Sooo each and every one of y'all brought a hugeeee smile to my face and I can't say this enough thank you guys for reviewing/ following/fav. I know I say this a lot but it really does make me want to continue writing this fic so truly thank you XX
Ohh and I may have watched a few FanVids before writing this...just a small warning.
Sunday 4 PM
It was all a blur in Brendan's eyes after he had a talk with Ste. He told him if he didn't go to his appointment to basically forget everything they had. He can't remember much after that. Except for him arguing back that it's his decision to make and Ste agreeing that it was. He walked out of there before he said things that he would later regret.
Brendan keeps walking till he finds himself back in the West Wing. He can never understand why he comes back here since he knows the only patient he has here is being operated on or recovering. A part of him thinks it's most likely because his sister is always here.
He decides to just go into the break room and cool down for a moment but gets stopped when Cheryl practically drags him into her office. The second she shuts the door she waves a file in his face.
"Take this to Eoghans office please?"
"What? Why? Last time I checked you didn't want me anywhere near him."
Cheryl pushes the file into his chest which makes Brendan grab it. "I don't but I will end up jumping over the desk and cracking his skull open if I see him."
"I'm really not in the mood to deal with him today. Can't you get someone else to do it? I'll get.."
"NO...I mean no...It's umm...the file is umm important. Yeah that's it. The file is too important to hand off to someone I don't trust. So please."
Cheryl gives him one of her winning smiles that could basically blind anyone.
"Fine."
Brendan lightly taps her head with the folder before walking out. Cheryl pulls out her phone and quickly text a message.
To: Mitzeee
He's on his way.
A couple seconds later she receives one back.
From: Mitzeee
No worries. Already got Eoghan heading back.
Cheryl puts the phone down and taps her fingers nervously on her desk hoping she's doing the right thing. She's also concerned about leading her brother to a man that reminds her of someone she rather forget existed.
Sunday 4:15 PM
"Prick." Brendan says to Will when they almost slam into each other turning the corner.
"You could watch where you're going Brendan. I mean I'm the one that can't walk here."
"So you say." Brendan rolls his eyes at him. "How'd you paralyze yourself again William? From what I can remember you slipped on the floor and all the sudden you can't walk."
Will stutters for a second before regaining his sense of speech. "I hurt my neck in that slip."
"Fucking liar." Brendan starts walking away but turns around for one final dig. "Oh can you tell Ash to stop texting me. Not really my type." He smiles to himself when he sees Will forcefully roll himself down the hall.
Brendan has no idea why Cheryl is even asking him to do this. He knows she could have just dropped it off when Eoghan wasn't in. He ignores a weird feeling he has and knocks on the door. He gets no response so he tries the handle and it's unlocked. He walks in and quickly drops the file on the desk and is about to turn when he hears the door close behind him.
"Fuck. My. Life." Is all Brendan can say when he hears footsteps approaching him.
"Brendan nice to see you again. What can I do for you?"
"Cheryl wanted me to drop this off to you-" He points at the folder on the desk "-so yeahhh umm I'll be going."
He sidesteps Eoghan and is literally an inch away from the door when Eoghan pushes behind him. Brendan is now trapped between the door and Eoghan.
"This is nice isn't it?"
"Fuck you."
"I wish you would." Eoghan pushes against Brendan and licks the back of his neck.
Brendan moves his hands to place them on top of Eoghans. Eoghan must think Brendan is finally succumbing to him until he feels an increasing pressure on his hand. He feels the already injured hand being crushed yet again. Nails are digging into his skins and bones start cracking. Eoghan releases Brendan and gets shoved straight across the desk landing on the other side.
"Tell me Eoghan what do I have to do to get it into that head of yours that I don't want anything to do with you. Clearly even breaking a few bones doesn't stop you. Do I have to take it even further? Cause I will."
"You're very violent Brendan. I like that. But that's not my favorite part of you that I like. You have so much going for you...well in your looks only. Too bad the inside doesn't match the outside."
Brendan actually takes offense to that. "What do you mean?"
"Your outside is quite...beautiful. But the inside is completely hideous. You're a tortured soul that only has this really. What else is your life besides this job Brendan? Nothing. And you and I both know that. Your job is history once I turn this report in today. This is your final chance. On your knees now or I'm sealing this envelope and dropping it off."
