Hallo! I seriously can't believe y'all got me past the 300 mark! You guys are amazing, thank you so much! Sorry about the wait again my job has worn me out and school started back up recently. Hope you enjoy xx
Sunday 8:01 PM
The lights in the room are dimmed to the lowest setting so that when she wakes her eyes won't be blinded by them. He has been sitting on the chair for over 30 minutes now waiting on her to open her eyes but she's not showing any sign in waking up anytime soon. He leans back on the chair and his legs accidentally bump into the bed. He curses himself and hopes he didn't just wake her up. But he does.
Laura moves very slowly and her eyes only open half way. She looks lost and confused and it takes her a moment to realize where she is at. She blinks repeatedly as she sees Brendan next to her.
"Hey."
She gives him the best smile she can muster up and leans back into the bed.
"You're actually here." There's a tone of doubt and shock in her.
"Course. Told you I would be there when you woke up. So here I am. How are you feeling anyway?" He stands up and wipes the sweat off her forehead.
"Tired and my head kinda hurts." She reaches up and feels the bandages wrapped around her. "Oh right. Forgot I just had my skull opened."
Brendan doesn't say anything and picks up her file from the table and waits for her to ask.
"You're being quiet Bren. What's wrong? Something's wrong right? Oh god I'm gonna die aren't I?"
"Yeah."
Her mouth opens and words fail to come to her. "Umm...I...you don't even seem...worried."
"Everyone eventually dies Laura. Its life. But you gonna die now though? No. Although I do need to let you know about what happened during the operation."
Brendan waits for her to brace herself and she gives him the ok to continue.
"Nate couldn't remove all of the tumor. He was able to get most of it but there was a small part that was right on the nerve and it would have done more damage to remove it."
Laura shakes her head before it drops into her hands. "So I went through all of this for nothing? I still have a tumor in my brain."
"It wasn't for nothing. You're gonna feel much better now since most of it is out of you. The part still left we are gonna use chemo to get rid of it and then you'll be rid of the tumor completely."
"No! No...I'm not doing it." She crosses her arms and refuses to look up.
"The chemo?" She nods her head. "There's no other choice Laura. If you don't it's gonna keep having an effect on your body. This is the last step to being fine again. Don't you want that?"
She breaks down instantly and Brendan moves over to her and wraps her in his arms. She sobs into his chest while he keeps a hold on her.
"It's ok. It's ok."
"I don't...I can't do it."
"What are you afraid of?"
She pulls away to look him in the eyes. "That I won't make it."
"You might not but do you honestly want to keep going through life like this. In and out of the hospital constantly. Always having people ask you if you're fine and never being able to get them to stop worrying about you. Family always watching your every step. That's not living. You're 16, you still have so much life in you and you can't let this one thing beat you."
She pulls away from him but holds his hand in hers. "I'm just...scared."
"I know. Look I can't force you to-"
"Yes you can! If you force me to get the treatment than I'll do it because I have no option. I won't have to think about it because I know it's not under my control."
Brendan crouches down so he can be on the same level as her and then gives her a small reserved smile. "I can't force you to do something you don't want to. That's not my right. You have to want to do it. Because if you don't then the whole time all you will feel is resentment and anger towards the person that is forcing you to go through with this. Forcing someone when they aren't ready is only gonna lead to a disaster. It won't ever help. I'm not gonna do that to you. You have to want to get better. Live or die. Make your choice."
Sunday 8:38 PM
Ste is pacing back and forth in his room. He's not the least bit tired. He can't get his mind to stop racing with thoughts. He's in too deep. There's no turning back now. Even if he wanted to he can honestly say he wouldn't know how. There's a feeling of him being lost without Brendan. Almost as if he isn't alive unless Brendan is with him. There's always a part missing, his other half, when he knows Brendan isn't there. So to even consider the possibility of not having him is too much for Ste to handle.
"Can't sleep?"
Ste almost falls to the floor from shock but manages to balance himself on the wall. "For fucks sake Brendan stop doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Sneaking up on me!"
"It's not really sneaking as it is more so you aren't paying attention to your surroundings."
"Yeah ok Einstein."
Ste pouts and drags his feet all the way back to his bed. He jumps on and pulls the covers up to his neck.
"You look like an idiot Steven." Brendan pulls the chair to the side of the bed and takes a seat. "So umm I thought we should talk about what you saw earlier."
"Look Bren you don't need to apologize for it-" he gets interrupted by Brendan who has no expression on his face.
"I wasn't going to. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Cheryl told me you look terrified during it."
Ste nods and doesn't know what he should really say. Should he apologize for not helping? For not knowing what to do. Should he be reading up on these episodes for the next time when it happens?
"I can see your mind going a thousand miles a minute."
"Sorry I just...I didn't know what to do. I said I would help you but I couldn't even do that when you were asking."
