AN: Hello again! Another big big thanks to anyone who read the last chapter! All your reviews were sooo amazingly perfect. Truly humbled that you guys are still with me on this. I hope you enjoy =)
PS: I apparently messed up the dates on the last chapter so hopefully none of y'all caught it lol but I did go back and edit it just in case...oops :)
Saturday 1:33 AM
*****The waves crash upon the walls. Some of the water spills onto the pier as people walk by. The kids laugh when the little droplets land of them. Their parents smile so bright as they grab their hands and rush them out of the way. Brendan stays seated on a bench nearby as he watches these perfect families going on about their day. He notices people staring at him and silently whispering to each other. It's not his fault that his lip is busted and his eye is red and swollen. He tries covering it up by pulling his hood over his head, but people still see it. Brendan tilts his head down when a little girl points at him and asks her mum "what happened to him?" Her mum looks her straight in the eyes and tells her "he must have been a bad boy." They both smile and as Brendan watches them he sees their smile morph into a clown like smile. It's deformed and unnatural. As they move away their bodies start to snap at odd locations. He decides to look away.
As the day progresses the sun starts to go down and suddenly there are no more people around the pier anymore. Brendan tries lifting himself off the bench but he can't. It's as if he is glued onto the spot, completely frozen in place. He stares up towards the clouds and sees them turning into a mixture of red and black. Rain starts falling, but it's not water. It's blood. Red hot sticky blood starts falling from the skies. It lands on him and it oozes down his clothes. His eyes widen when he sees that the sea in front of him is not water anymore, it's the opposite. It's now become fire.
Brendan tries moving away this time using all the force he has. He struggles and is actually causing him physical pain by distorting his body in these awkward positions. The heat from the flames start reaching him and he feels suffocated. The pouring of blood intensifies as the small drops start becoming the size of golf balls. When they hit Brendan it actually hurts.
Brendan is powerless to do anything. He physically can't do anything. He closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable. Then he feels a presence in from of him. When he opens his eyes his father is standing right in front of him, smiling. It's that same smile he saw on the girl and her mum. It's wide and spread out and looks so unreal. The lips practically reach his ears. His eyes don't have any pupils, they are completely black. Almost looks like an 8 ball.
"Hello Brenda."
Seamus voice is high pitched and there's something else behind it that Brendan can't fully understand.
"Do you need help?"
Brendan looks down at his father's hand, but they're not hands. Their hooves.
"Who..are you?" Brendan actually tries moving away but of course he can't.
"Who do you think?" Seamus bares his teeth and they are razor sharp.
"Get away from me."
"Don't speak to your father like that Brenda. I just want to help."
"You never helped me before." Brendan can't look at him anymore because the sight in front of him terrifies him. That's when he notices the blood coming from the skies are now burning him.
"I could help now son. You just have to ask. Be a good little boy and beg to your daddy to help."
Brendan looks and sees the fire reaching closer to him. He turns his head back and sees that in the opposite direction of the fire that it's perfectly normal. It's as if Dublin has been cut right in half. One side has scorching hot blood falling from the skies and a sea of fire moving. While the other has perfect white fluffy clouds and the sky is just a magnificent shade of blue. Brendan doesn't know what he did to deserve being put on this side. He finally dares to look at Seamus. Would he actually get him to the other side if he begged? Would he actually help him?
"Your choice Brenda. We could both go over there and live a perfect life."
Brendan's eyes lock onto Seamus and that's all it takes. 'We' and 'Perfect life' stand out. Those words will never go together in their lives.
"I rather die than ask you for anything."
He sheds no tears and gives his father one last look. A look that says he's already dead. Has been for years. Seamus gives out a blood cringing laugh and leans down and plants his lips onto Brendan's. There is nothing Brendan can do so he stays still and keeps his mouth shut closed. But then he has an idea. Brendan smirks and parts his lips. Seamus takes it as an invitation and slips his tongue inside Brendan's mouth. When Seamus has his whole tongue inside Brendan laughs and snaps his mouth shut. His teeth impale his father's tongue. Seamus tries pulling away but Brendan just grips harder. He feels blood inside his mouth so he gives one last yank back and sees Seamus fall backwards.
Blood his flowing from Seamus mouth and he's in obvious pain. Brendan feels something in his mouth and spits it out along with his own vomit. On the floor he sees it. His dads tongue.
Seamus gets back up and charges at him. Within a second Brendan is being lifted onto his dads shoulder. He stares down and sees that Seamus is walking through the fire and in that second he realizes he is about to be throw into it. They reach the end of the pier and Seamus stops. Brendan is still paralyzed and can't move his legs or arms. Seamus mumbles something that Brendan can't understand but he thinks he hears "I loved you."
With nothing else to do Brendan whispers into his father's ear:
"I hated you. I'll see you in hell."
The next thing he feels is excruciating pain as he gets burned alive.*****
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Brendan snaps out of his dreaming state and almost rolls off the bed. He looks at the clock and groans.
"FOXY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP AT 2 IN THE DAMN MORNING?!"
He waits for a response and hears the microwave door closing.
"I WAS BLOODY STARVING. SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOUR BEAUTY REST!"
Brendan gets out of bed and walks out to the kitchen. Warren is seated on the table with a microwaveable dinner. Warren looks up at him when he takes a seat across the table.
"What? I had the munchies."
"You pot head. There's some leftover food in the fridge you know."
"I'm alright. Ta though."
They sit in silence as Warren eats his food in record speed. Brendan casually glances around the room when he notices Warren picking up the bag of pills and counting them.
"Didn't take any?"
"Not last night no."
Warren just nods his head as he keeps a hold on the bag. He drops them when he sees the pamphlets on the table.
"Wednesday 9 AM. Wait did you actually make an appointment to see someone?" Warren looks up at him with a shocked expression.
"Yeah but I'm not going."
"What? Why not?"
"Cause I don't want to. The second I hung up I regretted even calling."
