Chapter 9 – Between Her Dad & An Awkward Place

I'm a father. Granted it's by adoption, but Annie's my heart, soul, and world. For the first time in six years she's opening up about Stephen Morton, asshole number one in my book, yet husband number three in her mothers. Am I jealous that my Annie is opening up to Christian Grey – a man she barely knows? Most definitely, but I have to remember, at least she's starting to finally talk about it now – even if she's just skimming over the mere mention of Texas to me. Grey brings out the piss and vinegar in my Annie, which we haven't seen from her since before Texas. I also know she regrets sending the yesterday's email. According to her, it was harsh, direct, hurtful, and just out of character. The entire time she told me about it, she cried about the fact that she'd never say hurtful things to someone's face as she had in that email. She bawled her eyes out for hours over his one word reply of 'uncle' repeatedly exclaiming she'd broken him. Hell, they are both broken. I just need to determine if further contact between them will cause Ana's frayed psyche to continue cracking.

Clearly, my little girl and Grey share an emotional attachment, but something more happened that she's not telling me. So here I am, pulling up in my truck to Escala, the building where Grey lives. Yes, I'm coming unannounced so he is off-balance. No, I don't particularly care for him. I don't know him and I'm not sure I want to know him. I'm doing this for my Annie; not that she's aware of my little trip to visit Grey.

As I approach the building security desk, I inform the uniformed gentleman that I am here to meet with Christian Grey and I tell him my name. Naturally, he tells me I'm not on the scheduled visitors for this evening. I assure him if he calls Taylor that Mr. Grey will see me. It takes a few minutes, but miraculously I am correct. It's my job to protect her and if Grey is a potential suitor, it's my duty to make sure he understand consequences if he makes my Ana unhappy.

"Mr. Steele," Taylor greets me with a firm handshake. "How can I help you?"

"Cut the crap Taylor. You know as well as I do that this visit with Grey is long overdue. I need an hour of the man's time."

He instructs me to follow him and we enter the elevator to the penthouse. When we step out of the elevator it's your typical modern, boring, white, mausoleum-like penthouse. No significant woodwork or color; just a ton of whites, beiges, and creams. Not homey at all.

"Mr. Grey is in his office; first door on the right," Taylor instructs me.

As I enter his office it appears all of the custom woodwork was reserved for this room. It's masculine, earthy, and functional. Grey is sitting behind his desk casually dressed like he's the king of the castle, yet there are dark circles under his eyes. Apparently, he's not sleeping either. At least he has something in common with my Annie.

"Mr. Steele, can I offer you a drink?" he asks after shaking my hand. I pass. "How can I help you?"

I inform him of my disdain for his redecoration of the apartment and violation of my Annie's personal space. It's a test of course. I want a true measure of the man. I know from Taylor and Mrs. Jones that it was their idea and Grey only approved it. They, along with Sawyer, Ryan, and Reynolds apologized profusely just yesterday. Annie was thrilled to discover that Sawyer placed her belongings in a storage facility rather than discarding them, so she will get them back.

"I apologize and take full responsibility for violating Anastasia's personal space and belongings. As she may have informed you, I have issues with control. Unfortunately, give me a little and I take too much. It's a character flaw I am working on it," Grey replies with embarrassment.

I like a man who accepts responsibility for the action of his team. Well, at least I've found one redeeming feature.

"How's Anastasia feeling?" he asks with concern, but I can see the hurt in his eyes.

"Emotional, withdrawn, and not herself. She regrets her reply to your email. While I haven't read it, she's told me a bit about it. I assure you, it's out of character for her."

"Unfortunately, everything she said was the harsh truth," Grey replied quietly. "I've learned that I have more to work on, in terms of myself, than I ever imagined."

I can't help but laugh. It's wrong, I know. "Don't we all. They say something good comes out of something bad. For Annie, she's finally talking about the Morton year, even if it is minor in bits and pieces to you. It's more than she's done since the day I pulled her out of there."

"Has she always had the ability to look right through people and see beneath the façade?"