Brendan doesn't remember asking Ste for help recently so he assumes he most likely said the word help during the episode Ste witnessed.
"Don't apologize for that. I don't even know what I'm saying during one of them honestly. So even if you helped I wouldn't have known."
Ste turns to the side to look at Brendan more clearly. "It's not that. It's just that...I couldn't bring you out of it. I had to call Cheryl and she just dove right in there and got you back. It scared me. What if we are alone one day and you have an episode and I can't pull you out of it. What would happen to you?"
Brendan rises from his seat and places his hand gently on Stes cheek. "If you want to be with me you should understand that that scenario will most likely happen. It's inevitable. But I don't want you to be scared of me. I'm not asking you to stay with me as I'm having one. Run out of the room if you have too. I'll be fine. I have been fine before. The only thing I'm asking from you is that when I come back to reality you'll still be there waiting for me."
Ste places his hand on top of Brendan's and pulls him closer to the point that Brendan has to climb into bed with him. He wraps Ste up in his arms and kisses him on the forehead once. Ste once again hears Brendan's soft heartbeat. Every time he hears it it relaxes him but in the back of his mind Ste would find something odd about it. He never could put his finger on it. Now he finally figured it out. He actually listens to his heartbeat and keeps himself from falling asleep. He realizes Brendan heartbeat is irregular and slow. He starts to wonder if that's normal or is Brendan even aware about it. What makes your heartbeat become irregular? Ste makes sure to put this question into his memory so he can look for the answer later. For now he relaxes and slowly lets sleep take over.
Brendan on the other hand isn't tired. He watches as Ste slowly closes his eyes and appears to fall asleep. His lips are slightly parted as he breathes out of his mouth and nose. His nose scrunches up randomly and Brendan finds it endearing. He takes a good look at his ridiculously long eyelashes and almost laughs when the word "Bambi" pops into his mind. There's something about Ste that draws him in. There's an invisible light around him that pulls Brendan to him. It invades his inner darkness and gives him just a sliver a light. He keeps staring at him and wonders what he did to deserve him. The boy loves him, actually loves him. Unconditionally. He's willing to go through hell to be with him. And although Brendan loves him, there's something missing. There's something holding him back from giving himself completely to Ste.
The problem is he has no idea what that is. Nor does he think that Ste can get it out of him. The walls will always be up and he doesn't know how to break them down.
Sunday 9:16 PM
"I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire! Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar. Louder, louder than a lion! Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar. Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh! OH OH OH OH OH OH! YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAR!"
Brendan watches in horror as he sees Nate throwing his fists in the air and singing, if you can call it that, a song that Brendan has never heard of. Nate is into it and he starts doing fake boxing poses and jumping from side to side. He does a spin and then abruptly stops when he sees Brendan leaning against the door.
"Brendan! Umm..." He rushes and turns off the music before fixing his hair and scrubs. "How can I help you?" His eyes refuse to make eye contact and the red starts showing on his cheeks.
"Apparently I'm waiting to hear you roar."
"Oh HA! HA! That it's just..." Nate keeps fiddling with his hair not really knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I don't know why you're wasting your time as a surgeon...singing is clearly where your skills are at." Brendan is enjoying this far too much but he has other things to do so he decides to put Nate out of his misery. "Seriously though I needed to talk to you."
"Oh right right about Laura." Nate takes a seat and motions for Brendan to do the same.
"Actually no. About Cheryl."
Brendan clearly sees Nate tense up and he easily catches on that they are probably either dating or close to it.
"See I don't know much about you, besides the fact you like Katy Perry, but here you are dating my sister and you never thought to talk to me at all during the time you been here."
"Erm...well we're not dating-"
"Yet?"
"Ummmm...yeah."
Brendan stands up and walks around the desk. Nate feels tension in the room so he stands up too. He can feel himself sweating through his shirt.
"Sit down."
Nate doesn't even hesitate and ends up missing the chair by a mile. He crashes onto the floor and he stares up at Brendan who has an amused expression on his face.
"I meant on the chair. Sit down on the chair." Brendan helps him up and waits for Nate to finally get on the chair. "I need you to know two important things. One you don't date my sister until you get the ok from me. You understand that part?"
Nate frantically nods and waits for the next condition.
"Good. Second...listen to this one very closely. If you break my sisters' heart I'll make the rest of your life a living hell. Oh wait there's a third part...don't you ever EVER hit her cause I'll kill you in a heartbeat if you do. Are we clear?"
Nate is frozen but gives a very quiet yes. Brendan pats his cheek and heads for the door.
"Good talk. I'll see you around Nate."
Sunday 9:45 PM
Warren is leant against the door blocking anyone from coming in, as Cheryl and Mitzeee are testing out pen colors.
"No no no that ink doesn't match."
"Oh for crying out loud Cheryl its black ink they are all the bloody same!"
