Part 11: Tide In The Affairs Of Men

Despite the noises of the jungle, we walked through it in silence. Nahuel took the lead, Jacob falling far behind. With every step I felt the tension mounting. Neither of us had said a word since we properly said our goodbyes to the leaders of the tribe. Rhurita's behavior hadn't offered any insight either, a large grin spread wide across her face, mumbling something in her native tongue upon our departure. Nahuel simply stated it to be an honored good-bye formality, yet the way she had said it and the blush that had crept into his cheeks upon translating it made me feel is if it had been otherwise.

"Are we far?" I finally broke the silence.

"Not too far." Nahuel turned to face me, his hands pointing in the direction we were going. "The path will become defined shortly, after that we shall be home soon."

"We can stop if you need to rest." Jacob spoke up as he brushed past us both. "You're probably still recovering from last night."

The way he spoke made me suddenly feel guilty, guilty for something I still had yet to understand. I glanced up at him and he didn't flinch. His gaze only intensified, his jaw clenching as he gazed over me as if examining me. Yet his expression made me feel for the first time in my life as if he didn't care for what he saw. I took a breath, tearing my eyes from his gaze.

"Let's go." I stated firmly, turning on my heels and walked on, Nahuel leading the way once more.

We walked until the path cleared and the trail widened, the visible markings of traffic held on the jungle floor. Nahuel just pointed and nodded his head forward as if signaling we were almost there. We continued at a fair pace until we reached the outskirts of Nahuel's home, the red and white flowers familiar scent tipping me off right away. The rushing sound of the lagoon's waterfalls a comforting sound as we crossed through the thick leaves and vines. Within moments the clearing was before us and we were back to something familiar.

"Huilen." Nahuel called across the land.

"She's not here." I walked to Nahuel's side. My instincts would have spotted her scent or sound already, yet the place was silent of her presence.

"You think she went to hunt?"

"I hope not, Jacob." Nahuel turned to face us, a solemn expression crossing his face. "I will go look for her. I shouldn't be long. We never go far without the other, for safety."

"We'll come with you." I placed my hand on his arm to help comfort the concern that seemed to have found it's way over his demeanor.

Nahuel glanced from my face to where my hand rested on his arm, placing a gentle hand on top of it. I could hear Jacob's heart rate double as he did so.

"No need." He smiled as if doing so might convince me he was all right. "I won't be gone long. Stay, rest." He stepped out of my touch and within moments had vanished from sight.

"I hope she is okay." I turned back to Jacob but he too it seemed was gone, halfway across the clearing heading towards his hut.

For a moment I wanted to call out to him, but I knew him well enough to know that now wasn't the time. He needed space to cool off, but from what was still a mystery. I, however, found a much more recreational way to stifle the heat that seemed to have settled in. Within moments my body was submerged within the lagoon, my arms and legs moving gently through the rippling water.

I swam to the deepest part near the waterfalls and dove deep, fully submerging myself into the darkness below. I held my breath for as long as I could, which given that I was half-vampire, was long enough to clear my head. The stillness of sounds creating a peaceful retreat for my emotions and thoughts, the coolness a refreshing change from the heat of the jungle.

I emerged from the deep and once again filled my lungs with oxygen. The beating power of the water above surging down onto my hard skin, my eyes opened and let the sun's rays warm my face. I let myself stay like that feeling the coolness of the water; the warmth of the sun until it's rays became blocked by the foliage of the jungle. I swam towards the shallows and upon finding my footing on the rocky floor below I walked out of the water, falling onto the shore.

I laid there my arms supporting my head, my eyes closed to everything but my ears awakened to all the sounds around me. From the water's gentle waves around my ankles, to the screeching birds in the trees, the monkey's deep in the jungle, and finally Jacob's footsteps. They were getting louder and louder, until without looking I knew he was standing above me. The sudden darkness cast over my eyes only confirmed it.

"I thought you were taking a nap." I spoke opening my eyes only to find his face above me.

"Couldn't sleep." He sat down next to me letting his feet submerge into the water.