"Yes, her mother not so much. My Annie thought Morton was a psycho from day one. She only went when her mother married him because of an obligation toward her. Once she was there, he wouldn't let her go. I don't know the entire story, Carla, her mom, won't talk about that time in their lives either. All I know is, I drove down to Texas to pick Annie up from the hospital when she was injured. I told Carla I was taking my daughter and that she was welcome to join us. She refused. Annie cried the entire way back to Montesano and walked around in a daze for months after that. She never even hinted at what happened during that time with asshole number three, until she met you. So in my eyes, you are either like him and she's afraid, or for some reason she trusts you. Right now, I'm begrudgingly leaning toward the latter."

"What happened to Morton?" Grey asked with interest.

I just smiled. "He's a non-issue. As they said in Ana's favorite books growing up – mischief managed."

"Good."

"What were your intentions toward my daughter and what are they now?" A dad's got to ask, but I have to give him my best glare while doing it.

"Anastasia both fascinates me and aggravates me," he replied after shifting in his seat anxiously. "She was the first adult person in my life I've ever felt comfortable talking to about anything. My life before my adoption was screwed up, to put it politely. When I attempted to move the relationship with Anastasia too quickly, she put me in my place. I ruined it. It both saddens me and in some ways I feel relieved, as she can see right through me. It's nerve-racking and it eliminates any sense of control over my personal life, which, I won't lie to you, just throws me entirely. In her email she informed me that being around me is like clinging to a buoy during hurricane Grey. For me it's being on the buoy during hurricane Steele. Slowly, it's made me rethink how I live in my personal life."

"Well, it goes both ways. Is that necessarily a bad thing?"

"Right now, I'm in the proverbial eye of the storm. I'll let you know once I'm through the other side." If he kept running his fingers through his hair nervously, as he has over the past ten minutes, he'd be Kojak by morning.

"You don't seem like too bad of a guy Grey, but I'm warning you, if you raise a hand to my Annie or make her cry, you'll have to deal with me. If you think I can't take down your security, well then you will be sorely disappointed. Do I make myself clear?"

He nods.

"Now let's address the elephant in the room, shall we? How is the attack on my daughter related to you?"

I watch as Grey gets up from his desk, pokes his head out of his office and yells for Taylor. Thirty seconds later, the burly Taylor appears and takes the seat next to me across from Grey.

"Mr. Steele would like to know how the attack on Miss Steele is tied to me? I thought it best if you tell him, so he understands I have nothing to hide," Grey orders. Taylor nods before turning his attention my way.

"As you have probably surmised, Mr. Grey takes great measures to keep his personal life private. He's been in a few private relationships over the years and there are a few that didn't end well in terms of Mr. Grey wanting to end the relationship and the woman at the time did not, so they didn't take it well. Mr. Grey has always been monogamous in his relationships; there have been one or two who haven't followed his lead. When my security team began investigating Miss Steele's accident, we focused on anyone who Mr. Grey has dated, along with a careful review of GEH's business deals that haven't been as smooth as he would have liked. From there, we've compiled a preliminary suspect list and our investigation is still ongoing. Our suspect list is roughly twenty women between personal and business. Based on Miss Steele's physical description of the woman driving the car that pushed her off the road, we are focusing our investigation at first on those who may have breast implants and smokers."

"Breast implants?" What the hell are these clowns doing investigating this? "Perhaps you should pass the investigation back to the authorities."

"Miss Steele, when she was heavily medicated, told Sawyer and Miss Kavanagh that the large breasts of the woman who attacked her didn't move when both cars went off the road onto rocky terrain, while she felt like a James Bond martini – shaken, not stirred. So we thought it was a good assumption. This narrowed our initial list of twenty down to six; though we are still investigating the others."

"That makes a bit more sense. How long do you think it will be before this is resolved and my Annie can go back to living a normal life? The sooner the better as this situation is wearing on her and it concerns me."

"We're not certain. Hopefully soon," Taylor replies. "I'm certain Mr. Grey will agree with me when I say, we offer our security to Miss Steele until this situation is resolved." Grey nods in confirmation.

