Chapter 12: Only For a Night
We immediately got busy with our new responsibilities. We were pulled into the boring life of politics and pulling off two drunken fighters. Months have passed at this point, and nothing was different, except Victoria and I. Things have gotten better between us, and even if Joe didn't approve deep down inside, we were still friends. In fact, Victoria and I were much more than friends. Gossip ran about the town about the mayor's boyfriend while I just sat there in the small fame of the title. All-in-all, Megaton wasn't a crater after the months, and that was good enough.
"Jace…" Joe moaned on my couch in my new house.
"What?" I asked him.
"I'm bored…" He sighed.
"Then go and murder someone so I can arrest you. Again."
"When did you arrest him?" Vee asked as she sat next to me, her head on my shoulder.
"Ew. Stop doing that—that—love shit." Joe gagged.
"Do you want me to rest my head on your shoulder?" Victoria asked as she turned over on the couch and put her head on Joe's shoulder. Joe's waist arched up for a moment as he farted. Victoria jumped away and screamed. "God, you're a dick!" Victoria yelled with a smile. Joe and I laughed.
"I'm sorry; I just… never felt love before. They're nervous farts. Honestly." Joe said sarcastically with a warm smile and his arms stretched out for a hug. Victoria switched back to me and kicked him playfully in the face.
"What are we doing?" This is what fun is, now?" Joe asked us.
"I'm having fun." I shrugged.
"Me too." Victoria agreed.
"When last did we get drunk and did something stupid?" Joe asked us.
"I remember the last time you did, and it got you arrested." I told him.
"Seriously Joe, did you kill a guy?" Vee asked.
"He was pretty much dead, anyways-I have an idea!" Joe smiled as he jumped up and held his finger in the air.
"I'm not killing people for excitement. That was kind of what I thought you guys did for fun out here when I first met you." I expressed.
"No, ass-shit, shut up! The saloon's celebrating their new ownership, so they're having a contest that rewards us free booze!"
"No." Vee told him.
"This sounds like the first five minutes of a shitty radio sitcom." She added.
"It kinda does." I agreed.
"Stop… agreeing with each other, dammit! Stop liking each other!" Joe said in disgust.
"I hate you." I said to Vee with a smile.
"I hate you too." She smiled back at me.
"I hate you so much I wanna kill you." I laughed as we kissed.
"Maybe if we get you drunk, that'll happen."
"Oooh, sounds like a Friday night for Joe."
"Goddammit, let's go and get fuckin schwasted!" Joe shouted as he pulled Vee off of me and ran us to the saloon in the middle of the night. It was the only building lit up. Dozens of people were stockpiled outside, drinking and running around in a drunken stupor. Joe burst the door open, waving his gun around.
"Alright people!" He yelled in his commanding voice, quieting the bar as the seedier people fled.
"Who's winning this event?" He asked them in his powerful voice.
The Irish owner pointed to a woman with two shot glasses tied into her brown hair. Joe pointed to her, and she stared back at him.
"Ma'am…" Joe said in a grim and authorizing voice.
"…" The woman sat in silence along with the rest of the bar.
He pointed at her face, "We're gonna kick your ass tonight."
The bar cheered and roared as people played instruments and danced and sang. Vee held my hand as we walked up to the owner and smiled at Jab as he still kept his job. "So what's the name of the game?" I asked him.
"We've got a bushel of games, you see. Complete the most games to get more points and you'll win some beer and a special prize. Would you like to enter?" The owner asked.
Joe pounded his fist on the table. "Sign me up, baby!" Joe smiled at the woman as she smiled back, and drank her two shots.
"Us, too!" I nodded, raising my hand in the air. Vee cheered as the owner brought out drinks.
"Name's Colin. And the challenge for all who accept it is to take a shot of my little concoction; Nuka Spazz, I call it." He pointed to the three shots of a bright green liquid.
"Come on, not scared, are you, sheriff?" The winner teased Joe.
"I will take from you everything!" Joe yelled a battle cry as he took back the shot. He made a sharp face and swallowed hard. "I'm gonna see this in my pee." He told himself.
"Trust me, dude. You will." The woman patted him on the back.
"You ready?" I asked Vee as we lifted up our shot glasses, and intertwined our arms.
"Let's do it." She smiled as we drank it.
I slapped my hand on the table. "Holy shit, that tastes like acid and sugar!" I coughed.
"Aye." Colin nodded.
The woman took the shot and smiled afterwards and laughed in Joe's face.
"What's next, Colin?!" Joe asked angrily.
"One dart throw. Most points win!" Colin smiled as he showed us the dart board.
"Pfft. Easy." The woman scoffed.
"With these on." Colin smiled as he handed her beer goggles.
"But I'm already drunk." The woman told him.