"They're not! See this one is darker." She throws the pen and grabs another one. "It has to be exactly the same for this to work ok."
"AH HA I GOT IT!" Mitzeee does a happy dance when she finds the perfect match. All three of them gather around the table and see whose writing matches Eoghans handwriting. "Babe you win. Yours clearly looks like his." Mitzeee hands the pen over to Warren. Cheryl explains to him what needs to be written. They all look at the finished files and smile to each other.
"Ok I need to get this recent file to Eoghans desk and I gotta put last year's file back into the records room." Cheryl hands one file to Mitzeee and she winks and takes the recent one and heads to Eoghans office. Warren and Cheryl go back to the records office and once again he breaks the lock and keeps an eye out for anyone. They are all in and out within a few minutes and they meet back up by her office.
"Thanks guys I really couldn't do this without you."
"You know we would do anything for him Cheryl so no need to thank us." Mitzeee and Warren give her a hug goodbye and start walking away but Warren stops and turns around.
"So what kinda car does this Eoghan guy drive? Or better yet, where does he live?"
Cheryl knows what he's capable of and she knows without a doubt what he's planning. "I'm not telling you that. I know you'll end up waiting for him by his car or his house and beat him to a pulp."
"And he doesn't deserve that?"
She shrugs her shoulder and looks down. "He does but not yet."
"Fine but I hope he knows that he's a marked man right now. If I see him, he's dead." Warren shows no sign that he's joking and Cheryl knows for a fact he's not. She nods and waves them goodbye as they walk out of the hospital.
She takes a seat on the sofa next to her office and looks around. It's quieter at night for the most part. A few nurses pass her by but no one she wants to talk to at the moment. She stares ahead at a blank wall and starts daydreaming.
She's snapped back into reality by her brother standing in front of her.
"Where were you at just now? Your eyes were all glassy." Brendan takes a seat next to her.
"Sorry. Just tired. You about to go home?"
Brendan looks at his watch and nods at her. "Yeah I was heading to my car now but saw you over here. I thought you got out at the same time as me."
She looks at the clock on the wall and then gets up and pulls Brendan to his feet. "I do. I just got distracted. Anyway since we're both off you wanna just come over. We can watch a movie or something." She looks at him with her beaming smile and he can never say no to his sister.
"Sounds like a plan. Go get your things then."
She smiles so widely at him and practically skips to her office. She's back within seconds with her purse and keys in hand.
"Have you said bye to Ste yet?" She locks her office door and starts walking next to Brendan.
"Yeah said goodnight before I came over here."
Cheryl slows down and waits for Brendan to get a little ahead of her. When there's enough distance between them she runs and jumps onto his back.
"CHEZ!" Brendan almost ends up dropping her but manages to grab her. She wraps her arms around his neck and he sighs and goes along with it. "You're such a child."
"Oh shut up. Piggyback ride!"
She ends up laughing all the way throughout the parking lot.
Monday 7:44 AM
*******He jolts up from bed with sweat dripping from his forehead. He's lost and confused and has no idea where he is. With the back of his hand he wipes away the sweat and looks around. The room is dimly lit but he can make out his surroundings fairly clearly. Brendan slowly climbs out of the bed and when his feet hit the floor he crumbles to the ground. The flooring is all rotten and he wonders if he steps on the wrong spot would it just break underneath him. He gets onto his knees and notices the walls are padded with what used to be some white material. Now it looks as if it has been in a fire as its all black. The windows have no blinds but they have bars across them. Locking him in. There's a small table in the corner with a lamp on it that is the only source of lighting. He jumps when he feels something crawl on his arm. He flicks the maggot off of him and gets to his feet. Their wobbly at first and he uses the wall to make it to the door. The door creaks as it opens and he hesitantly steps out into the hallway. He looks to the right and it's a long corridor with the lights above flicking on and off. When Brendan looks to the left he thinks he sees someone quickly dart into a room.
"Hello?"
No one answers him back so he decides to head to the left and see if he finds anyone. He glances down at himself and he has on white pants and an odd white jacket on. Whenever he tries to move his arms the jacket pulls at him. That's when he realizes they have buckles on them but luckily for him the straps aren't buckled around him. They click and bang into each other as he walks down the deserted hallway. The flooring underneath him keeps making noise and at some points the wood breaks and his foot goes through it.
"Is anyone here?"
This time he hears a child's laugh in the distance. It lacks a playful tone.
Brendan holds onto the wall for support until he feels it become slimy and bumpy. He quickly flicks his eyes to the wall and pulls his hand back in a hurry. There's millions upon millions of maggots falling from the ceiling. Their all climbing up and down the walls. Brendan looks back and now the maggots are on every wall behind him.