Reluctantly, I like them. Clearly Taylor and Grey mutually respect each other. I can appreciate the fact that Grey trusts Taylor. Sawyer was right – Taylor's an okay guy. And Grey, well there's something about the guy that you can't help but like – he feels redeemable. I've done my research on him – hard ass CEO, private as all fuck, yet does more good in terms of feeding the world that anyone realizes. A man who doesn't want to take credit for the good he does, to me, means one of two things – he's either got something to hide, or he's just a decent human being. Heck, maybe both. "I know Annie isn't quite ready to see you yet, but I'm taking her to the Brew House for lunch. She's been cooped up in the apartment too long. Your guy, Sawyer, is joining us. You're both more than welcome to join us."

I can tell he's considering it. The conflict is clear on his face. Ray Steele test number two Grey. Will you pass it?

"As much as I would love to join you, if Anastasia isn't prepared to see me, I should abide by her wishes. If you'd feel more comfortable with Taylor joining you for additional security, he is available."

Bingo – passed. "I believe we'll be secure with just Sawyer, but if Taylor would feel better joining us, I won't complain."

"I know I would feel better," Taylor replied. "Until we drill down further, my preference would be that Miss Steele not leave the apartment without at least two CPOs accompanying her."

"I appreciate it Taylor." With that, Taylor heads from the room. "Regarding to Anastasia, just give her time Grey. She knows this mess isn't your fault. She knows deep down you are a good man. She's not a callous person who intentionally would harm another, but you bring out the worst in her. As much as I hate to admit it, it's because she's drawn to you and that caused her carefully constructed walls to crumble a bit, so she's dealing with Texas along with this entire fiasco. She's overwhelmed. I'm certain if you reread the letter, it's not all bad. She might be blunt, but I know my Annie, she'll be supportive at the same time. Shift your focus away from the blunt, and allow yourself to see the sincere. I'm sure it's there. Sawyer and Taylor say you're a good man. They think quite highly of you. I trust Sawyer implicitly both with my daughter's safety and his honesty. Taylor, well, I'm getting there in terms of trust with him. You're lucky to have them on your team."

"My security and household staffs are extremely loyal. I'm quite fortunate."

In my mind, this conversation is over, but I can't help but leave him with one last thought, courtesy of my Annie. "Your personal team is filled with good people. Good people can't be bought and will never follow someone who doesn't have a similar moral compass than they do. It's not their way. I don't know you well son, but Annie has a decent measure of you. Everyone has demons. I know my Annie does. Sometimes you have to see yourself as others see you. In order to do that, you need to cast aside the biased views dysfunctional people ingrained in you early on, and see yourself for the person you truly are. Just something to think about."

It's been an hour since Ray Steele left Escala. His parting gift was something to think about. Like daughter, like father since technically, Anastasia threw the first volley via email. The email left me feeling like the lost, little, four-year old boy brought into the emergency room – vulnerable, and it sucked. Did I just focus on her blunt words? Were her words encouraging and hopeful? Did she see something good in me? Was she blunt in an attempt to pierce my 'hard candy shell' as she puts it?

Anastasia's letter was overwhelming. Just the thought of re-reading it left me on edge, but I was going to force myself to do it. I opened the email on my laptop and began:

Notes to self

- Read Neil Gaiman's book.

- Sin #1: I did invade her privacy with the background check, yet didn't learn anything truly personal about her. She's right.

- Serial killer? No.

- Direct, honest, and blunt woman – most definitely. Smart mouth? Yes but oddly, I find it appealing.

- Worse when medicated? Hell yes, but the stories I've heard from both Sawyer and Taylor when she's medicated were for lack of a better word – hilarious. I mean, Juggs McFetish? Even though she's traumatized, she found something humorous about the situation. Defense mechanism? Who knows?

- Sin #2: I consider myself good businessman, but yes, stalking, then writing her about it left me vulnerable. What the fuck was I thinking?

- Sin #3: The photo shoot. I'll attribute her curt, bordering on mean response to the medication.

- Sin #4: She's hard on herself but it's also the first time she compared me to husband number three. I must have inadvertently done something to trigger a memory. While I know a limited amount of information about that time in her life, I triggered something – albeit unintentionally and it sent her running and afraid.