"Aye." Colin replied.
The woman shrugged and put the goggles on, holding the darts in her hand. The three of us stood up as the bar cleared away and watched us compete. The woman stuck her tongue out and aimed at the board as Joe walked up behind her and danced around. "Am I distracting you? Am I distracting you?" He asked as she smiled and laughed. She threw a dart; bull's-eye.
"Are you shitting me?" Joe asked in awe.
"In your perverted dreams, dude." The woman smiled as she handed him the goggles and slapped him on the ass, sending off for the big game.
Joe put the goggles on and aimed the dart carefully. "Hold on…" Joe said as he lowered his throwing arm for a moment.
"Jab!" Joe called to him.
"Get me a whiskey!"
The crowd cheered as Joe took a shot and aimed the dart again. We laughed at him as he threw, lifting up his back leg like a little girl throwing a basketball. He missed completely.
We laughed even harder at this as Joe lifted up his goggles and cursed at the board. Next up was me. Vee gave me an encouraging back rub as I aimed. "Come on, babe. You got this. Channel your inner marksman."
I threw the dart, and like magic, it hit the bull's eye. I, along with the crowd, cheered. Vee took the goggles and tossed her dart carelessly. It hit the two points.
"Better than Joe!" I called, making the crowd cheer.
"Dammit." Joe muttered as he took another shot of whiskey.
"Next event!" Colin called.
"Let's do it!" Joe nodded as he took yet another shot.
"He's so gonna lose." I smiled as I whispered to Vee.
"Let him have his fun." She whispered back.
"Five-finger fillet!" Colin called out as he lifted up a sharp kitchen knife.
"Ooooh!" The crowd called.
"If I wasn't so drunk, I'd apprehend you for possessing a lethal weapon in a closed quarters situation." Joe slurred as he lifted up his assault rifle with one hand.
"But like I said… I'm drunk." He nodded as the woman patted his back like a baby and laughed.
"Tequila, Jab!" Joe shouted as he got another shot.
"Okay… okay, just don't yell." Jab replied.
"Who wants to go first?" I asked the group.
Joe swallowed his tequila quickly and raised his hand. "I'm first!"
"Did you time that? Fifteen minutes and drunk." I muttered to Vee. She gave a respectful clap. I laughed.
Joe plopped down at a cleared table and we sat around him. He stared daggers into the woman as she stared back with a smile. He lifted up the shining knife and slammed it down into the table. He tried to lift it up, but he couldn't lift it.
"It's stuck." He said slowly as he continued to stare into the woman's eyes.
"Uh… Joe…." Vee said calmly as we all stared at the tip of the knife directly stabbed into Joe's hand.
"I want to think that the knife didn't hit my hand, but… it really… hurts… a lot." Joe said slowly, still staring at the woman.
"Joe… you're disqualified." Colin said sadly to a quiet room.
"That's… more than fair." Joe nodded as he took the knife out of his hand and placed it on the table.
"Uh, l-light beer, Jab. Please." Joe said quietly.
"Let's just move onto the next game!" Colin excited the crowd.
"I think that's it for me. I'll go and make sure Joe doesn't accidentally shoot that gun." Vee told me as she walked over to Joe.
"Kick her face in, buddy!" Joe yelled to me as he lifted his glass to me, spraying random bar guests with blood from the hole in his hand.
"Put your hand down, put your hand down!" Vee yelled at him as she wrapped it up with a cloth.
"Let's just do a final event, since it's three in the morning, shall we?" Colin asked. The crowd agreed with wide awake cheers.
"Follow me outside, folks! Bring your drinks!" Colin exclaimed as Vee led Joe and the woman outside as I followed.
Colin pointed to two parallel water pipes exiting from the stars below us and traveling throughout the town, the two both following each other.
"The winner of these games will be the one who follows these pipes to Moira's the fastest!" Colin explained.
The woman scoffed at the sight and folded her arms.
"You cocky… hot, woman… bitch!" Joe shook his fist at her. She laughed and covered her mouth with her hand.
"You got this, Jace!" Victoria cheered for me as the woman and I hopped over the guard rails and landed on the pipes.
"This is really unsafe. We should call the sheriff or something." I said as we looked down the two story drop.
"Good idea." The woman nodded. "Sheriff!" She called to Joe.
"Stop flirting with me!" Joe yelled back. She laughed again.
"JAB! RUM AND COKE!" Joe called.
"Stop yelling at me!" Jab called back sadly.
"Begin!" Colin shouted as the woman and I clung to the pipes and slugged across them.
Rusted and still being used, we inched across the water pipes as the crowd cheered for us. I tried my best not to look down, but it was just too tempting. We were higher than I thought, and only halfway there at that point. "Come on, Jace!" Vee called to me.