The lights in front of him start turning off as darkness advances on him. He panics and goes through the first door he sees. There's nothing but an old chair in the center and a mirror right across it. It rocks back and forth but no one is on it. Brendan approaches it and it starts rocking faster. He reaches a hand out to it and then feels a force grab his hand. He pulls and pulls but can't get free. Suddenly he hears a voice in front of him.
"HELP ME!"
Brendan looks back and sees a reflection in the mirror. It's himself in the chair. He's strapped into it and has metal wires around his face. He's pulling so hard blood is pouring out of his wrist and out of his eyes as the metal digs into them.
"HELP ME!"
It keeps screaming and pulling at Brendan. Brendan reaches to try and helpbut his hand goes straight through.
"I can't..."
"HE'S COMING FOR YOU!"
Brendan watches the mirror as the image of himself in the chair starts fading.
"Who...who is coming for me?"
His hand gets released and a force pushes him back.
"RUN!"
Suddenly Brendan feels something grab him around the waist and push him out of the room. The door slams close and he picks himself off the floor and starts running. He has no idea where he is going. He feels as he's going in circles, always coming back to the same main corridor. He tries to open what appears to be the front door but its shut tight. He slams his head into the wall and hears the child's laugh again. Brendan turns around and watches the back of the child walk away into a room. Brendan follows him inside too. He keeps following and he can't help but think the child looks familiar.
"I live in the weak and wounded."
The child keeps repeating this over and over.
"I don't understand."
The child turns around and Brendan's heart stops. Once again he is staring at himself. Only this time he is looking at himself as a child. There are no bruises on him or any scars. He looks normal. He looks like how Brendan was before his childhood was destroyed.
"I live in the weak and wounded."
Suddenly the child disappears and Brendan is left standing in the middle of a room.
"Hello son."
A hand slams against Brendan's mouth and keeps him from screaming. Brendan manages to get free from it and he looks back at his father. Seamus is completely burnt all the way from the head down to his legs. The ashes from his body fall to the floor. Brendan sees a small tunnel towards the side of the room and he runs. Seamus doesn't follow.
He crawls through this tunnel in complete darkness. He feels more slime under him and hears insects all around him. It starts narrowing as he progresses but he keeps going. That's when he feels a hand grab his ankle.
"GET OUT NOW!"
Brendan looks back and yet again it's himself. His flesh is burnt and tears of blood are flowing out of his eyes. He's missing his legs and one arm. The only arm he has has a hold on him and doesn't let go.
"Get off me! Get off!" Brendan kicks at himself only to be pulled back. The deformed him climbs on top of and runs his bloody rotten hand down his cheek.
"GET OUT!"
"Then let me go!"
Brendan looks up to see his other self give him a demented smile before he goes straight through him. Brendan feels a force rip through his body. It leaves as fast as it came. He shuffles back and continues down the tunnel until he's finally out. He looks down at himself and his once white attire now has blood and black grunge all over. There are books and videos all around the room and an old tv on the floor. Brendan reads some of the book titles and they all deal with psychology. Multiple personalities, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, paranoia, depression, sociopaths, are just some of the books on the shelves. Brendan trips over a video on the floor. He crouches down and picks it up.
"Blackwood Asylum. Hypnotherapy Session 5. Brendan Brady."
He looks down at his clothes and it makes sense to him. He's a patient in a mental institution. They finally gave up on him and institutionalized him.
Brendan puts the video in and watches the tv screen. He sees himself appear on the screen lying down on a couch. His eyes are closed but his body is still moving. The camera zooms out and it's another form of himself again. Blood covers his whole body. His flesh is falling off and you can see the bones all cracked underneath it. There are roaches and maggots crawling in and out of his body.
"YOU NEED TO WAKE UP BRENDAN. GET OUT. GET OUT."
The image keeps telling Brendan in the video. He rises from his seat and stands above him as the bugs fall off him onto Brendan on the sofa.
"YOU CAN'T STAY HERE. HE'S COMING FOR YOU."
"I can't leave. He has me. He always has me. I can't escape."
"RELEASE YOURSELF FROM HIM."
"I tried! He lives in me! He infects my mind. He's in here." Brendan pulls at his hair and blood starts pouring out of his skull. "Get him out! I WANT HIM OUT! HELP ME!"
The figure grabs him around the shoulders and pulls him up.
"LET IT GO! LET EVERY TEAR GO. LET EVERY BRUISE AND SCAR GO. LET THE MEMORIES FADE. LET THE PAST DISAPPEAR."
"I tried...they always come back. He always finds me."
"YOU LET HIM FIND YOU. YOUR MIND KEEPS HIM ALIVE. HE'S ALWAYS THERE BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO KEEP HIM THERE. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOCKED YOURSELF INTO A WORLD OF DARKNESS WITH HIM. WHY CAN'T YOU LET HIM GO."
"Because he won't let go!"
