Chapter 25 – Exodus Squared

This morning felt incredibly long once the apartment began coming to life around me. Luke left West Union for his own stupid reasons, followed hours later by Mac's utter disappointment that he didn't even say good-bye. They are two idiots if you ask me, but what do I know, I'm just now exploring my first ever relationship with a billionaire, ex-dominant, who is just as screwed up as I am, though according to Luke maybe more so. All I am sure of after spending time with both Luke and Mac is they belong together. They have the same interests in terms of books, sports, movies, and lifestyle; yet, he won't get within five feet of her if he can avoid it because that would be too close. Luke Sawyer – idiot extraordinaire. God I adore that man but sometimes I just want to beat his head against the wall.

Who cares what her father says. They'd be a good couple. They respect and care for each other deeply. When Luke was shot at the Brew House, she was at a major fashion event in Australia. When she heard what happened from Lacey, she blew off the last day and headed back to Seattle. She was a regular visitor at in Montesano during our time there and helped take care of Luke when we returned to Seattle. I mean, who does that if they don't love the person?

Then no sooner than Mac arrived in New York, she heard he was injured and she turned around to return to Seattle. She blew off visiting her parents for him. What father wouldn't want their daughter to find a love like that? Mac's dad likes Luke, just not for his daughter. I know if something happened to her, Luke would be there in a heartbeat. Hell, when her life imploded a few years ago he did just that. Her over protective father can't see the forest through the trees. I just don't get it. Luke's sister Lacey doesn't understand why they aren't together either. Right now, all I know is two of my favorite people are absolutely miserable.

I got to spend an hour with Dr. Flynn this morning. I needed the emotional outlet and help gathering my thoughts on how to handle Christian in New York City. I still want to smack Luke for telling Flynn how bad my sleeping issues really are. I get it, he's worried about me, but he's stepped over the line. I know if my dad were here right now, he'd be telling me Luke did what was necessary because I was being thickheaded and keeping a secret that long term wasn't healthy. Intellectually I know it. Every bone, muscle and cell of my body is exhausted. I want nothing more than to turn my brain off without the wonderful experiences life, yes insert sarcastic sigh here, has provided lately sneaking their way into my dreams. Well, the one with Christian kissing me on the houseboat deck is a welcome invasion but the rest can just screw off. Fear and an abundance of caffeine are keeping me awake and the nightmares away.

The biggest discussion with Flynn in terms of Christian is the fact that I've pretty much dug in my heels and decided not to move the physical side of our relationship any further until he starts being more open with me. I don't expect him to spill every secret he has about his past, but one or two would be nice. I know I don't have any more secrets. He knows them all. In some ways I feel vulnerable, yet I've never been so attracted to anyone as I am to the conundrum that is Christian Grey. He's amusing, sweet, both light and dark, powerful, and vulnerable all at once. It's a heady combination even when you don't factor in his inherent sexiness.

Months ago he stated he wasn't the hearts and flowers type of guy but he's proven otherwise with his actions and words. Rumor has it he treated his submissives quite well in terms of cars, apartments, clothes, living expenses and such, but I know it's going to be a source of conflict between us because I want none of it. I want to control what I drive, where I live, what I wear, what I eat, and how I live. I refuse to wear jewelry, especially gold. I refuse to spend a fortune on a luxury car or clothes because those funds could be better spent elsewhere. I don't want to change the fundamental person I am. Yes, I want to improve my wardrobe, but I'm going to do it on my own. I know I'm thick-headed, but I won't bend on this.

The one situation we won't argue too much about is security. After the past six months I can't help but wonder what's next. I know he's going to have a difficult time not stepping in as I figure out where I'm going to live after this trip to New York, what I'm going to drive, and where I'm going to set up E-House's offices, if anywhere. I have little doubt he's going to want to control those decisions, as it's his nature, but it's my business and my life, so he can't. I'm willing to compromise; for example, I've quit the hardware store as it's a security hole and frankly, the time I spent there was better spent investing myself further in E-House. I will pay myself a regular annual salary out of E-House rather than limiting myself to a thirty hour per week editor's salary. I'm also going to welcome his advice along with my fathers', Luke's' and Taylors'. Especially the latter two when it comes to security.

Dr. Flynn prescribed me a medication to help me sleep and refilled my anti-anxiety medication. Ryan went to the drug store and filled the prescriptions for me before our trip. In the end, a dejected Mac packed her bags and headed to the Big Apple with us before taking the jet and continuing on to Scotland for a few months as she originally planned. The GEH jet would head to New York on Sunday, to take us back to Seattle on Monday afternoon. I could only hope that Mac's father sees how miserable she is without Luke. I couldn't help but wonder if she knew that he was the one who asked Luke to not get involved with her romantically. Their situation just saddens and disappoints me.