"Shut up! This is scarier than I anticipated!" I yelled back.
"What happened to those balls I saw earlier?!" She called back.
There was a pause in the night.
"Ew!" Joe's voice echoed in the distance.
"Ah, fuck it." I told myself as I stood up on the pipe and balanced myself on it, walking forward to my victory. The woman carefully inched to the end, where the crowd ran around us.
"FREE BEER! HE WON THE FUCKING FREE BEER!" Joe screamed as he ran to me and lifted me up, spinning me around until he got dizzy.
Vee ran up and hugged me. I laughed and sighed out in relief as the woman patted me on the back. I held Vee with one arm, and lifted up my other arm, raising a finger.
"To the bar! FREE DRINKS for everyone!" I shouted to the cheering hoards of drunk people.
"YES!" Joe shouted.
Joe inhaled as mucgh as he could as he cupped his hands around his mouth and directed his head back across town to the bar. "JAAAAAAAB!" Joe shouted across Megaton.
"WHAAAAT?!" Jab called back from the saloon.
"FLAMING TEQUILA SHOTS!"
"Why are you treating me like this?! I thought we were friends!" Jab shouted in sadness.
We moved back to the bar as Colin stood behind the counter. "Your prize is back here, boyo." Colin told me as he led me to the back room. I walked into the room, where Joe was sitting with a box.
"You owe me." Colin told Joe.
"I know." Joe nodded.
"What's up?" I asked, confused by how sober Joe sounded.
"Take this, buddy." Joe told me as he handed me a wooden box. I opened it to see a ring with a diamond at the end of it. I stared in confusion as it was surrounded in a blue cushion, like it was important.
"What is this?" I asked as I lifted it up.
"Alright listen, that's called a wedding ring. Vee just had one of the best nights of her life here, with you. I want you to give that to Victoria and ask her to marry you. And she'll say yes and you guys will guarantee to spend the rest of your lives reading my book and farting alone or whatever the fuck you two do I have no idea." Joe said in a serious tone.
"How'd you get sober so quickly?" I asked him.
"Oh, geez." Colin sighed as he left the room.
"I staged the whole event so I can give you guys a fun night with each other, so giving her that ring will mean more to her."
"I thought you were grossed out by us." I asked him.
Joe sighed and exhaled all the sarcasm that he had built up.
"If there's any guy in this world that'll take care of Vee more than me, it's you, Jace. She knows that, too. So do me a favor and stop acting like a dipshit and marry that girl, okay?" He asked me with a smile.
"So I climbed on that pipe… why?"
"Oh my God, I'm going to get arrested again tonight if you don't leave this room and do it now, Jace."
"Are sure you aren't a little drunk?" I asked him.
"That girl out there gave me something."
I nodded and turned away.
"And Jace—"
"Yeah?" I asked Joe.
"Go on one knee when you ask her."
"Argh, but my knee's been hurting lately." I complained.
"You're testing my fucking patience." He nodded.
I gave Joe the box back and held the ring in my hand as people continued to play music and talk and shout and fight. "Excuse me, guys! Can I have your attention?" I called to the crowd. They did not respond.
A gunshot rang out as Joe held his assault rifle.
"Oh shit, I forgot the safety was off!" Joe yelled as he looked to see that he shot the 2nd place winner of the bar "games".
"Oh no, I shot the hot girl!" Joe yelled as he ran over to her leg wound and held it.
"Ow…" She moaned to him.
"I'm really sorry." Joe told her.
"Its fine. You can make it up to me by taking me out."
"Uh… fuck yeah! What's your name?" Joe asked her in his victory.
"Natalie."
"I'm Joe. And seriously, we need to get you to a doctor, that thing is bleeding everywhere."
I stared at the exchange with my mouth open. "Alright, then… now that I have your attention. I'd like to make an announcement." I called to the people of the room.
I turned to Veronica as she stood there and waited for my announcement. "Veronica. In the company of my best friend who's making out with a bleeding girl and most of the town…" I gripped the ring in my hand and bent down to one knee. "Will you marry me?"
"Wow, you're proposing to me at three in the morning in a bar, half-drunk?" Veronica asked me.
"Shut up and say 'yes', you shit." I smiled at her.
"Where does this cockiness come from?" She smiled at me.
"Who knows."
"Yes, you dick." She laughed as I got up and kissed her. The crowd cheered as Joe gave a thumbs up in our general direction, not turning away from his make-out session with Natalie.
"Now what, Joe?" I called to him as he sucked on Natalie's face.
"Uh… I dunno. Go away, live life, you're married now, okay? Jus—just go away, Jace!" Joe yelled as he swatted us away.
"I can't believe this guy wrote a book." Vee told me as we walked out of the bar.
"I still can't believe this guy writes." I responded as I held her hand.