"Come on Brendan this is a huge step. You already called and did the first part. Just cause you go one time doesn't mean you have to keep going. You can see how it goes and then decide afterwards if you want to continue. But it wouldn't hurt to go this one time. Maybe it'll help. And then maybe you won't need these."
Warren throws the bag across the table hitting Brendan right in the chest. Brendan takes a pill out of it and keeps staring at it.
"It wasn't that I needed them Foxy. I wanted them."
"No you needed them so that you could forget about your past. You needed them to numb your pain. You needed them so that you could overdose and almost lose your life."
"The overdose was an accident ok. I wanted them to forget about the fucked up life I had and still have."
Brendan is about to take it when Warren tackles him to the ground. He grabs his hand trying to pry it open to take the pill away.
"What the fuck are you doing Warren! Get off me!"
"Give me the pill!"
After a few more minutes of almost fighting Brendan opens his hand and lets the pill drop on the floor. Warren grabs it and rushes to get the bag as well.
"Psycho." Brendan pulls himself back up and heads back to his room.
"Are you gonna go or not?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I'm sick of talking about it ok. Every day I get reminded how messed up I am. Don't you think I know I need help? I know I'm not fine! I just...I can't do this."
Saturday 9:27 AM
Brendan wakes up a massive hangover. He can't remember the previous night or how he ended up on the floor in his room. He silently curses at himself when he struggles getting to his feet.
"Foxy?"
No response comes back so Brendan goes to the spare bedroom to check. The bed is made and everything looks organized. There's a note on the nightstand that reads 'Had to run. Gotta bring Mitz her lunch today so see you there. Ps.I understand why you need them. Their on the counter. Warren.'
Brendan throws away the note and walks back out to the kitchen to see the bag of pills there. He picks them up and places them on a drawer as he goes to take a shower. Once he's done he dries himself off and puts on jeans and stops right before he puts on a shirt. Brendan looks at the mirror and his eyes go straight to his left arm. It's blinding red. The heat from the water has made it even more noticeable. He glides his hand over his arm and feels the raised skin. Then on the right side he sees the other scar that starts on his forearm. He turns around and sees it go over his shoulders and stopping at his back. It has an 'S' shape to it towards the end.
'Whenever anyone sees you for who you are they will know you belong to me. You're mine Brenda. You will always be mine. This scar here is a reminder of who owns your life. I do. I've branded you forever. You'll never forget me.'
Brendan shakes the memory out of his mind as he applies the same cream he has applied for years. He puts on a shirt and quickly escapes from his image on the mirror.
His shift doesn't start till 3 so he has time to kill. The only thing is Brendan hates having time on his hands. When he has nothing to do then his mind starts racing. Every memory from his past comes to the front and he can't escape it. He needs to stay occupied to avoid having to deal with these reminders.
Brendan picks up his keys and phone about to head out. He has a couple missed calls but none are important enough for him to call back. Then he sees he has a text from Ste.
'We need to talk when you get here.'
Brendan sighs because he's not in the mood to deal with yet another serious conversation. He already broke down in front him, and that's enough for him.
Before he walks out of his flat he takes out his vial of Paxil and takes 2 pills. Then he remembers the other pills he has. He sprints back to his room and takes one of them out of the bag. He paces back and forth making a pro and cons list in his head.
It takes him a couple of minutes but in the end he makes up his decision.
Saturday 11:03 AM
The church is having a sermon as Brendan walks in. He takes a seat at the back where he notices that most of the people in the back rows all don't appear to be people that usually attend church. He can clearly see that half of them are drug addicts as he watches them have their tweaks every couple of minutes. He slouches down on his seat and listens to Father Des as he speaks. He says a couple of bible verses that Brendan doesn't even listen too.
"I'm going to bring out a special little girl that has a poem she wants me to read to you all. She's been through a lot in her short amount of years and she's never given up. I want all of you in here to know that no matter what happens in your lives, you cannot give up. Daisy come on up."
Brendan at first doesn't recognize her but within a few seconds he remembers the girl that he met at the hospital. The little girl that couldn't pronounce his name at first. The little girl that didn't even know him but believed in him. The one that told him he would see his daughter one day. He realizes that she's staring right at him and she mouths 'Brendan' and waves making a few people turn around to look at him. Brendan drops his head and when he thinks everyone has stopped looking he lifts his head up. Daisy still is staring at him smiling so for the first time that day he smiles. She giggles into the microphone and then pulls out a couple sheets of paper and hands them to Father Des.
"As the light shines through my window I awaken. I am reminded once more that today is another day stolen from borrowed time. Today I will live and live to will. I will be thankful for all I love and all I have. Every breath taken in shall be full as I take in the world around me. I will push away the pain, hide my tears and sorrow and drown out all that threatens my very being. Today I will climb that rock and sit on top staring and soaking in the beauty of nature, of life. I will let the wind whisper in my ears and flow through me filling my every sense, breathing life once more into my soul. Just for today I shall truly live, making the best of everything, because I know as the sun sets and sleeps, so shall I. I will be there once more to watch the last ray of the sun disappear; knowing that one day it may never awaken me. Just for today I will live."
Brendan is to absorbed into the poem that he completely misses the time to clap. Daisy gives him an angry look and he shrugs his shoulders and mouths 'sorry'. The sermon finishes with Father Des giving a last bible verse and lets them know he will see them next week. Everyone starts exiting and Brendan gets up but has to wait for a pregnant woman to get by so he could move and leave. Once she passes him he steps into the aisle but something grabs a hold of his arm.
"Bendan! Bren..Brendan!" Daisy hugs him as if she hasn't seen him in years. He gives her a small hug back before sitting down knowing he wasn't going to be let go so easily.
"Hi." Brendan looks up front and sees Father Des approaching them.
"I missed ye. Mum is here with baby. We come here every week."
"Believe in God do you?"
"Yes. He protects me and keeps me safe. Do you?"
He thinks he should lie to her just to avoid all her questions but then remembers he's in church. Probably not a good idea to lie.