"LIES! YOU WON'T HIM GO! STOP! STOP! RELEASE YOURSELF! FREE YOURSELF FROM THE HURT AND PAIN! BREAK DOWN THE WALLS THAT CONFINE YOU TO THIS OTHER WORLD. WALK THROUGH THE SHADOWS INTO THE LIGHT. WALK AWAY BRENDAN. LEAVE ME HERE TO DEAL WITH THE DEMONS. LEAVE ME. RUNNNNN!"
BANG.
The tv in front of Brendan explodes and sends him flying across the room. His back collides with the wall. He jumps to his feet when Seamus walks straight through a wall.
"RUN! RUN! RUN!"
Brendan slams his shoulder against the wall and goes through it. He picks himself up and runs for his life. Seamus is on his trail shouting at him and laughing.
"You can't get rid of me boy! You'll never forget me!"
Brendan runs downs halls and down stairs. He hears the footsteps behind him closing in on him.
"I won't rest till you pay for your sins! You killed me and I won't stop till I see you dead. You will join me again Brenda!"
Brendan turns and loses his footing. He slides down onto the ground. Seamus grabs him by the hair and pulls him. Brendan claws at the floor and watches the child appear at the end of the corridor.
"I live in the weak and the wounded."
Seamus releases him suddenly and Brendan moves. He runs faster than he ever has. He runs towards the child reaching out to him. The lights behind him start turning off. He's quickly running out of light. Brendan is running from Seamus and from the darkness.
"You can't escape me! YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME!"
The child is screaming for him and reaching out as the lights keep turning off.
"RECLAIM YOUR LIFE BRENDAN!" The child screams at him.
He extends his hand as far as he can. The lights keep turning off and he only has inches left of light.
"SO CLOSE!" The child yells at him.
The child takes off running for him. The tears start coming down his eyes. Brendan reaches out, his finger touches the child's finger. It lasts a second before Brendan feels an arm wrap around him.
"FORGET ME NOT BRENDAN!" Seamus drags him into the darkness and all Brendan hears is the child screaming his lungs out.
"HELP ME!" *******
Brendan wakes up in a panic. He can't breathe and his whole body is convulsing. He faintly hears his door open before he blacks out.
When he wakes back up he's still in bed. He looks around and he sees Cheryl by the dresser curling her hair. She sees him through the mirror and smiles.
"What happened?"
"Think you had another nightmare. I heard you scream and ran to your room. You lost consciousness as soon as I got to you."
Brendan slowly gets off the bed and looks down at his arms. They have marks that appear to look like rope marks on them and he's sure he didn't have them before he went to bed. Cheryl picks up on it and speaks.
"I had to restrain you for a second."
"Why?"
"You kept hurting yourself."
She leaves him without saying anything else and walks out of the room. He showers and gets dressed. When he walks into the living room Cheryl is already there watching tv.
"I gotta go somewhere sis."
She stops him before he opens the door. "Where you going?"
"Just somewhere. Don't worry. I'll see you at work ok."
She gives him a hug but there's something different about it. It's missing something. Hope. It's missing hope.
She opens the door for him and he walks away.
"Bye Brendan."
Monday 8:57 AM
The church is empty today. There's no one in sight as Brendan walks in. He looks around for a second and walks up to the front.
"Nice to see you again Brendan."
Brendan recognizes the voice as Father Des. He looks over at him and sees Father Des motion for him to follow him. He reluctantly does and manages to catch up to him. He goes into what he assumes is his office. There are no crosses in it at all and for some reason Brendan finds that odd.
"Take a seat." Father Des takes a book off the shelf.
Brendan sits down and starts tapping on the armrest in nerves. He doesn't know why he even came here in the first place.
"So what brings you here today?"
"Umm...honestly I don't know."
"Another lie Brendan. Look-" Des takes a seat across from him "I'm only here to help."
Brendan makes eye contact with him but doesn't say anything. Des observes him and puts the book to the side of the desk.
"What are you afraid of Brendan?"
Brendan's eyes widen and he is caught off guard by the question.
"What do you mean?"
"Brendan I see it in your eyes. Behind the anger, the hurt, the pain, and sadness, I see fear. Fear is an emotion that you need in life but it's also an emotion that holds you back in life. So what are you afraid of?"
"Him."
"Who Brendan?"
"...Steven."
Des stands and moves the chair so he is sitting next to him.
"I have a feeling you're not afraid of him but you're afraid of him leaving you. Am I close?"
Brendan nods and drops his head. "I know what pain and hurt feels like it. I know what it feels to have your life almost taken away from you. I can deal with that. But to watch the one person that gives me life walk away is something I can't handle. I don't...love isn't something I'm used to. They always say you feel it in your heart. And I finally feel that, but my heart is barely holding on. I given him the last tiny piece I have left of it. I'm scared...I'm terrified that when he leaves it'll be over for me. I won't have anything left."