"I figured Nahuel would have been back by now." I lifted myself onto my elbows. At the mention of his name, Jacob's heart-beat increased. I couldn't help but sigh as it did. Sitting all the way up, I took a moment before I turned to look at him. "So are you going to enlighten me about that or am I going to have to guess?"

Jacob's gaze never moved from looking out over the lagoon, his face straight and steady, he never flinched.

"You are not the only one who can hear a heart beat, Jake." Turning my body towards him, I crossed my legs, our knees folded over the other. "It works both ways you know." His jaw clenched and I noticed his hands did the same. "Jake, just tell me." I placed my hand on his leg trying to smile.

"You tell me, Ness." His gaze finally shifted to me, but his body moved away from my touch. "Why did you do it?"

I felt my heart constrict at his question. Do what? What had I done? I knew it had to do something with the way I had woken up this morning, how the tribe had reacted upon seeing me, the way Jake himself had glanced at me too.

"Do what?"

"I have never known you to be a liar, Renesmee." Jake glanced back at the water as if it hurt too much to look at her.

"You haven't called me by my full name in years." I bit my bottom lip so much so that I felt any moment I might pierce the hard skin.

"You're mad." Jacob for some reason couldn't contain his laugh as he noticed my behavior.

"This isn't funny Jake!" I cried out as I turned my gaze away from him, glancing intently at my clenched hands. "You are obviously the one that is mad. You have been ever since you saw me this morning! I just…I just don't know why." I found the courage to find his eyes once more.

"You really don't know do you?" Jacob covered his mouth with his hand as if stifling another laugh or angry word.

"No, I honestly have no idea! I woke up this morning and suddenly there was this big gapping mystery. You and Nahuel were on edge, not to mention the entire village pointing and laughing." I turned my face back towards his. "What happened, Jake? What is so horrible that you of all people would be—"

"You kissed him, Ness."

Jake hadn't waited another beat to reveal the mystery to me. It was as if he too had been waiting all day to tell me, just like I had been waiting all day to ask him. His body shook as he let the sudden revelation fill the space between us.

"When? When did I—"

"You were dancing." He didn't look at me. He just took another deep breath.

I closed my eyes as if doing so would help my brain retrace its thoughts and actions. Yet nothing surfaced, no faint memory made its way to surface of my mind.

"What happened then?" I pressed in further knowing from his body language that there was still more.

"He didn't push you away, if that's what you want to know." Jacob turned his gaze back on me.

I had only seen that look two or three times in my life, and it had never been directed at me. It was look of pure animalistic anger, the wolf it seemed was breaking through.

"Jake—"

"I watched you Ness." Jacob's body shuddered as he tried to control the rage that was boiling within him. "I stood there paralyzed. Paralyzed while you kissed him, paralyzed when he kissed you back, paralyzed when you led him into that hut."

"Led him…led him to the hut?" I felt the world rotate around me as his words sunk in. This was a dream. This couldn't be real.

"For the first time I felt what it was like to really lose you, to feel the affects of being rejected by you, the weakness, the aging. The decisions you made last night set that path in motion for me."

"No—" My body reacted instinctively and I tried to reach out to him but he just brushed me off. As much as I hated to admit it sometimes, he was stronger than me. "Jake, I don't remember…I don't remember anything of what you have just told me!" I lifted my body off of the ground and went after him. "Jake, please!"

"I believe you, Nessie." He turned back, his face still hard. "I can hear your heart." It was only then that his face softened and a smile spread across it. "I believe that you don't remember, probably a result from the amount of that drink you consumed all night."

"Jake—"

"Regardless, Ness, what I saw still happened, and the result remains the same." Jacob's jaw clenched once more as he looked me in the eyes. "Your heart…your heart has chosen someone else and because of that —" Jake stopped as if unwilling to say what we both new was now true. "Because of that, it seems the elders were right, I will no longer shift."

"How do you know, Jake?" I asked as I took two steps forward trying to bridge the large gap between us.

"I spent the last hour trying, Ness! I…I couldn't do it."