"No. He forgot about me a long time ago."
Before Daisy has a chance to respond Father Des comes up to them and tells Daisy her mum is waiting for her. She quickly gives him and Brendan a hug and runs off.
"Nice to see you here Brendan."
"Had some time to myself. Figured I just come here. Maybe get something from it."
"Did you?"
"Got nothing but a bad back. You should consider getting some cushions for these seats."
"Why are you really here Brendan?"
"I told you already."
"No you told me you had some time to spare. But you didn't have to come here, you could have gone anywhere. There's has to be a reason for that."
Brendan tries focusing as much as he can but his vision is getting a bit blurry and his muscles all throughout his body are cramping on him. His jaw starts clenching and he feels his heart beat speed up. He starts controlling his breathing so that he can get his body back to normal.
"Alright so I came here for a bit of help."
Father Des gives him his full attention and waits for when Brendan is ready to speak again. Brendan on the other hand is still trying to get himself together and suddenly feels this sort of openness about him, like he just wants to spill everything out. He knows exactly why his body is reacting this way. Now he wishes he could go back a couple hours and change one of his decisions.
"So look ok...I haven't had the easiest life growing up. I been through some things that I rather just forget but I can't. The past has ruined me. Let's say I'm a little messed up in the head." Brendan chuckles to himself and sees Father Des give him a worrying look.
"You ok Brendan?"
"Sorry. I'm fine. Umm where the fuck was I? Right so my sister always tells me I'm not fine and I need help. My friends tell me I need to see someone. But I never cared enough to listen to them. Something in me didn't think of them as important, so I never sought help. But then I met him and he changed my life. Oh and yes I said HIM."
"I know you did."
"So aren't you disgusted? God tells you to be disgusted."
"God tells me to put love first. Love is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be thrown away. It doesn't matter if it's between a man and a woman or a man and a man. Now continue."
Brendan laughs at the statement and how unaffected Father Des seemed at the fact that he was talking about a man.
"I never looked thought ahead to my future. I was never one of those people that had like a 5 year plan. I honestly never even thought a day ahead, because I never knew if I would even wake up. But then Steven walked into my life and now all I keep thinking about is a future with him. But like everyone else he wants me to get help. And I want to do it for him. I really do. But I don't think I can."
"It amuses me that you haven't figured it out yet."
"What?" Brendan looks at him clearly for the first time but is completely confused now.
"I heard you say earlier to Daisy that God forgot about you. I don't think he ever did. He has always been there. You forgot about him, not intentionally. But because you had too. You didn't want God to see what you became so you decided go on with your life alone. But God saw you suffering and he heard you loud and clear. Steven was put into your life for one reason. Because this is your last chance at saving yourself. He can save you. Brendan let him save you."
Saturday 3:15 PM
The hospital appears to be a bit more busy than usual. There's a lot of visitors walking around, lost. A lot of nurses are running up and down the halls. Some of them at dripping with blood. Brendan almost slips on a puddle of it and catches Mitzeee laughing at him before she disappears into an elevator. He walks over to the North Wing the whole time looking down avoiding any blood splatter.
When he finally makes it to the Wing he has to dodge all the physical therapy equipment being used. He's about to go walk over to Stes room but remembers he didn't see his other patient yesterday so he rushes over to make sure she won't report him for anything. Brendan has to look at the room charts to even remember what room she was at. 'No wonder I get such low grades' he thinks to himself as he knocks on the door.
"Yes?"
"Hey it's me. How you doing?" Brendan awkwardly walks into the room and picks up a couple things from the floor.
"Pretty good actually. Especially since you gave me a day off yesterday from your extreme exercises."
"Day off? Oh right right. Yeah figured you deserved a day. But were doing an hour today, no breaks during it either. Yeah?"
"Fantastic."
"I thought so too." He gives her a slight smile. "Oh and for the sarcasm I'm adding 15 more minutes to your time. You're welcome."
He closes the door before she can throw anything at him. He walks to the opposite side of the Wing and prepares himself for whatever Ste has to say to him. Brendan doesn't even knock this time just walks right in and sees Ste sleeping on his side.
Brendan takes a seat next to the bed and watches him. He thinks if Ste wakes up right now he would probably think he really is a lunatic, but he can't help it. He's honestly mesmerized by him. He's hypnotized by him. When Brendan leans forward a little, Stes eyes spring open. His bright blue pupils widen as he makes contact with Brendan's piercing blue eyes.
"Hello sleepyhead."
Stes eyes keep closing and opening trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. "How long was I asleep for?"
"Don't know just got here."
"Oh." Ste lifts himself up into a better position and stretches his body out. "Right so what we doing today."
"Umm...thought we should get you walking more since that's really all you have left to do."
"Ok." Ste moves so his legs are dangling off the the bed.
"Didn't you want to talk to me about something?"
"Later. Let's just get this over with."
Brendan helps him off the bed and holds him until Ste moves away from him.
Brendan walks in front of him and opens the door as Ste slowly follows him.
"So let's see if you can walk to the West Wing and back."
"You aren't serious?"
"Just try it. Please."
When Ste looks at him it takes his breath away. His eyes show more than he could ever say. He sees trust in them. Even though he doesn't deserve it.
"You're gonna be by my side the whole time right?"
"Till you let me go."
They both know that their not talking about the exercises anymore. Words unsaid. Words that they can't truly express.
Ste starts walking and Brendan stays a little behind him and to his side. Ste doesn't even stumble one time. He makes it to the entrance of the West Wing and turns around and gives Brendan the hugest smile.
"I did it Bren!" Ste throws his arms in the air in excitement and even manages a small jump. That makes him almost fall over but Brendan is right there grabbing his hand and pulling him back into position.
"Easy there kid."
"Sorry but I fucking did it. That's good right?"
"Yeah it is. I'm proud of you. Honestly."
"Thank you. For everything." Ste walks up to him and leans up and gives Brendan a chaste kiss. "Going back right?"