"What makes you think he will leave?"
"Love blinds people. Love keeps two people together living in a fantasy world for as long as they have this false image in their eyes. They make you believe that you found the perfect person. They pretend they're always gonna be there for you, and then one day they pack up and move away and take their love with them. Their vision overcomes the love. They finally see you for who you are. The once perfect person you think you fell in love with turns out to be the monster that everyone saw. That's me Father. It's only gonna take him a matter of time before he sees it. And then it's over. So what am I afraid of? Losing the one person that I can't live without."
"I don't need this! Every fucking day you lie straight to my face."
Ste starts throwing out clothes and miscellaneous items out of his flat.
"STEEEEEEE! What are you doing?"
"What do you think Noah?! I'm throwing you the fuck out of my flat. I don't want to see you ever again."
Noah grabs his clothes and brings it back into the flat. He avoids the punches Ste throws and narrowly avoids the glass that comes flying at him.
"Calm down babe. I didn't cheat on you! I don't know why you can't trust me."
"Maybe because every damn night you come home with love marks all over your neck. I'm not stupid and I don't deserve this."
Ste opens the door again and kicks Noah's stuff out of the flat. He walks out and sees Amy waiting by the car. She heard the argument as she was about to knock and then decided to just wait it out.
"Just leave Noah. It's over."
Noah is about to argue but Amy comes up the stairs and places her hand on his shoulder.
"Go please."
He grabs his stuff and gives him one final look before he leaves. Amy ushers Ste into the flat and sits on the floor with him.
"You ok?"
"Yeah...it's just I don't understand. I try and try to make people happy. I give them everything I have in me. I give them my entire heart. Is it so hard to expect just a small portion of their heart in return? No one ever cares. They just use me and leave me. What's wrong with me?"
Amy shuffles closer to him and pulls him into a hug.
"Nothing is wrong with you. The only reason it hasn't worked out with any of them is because they aren't your soul mate. He's still out there. Good things have to fall apart so better things can happen. All these relationships haven't gotten anywhere because of that. They aren't who you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with."
"What if I never find him though?"
"You will. And when you do, you won't ever want to let him go. No matter what you have to go through to have him in your life."
Monday 1:24 PM
He wakes up when he feels a pillow hit him in the face. His eyes are unfocused at first but he recognizes the laugh.
"Seriously Brendan, I didn't like it when you woke me up with a pillow the first time and I still don't like it."
Brendan smiles lovingly at him before he does something that shocks Ste. Brendan pulls him into a tight hug and doesn't let go. Ste slowly moves his arms and hugs him back. They don't say anything and just stay in the same position for minutes. Brendan pulls away first and moves from him.
"I need to get you down to the radiography department. Running an MRI on you. The blood samples I took from you a couple days ago all came out fine so this scan is the last step."
Ste has wanted to leave this hospital since the day he got here. But now that it's right around the corner he doesn't want to go. He has a huge pit in his stomach and anxiousness flows throughout his body.
Brendan snaps him out of his thought as he lifts him off the bed.
"Come on then."
Brendan opens the door and Ste walks out to get his final hospital procedure. They walk in silence all the way to the lab. Ste knows the drill and lies down on the machine.
"Alright so don't move while you're in there and then it'll pull you out when it's done ok."
Ste nods and Brendan walks out of the room. It only takes a few minutes before the test is complete. Ste watches as the technician talks to Brendan and he assumes he's letting him know the results. Brendan smiles at something that is said before the tech walks out. Ste holds his breath until Brendan walks back in.
"Everything looks to be good. I'll finish your discharge papers today and you'll be free to go tomorrow at 5."
Ste feels like his heart is being grabbed tight. It all becomes real that it's over. His time in the hospital with Brendan is over. They now have to figure out what's gonna happen in the outside not confined to these walls.
"So that's it?"
Brendan takes a seat next to him on the machine and looks ahead.
"Yeah guess it is."
"What does that mean then?"
"Means your leaving. Means its goodbye."
Ste looks over at Brendan and he's fidgeting with his hands. There's a twitch in his jaw and his eyes show nothing.
"Never say goodbye Brendan. Saying goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting. I can't forget you. You're in here-" Ste puts his hand over his heart "-there's no one else that will ever have my heart. Every hour we spent together lives within my heart. You'll be in my heart from this day on, now, and forever more."
Brendan leans over and places his lips over Stes. Their lips move in sync with each other. It's slow and gentle and there's love passed between them. Brendan moves his hand and lightly places it on Stes cheek. Ste parts his lips as Brendan's tongue enters him. Their wet tongues meet and move together. Brendan pulls back before he kisses him again gently sucking on Stes bottom lip. Ste moans into the kiss and moves his body closer to Brendan's. Their hands meet and interlock together. Ste runs his thumb over Brendan's skin. He feels the small cuts on his hand and he smiles into the kiss remembering when Brendan always says he gets too many papercuts at work. Ste feels this overwhelming amount of love and he doesn't think he deserves it. Not him. Brendan has gone through so much and he deserves the best and he truly thinks he's not enough for him.