Brendan drops his walls for a brief second. "I hope one day you realize what you're doing. I hope it hits you that some people never had a chance to say no. That some people had no other choice. They couldn't do anything to stop it. Their choice was taken out of their hands. So I'm finally saying no. No."
Brendan walks out the door and Cheryl watches him from a far. She sees Eoghan leave a few seconds later in the opposite direction and she runs down the hall going straight to his office to a familiar spot.
Sunday 4:46 PM
Brendan somehow ends up in the space between the East Wing. A little girl bumps into him and he sees a frantic mum searching for her. He kind of holds her in place making sure she doesn't go running off again. She looks up at him with these blue eyes and smiles as her mum comes running towards her. She thanks him and Brendan hears her telling her daughter never do that again. He takes a seat against the wall and watches the different families walking back and forth. He ends up watching a father and daughter close to the gift shop. She is jumping up and down pretending to be a kangaroo apparently. Brendan looks at the dad who is just smiling at his daughter and encouraging her to jump higher. She giggles and laughs when he lifts and twirls her around. When he puts her down she takes his hand and they walk away. That's when it hits him that he's missing something. He's missing his daughter. He is forgetting how she even looks and that pains him more than anything in the world. It's like his mind is slowly washing away the last image of her. He sighs and pulls out the phone and hovers over a name for minutes before hitting dial.
A few rings pass before Eileen picks up the phone.
"Brendan?" Her tone alone gives confirmation she doesn't want to speak to him.
"Yeah. Umm how are you?"
"What do you want?" Straight to the point.
"Look I was thinking it was time we talk again. I...miss Niamh. Can I just see her? Please. It doesn't even have to be long maybe-"
"Brendan since the last time you were here have you gotten any help what so ever?"
When he doesn't respond she takes it as a no.
"That's what I thought. I told you already that was the only way you would even get a chance to see her. I have full custody and you have no rights to see her. Not even with supervision. You're so fucked in the head that I don't even know who you are anymore. You're a stranger to me and your daughter. She doesn't need to see you like this."
"I know but-"
"No Brendan. The answer is no. She needs a father...and you can't be that. You're not stable enough and I can't have her seeing you that way. Please get some help and when I start seeing the old Brendan I knew you can see her because I know she misses you."
Before he can even try to argue back she hangs up the phone.
Sunday 5:02 PM
"You ok?" Cheryl asks her brother as she approaches him. He's outside the hospital sitting against the concrete wall. Almost hidden from view.
"I'm fine."
"I hate when you say that you know." She brushes the pavement before she sits down next to him.
"Say what?" Brendan keeps looking ahead. She sees his eyes follow the cars that are entering or leaving.
"That you're fine. Whenever you say you're fine it really means you're not. So what's wrong?"
"Eileen won't let me see Niamh. Basically said I'm too screwed up to be a father...and she's right. I know I am but I'm not asking to take care of her by myself. I asked for a fucking minute to see her and she said no. Just like that."
Cheryl rest her head against his shoulder before looking up at him. "I'm sorry Bren. I know you miss her. But you can't give up though. We can try finding some loop hole to get that decision thrown out and ask for supervised visitations or-"
"She already said no to that too." Brendan looks over at his sister before staring down at his arm. "I never asked for this. I never wanted to be here. This...this isn't the life I had planned. I wanted the family and the kids. But I'll never get that. And yeah I could blame him for it. It'll be so much easier to put all the blame on him and say it was his fault completely. But I would be lying to myself. Many kids go through what I went through and they didn't turn out like me."
Cheryl stops him before he can continue. "Brendan yes kids have gotten raped before but I really don't think anyone has gone through what you went through. You were brainwashed, beaten, raped, and tortured. That's not something you just wake up the next day saying I'm completely fine. It takes work. It takes years. And your first step is knowing that you did nothing to deserve that. He does deserve all the blame. No one else."
Brendan lightly laughs to himself before he takes his ring off and holds it in front of them.
"She told me once that whenever I needed strength to look at this."
Cheryl takes his hand and holds the ring with him.
"You know how many times I have looked at it to try and get something from it? Too many times to even count. Every day I stare up towards the clouds and try to see any sign that she's still watching over me but I never see anything. I don't hear her anymore. I don't feel her presence. She promised me she would be my guardian angel...but I guess she didn't think I deserved one anymore. Like everyone else. She stopped protecting me. She left me...and I hate her for it."
