brendan before he fell on the floor. No matter how many times Ste failed Brendan was right there smiling at him the whole time. Giving him words of encouragement. When people weren't looking at them Brendan would wrap his hands around his waist and give him a kiss on his neck.

After one hour though Ste was actually walking. It wasn't perfect and he stumbled a bit but he was moving. With Brendan next to him the whole time Ste walked from his room to the doors of the North Wing and back. Now they focused on speeding up his steps while also improving his back at the same time.

"Bren can I take a break please?"

"I usually don't let my patients take breaks until they're done."

"But I'm not just your patient am I?"

"Fine."

Ste raises his arms in victory and very slowly walks himself back to his room with Brendan following close behind. Brendan lifts him into bed and then gets on himself.

"So I think you did pretty good today. Maybe in a couple of days we can see about discharging you if someone will be able to take care of you at home."

"Really? Can't wait to get out of here! And Amy will be able to. She's supposed to come visit today so I'll ask."

Brendan gives him the best smile he can muster up but he's far from happy at this point. All he keeps hearing is Ste saying he wants to go. He wants to leave. Most likely leave him. He doesn't blame Ste. Everyone leaves him anyway, why should he have thought this time would be different.

"Great."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Right. So do you live around here?"

"Not really. About an hour away actually. That way." Brendan points in a direction to show which way he actually stays at.

"Me too. I think we might live somewhat close to each other. You know after I get out maybe we could go somewhere for once-" Ste stops when he sees Brendan doesn't look excited at all "-or I mean we don't have to. You're probably tired of me anyway." Ste fumbles with his fingers and looks down.

"I'll never be tired of you Steven."

"Really?" Ste looks at him with so much hope and love.

"Yeah. Why do you think I'm always around you? I come to see you even when I'm not supposed to be at work. Everything I do centers around you Steven. I...umm...I...just want the best for you."

Friday 5:27 PM

"Leah get back here!"

The small girl keeps running away from her mother as she screams at her to stop. Leah turns the corner and slams right into someone.

"Hi you."

"Brendan!"

She jumps up and down and hugs him. This time he actually hugs her back.

"Leah! Don't do that again." Amy leans on the wall as she tries to catch her breath again. "Brendan, nice to see you again."

"Likewise."

"Sorry about her she has too much energy sometimes."

"It's fine. I met her already last time you were here."

Leah lifts her arms up and Brendan picks her right up. She giggles at him as she touches his mustache in fascination.

"I'm a little shocked. She doesn't really like many new people but clearly she likes you."

"That's a first. Anyway you visiting Steven today."

"Actually just finished seeing him. We miss him at home. Leah and Lucas can't wait to have him back. Doug has been dying in the deli by himself so he needs him. And Adam and Ste have been texting so I'm sure he's excited a well. I hear he might be ok to leave here soon?"

Brendan can't help the fire rushing through him as he hears that Ste has been going behind his back texting the same Adam that has been a cause of their many arguments. He doesn't know if he should be worried or not but weighing the options he knows he's not the best choice. Ste would choose anyone over him. Who would honestly choose someone who can't even function correctly? Someone like him who's not even close to being mentally stable. No one would. And he knows he's going to lose Ste in the end.

"Erm yeah maybe by Sunday or Monday."

"Can't wait-" she walks over to Brendan and gets Leah from him "-anyway I gotta get this little girl home. But thank you so much for helping Ste. Really can't thank you enough. Say bye Leah."

"Bye Bren!" She reaches for him and Brendan grabs her hand for a second before waving them off and walking back over to the North Wing to have a conversation with Ste.

Brendan walks out his room thinking everyone had left the house already. He holds onto his arm that still hurts from when Seamus slammed him against the wall. As he walks past the bathroom door it opens and suddenly he's yanked into the room, door shutting closed behind him. He focuses again and sees Seamus standing right in front of him, smiling. Brendan tries to slowly walk back to the door but Seamus hands are holding it closed. The shower is on and the steam from the hot water is clouding the room. Brendan starts feeling a bit sticky and goes for the door again but this time Seamus pushes him against the tile wall and his arm slams into it.

"Ah Brenda does your arm still hurt? Do you wanna cry again? Huh be the little bitch you always been. Get in the shower now."

"No." Brendan rushes past him but gets grabbed around the waist. He gets pushed onto the floor and he kicks at Seamus slamming his foot into his chin. Brendan crawls away from him and reaches for the door handle but Seamus holds onto his ankle and he gets pulled back down into the floor.

"You're going to get punished for that boy."