"Why me Brendan?" Ste separates his lips from Brendan's but keeps them close where they are inhaling each other's air. "Why did you choose me?"
Brendan's eyes meet Stes and his blue eyes are almost blindingly bright.
"Because you saw me when I was invisible. You saw me when no one else cared enough."
Ste throws his arms around Brendan's neck and holds him. He whispers into his ear. "You're the one Brendan. It was you all along. I love you with all my heart, my soul and my body."
Brendan smiles at him before he gives him one final kiss.
"I know."
Brendan pulls him to his feet and walks him back to his room. Brendan makes sure he's comfortable before he lets Ste know that he has to check up on another patient. Ste grabs his wrist when Brendan turns for the door.
"Do you love me Brendan?"
"Steven, you're the best thing I never knew I needed. I dream about being with you forever. I wanna be with you forever. I want you right here beside me forever."
"That didn't answer my question. You said it before remember? You said you loved me. But every time I say it to you now you don't say it back."
Ste watches as Brendan takes a seat next to him. He feels the unsaid words around him. He wonders if Brendan doesn't love him anymore. Or did he ever love him.
"Do you love me Brendan?"
A moment of doubt happens in his mind as he watches Brendan's eyes go through a range of emotions. They suddenly look up at him with nothing showing. He has his wall up again but there's a crack in it. It's small but Ste sees it. His walls are crumbling.
"I'll always love you Steven."
Monday 2:59 PM
When he makes it back to the break room there is an envelope waiting in his box. Brendan picks it up and the front has the board of director's address on it. He sighs and takes it with him. He walks through the hallways and knocks on Cheryl's door. She doesn't respond so he just lets himself in. He takes a seat and opens the envelope knowing what's in it already. He takes a breath before he flips the paper over and reads it.
"Dear Mr. Brady, this letter is regarding your annual evaluation. We have reviewed your report and request a meeting with you to discuss the contents in it. The scores reflected in your report do not meet passing requirements established by the board. Your report also lists you as being physically violent towards your superior. He states bodily injury to himself caused by you in a moment of anger. There is also an implication that you may or may not be in a relationship with a patient of yours. We are willing to hear your side of the story before we come to a conclusion which could result in termination. We have listed the date and time scheduled for your meeting. If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to give us a call."
Brendan throws the letter onto the desk before he even finishes reading it. He rests his head on the table and hears the door open behind him.
Cheryl lightly places her hand on his shoulder before she walks around the desk and takes a seat. She sees the letter and picks it up.
"What's this?"
Brendan doesn't even lift his head so she just ends up reading it. When she finishes she places it back in the envelope and puts it to the side.
"Don't worry we been through this before remember. It'll be fine."
Brendan finally looks at her and leans back on the chair.
"No it won't. Last time had nothing to do with my fucking scores. Last time it was about my anger issues. Last time it was about my supposed drug use. Last time was about my damn mental state. They had nothing on me for those things. I fucking lied to their faces and they believed me. They sat there and fell for every word I told them. They even apologized for calling me in. This though-" he grabs the envelope from the desk "-I can't lie about. I can't say oh no those aren't correct. As far as they are concerned Eoghan wouldn't dare do anything to these reports. He wouldn't lie." He flicks the envelope back onto the table. "I don't have a case Cheryl. It's done."
Cheryl gets up and goes to Brendan. She sits on the chairs arm rest and places her head on his shoulder.
"It's not. I promise I'm not gonna let him win."
"Sis you can't help me with this one."
She smiles and grabs his hand before she whispers to herself...
"That's what you think."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all."
She doesn't expect Brendan to be home when she barges through the front door. Its barely 9 PM and the last time he was ever here at this time was years ago. They haven't talked in months. Both of them ignore each other every day. They pass by each other throughout the house not even acknowledging the other. There's always tension in the house. The last conversation they had was when Brendan said he wished he left her to die that day. Since then they have been strangers. Not siblings.
Brendan is sitting on the kitchen counter eating a sandwich when Cheryl walks in. She looks at him quickly with tears in her eyes and runs to her room, slamming the door behind her. She drops her purse and takes off her shoes before she gets into bed. She cries into the pillow and pulls the covers over her. Just like she didn't expect Brendan to be home she definitely didn't expect Brendan to walk into her room. He places a plate with a sandwich on her nightstand and awkwardly stands next to the bed.
She lifts her head up from the pillow and glances up at him.
"You made me a sandwich?"
"No. It's mine. I just didn't want to be holding a sandwich the whole time." Brendan ends up sitting down on the floor and leans against the nightstand. "So...bad day at work?"