His room is a mess and it's all thanks to Cheryl. She's riffling through his stuff. Throwing out whatever she can get her hands on. She almost pokes herself with several syringes before she decides to stop. She grabs a wet rag and starts to clean the bottom of the wall that has dried up blood on it. She can't make out how long it's been there for. She scrubs and scrubs until she hears the front door open.
"Fuck." She looks at the time and it's barely 8 PM. Brendan never comes home this early. She panics and runs inside his closet. She hears the door open and watches out a very small hole in the door. It's clearly Brendan but there are 2 other people with him. She sees him open the drawer and watches as he looks suspiciously at it. He must find whatever it was he was looking for because he gives it to one of the guys.
"Get out then."
Cheryl waits a few minutes but they're not moving.
"What no goodbye."
She doesn't recognize the voice but she doesn't really have time to think as she sees the guy that looks about 3 times the size of Brendan push him against the wall. His hand grabs his groin and he pushes himself against him. Cheryl has to put her hand over her mouth to avoid being heard. She watches her brother actually struggle and realizes he doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be touched by the man. She is about to storm out and do something but then her heart stops when she watches the guy topple over and hit the floor.
"Don't you ever touch me. You understand?" Brendan grabs his jaw and crushes it with his hand as he moves the man's head for him to say yes. "Good."
He looks over at the other guy frozen to his spot. "I suggest you take him out of here before he bleeds to death."
The guy grabs him and pulls him to his feet. Brendan throws the bloody pocket knife onto his nightstand and follows them out. Cheryl quietly exits his room and goes back into her room hoping he didn't hear her. She hears Brendan go back into his room and shut the door.
Cheryl relaxes a bit and heads out towards the living room but gets stopped when Brendan opens the door right as she was passing by.
"Oh hi. Scared me there." She can already see it in his eyes that he is on drugs. They are glassed over and dilated. She looks at his neck and she sees more injection marks. He clearly ran out of veins in his arms.
Brendan smiles rather coldly at her but doesn't say anything. She moves around him and goes to the kitchen. She feels him following her every movement. When she moves left he goes left. When she stops he stops. When she walks faster he walks faster. It starts unnerving her and she feels something in her stomach that's telling her to run. But she doesn't.
"You ok?"
He looks at her but his eyes don't connect. It's almost as they are going through her.
"I'm fine."
A chill runs up her spine at the sound of his voice. It's rough and cracked, and has a sliver of pure anger.
Cheryl's peripheral vision sees the knives to her side just in case. She slides her hand across the counter but it collides with her brothers' hand. He's already standing in from of the knives.
"Want to watch a movie with me sis?"
When he would ask this question years ago she would stop everything and go rushing to find a movie. She would hug him and ruffle his hair as she made popcorn. She enjoyed the sister and brother movie time. But now, she wants nothing more than to not be here in this flat with someone who she doesn't know anymore.
"Umm...yeah...sure."
She plops down onto the sofa and hopes he sits farther away. Luckily for her he sits all the way on the other side of the sofa. He keeps tapping his fingers on the arm rest and every few minutes glances over at her. She pulls her knees up to her chest and pretends everything is ok. Her phone beeps and she goes to pick it up. That was her mistake. She feels hands grab her wrists and the phone drops to the floor.
"Bitch I told you to stay out of my room didn't I?"
"I wasn't in your room. I promise." She struggles trying to free herself from his grasp but he only tightens his grip.
"STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME!"
His grip tightens so hard she almost thinks he's going to break her wrist.
"LET GO BRENDAN. YOU'RE HURTING ME!"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You let him hurt me for years and you can't fucking take this."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I didn't know!" Cheryl can feel the hot tears running down her cheeks and then finally feels Brendan release his hold.
"You're just useless aren't you? You have nothing up there do you?" He pushes her forehead back a little harder than he probably thought. "Anyone could have seen what he was doing. Do you just...you ignored it. I called out for you so many times. Did you ever hear me? I screamed and pounded on the door. As he dragged me across the room I silently prayed you would come help me. But you didn't. You stayed in your room like the good little girl you were. Daddy's princess had her perfect childhood. While I was being fucked every night."
"Stop..." Cheryl can't hear anymore and she tries standing up only to be roughly pushed back down. For a brief second his hand goes around her neck but he removes it just as fast as he placed it. She panics and starts kicking him to get away but he just avoids them and lands a hard kick on her leg. She screams and that must get through to him as he stops and it gives her enough time to run past him. She hears the footsteps running behind her. Cheryl makes it to her room and closes it shut before he reaches it. She locks it and moves to the other side of the room.