Seamus straddles him but Brendan punches him right in the chest but he doesn't get off him. Instead he starts choking him and then punches him square in the face. Brendan can taste the blood from his lips seeping into his mouth.

"I'm sorry I won't do it again."

"You damn right you won't." Seamus gets off him and stomps on his already injured arm before he lifts him and throws him into the shower, with all his clothes on. The hot water hits him all over his body. Brendan lifts himself up into a seated position as the water kept going into his eyes making his vision blurry. As soon as he does this Seamus is pushing him back down. The shower head right above him as the water keeps hitting him right in the face.

"We're going to get rid of all these gay thought going through your head, do you hear me?"

"I don't have any!"

"LIAR!"

Seamus makes the water even warmer as now when it hits Brendan's skin it starts to burn a little.

"Da this hurts!" He has to spit out the water as he feels that he is drowning.

"SHUT UP!"

Seamus places a hand under Brendan's chin and pushes it up so the water can go in his nose, eyes, and mouth. Brendan starts coughing over and over again as more water pours over him. Without any warning he gets rolled over to his chest and feels his soaked shirt being pulled over him. Now the scorching hot water hits him directly on his back. Then his pants get pulled down along with his boxers.

"Please...not today...please. Just for one day...don't."

Seamus laughs at him as he removes his own pants.

Brendan screams and screams. He tries grabbing onto anything to get some leverage but it's useless. And he earns for his reluctance a punch to the back of his head and then the temperature of the water increases. Brendan looks at his skin and its turning red from the heat. He gives up and starts counting his 8 times table. He winces a couple times when his father gets to rough but he holds in his tears. He opens his eyes and sees the red water going down the drain.

After a few more minutes he feels the pressure get off him. He dares to look up and watches as Seamus throws the condom into the trash and walks out of the room. Brendan gets up and even though he's in pain rushes to lock the door. He catches his reflection in the mirror and his lips are busted and he sees the forming of a black eye. His whole skin looks red from the heat so he goes and switches it to cold water as he steps back in. He washes himself until blood stops flowing from him. Then he almost makes himself bleed again as he scrubs his body over and over trying to get rid of his father's semen.

He thinks to himself 'if only washing away memories was that easy.'

Friday 6:01 PM

Ste is once again on his phone as Brendan comes rushing through the door.

"You know I believed you for a second when you said you loved me but obviously you get some sort of pleasure from playing these games with me."

Ste takes a second to process what is happening. He puts down his phone and looks at Brendan. He's clearly upset as he paces back and forth. His hands keep turning into fists.

"What are you going on about?"

"What do you think?! You! All this fucking talk about being with me and how much you care about me it's all been a bunch of shit. You lie out your damn mouth because you don't want to be alone. That's all I am to you. A fucking time waster. You can go fuck off Steven. I wish I never met you!"

"What is wrong with you? I never lied to you...ever! I love you so much. I would never say that to anyone if I didn't care about them. I fucking want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you're here saying you wished we never met! I have taken everything you have thrown at me and I'm still here! What the fuck else do I have to do. Huh? Tell me!"

Ste very slowly gets off the bed and stabilizes himself before he walks close to a very agitated Brendan.

"I never forced you to stay. So run away..."

"No, I'm not going anywhere. But you have to swear to me that this...right nothing like this ever happens again. You can't keep going off on me for no apparent reason. You keep making things up in your head. And then I have to suffer for it."

"I'm not making things up! I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of people just messing with my life."

"IM NOT! I want to help! Get it through your fucked up mind!"

Neither one of them truly knows what happens next. Stes back collides into the wall as Brendan throws him against it. Pain shoots up all throughout his body. The next thing he feels is a hand gripping his neck. The grip isn't that tight. Ste pushes Brendan off of him and when he opens his eyes he sees Brendan's lip is cut open. He punched him. Ste punched Brendan directly in the mouth.

Ste backs away from him thinking Brendan might be looking for retaliation but when he reaches the wall his back finally starts hurting so he slides down to the floor. He keeps his eyes on Brendan as he wipes away the blood from his lips.

Brendan moves over to Ste but he brings up his knees to protect himself.

"Steven...I'm...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me ok. Come on I need you. Steven please.

Ste crawls to the corner of the room. "No no...don't come near me."

Brendan keeps a distance but gets on his knees in front of him. "You punched me. I'm not the only one at fault here."

"You tried choking me."

"You kinda provoked me a little."

"You told...you said you would never hurt me."