- Sin #5: Staying away – she feels vulnerable around me and is worried about her own self-esteem. She states she knows I'm not a bad person and I have my issues, but she doesn't judge me. She's desperately trying to protect herself.

- Sin #6: Semper Fi and get help. Again, not judging, just desperate to get through to me. Is she right?

- Sin #7: Am I a predator? I stalked her - yes. I invaded her privacy – yes. If the media did this to me, would I consider it predatory behavior? Yes. Fuck!

- She accepted my paying her medical bills, which were nearly a hundred and ten thousand dollars, but she didn't accept my cash deposit. If I hadn't dragged her to Escala to manipulate her into my BDSM lifestyle, none of this would have happened to her. I'd willingly pay her medical bills a dozen times over. I blame myself for what befell her. Then I added insult to injury by offending her and royally pissed her off when I accessed her bank account and made a substantial deposit. She doesn't want my money or my assistance in finding employment. She's proud, with a smart mouth, and she wants to make her own way in life. She deserves my respect and perhaps emotional support while she spreads her wings, yet I completely took control and tried to crush her spirit like an insignificant gnat.

- She's thankful for the security team and honestly likes them as people. And what did my staff do and I approve? To rifle though her belongings and discard them like trash. Thankfully, Mrs. Jones, Sawyer, and Taylor placed most, if not all of her belongings into storage. The closest I come to understanding Anastasias attachment to her belongings is Charlie Tango and the Grace, yet, it something happened to them, I'd merely replace them. I wouldn't be happy but once they were replaced it wouldn't give the old ones another thought. I lack empathy and gave no thought to any sentimental attachment to those belongings she might have because I'm not emotionally attached to anything.

- Fuck! Right now I don't feel human. She's right – I'm damaged.

- She's insecure and even before the accident she was wondering why a billionaire would be attracted to her. The answer is simple: she's gorgeous, pure, and sweet. Well, sweet until you trigger her own issues, then she's overwhelmed and in self-defense mode. Maybe she is right, we are two screwed up people finding each other.

- The offer of a submissive contract, in her mind, is akin to considering her a prostitute. Is it? I'm offering her nothing more than belongings and orgasms, in exchange for rough sex with beatings with different sex toys. It's money for sex. Fuck! I'm no better than one of my birthmother's johns and Elena is the pimp. What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I not see this? I'm so fucked up! Anastasia is right – what I'm doing is just so wrong. Fuck!

What the hell is LARPing? After a few clicks on my laptop I now understand – Live Action Role Playing, and she wants me to LARP as a normal person. Can't say I blame her on that count. She recommends I turn to Elliot for assistance. Yeah, right.

Re-reading the last few paragraphs of her email makes me feel worse. I was so focused on beating myself up emotionally, that I completely ignored what she was attempting to convey – her own feelings. She spelled them out for me in plain English and I disregarded everything she was attempting to tell me. I'm an asshole! I would never do that in business; there I know my competitors. I can't help but wonder if at those times that my controlling ways carry over into my personal life, if I don't throw my own rules out the window. Fuck!

I can relate to her comment about the different shades of emotions. I've always said I was fifty shades of fucked up, yet during the limited time with Flynn, she saw past the hard core exterior and saw the real me. She offered kind, supportive words when we were with him, and did so again at the end of the email. Her peanut M&M analogy was spot on. All the while trying to protect her delicate self-esteem. How did I miss that?

Anastasia claims I need to be nurtured. I didn't have that with my birthmother and with Grace I didn't allow it because I felt that I didn't deserve it. Grace tried and I pushed her away. Ray Steele was right – Anastasia and I both have issues. She sees it clearly. I became a dominant and she escaped into books. Were all my contracted submissives damaged in some way, as Ana believes? My head hurts just trying to process it all.

She even wishes me the best on my journey to save myself, offering me something to think about:

"It is the direction and not the magnitude which is to be taken into consideration." – Thomas Payne

Small steps are acceptable as long as they are in the right direction? This should be interesting, as I don't like waiting. I'm not a patient man. I can't help but forward the letter to Flynn before calling to schedule an emergency appointment.