Brendan nods and this time keeps a farther distance between them. He doesn't need him anymore so it's time for him to try to separate himself from Ste. They both make it back to the North Wing in record time. Ste actually did much better on the way back. Ste has a skip to his step and moved almost as if he had never fallen off the roof to begin with.
"You really did a good job today considering how short of a time you been here. Better than anyone I ever seen actually. You can take a break for a bit as I gotta go see my other patient for an hour. You gonna be ok?"
"Yep I'll watch some tv but when you get back we can have that talk." Ste walks away from him as Brendan watches him becoming independent again.
Saturday 5:51 PM
Brendan ended up cutting his patients session short. For one she wasn't even trying and secondly he couldn't concentrate. He played it off by saying she's not putting in her part and next time she should consider how much she really wants to get better. He stormed out of there just to add the impression that he was not happy with her.
Brendan walks straight into Stes room and leans against the wall.
"So what do you need to tell me?"
"Straight to the point huh. Ok. Come here though."
Brendan reluctantly moves closer to him and takes a seat on the bed making sure he's still facing him.
"I wanted to talk to you about us."
"There is no us Steven. You made it perfectly clear you didn't want to be with me."
"No don't put words in my mouth. I said I wanted you to get help first."
Brendan leans back on the bed and Ste crawls over to him and lays his head down on Brendan's chest.
"Bren you know I love you right?"
"So you say."
"You really don't believe me? Have you ever felt loved?"
Brendan kisses him on the forehead and then leans his head further back.
"You don't do you?" Ste doesn't get an answer back. "Bren?" He still doesn't respond to him. "You ok?" Once again Brendan keeps quiet. Ste knows he hasn't fallen asleep as his hands keep moving. But he seems saddened. Almost depressed. It breaks Stes heart to see him this way. Ste kisses the top of his chest and moves up to kiss him on his neck. He applies more pressure as he kisses him, knowing that a love mark will most likely appear. He hears Brendan moan and sees him move his head back to give him more access to his neck. Ste places his hand on Brendan's cheek and continues giving him kisses all over his neck.
"What..what are you doing?"
"Shh. I'm gonna show you I love you."
Ste stops and positions himself on top of Brendan. He grabs the side of his face and makes Brendan look at him. Their eyes connect and it's as if they are both looking at each other's reflection. Both their eyes are filled with lust and the blue color have drained becoming pitch black. Ste doesn't fail to notice the sadness in Brendan's eyes though. He's suffering and he doesn't know what he can do to pull him out of it. He leans down and slowly places his lips onto Brendan's. Neither one of them breaks away as they continue their slow languid movement. They inhale each other's air and groan into their own mouths. Brendan's hands move to Stes back and the warmness of them heat up Stes whole body. Ste places his hands on either side of Brendan's face. He runs his thumb in a circular motion as he feels the man beneath him. Everything around them disappears. They hear nothing else beside the noises coming from their wet kisses. Ste has never felt this before. It's not just lust for him. It's pure love. There is no one else for him. This broken man is his one and only soul mate. He has his heart for eternity. His life will never be complete without him.
Ste moves one of his hands down Brendan's left arm. He reaches the scar and lightly moves his hand over it. Brendan stills beneath him. His lips stop moving. Ste opens his eyes and sees the look of uncertainty in Brendan's.
"I don't know how you got this but I won't hurt you. Trust me."
Ste gives him a tender kiss before he moves down and gradually plants light kisses across his scar. He starts from the elbow and goes all the way to his finger. He takes Brendan's finger and starts sucking on it. When he removes it from his mouth he looks him straight in the eyes.
"I love you so much. No one else has a place in my heart beside you. My life didn't exist before you. Just let me give you the happiness that you have given me. I love you Brendan. Forever."
Ste sees Brendan's eyes lose that sadness and he finally sees the joy make their way to the front. Brendan gives his a softhearted smile.
"I can't live my life without you. I love you Steven."
Ste doesn't wait anymore and kisses him with all the passion he has. He grips his neck and hopes that he doesn't put nail marks on it. Brendan doesn't seem to notice because his own fingers grasp him tightly around the waist. Ste rocks his hips back and forth applying more and more pressure as he picks up speed. Their groins connect as they both start moaning into each other. Ste stops the kiss and crawls down his body and rapidly pulls Brendan's pants and boxers down in one motion. He sees the pre cum already leaking from the tip. Ste smirks at him and runs his tongue right over it. Tasting him for the first time. He can hear Brendan's breathing hitch and watches as his hands are already about to go grip the sheets.
"You were hiding this from me weren't you? Your cock is fucking perfect."
Ste starts sucking the head of it as he moves his hand up and down his shaft at the same time. He spreads all the pre cum over his dick and uses it as a lubricant. His hand speeds up and then he removes it in a flash only to deep throat him. Brendan's dick hits the back of Stes throat and Brendan can't stop when his hips thrust upward. His dick pushes deeper in but Ste takes him all in. Ste goes all the way back to his tip and goes back all the way back down again applying more and more suction.
"Fuck fuck. Steven I..."
Brendan's knuckles are white from gripping onto the sheets below him. Ste thought receiving a blow job from Brendan was the most amazing thing ever but now he knows that giving Brendan a blow job is the most amazing sight he has ever seen. The moans and growls he releases from his mouth send fire through his veins. Every bit of his senses get magnified by 100 percent.
Ste runs his tongue across the underside of his dick and he can't help himself as he bites down on his dick. Brendan groans and roughly grabs the back of Stes head and pushes his dick straight into his mouth. They both move in a rhythm as Brendan feels the pressure building up inside him.
"Steven...I'm...gonna..."
With one last sweep of Stes tongue Brendan shoots his load into Stes mouth. Ste slurps it right up and gives the tip one last kiss before he shuffles back up to Brendan and kisses him. Brendan still is trying to catch his breath as Ste moves his hands all over him. Brendan bites down on his bottom lip and flips them over so Ste is on the bottom now.
"Your turn."