It finally hits Brendan what he did. He actually looks at Ste and he's terrified. He's curled up into himself and a couple of tears have escaped. It physically hurts Brendan to see him that way. And it completely breaks him to know he's the cause of it. He has never considered himself violent, he may lose himself when he has an episode but he believes that when his mind is there that he wouldn't hurt anyone. But the sight in front of him shows him he was wrong. This boy in front of him opened himself up to him. The boy gave him everything he had, his smiles, his laughs, his love. He gave him his heart and Brendan just dropped it and watched it shatter into a million pieces. Brendan watches as Stes eyes tear up even more and he can't help but wonder if this was the last straw. He has pushed and pushed and every time Ste forgave him. He comforted him. He told him he wouldn't give up on him. But at this point Brendan wouldn't even argue back if Ste gave up. He doesn't deserve him. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"I can't trust you. I can't...I can't love you when you're like this. You broke every promise you ever gave to me. You destroyed all those memories we have had."

"No. We can still...they were good memories."

"Everything I'm gonna see now is this. The time when we stared up at the stars, the time when we stayed up for hours watching a terrible movie, the time I spilled my drink all over you, all those times we laughed, all the times we were happy together. But now all I'm gonna see is you pushing me against a wall and then charging at me. You scare me Brendan. I can't do this anymore."

"I never wanted you to be scared of me. I'm sorry. Please. Don't walk away from me. I'll do anything please. I can't lose you, not now. You...you changed everything Steven. Everything."

Ste sees how drained Brendan is. He sees how tired he is, physically, mentally, emotionally. He's more broken than his ever seen. The man that portrays himself on the outside as a tough cold heartless person is this fragile broken child underneath. The tears running down his face show him pleading for help. He's asking for someone to help him...again. He's reaching a hand out to him asking Ste to pull him up. It's not too late to save him.

"Do you even know what love is? Because I don't think you do. Before I met you I didn't even know who I was, but I do now. And that's thanks to you. Me and you we can do everything can't we? But I can't do this without you. Nothing's ever gonna change. I'm never gonna feel any differently about you. But please I'm begging...for us...for you...please just...go get help…I love you Brendan.

"I love you too."

Friday 7:45 PM

Brendan makes his way to another department in the North Wing and speaks to one of the doctors there.

"I told you Brendan whenever you're truly ready to let everything go I'll be here. But you have to be willing to be open. You can't hold anything back. I want you to think about it and if you're ready just give me a call. Take these home and read them as well."

The doctor hands him a couple of pamphlets before Brendan walks out. He has spent most of his shift with Ste so he decides to go back to the West Wing and check up on Laura. He hasn't seen her since she was taken to get an MRI and he hasn't heard anything about her either. Her room is empty when he looks inside. He sees Cheryl walking out of an operation room all the way across the Wing so he quickly walks over to her. She's covered in blood but still smiles at him as he approaches her. She tries giving him a hug but he moves back.

"I really rather not have blood on me."

"Says the nurse."

"Funny. Look you seen Laura? I been meaning to find out what the scan showed."

"Oh umm yeah she's been moved to the neurology department."

"Why? I didn't-"

"It wasn't anything you did Bren. I looked at the scan and saw something so I asked Nate to take a look."

"Why would you show it to him? He's a neuro surgeon."

"Bren, she has a brain tumor."

Friday 8:30 PM

There's tons of paperwork that Brendan has to complete before he leaves. He sits in the North Wing focusing on his work until he hears footsteps approaching him. He looks up to see Eoghan limping towards him.

"You alright?" Brendan asks not really caring.

"Yeah my ribs kind of hinder my movement."

"What happened to your ribs? Walk into a door."

"You have jokes. One last time Brendan I'm gonna ask. I'm turning in your report by the end of the week. Your score of 56 still stands and not only that but I will make sure to include that you physically assaulted me as well. You done it before Brendan I really don't see why you suddenly have an issue getting on your knees again. Oh wait...don't tell me. Ste? Is that it? Are you two together? Brendan take it from me no one would ever choose you as their partner as their boyfriend. You're really only good for one thing...and I think you know what that is. So what's your choice...a fake relationship that will have you without a job or me that will still have you working here for another year?