She turns her head back into the pillow. "Why are you asking you don't even care?"
"I didn't say I cared did I? Just asking."
She throws the covers off of her and pulls herself up to sit on the bed. Brendan looks over and sees her arms first. There are a few bruises on one arm. His eyes go down to her wrist and there is a red mark around it. His eyes flick up to her neck and he sees what appears to be a handprint.
"What happened?"
"Just leave Brendan. I'm not your concern anymore."
"Chez what happened?"
Hearing him say his nickname for her brings back so many memories.
"Nothing. Just go." She lies back down on the bed and turns away from him.
He stands up and takes a seat on the side on the bed. "I'm not leaving till you tell me where those marks came from."
"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE BRENDAN?! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! YOU WANTED ME TO FEEL A BIT OF THE PAIN YOU WENT THROUGH."
"That's not...I didn't..."
"YOU HATE ME BREN! SO DONT TRY AND PRETEND OTHERWISE."
He reaches over and tries grabbing her hand but she flinches and starts punching his chest. He takes the punches and pulls her into his arms.
"Shh...shhh its ok."
She stops resisting and relaxes into his arms. She cries as he holds her.
"You wanna tell me what happened?"
"I...I had just finished my shift and was walking out. I usually park by the door but there was no room when I got there so I parked farther away. I didn't think there was a reason to ask for someone to walk me to my car. I mean it wasn't that dark out and it wasn't far."
Brendan leans his back against the headboard and lets Cheryl do the same.
"I just opened my car when someone grabbed me and pushed me inside. He...he started...his hands went around my neck and I couldn't breathe. I don't know why but he let go. I got a couple punches in but he grabbed my arms and pinned them down. He leaned down and started kissing my neck. I screamed but no one heard me. Luck must have been on my side because a cop car passed by and I think it scared him. He got off and ran away."
"Do you know who it is?"
"Just a random customer that comes to the restaurant sometimes. I was gonna call the cops but they won't do anything. They never do. I just want to forget about it."
Brendan nods and grabs the plate off the nightstand. "Here eat something."
She smiles and takes one half of the sandwich. Brendan takes the other. She falls asleep an hour later and Brendan pulls the covers over her. He gently gets off the bed and sleeps on the floor next to her.
When she wakes up the next morning he's not there anymore. She's not disappointed as he actually stayed the night to make sure she was ok. It felt like she had her brother back for a second. He still was cold around her but he was there for her. She gets ready for work and walks out to the living room where she spots Brendan on the sofa. She gives him a smile and gets one back for the first time in months.
"I'm gonna be late to work. I'll see you later."
"Yep."
She walks out of the house and drives to work. It's busy at the restaurant and she actually likes it that way. It keeps her mind occupied. Everything is going well until she sees him. The same man from yesterday. Cheryl starts feeling lightheaded and grabs onto the counter for support. When she looks back up she not only sees the man but she sees Brendan sitting in the corner. Their eyes meet and her eyes subconsciously flick towards the man.
"Fuck." She says to herself as she realizes she just gave up her attacker. She prays that maybe Brendan missed it. It was only a nanosecond. But of course her brother saw it. He's striding towards the man. Cheryl moves but a family walks in front of her before she gets to the man's table.
"Mate take a walk outside with me yeah." Brendan holds a knife to the man's back. "If you do anything stupid you won't be the only one that gets hurts tonight."
Cheryl watches as the man walks out the door with Brendan. She doesn't see Brendan come back throughout the rest of her shift. She rushes home and hears the water running on in the bathroom.
"Brendan?" She knocks on the door and turns the handle. It's open so she peaks her head and sees Brendan washing blood off his hands. He has blood over his shirt and down his neck.
"He's never bothering me again is he?"
"Nope."
"And...the cops. They won't come for you?"
"Naw. Warren helped me with the body. It's all taken care of. Go to sleep."
She leaves him to clean up and goes to her room. She knows she should feel something but she doesn't. He deserved it. She gets into bed and waits until she hears the water turn off. A few minutes pass before Brendan walks into her room.
"You ok?"
She nods and watches as he crouches down next to the bed.
"I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? For what?"
"Everything. Everything's that happened recently. Everything I said. I never meant it. I never wanted you to experience any pain. I didn't...I don't blame you Chez. I never have. I'm just...broken and angry and took it out on you. You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. So so sorry. You're the best sister I could ever ask for. You never turned your back on me and you stayed by me throughout everything. You never gave up on me while everyone else did. But most importantly you saved me. You showed me life can go on. I love you sis. Don't ever think I won't be there for you. I'll protect you for the rest of my life. I been an awful brother to you and I promise if you let me I'll be that brother that you loved. I can be him again, I just need some help. I want to be your brother again. I...I want to be my old self again...I'm sorry."