Stes cock is already throbbing and Brendans low rough voice isn't helping it go down. He already feels like it's going to explode.
"Take your pants off. Now."
Ste lifts his hips up and watches as Brendan licks his own lips. Ste gets naked from the waist down and Brendan straddles him as grinds his hips over him. Both their dicks touch as the liquid keeps leaking from both the heads.
"God. Brendan you're...so fucking...perfect. Please."
"Suck my fingers for me."
Ste grins as Brendan's fingers enter his mouth.
"Good boy, that's enough."
Brendan takes Ste into his mouth and slowly sucks him off.
"Bren I can't...I can't hold..."
"Don't you dare come. Not yet."
Ste literally has to force himself to think of something else beside his cock in Brendan's mouth to prevent himself from coming.
Ste feels a circular motion by his entrance and then he feels the tip of Brendan's finger enter him. It slowly goes in further and further till it hits his prostrate. Stes hips push down onto it and he feels the burn from the intrusion.
Brendan keeps licking and sucking Stes cock as he pushes his finger in and out of Stes hole. When he feels that he can take it he inserts another finger. Ste starts moving his hips to the same rhythm as Brendan's fingers and is saying Brendan's name over and over. They both make eye contact and know at that moment that there is no one else that will ever make them feel this way. They both entered each other's lives as strangers. Each one had a different life before they met. One had a pretty content life but had an empty feeling. The other had a life filled with hopelessness and pain. Faith decided to bring these two together to make them complete.
Stes eyes can't stay open as Brendan sticks a third finger into him and twist it over and over hitting his prostate every time. He's up to his knuckles. Ste starts fucking himself off on Brendan's fingers as Brendan takes Stes entire cock down his throat. He pushes his fingers as far back as he can and pounds into him.
"OHHH GODDDD! BRENDANNN."
Stes arousal is too much and he shoots his cum into Brendan's mouth. It keeps going and going and his whole body shakes uncontrollably. He can't stop the screams and moans coming out of his mouth. His heart beat is going crazy and his eyes feel as if they are going to pop out of their socket.
Brendan takes his mouth off Stes cock and removes his fingers out of him.
"Look at me Steven."
Stes vision is so blurry he can barely even see Brendan as he takes his fingers that were just inside himself and puts them in his mouth. Brendan sucks on them as he keeps his eyes on Ste beneath him.
"Bloody hell Brendan. That was...I can't even explain."
"Hmm." Brendan pulls his boxers and pants back on and grabs Stes pants and helps him put them on as well.
Brendan lies on top of him and places his head right in the nook of Stes neck and shoulder. Ste massages the back of Brendan's neck as he whispers to him 'I can't lose you Brendan. You can't lose this fight.'
Saturday 7:07 PM
"You page me?" Brendan walks over to where Cheryl is sitting down on a sofa close to the lobby.
"Yeah had some news on Laura. Thought you might want an update."
Brendan seats right next to her and Cheryl places her head on his shoulder. "Yeah course." He kisses her on the top of her head.
"So Nate thinks it's crucial that he gets to the tumor as fast as possible as its starting to spread rapidly. But he's not sure if he will be able to remove it all in one go. And even if he does there are some serious complications that can happen. The tumor is right next to major nerves and if he even moves a nano inch he will hit one of them which could lead to paralysis and even death."
"And if he doesn't do the surgery?"
"She won't make it to her next birthday. It's the only option babe. I'm so sorry. Nate has scheduled the surgery for tomorrow and she's asked that you be with her before she's put under."
Cheryl sees her brother drop his head and she wraps her arms around him. His whole weight collapses onto her but it doesn't even faze her.
"She will be ok Brendan. We'll do everything to make sure she makes it."
"I actually care about her Chez."
"I know." She keeps holding him and then let's go when he whispers he's fine.
"Come over to my flat tonight. I don't want you to be alone ok."
"Thanks."
They both turn their heads to the right as they hear two people shouting down the hall.
"Warren you know I hate fish! Why the hell would you bring me that?"
"You said you loved fish."
"Bastard that wasn't me!"
Mitzeee almost passes them both up but does a second glance and stops abruptly causing Warren to slam into her.
"Guys tell him I don't like fish."
Cheryl responds with "Erm I don't know we never ate together."
Brendan on the other hand says "Umm you ate fish once remember?"
"I ate fish ONCE! Doesn't mean I love the damn things."
"You're impossible." Warren takes a seat on the sofa next to Brendan and Mitzeee sits next to Cheryl.
"When did you get back Warren?" Cheryl turns to look at him but Mitzeee interrupts him.
"He came back 2 days ago and still hasn't taken me out. Can you believe that Cheryl? 3 years we have been together and when he gets home he doesn't even bother to call me."
Cheryl moves closer to Brendan and whispers 'get us out of here.'
Brendan and Cheryl move forward to lift themselves up but both Mitzeee and Warren grab their wrist and pull them back.
"Alright I get it Mitz. How about we all go to dinner one night. I'll even pay."
"You mean all 4 of us?" Brendan tries thinking of any excuse to get out of a dinner that will undoubtedly turn into a food fight in the middle of a restaurant. "Well umm...you see we're busy most days you know. Work and that other stuff like umm cleaning."
Cheryl's kicks him as he finishes talking and gives him a look saying 'great job idiot.'
"Make time."
Mitzeee squeals and then puts her angry expression back on. "Fine. But you're not forgiven. When I get home their had better be a dozen rises waiting for me." She gets up and Warren starts to follow. "No. I'm going back to work." She storms out of there and pushes a rolling Will out of her way. "Dumbass get out of the way yeah." She flicks him off as she walks away. Will stares at her frozen and then stares at the 3 of them. They all give him their middle fingers and he gasps and rolls away.
"He looks like a right freak." Warren keeps staring in his direction.
"Bren you should go check up on her. Make sure she's ok."
"She's fine. You know she gets all over dramatic sometimes."
"Brendan! Go check up on your friend."