Friday 11:25 PM

After Brendan said goodbye to Ste and got a hesitant kiss from him he left to go home. On the drive over all these thoughts were going through his mind. He thinks about his past and how he has managed to even get to this point in his life. He remembers the suicide attempt and wishes he could go back to that time to get it right. He knows why the gun jammed, his mum stopped it. He looks down at the ring on his finger and all these memories come back. The good ones where he had a water balloon fight with his mother where she ended up just getting a hose and soaking him in it. That was a memory he carried with him for years. It was one of the last memories he had of his mum. Sadly, the bad memories seem to occupy most of his mind. Like the time Seamus pushed him off a tree and he broke his arm. Or the time he laughed at him for crying on his mother's birthday. He thinks to himself that maybe Seamus was right maybe this was all that he could be. But if it was Seamus and it wasn't him. He never knew what Seamus wanted from him. Why did he choose him? Why did Seamus pick that day to almost end his life? He remembers the screams from Cheryl and from himself. He sees them both fighting for their lives. His heart still races as the image of both him and Cheryl diving for the gun replays in his mind over and over.

He's in a trance but a knock on the door snaps him back. He gets up and opens the door to let Warren in.

"You alright?" It's the first thing Warren says to him. "I thought you said you weren't gonna use yesterday."

"I know but I need something."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No just give me the pills."

"Brendan come on. Think about it. Do you really want to start this again? You were in a really bad place then, I don't think you want to find yourself back there again."

Warren is pulling Brendan back up to his feet as they walk to his flat. Brendan is so drugged up he can't even think straight. He's laughing at anything and everything.

"What the fuck did you take?"

"Couple ecstasy pills."

"How many is a couple?"

"Don't know lost count after the 10th one."

"Are you trying to kill yourself dumbass. That's too much to take in a day. Your fucking lucky you haven't overdosed yet."

As they are approaching the flat there is a group of men standing on a corner not really doing anything, just observing. Both Brendan and Warren know them but they just keep walking. Brendan passes by one of the men but the man grabs him right on his scar. It's an all-out brawl after that. Brendan knocks the guy out cold but then his friends go after him so Warren jumps in to help him out. Even with both of them completely high on drugs they manage to take out the other 4 guys. Warren tries wiping away some of the blood on him but Brendan doesn't stop. He keeps punching and kicking the first guy he knocked out.

"Ey you're gonna kill him!"

Warren tries pulling him off but Brendan escapes his grip and keeps attacking the guy. He sees the guys eyes slowly start losing life.

"Get off him!" This time Warren grips him across his neck and almost chokes him as he pulls him off. Warren looks at him and Brendan is actually smiling. He looks deranged in a way. "Come on we gotta get out of here. Ill sort this when we get to the flat."

After that they saw 4 of the guys from that day but they never again saw the other guy. They both decide to never speak about that day again.

"When did you start trying to give me lectures about what I do with my life? I told you I want the pills so are you gonna give them to me or not?"

"No."

"Fine. Ill get them somewhere else. I don't need you." Brendan gets up but in his drunken state he trips and lands on the floor.

"Oh for fucks sake." Warren sighs but lifts Brendan up onto the sofa. "Here." Warren drops a bag of pills onto the table. "I'm staying over tonight though to make sure you don't do anything stupid. I'll be in the spare room."

When Warren closes the door Brendan gets up and grabs the bag with shaking hands. He takes out one pill and places it on the table. He hasn't taken any drugs in over a year. He stopped when he overdosed and Cheryl begged him to stop. He picks it up and places it on the palm of his hand. He enjoyed the feeling he got when he was high. He felt no pain, no sadness, nothing. It was perfect in his mind. It made him be void of any emotions. And back then that's what he wanted. But now it's different. The image of Ste protecting himself from him goes through his mind. The fear in his eyes are tattooed into his mind. A year ago he would never even consider what he is about to do. But this boy that came into his life is someone that he would do anything for. Ste is his life. He knows in his heart that he can't go on without him by his side. He can't lose him. He won't lose him. Not now.

Brendan puts the pill back in the bag and reaches for one of the pamphlets that he got earlier. On the top of it has a note that says 'Brendan- Call whenever you're ready. We're open 24/7. Dr. Rosenberg'.

Brendan picks up his phone and types in the phone number but hesitates to hit the call button. He takes a deep breath and hits the button. After 2 rings a woman picks up.

"Psychiatric Practices, this is Maureen speaking how can I help you?"

He loses his bit of strength he had and remains quiet.

"Hello? Hello...I know this is hard but we're only here to help."

"Umm...I...I wanted to make...an appointment with Dr. Rosenberg."

"No problem. Can I get a name?"

"...Brendan."

"Alright Brendan let me just get a bit of basic information from you."

She takes the basics from him, full name, address, insurance, and other small things.

"Great. Ok Brendan do you know what exactly you need help with or do you need a mental evaluation first."

"No. I already know."

"What should I put down?"

"...Insomnia...anxiety disorder. Ummm...manic depression. And...umm...post...post-traumatic stress disorder."

Bam! His issues are revealed. Review please? =)