"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"
She hears him slamming the door and punching at it. It echoes throughout the room. The door handle is shaking and the loud banging outside is ringing in her ears.
"Brendan please. I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry! Why are you doing this?!"
"I WASN'T MEANT TO PROTECT YOU. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME."
"I FUCKING TRIED!"
"You did nothing. I took every hit for you. I took a damn bullet for you. But you know what that wasn't the worst hit I took for you."
Cheryl subconsciously has made her way back to the door and now has her ear pressed against it. "I don't understand." She can sense that he's sitting on the floor against the door too.
"One day I was in bed and heard him come home. I looked over at the time and it was past midnight so I knew he was drunk. I expected him to come straight to my room so I waited. But he never came. I didn't hear his footsteps. I thought maybe he just wasn't in the mood that night so I tried going back to sleep but I couldn't. Something was off so I got up and peeked outside my room. I saw him by your door trying to get in. I assumed you locked it that night for who knows what reason. But there he was trying to get in with a knife. I wasn't sure if he would be able to get into your room or not but I couldn't risk it."
Cheryl puts her hand against the door and listens to Brendan's voice as it starts sounding more and more like her brother. It sounds familiar. She's missed it. "What did he want?"
"What do you think? I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he wanted to just say goodnight to you. But that wasn't it. I could see through the dark that he was touching himself so I knew what would happen if he got in. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let it happen. So I stepped outside my room and he heard me. He looked up at me and motioned for me to come over. I stood in front of him and he pulled me down to whisper to me that if I didn't enjoy myself he would come get you instead. He kissed me but how can you honestly enjoy being kissed by your father. He pushed me and tried harder to get into your room. I begged and said I would try again but he didn't believe me. Then I heard a click and I knew one more turn would get the door open. So I did what I had to."
Cheryl doesn't like where this is going. There's been a few times where Brendan has opened up and told her a few of the things that their father did to him but he never really goes into it that much. He leaves out the parts he knows she couldn't take. But this time she feels he's doing this for himself. He needs to let this go.
"I...I...I ran my hand over my groin and moaned his name. I panted and gasped and thrust my hips up as I put my hands down my pants and touched myself. I looked at him and he had let go of the handle. He said I looked fuckable and dragged me to my room. He backed me against the wall and started kissing me and grabbing at me. I kept saying his name as I looked over his shoulder. I saw my reflection through the mirror and I saw the life just leave me. He repeated over that if I don't enjoy it that you're next. He bent me over the desk and fucked me as I told him to...go faster. He laughed and said good boy before he told me he loved me. This wasn't the last time this happened. Every few days he was outside your room knowing I would do anything to keep him away from you."
"You did that for me?" Cheryl is now physically sick. She hears that he's calmed down now and unlocks the door but doesn't open it.
"Yeah. I did. I would do anything for you. I loved you Chez..." He pauses and turns the door handle. "Key word loved you. I FUCKING HATE YOU! I WISH I NEVER HAD YOU AS A SISTER. I WISH I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU THAT DAY TO DIE!"
Cheryl tries locking the door again but it's too late, Brendan has already slammed it opened sending her flying across the floor.
Sunday 5:56 PM
"So where we going then?"
"Well since you barely did any of your therapy earlier I'm making you walk around this whole hospital."
"You can't be serious?"
Brendan doesn't reply and Ste has no choice but to follow. His legs still give him trouble here and there and he has to stop a few times. His back is recovering well but it still feels sore. But for the most part he's ready to be released.
They walk down the North Wing all the way to the West Wing. It doesn't take them long and no one says anything to them. They know Brendan has his odd therapy sessions and this one isn't his strangest one. They head down a deserted hallway and see Cheryl is walking towards them but looking down at her phone.
"Chez Chez look up."
She doesn't and slams straight into her brother who grabs her before she falls over.
"Oh bloody hell Bren why didn't you move."
"You're the one not paying attention."
"Exactly so you go arounnnnnddddd. Idiot."
She pushes Brendan and walks in between him and Ste.
"Bitch." Brendan mumbles under his breath.
"I HEARD THAT JACKASS!"
He rolls his eyes and tells Ste to keep walking. Reluctantly he does. When Ste finally admits that he is getting exhausted Brendan tells him they are almost there.
"Oh come on Bren. I can't stand much longer."