"Alright alright calm down Chez. It's like you're trying to get rid of me." Brendan laughs quietly but leaves and follows the direction Mitzeee just went in.
"I'm gonna head off then Cheryl."
"Wait wait. I need your help."
Warren stops and turns at her to see desperation in her eyes.
"Yeah sure. What do you need help with?"
"Do you know how to break into a locked room? Like top notch locks."
Cheryl can see the confused look in his face and quickly adds on "I'm not robbing anything."
"Depends. I mean I can look-"
Before he can finish his sentence Cheryl is already dragging him down the hallway. She takes him to the 7th floor and casually walks down the long corridor before she stops at a door in the corner.
"Umm the records department?"
"Yeah. Can you get it open?"
Warren looks at it and sees it's an easy lock to break. "Think so but you wanna tell me why you're breaking into it?"
"I'll explain later just...please open it."
Warren gets out his small pocket knife and within a minute he gets the door open and Cheryl rushes past him. He steps inside and closes the door behind him. He sees her rush to a specific area and start rummaging through different folders.
"Cheryl those are from last year I think."
"I know."
"You need help?"
"No just keep your ears open for someone coming."
She keeps shuffling through all these files hoping it's in there. "Bade. Bennett. Bharde. Bixon."
Warren hears her as she says these names out loud and it finally hits him. "You willing to risk your entire career on your brother?"
"Yes."
One word. No hesitation. Simple as that. She would sacrifice everything for him. She starts flipping through them frantically and finally her eyes see the file she came here for.
"Brendan Brady."
"Please leave your message after the beep."
Cheryl throws her phone against the wall and watches it shatter all over the living room floor. She paces back and forth as she keeps looking out the window for any sign of him. She sits down on the sofa and stares at the clock. After 5 minutes she realizes she can't take it anymore and grabs her keys. She's about to walk out until she hears the door handle moving. Then the door opens and in walks Brendan.
"Where the fuck have you been?!" She rushes over to him and hugs him tight. "Do you know how worried I was? It's freaking 2 in the morning and you weren't picking up your damn phone!"
"Sorry didn't hear it."
"That's not an excuse. Where were-" she looks down and sees his hands covered in blood. Then her eyes move up and she sees some blood on his shirt. "Is that- what did you- what happened?" Are you ok?"
"I'm fine." Brendan steps around her and walks to the bathroom. Cheryl follows him and pushes through as Brendan tries closing the door on her. She turns on the bathroom sink and grabs his hands, placing them under the running water.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
She sighs and gives him a frustrated look as she continues to clean off his hands. Once she can finally see his hands she notices that they have cuts all over them. She grabs some alcohol and pulls his hands towards her.
"Stay still this might hurt if your skin is broken."
Brendan winces as the alcohol hits his torn skin. It stings and burns but he stays still as is sister cleans the remaining blood off him.
"Is this just your blood or someone else's?"
"Both."
Once she finishes completely getting rid of all the blood she puts a band aid on one of the deepest cuts then she takes a seat on the edge on the bathtub.
"So?"
"So what?"
"Don't give me that. You walk in here at 2 in the morning with blood on your hands and your shirt. And you don't think you owe me an explanation."
"No." Brendan takes a seat on the floor and looks up at his sister who looks disappointed in him. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"It's better if you don't know."
"Right. So you were here the whole night then yeah. We watched a movie and then ate what? Huh? Pizza. Alright so we ate pizza and watched more tv. All the way till 2 AM. Is that it?"
"You never took your eyes off me."
"Course." She gets up and walks out to the kitchen. Brendan follows her and sees her grab the whiskey bottle from the shelf and drink it straight from the bottle.
"Chez I'm sorry."
"Is the guy at least conscious?"
Brendan stays silent and that gives her her answer.
"I have your dinner in the microwave if you're hungry or you can go get some sleep."
"Not really hungry."
"Ok well then have a goodnight. I'm just gonna clean up a bit."
Brendan knows she means clean up the traces of blood in the bathroom. He nods and heads to his room. At least an hour goes by when he hears the knocking on the front door. Brendan gets out of bed and opens his bedroom door at the same time Cheryl was opening it.
"Stay in your room and don't make any noise ok. You been asleep for hours." She waits for him get into bed. "Turn towards the wall and pull the covers over you." He listens to her and then hears his door close.
A few seconds go by until he hears the front door open. He can make out 2 different voices. Both male. Their conversations aren't understandable from his position. He can make out a few words but not whole sentences. He hears his sisters' voice and he smiles to himself as he can make out how calm she is. Then he hears her say:
"He's been with me all day officers. We were having a brother sister day you know."
A couple seconds later and there is laughter coming from all 3 of them. He tunes out the rest as he can't really get anything from it. It takes a couple of minutes but finally the door closes. He stays still not knowing if maybe the cops decided to come in to investigate. His door opens and he braces himself.
"Just me."
It's just Cheryl standing at the doorway. She moves over and sits on the bed.
"Thank you." It's the only thing he can really say to her.
She turns around to look at him. Really look at him. "I will always have your back Brendan. No matter what you do. No matter who you hurt. But you have to stop. One day you won't be able to stop yourself and you're going to step over that line. There's no turning back from that. The guilt and remorse will eat you up. It's going to destroy whatever part of you is left. I know you're hurting. But this-" she reaches across to his table and picks up the drug filled syringe "-isn't helping. Seeing other people in pain isn't going to ease yours. It won't give you what you're looking for."
Cheryl gets up and is just about to walk out but hears her brother say her name.
"I'm sorry that you have to lie for me. I am. I don't want you to have to worry about me or make up excuses. But Cheryl I don't feel anything. I don't care anymore. Whether someone dies or not, doesn't bother me."
"Brendan you're not a murderer. That's not you. That's not my brother."
"Oh Chez, there's gonna be a time when you finally realize the brother you knew is gone. You're gonna wake up one day and look at someone you don't even recognize. It's going to hit you that you really don't know me at all. And finally you are going to understand that I'm not worth enough to be your brother."