"Jacob, I am…I'm so sorry, I don't know—"

"I will leave first thing in the morning. I don't …I don't need to intrude anymore on your time here." He took a deep breath before turning and walking away.

"Jake!" I called out to him but he just crossed the clearing and entered his hut leaving me standing there alone.

I felt the weight of my actions fall onto me in that single moment. I left my home. I left Jake behind because I didn't want to hurt him anymore. I thought that leaving and coming here would protect him from all that, from me, from what might happen. Yet it seemed that my plans had all failed, I without my memory or knowledge it seems had finally made my decision. That betrayal, that rejection was costing him his life.

If it was true, if all that Jake had said had actually happened and my heart had chosen someone else, then why did I feel as if I was somehow dying too?

"We were worried about you." I placed my hand on Huilen's as she plated more food into our hand-carved bowls.

"I went to gather herbs from the other side of the great river. I did not think you would be back so soon." I noticed her eyes, which had once been all red were changed around the edges to brown. I couldn't help but think of my mother's as I found her gaze, for they too once looked the same.

"We didn't want to overstay our welcome." Nahuel simply explained as he brought his spoon to his mouth.

"Is Jacob not hungry?" Huilen asked concerened.

"It seems he isn't. I think he's tired from…from last night's festivities. He's more human than we are I am afraid." I tried to smile but I knew I looked half-hearted. In truth Jacob had yet to come out of his hut all afternoon. He seemed content to avoid me and us for the remainder of the night.

"He's appetite usually says otherwise." Huilen laughed quietly to herself. "I will save some, maybe he will want it later."

"Maybe." I took the last remaining bits of my meal in silence not knowing what else to say on the subject.

I knew however that I should start thinking about it though, by tomorrow he would be gone, and then I would have to come up with some sort of reasonable explanation.

"Me too." Nahuel grinned. "What do you think Renesmee?" His black eyes caught the remaining light of the setting sun, giving them a deep radiance that I had never seen before.

"Hmm, what?" I asked, even with heighten ability to hear sound I had missed it.

"Nahuel's new table, it fits very nicely, do you not think?" Huilen brushed her hand against the sleek wooden table-top. It was just high enough to where they all could sit under it.

"A masterpiece." I complimented. "You could sell them Nahuel, honestly. I am sure Alice knows a rare arts buyer who would be thrilled to have something like this. You could make a small fortune if sold to the right clientele. "

"Thank you for your compliment, Renesmee, but what need do we have for money that nature does not already provide?" His smile widened, his hands expanded as if revealing all that was around them.

"True." I nodded, realizing how different our two worlds really were.

I spent the last months living in, off, and around nature and hadn't wanted for anything, yet I had spent the last eighteen years in a world where money was a necessity to blend in, to protect, and to survive.

"Let me help you with those." I asked standing as I saw Huilen gather our dishes and set them near the washbasin.

"No need." She just spoke softly as she set about her work.

I glanced back at the now empty table, Nahuel rested his hands on his knees as his feet crossed underneath him, his bare chest rising and falling with his steady breathing. He smiled up at me as he caught me staring. I knew my cheeks must have turned crimson from being found out.

My eyes turned from his figure to the world outside, the sun was making its final descent over the horizon for the sky was streaked in colors of red and orange. The jungle floor was turning darker, the water in the lagoon returning black once more. The noises around us remained the same, birds and monkeys talking noisily to one another, the rushing of water. Yet above it all my ears heard the rustling of quilts and blankets, of breathing and sighing, as Jacob tossed back and forth. I felt my heart constrict within my chest, my stomach clinching once again. I took a deep breath. I needed to get away.

"Nahuel, would you…take a walk with me?" I knew the minute I had spoken the words that Jacob would hear them. Yet hearing his restlessness and knowing that I was the reason for it seemed just as torturous.

"Of course." Nahuel stood and extended his hand towards the empty doorway. "Follow me."

I glanced back at the hut at the edge of the jungle once more before turning and following Nahuel's lead, hoping that distance might help calm the storm that seemed to be raging in Jacob's mind tonight.