"Stop whining. You could easily keep walking you're just choosing not to. We're almost there anyway so keep moving."
Ste walks the remaining distance with a pout on his face which only makes Brendan laugh. He receives a slap to the back of the head for that. Brendan grabs him around the waist and bites his neck before letting go and running down the hall.
Ste finally makes it to a door that Brendan is holding open. He brushes past him to go outside.
"Ooook..." Ste knows it's another one of Brendan's spots. This is the third one he has brought him to. But this one is a bit different. It's all the way towards the back of the hospital and there is only a brick wall behind them. It's more secluded than the other 2. It's also not as nice but Ste will take what he can get.
"Ta Da."
"This place is a shit hole."
"Classy Steven." Brendan takes a seat against the wall and starts pulling up random flowers that are around him. Ste joins him and sits next to him.
"Wait wait wait. Make a wish." Ste reaches for Brendan's hand before he could throw away the flower he picked up.
"Why would I do that?"
"Idiot that's a dandelion flower. You're supposed to make a wish and then blown on it. The little white things there will come right off."
Brendan looks at it and then back at Ste. "What am I supposed to wish for?"
"I don't know. Something you want more than anything in the world." Ste smiles at him and nods back to his hand. "Go on then."
Brendan shakes the flower one time before he blows on it. They both watch as the small seeds float through the air.
"Bren?"
Brendan grunts as his response as he stares up towards the clouds.
"You gonna be there Tuesday when I leave?"
"Yeah I have to sign your release forms remember."
Ste sighs and snaps his fingers in front of him to get his attention. "That's not what I mean. Everytime I bring it up I can tell you get upset and detached. I'm asking if you'll actually BE there."
"If you mean will I mentally be there. Yes. Have to say goodbye don't I."
"Well only for the day cause I'm gonna see you Wednesday right?"
"...yeah...course."
"So you're gonna go then?"
"I said I fucking would ok stop asking me."
Ste can tell he's getting more and more agitated so he decided to drop it. They sit in a peaceful quiet afterwards. Brendan is now lying down and Ste has his head resting on Brendan's chest. He again hears his calming heartbeat. It soothes him completely. Something about hearing Brendan's heartbeat gives him reassurance that he is still alive. He will never admit it but he always wonders every night before he goes to sleep if that was the last time he would see Brendan. The second Brendan leaves he thinks is that it. Is he gone forever? Just thinking about losing him breaks everything thing inside of him. If he loses him, his whole existence would be lost.
"What are you thinking about?"
Brendan's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He shuffles closer to Brendan, even though they were already practically attached to each other. Ste places an arm across Brendan's chest and tightens his grip around him.
"Please don't leave me."
It takes time for Brendan to process what he means by that.
"What you on about? I'm not leaving you."
Ste removes himself from Brendan and looks down at him. "Promise me you won't ever leave. I mean it Brendan. You can't go. It'll...it'll destroy me if you do. I can't...I can't do this without you."
"Do what without me?"
"Life. I can't live without you in my life. I can't. There is no me without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up every morning next to you and fall asleep every night with you. I want to watch the dumbest movies with you and laugh with you. I want to take care of you when you're sick and watch over you when you're down. I want to hear that voice of yours on the phone when were apart. I want you to hold me when I'm sad. I want you to be that person I can go to knowing you'll be there no matter what. I want to grow old with you and make memories with you. And I can't do any of that if you're not here...with me. I need you emotionally, mentally, and physically here with me. So please promise me you won't leave me?"
Brendan looks up at his shining blue eyes. They show determination but also doubt. They are pleading for any reassurance. He's giving him everything he has and all he is asking for is promise. A promise that this wasn't all a waste of time. A promise that no matter what happens they will get through it. A promise that he loves him just as much. But people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them. But they keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway. But the problem with promises is that once they've made one, it's bound to be broken. Sooner or later.
"I promise I won't leave you."
Brendan opens his eyes and sees nothing. It's pitch dark all around him. He's on the floor so he crawls until he hits what he thinks is a wall. He places his hands on it and pulls himself up. He feels a sharp pain in his leg but he ignores it. He runs his hands across the wall and keeps going and going and going. He's able to make out there's 4 walls but he can't find a door. Brendan gets back onto the floor and starts crawling around feeling for anything. It's just cold concrete flooring. Until he places his hand and feels something. It's sticky and gooey. He's about to move his other hand when something grabs it. Brendan is dragged across the floor and he feels this sticky goo below him. Then he hears a faint cry in front of him.