Cheryl comes back over to him and crouches next to the bed. She motions him to look at her, so he lifts himself up and makes eye contact.
"I don't care what happens in our lives from this day forward but I will always, always call you my brother. We can drift apart, argue, fight, never speak to each other again. But it'll never change that fact. You need to understand that it's me that doesn't deserve you."
Brendan laughs in almost a psychotic way. "Really? What if I told you I crossed that line today? Would you still see me the same way?"
Cheryl looks at him deeply and wishes she could just truly read his mind. "Did you?"
"Maybe."
Not one second passes by as she gets off the floor and gives him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you Brendan. Till the end remember? There's nothing you could do that would make me stop fighting for you. My brothers in there and I'll get him back."
She walks away and opens the door to leave.
"Chez you didn't answer my question."
"If you ever need an alibi, I'll be there. Does that answer it?"
Saturday 7:59 PM
Brendan turns around and tries hiding behind a shelf that contains medical supplies. He doesn't know if he was spotted or not. He curses himself for not paying attention as he walked down the hall that he knows houses his office. The whole day he had managed to avoid him easily but of course it wouldn't be long till they eventually crossed each other's path. Brendan doesn't have the energy or frankly the patience to deal with him right now. Not to mention his anxiety is starting to build up. He crouches down while still keeping his eyes focused ahead. He takes a Xanax and then another Paxil. Surprisingly his anxiety problems have stayed consistent while his depression has gotten worst. He has been considering going to a doctor just to get anti-depressants but he never went through with it. The Paxil helps but is mainly targeted to help his symptoms of his post-traumatic stress disorder. But what doctor would honestly give him more drugs to take? The second they see his medical record they would report him to a psych ward.
He snaps out of his thoughts when he sees Eoghan stop in front of him. He's talking to another nurse and Brendan tries seeing if he could somehow sneak out of there unseen. Eoghan starts walking again so Brendan thinks he's safe and gets back onto his feet only to see Eoghan come right back into view.
"Fuck." Brendan's hand hits a box filled with needles and they make a slight noise. "Don't come over. Please don't come over." Brendan whispers to himself as he sees Eoghan approaching.
"Brendan didn't see you there."
Brendan literally wants to slam his face into this metal shelf. 'Why are you always against me universe' he thinks to himself.
"Yeah was just getting some supplies but this room doesn't have what I needed so I'm off." He quickly moves out of the room but hears Eoghans footsteps following him. "You're following me because?" He starts making random turns hoping to lose him somehow.
"Maybe I just like being around you. Besides I think we have some unfinished business to discuss."
"Don't think we do mate." Brendan finds himself back in the North Wing as he goes to the break-room. Of course his luck there's no one in there.
"Ah perfect. Room all to ourselves. I wonder what we could do?"
"I don't have time for this. What do you want?"
"You. I always want you. But not here. What I actually wanted to talk to you about was my proposition. You remember it don't you? Times ticking Brendan. I gave you to the end of the week which is in 2 days."
Brendan jumps up onto the counter and feels his phone hit the tile with force. "Oh fuck." He doesn't grab it as he thinks it probably didn't hit anything important. "Fine you want my answer. No."
"No? I don't think you're understanding this Brendan. If you don't do what I say, you're basically out of here. That score isn't going up to a 70, there's no possible way. All I'm asking for is your mouth on my cock for a couple minutes. And then that 50 something gets turned into a 80."
"You know I never did understand why my scores were so low. I can get why they aren't in the 90s, that's self-explanatory. But I do think I at least deserve to be in the 70s. It's just funny that every year I'm barely cracking 50."
Eoghan smiles at him and starts walking towards him. He places his hands on the counter essentially blocking Brendan from moving away.
"Well just like I can improve your grades, I can also lower them."
"So those score were never mine to begin with?"
"No you did honestly get that 42 last year. This year though, let's just say it's not that low."
Eoghan yet again ends up on the floor as Brendan punches him straight in the nose. He sees blood pouring out of it.
"Oww! What is your problem?!"
"YOU ARE! Get it through your fucking head, I don't want anything to do with you."
Brendan steps over Eoghan to get to the door but Eoghan grabs him by his legs and pulls him down onto the floor. His arm hits the tiles underneath him and the pain shoots up his body.
"I don't care what you want. YOU DO AS I SAY!"
Eoghan straddles him and goes to kiss him but Brendan moves out of the way and forgets the pain for a second as he pushes Eoghan off him.
"GET OFF ME!" He knocks him back to the floor and punches him right in the throat causing Eoghan to struggle breathing. "You're such a weak little bitch. You use your status to get what you want. You use manipulation to get anyone to give you even a second of their time. Without that no one would want anything to do with you. You're a sick, twisted, disgusting human being that should be killed and burned on a stake. You're nothing to me. And I would get so much pleasure from killing you myself, but that involves me touching you. And even that's too good for you."
Brendan spits at him on the floor and heads for the door.
"Oh Brendan I could have secured your job here for another year and you threw it all away. For what? Your pride. Your dignity. You'll never work in another hospital again. Do you realize that? Your low scores are bad enough but once I put down that you assaulted me, twice, and that you been having a sexual relationship with your patient no one will give you a second look. You're throwing everything away. And it's sad really because you are a good physical therapist, the best we have here. But you're so, broken. It's pitiful. You're so unstable I don't see how you even function every day. How you're not dead is beyond me. You'll never amount to anything in life. Ever. That was your last chance. I'll be seeing around. And I will be in attendance when you have to meet with the board to discuss your report."
Brendan tilts his head and laughs. It comes out completely mental and demented. Even Eoghan is shocked by it as he moves away from him. Brendan approaches him again and bares his teeth.
"You amuse me Eoghan. You really do. You talk and talk and think I honestly give a damn. I don't. My life means nothing to me." He grabs him by his collar and lifts him up. "I'll see you there. Have a good day Eoghan." He throws him against the wall and then slams his foot on his fingers until he hears the familiar sound of bones cracking.