Then he hears as thunder roars throughout the room. The light from the thunder shines the room for a second. Brendan misses the chance to look at what's dragging him around so he prepares himself for the next time. He tilts his head up and waits for the thunder to strike again. When it does and he sees who it is he screams at the top of his lungs.
His mother is dragging him. Her long black straw like hair comes down to her back. Her face is a pale white with scars and bruises on over it. Her eyes are missing and her teeth are black and pointed. Her neck is missing the skin around it so all you see is the bones. She wears a long white torn up gown with dirt all over it. Every time the thunder hits Brendan is able to see how she moves. She is moving almost like a spider would.
She lets him go and he scrambles to get up but he keeps slipping on the goo. He hears her pacing around him as if he is her prey. He fumbles over something on the floor and when the light shines in the room again he sees it was a mutilated body. In fact the whole room has dead bodies. Some are on the floor others hang from the ceiling. And all over the floor is blood.
"GET ME OUT!" He yells as his mother walks around him. Finally a dim light turns on and he watches as what appears to be hands come out of the ground. They wrap themselves around her and slowly start ripping bits and pieces off her.
"MUM!" Brendan crawls over to her but something grips him around the neck. He can't breathe so he tries grabbing it. It feels slimy and he can't tell what it is. He keeps trying to remove it while he watches his mum get torn apart. His heart starts to beat erratically when these hands pull out her organs one by one. Within minutes she stops moving. Her body slumps onto the ground and her head dislodges from the body. It ends up near Brendan's feet and he pushes away from it.
"Brenda."
"No no no no no no no no why can't you get out of my mind! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
The grip on his neck tightens and he knows he's about to die. He tilts his head back to see Seamus looking down at him pulling on a rope. Seamus drops a part of the rope I'm front of him and Brendan knows immediately what it is. Its strands of his mums hair covered in blood. His hands shake and his whole body starts convulsing. Foam starts spewing from his mouth.
"Goodbye Brenda."
Seamus gives one last pull and Brendan's vision goes black as he hears his neck shatter.
Ste has already dialed Cheryl as he doesn't know what to do. He has seen 2 episodes from Brendan and they were small compared to this. He keeps looking at the door hoping Cheryl is close.
"I CAN'T BREATH! I CAN'T BREATH!"
Brendan is gasping for air and choking himself. Ste is trying to pry his hands apart but he can't. They don't even move.
"BRENDAN! LET GO! LET GO!"
Ste touches his face and then realizes that was the wrong thing to do.
"DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME! DONT YOU EVER TOUCH ME."
Ste backs away as Brendan's whole body starts shaking uncontrollably. He starts digging his hands into his scar and blood starts oozing out.
"STOP! You're hurting yourself." Ste goes to grab his hand and narrowly avoids getting punched in the face. Ste stands up and moves away and watches Brendan on the floor as his body locks up and his eyes widen.
"PLEASE IT HURTS! STOP DAD! YOU'RE HURTING ME!" Brendan screams in pain.
Ste stands frozen. Everything he has done has seemed to make things worse.
"HELP!"
Brendan is pleading for help and Ste doesn't know how to give him that in this state. He looks around helplessly and finally breathes when he sees Cheryl running down the hall. She slams the door open and without any hesitation throws herself onto the floor next to her brother.
"You're ok. You gotta come back to me. Listen to my voice alright and just follow it."
Brendan pushes her and Ste sees her dodge a punch and a kick.
"WHY WON'T YOU STOP! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!"
Cheryl wraps herself around him and whispers something in his ear. She rocks him back and forth and keeps talking to him so quietly Ste can't make out what she's saying. He sees Brendan start coming around and knows he's back when his arms come up and hug Cheryl.
"I'm sorry."
"Shh it's ok. It's all gonna be ok." Cheryl looks over her shoulder and tries giving Ste her best reassuring smile. "Love why don't you go back to your room and I'll come check on you in a bit."
Ste stars walking back and turns around to see Brendan resting his head on Cheryl's shoulder; he sees the blood still on his arm. "Cheryl is he gonna be ok?"
"...yeah...he'll be fine."
Ste doesn't believe her and he is more than positive that she doesn't believe herself either.
Sunday 6:53 PM
Brendan slowly starts coming back and feels someone holding him tightly. He already knows who by the smell of her perfume. It's a mixture of flowers and candy. He pulls back a little silently letting her know she can let go and she does. She fixes his hair and then pulls out some tissues she always carries with her to clean up his arm. Luckily he didn't go deep into the scar to cause much damage. The blood is just dried now. When she's done she says she'll be right back.
Brendan pushes himself backwards until he hits the wall. He stays there until Cheryl walks back outside with a bottle of water.
"Forget to take your medicine didn't you?"
"No I took them."
She just glares at him as she drops 2 pills into his hand and puts the water next to him.
"I only took 1 today."
"Brendan it's almost 7 at night and all day you only taken 1. Are you insane?! You can't wean yourself off them it doesn't work that way."
"I was fine though. I didn't feel it coming all day."
She lifts his hand up so he gets the message to take the pills. He does and then takes a sip of water.
"You still have to stick to the schedule for them Brendan even if you feel fine."
"Sorry won't happen again...mother."
"Shut up." She lightly kicks him and takes a seat next to him. "So umm...do you remember anything during it?"
Brendan's nods his head not remembering any part of the episode until Cheryl grabbed him. "I saw...Steven saw me having it didn't he?"
"Yeah."
"That's gonna make him want to be with me huh."
"Well he does have to know what he's getting into...and he stayed Brendan. I could see he was terrified but he never left you. That's saying something."
"Yeah says he had pity for me."
Cheryl rolls her eyes at him and watches as he keeps turning his phone in his hands. It annoys her so she snatches out of his hands. He sighs but doesn't try getting it back. He hears a click and looks over to see his sister taking picture of herself flicking off the camera.
"There's your new wallpaper."
He laughs thinking she's kidding but she's already switched it for him.
"What?" He asks her when he sees her eyes light up.
"Every time I saw you two together I found it odd. So opposite to each other. Like night and day. I never really saw it before until now."
She turns the phone to show Brendan a picture on it. Facing back at him is a picture of Ste and him against a large window. The sun is bright and is shining through it. Brendan can't remember when that was taken but clearly Ste took it as his arm is extended out. They're huddled close together with Ste leaning over to him. Brendan snorts at the fact that the light is hitting Ste in the face making him glow while he himself barely has an inch of light on him. His side is just dim and dark. The irony.
"You know you two remind me of something."
"What's that?"
"You ever heard of ying and yang?" Brendan's nods so she continues. "One side is white the other is black. Kinda like light and dark. Sounds familiar doesn't it? He's the light to your darkness. Basically they fit together as two parts of a whole. They become each other through the constant flow of the universe. They rely on each other. They can't exist without each other. Ying can contain certain part of yang and yang can have some component of ying. It fits you two to a tee."
Brendan looks at her as she seems lost in her own knowledge.
"Look think of it this way. He's the good side and you're the bad side. But there's a spot of bad in him. And there's a spot of good in you. When those two pieces join together it makes life. They make each other whole. They complete each other. Brendan you both need each other to live. If you didn't have him you wouldn't be you. Ste is the other half that makes you complete. He's your other half. Your soul mate. I see it I do but I don't think anyone will ever be able to truly understand how much you two love each other. So you need to do something Brendan. You need to fight all your demons. You need to fight the past that is slowly trying to kill you. You need to fight to keep him here with you. Fight to feel love again from someone who truly loves you, for you. I know sometimes you wonder if love is worth fighting for. To go through all the pain and hurt. But then when you see that one person in the world that you can't imagine yourself ever being apart from again is when you have to tell yourself something...tell yourself you're ready for war."
Sunday 7:34 PM
"Is he ok?"
Cheryl had barely got in his room before Ste is asking questions.
"He's fine love, just taking a small break."
"Shouldn't someone be with him making sure he doesn't hurt himself or have another episode?"
"It's rare that he has 2 repeating episodes in one day. Only seen it happen once. But he took his medicine and he's calming down right now so he'll be fine. Umm may I?" Cheryl points to the chair next to him and he nods. "Thanks."
They both sit in awkward silence for a while. Neither one knowing exactly where they stand with each other. Whether they can even call themselves friends.
"Cheryl?"
"Yes love."
"Is that...was that one...is that as bad as its gonna get?"
Cheryl doesn't know why but she mildly laughs at the question. It's probably due to the fact that she's the only that knows how bad it can really get. How some people scare off when he barely starts shouting. They tell her that is as bad as its going to get. She knows it's not. That doesn't even come close.