"Oh and clean this mess up when you get a chance."
Brendan is yelling and screaming but no matter how loud he is no one will hear him. There's no one home except himself and his dad. Seamus has him pinned down on the floor. He keeps slamming his head over and over against the floor. The pain goes through his entire body. He almost wishes he would just become unconscious. But it never happens. Seamus grabs him by the collar and throws him against the wall only to knee him in the face as he fell to the floor.
"YOU FUCKING FREAK! YOU'RE USELESS AND PATHETIC. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. THE DAY YOU WERE BORN WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE."
This shouldn't affect him as much but it does. Every last word hits him straight in the heart. The words hurt him more than the physical pain. He tried stopping the tears from falling but he can't contain them anymore.
"LOOK AT MY SON CRYING LIKE THE LITTLE PUSSY HE IS. BE A MAN BRENDA! YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT THAT IS ONLY TAKING UP SPACE IN THIS WORLD."
"I'm sorry."
"YOU'RE SORRY! IF YOU WERE SORRY YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF A LONG GIME AGO. I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE YOU'RE FACE AGAIN. YOU'RE SISTER WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A DISGRACE OF A BROTHER. AND YOUR MOTHER SHE WOULD HAVE DIED IN PEACE WITHOUT YOU."
The last sentence does it. That's the second where he loses everything he was holding onto. His tears stop and he gives up moving. His vision of the world changes that day. There's no more sun or stars. There's no more laughter and joy. It's dead to him. Like he should be. He faintly hears his dad saying other things but he doesn't listen. When he looks down he sees blood pouring out of him and notices his father took a piece of broken glass and started quickly slashing at his chest. He doesn't feel it though. Then his father leans down and licks the blood off him and kisses him forcefully. Brendan doesn't respond back. He gets punched in the face and told to open up. He doesn't. So he gets another smack. He gets warned again that if he doesn't listen he's gonna get the worst beating he's ever had. Brendan smiles at him before he says "Go ahead. I enjoy the beatings." His mind dissipates.
Seamus eyes turn red and he starts punching him over and over again. They both hear bones cracking. Seamus rips his clothes off him and grabs another piece of glass and starts to slash at his legs and even cuts him once on his dick. Brendan still doesn't do anything. He stares up towards the ceiling and watches as the ceiling fan goes around and around and around. He feels a burning sensation and figures it's probably his father entering him. He doesn't care. He's consumed with watching the spinning fan above him. His vision starts fading and he knows his losing consciousness.
"YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ME."
That's the last thing he hears before everything does dark.
Saturday 8:45 PM
Ste has been trying to get a hold of Brendan for the past couple of hours. He hasn't responded to his texts or calls and at this point he is worried. They seemed fine before. Better than fine. In fact he felt that they were the most connected then they have ever been. Now he wonders if maybe he said something he shouldn't have. Or maybe Brendan had one of his episodes he's prone to have? His mind keeps coming up with different scenarios until he sees Brendan walking out of the break room. He looks completely frazzled and disoriented. He doesn't even think about what he's gonna do. He painfully gets out of bed and rushes over to him as fast as his legs will allow him. When he reaches him he sees his eyes are misty and he looks so helpless.
"Bren? Bren? Are you ok?"
Brendan nods to say no. Ste holds out his hand for him and is surprised when he actually takes it. He leads him back into the room and closes the blinds and locks the door. As soon as he lets go of his hands Brendan collapses onto the floor. Ste ignores the pain all together and forces his body to the floor.
"Brendan its ok. It's ok." Ste grabs him and covers his face. "Shh. It's ok. You're ok." He keeps repeating the same things over and over hoping they work, but they don't. He feels Brendan trembling against his arms and then feels something wet going down his arms. It's Brendan's tears. He's silently crying and shaking. "Please be ok. Please be ok. I'm sorry for everything I ever said. I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. I wish I could take that hurt from you. I love you so much. Please...I don't want to see you in pain."
He holds onto him for dear life and after a couple of minutes he feels Brendan relaxing. The tears stop and the shaking is gone. But he doesn't say anything. When Ste looks down he notices that he has fallen asleep in his arms. Ste gives him a kiss on the forehead and gets into as much as a comfortable position that he can get without waking Brendan up.
The next time he opens his eyes he's back in his bed. He looks around the room and sees Brendan on the chair next to it. "Hiya."
Brendan just gives him a forced smile and then goes back to looking at the floor.
"Have I been asleep long? I was proper tired wasn't I?"
Brendan just shrugs and still avoids any eye contact.
"Look Brendan you don't have to be weird about what happened earlier. I told you I would never give up on you and I meant it. If that was an episode or not it doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere. Bren?"
He finally looks up and makes that eye contact Ste was desperate for.
"Would you honestly never leave me?"
"I will NEVER leave you Brendan. Ever."
"Not even if you knew the whole story?"
Ste shakes his head but isn't quite sure exactly what he means.
"I mean everything Steven. Why I'm like this. Why I have these episodes. Have you ever wondered why I have a scar that basically covers my whole arm?"
"I wanted to know from day one Brendan but it wasn't my place. But even if you told me everything, I'm still not going anywhere."
"That's what you say now but no one would ever be with me after they find out what happened."
"Let me make that decision for myself. Because I can promise you this. The only way you're getting rid of me is if you kill me."
They both stare at each other for what seems like hours. No one speaks and the silence in the room carries.
"You sure? Cause once I tell you, there's no going back."
"I'm ready."
Brendan takes a second to get this last image engraved into his mind. Because he knows once he has told him about that fateful day that Ste will run. He will run out of his life forever. There's no one in their right mind that would even consider taking him after they hear the whole story. But it's too late now. The boy says he's ready so he decides to take someone into the day that changed his life forever. The day that destroyed his very being. The day that shattered his soul. The day that is the reason why he is broken.
"I'll start from the beginning then."
Sooo are y'all ready for the reveal? All I'm saying is there will be blood...plenty of it. But how'd y'all like this chapter? Review please?