"Honestly? No. It's not. There's worst. Much much worst...umm Ste can I ask you something?"
"Yeah."
"Do you honestly think you could handle that day in day out? Because if you want to be with him you're gonna go through so much more than that-"
"Cheryl look-"
She cuts him off knowing exactly what he was going to say. "I'm not trying to stop you two from getting together. I'm truly not. In fact I think you're the best thing that happened to him in his life. I want him to be happy again, and you make him smile. But...I can't let you give him hope that you'll be there for him and then end up leaving him when you realize it's too much. Ste it will never be sunshine and flowers with him. It just won't. That episode was nothing. It was minor. I seen his worst ones and compared to that, the one you saw was a joke. You have to be willing to take the hits, literally, and not be scared that it'll happen again. Because it will. He has no control over it and you can't hold it against him. You can't blame him and you have to be willing to forgive him when he does. He might go get help one day but that won't guarantee that he will get better. He may get worst I don't know. I need you to completely understand what you're getting into. Because if you can't handle it then please let him go before you break the small piece of heart he still has left in him."
Cheryl is giving her full attention to him waiting on an answer. She knows deep inside that she can't help Brendan get better anymore. She's done all that she can for him. Her job is over. The only person that can even get through to him now is standing right in front of her. She's putting her life in his hands right now. Her life being Brendan. He fought for her throughout his whole life. He protected her and saved her. His life was shattered because of her. He never asked for a thank you. Never hesitated to do what he needed in order to keep her safe. They have been through hell and back with each other. So many words have been said that they wish could be taken back. They yelled, fought, bled, cried, laughed, smiled, and forgiven each other time and time again. The day he walked into her life is when she truly understood what that feeling was to have a family member that she loved unconditionally. It's taken years for them to get back to having a sibling bond and she doesn't want to lose him. Not again.
"I won't ever forget him. Never. He means more to me than he will ever know in life. I'm always gonna love him. He made me feel safe when I had nobody. He taught me how to love...and he changed my life forever. He means everything to me. I'm in for the long haul. I will be by his side for the rest of his life. I'm not giving up on him. I never will. I see him for who he is and deep inside I see that child who was so innocent and saw the world as a beautiful place. It was taken away from him and I hear that small boy screaming to be helped. To get back that love that was taken away. I will spend every second until I take my last breath to make him believe that the world could be good again...I'm not going anywhere. I...I'll keep him safe. For the rest of his life."
"Thank you." She rises from her seat and grabs his hand for a second before letting it go. She walks over to the door and looks back at him.
"Thank you...thank you for loving my brother."
"Daddy, where's Brendan?"
"I don't know he's probably outside. It's all new to him. Moving into a different house with family he's never known. And his mum just passed away. He must want to be alone."
"Then shouldn't you be with him? You're his dad."
"He's fine. He needs to learn to be a man. He's not a baby, he's 8 for gods sake."
Cheryl crosses her arms and stomps her feet as she walks out. She barely met Brendan, or her brother, about 2 hours ago. He didn't talk to any of them much but she understood. Seamus told her that his mum just died so he's still mourning. She figured he needs someone there for him and she's always wanted to be a big sister.
She looks around the house but doesn't spot him. She goes to the back and starts walking into the field that is right behind their house.
"Brendan!" She calls for him but doesn't hear anything back. She keeps walking and thinks maybe she should stop but some force keeps pushing her. She hears a faint sobbing noise from the side so she turns and follows it. There's a massive tree in the way and when she goes around it she sees her brother against it with hugging his knees to his chest.
"Hi." She slowly takes a seat next to him and stares ahead.
"...hi."
"Are you ok?"
"...I'm...fine."
She looks over at him and lightly laughs. "Do you always say you're fine when you're not?"
"Yes..."
"You shouldn't do that because then I won't be able to help."
Brendan for the first time looks her in the eyes. That's when she sees it. She sees him as her brother. Her little brother. It happens instantly and she has no idea why. It's a bond that appears out of nowhere but that she treasures now.
"Why...why would you help me?"
"Because you're my little brother. That's what big sisters do. I think they do. And if you give me a chance I promise I'll be the best sister ever!"
Brendan gives her a shy smile and nods. "Promise?"
"I pinky promise I will always be there for you Bren."
She sticks her pinky up and Brendan does the same thing. They pinky promise and then spend the day playing in the field. They laugh throughout it and at the end of the day Cheryl pulls him into a hug and whispers "I love you little brother."