The mid-morning flight to New York is uneventful. I managed to phone Christian and fill him in on Mac's change of plans, but not the reasons why. Luckily he has work to do on the flight, which allows me to sit with Mac and chat. We even managed an hour of poker with the security team and Christian. We each started with two hundred dollars, and in the end, it was Christian who had the clean sweep and walked away richer. "The rich get richer," I taunted him.

He laughed and revealed everyone's tells – Ryan held his cards in his left hand when he had a good hand, Reynolds frown lines around his eyes were more evident when he had a bad hand, Taylor's pupils grew and he blinked less when he had a good hand, Mac had no poker face at all and her bouncing up and down excitedly was a dead give away, and me? Well, Christian read me like a hand-me-down copy of Pride and Prejudice. I never stood a chance.

All in all, the five and a half hour flight went smoothly, as did the landing at Teterboro Airport in New Jersey. Mac planned on remaining at the airport until the plane was refueled and the second pilot and flight crew arrived. As the security team moved out luggage to the waiting SUVs, I couldn't help but pull Mac down the steps of the jet and off to one side.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked her as we stood at the front of the jet.

She nodded. "And you?"

"I've learned in the past six months that I'm a survivor, even when sometimes I don't want to be."

"You'll come to Inverness at the beginning of after Christmas for the photo shoot?" she asked hopefully as Christian joined us.

"I'll be there with bells on. I can do the photo shoot and meet with a few of my authors around the U.K. while I'm there," I counter trying to ignore the look of shock on Christian's face.

"You've agreed to model for Mac?" he asks unhappily.

"I have. We've reached an agreement. I model for her print ads and she compensates me with her stylist services."

"It's a win-win for both of us," Mac counters. "Just do me a favor, consider not bringing the asshole to Scotland."

"Are you certain?" I ask as Christian eyes me curiously.

"Absolutely, but who knows, maybe that will change when I'm not PMSing anymore," Mac laughs. "All I know is right now I just want to forget the moron exists."

Have you ever wanted to just hug someone with all or your might? Well, I do and I did. When I hugged Mac tightly, I couldn't help but proclaim that men are a separate species of dumbasses, causing her to giggle even though she had tears in her eyes.

I didn't expect her to hand me the codes and keys to her penthouse. "Stay there when you get back to Seattle. It's a secure building and I'll feel better if I know you are okay."

"I'll agree to stay there until I find my own place. Hopefully that will happen in a few weeks."

"The asshole is right. You are stubborn," Mac counters as the three of us turn and head back toward the waiting SUVs. "Christian, it was good meeting you."

"Thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the way you opened your home to us during the crisis," he replied giving her a brief, yet uncomfortable hug. "If there is ever anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Just keep yourself, your family, Ana, and your security team safe." She hugs me one more time before heading back toward the jet.

We climbed into the back of one of the black Escalades waiting as headed toward New York City. Traveling into Manhattan mid-week at rush hour was awful. We were driving into the city while everyone was trying to escape. Reverse rush hour just plain sucked. Taylor drove Christian and I into the city, while Ryan and Reynolds followed behind us in a separate vehicle. I don't know how they managed to remain behind us because people around us were driving like inconsiderate, flaming turds.

Seattle was beautiful and had it's own large buildings, but nothing prepared me for New York City. People were everywhere. The buildings were like an island filled with a gigantic jungle and the street vendors were everywhere. I knew the places I wanted to visit in my free time here: the Museum of Natural History, the New York Public Library on Fifth Avenue, the Museum of Modern Art, the Guggenheim, and visit a few used book stores in Greenwich Village. Other than that I want to eat what the city is known for – pizza, bagels, and hot dogs at Gray's Papaya on Broadway and 72nd Street. The only other thing I wanted to do was childish – a cartwheel on the grass in Central Park. It was fall, cold, and blustery in the city. I could only hope that we didn't get any rain or snow during our trip so I could do my less than graceful cartwheel.

The entire time we drove in Manhattan, Christian was on the phone with Ros about a deal that was quickly heading south. He was amazingly calm considering the situation sounded a bit hopeless. He glanced at me apologetically when I leaned against him. When he wrapped his free arm around me and pulled me closer, I felt warm and cozy. I don't remember falling asleep in the car, but I must have because when I woke up, it was in a king-sized bed covered in the softest sheets and blankets I've ever felt. I was still dressed in my travel clothes except for my shoes. This must be Christian's eastside townhouse. The bedroom has a feel of a high-end hotel, not that I've ever been in more than one high-end hotel but it's how I imagine one would be in New York City – pure luxury.

After crawling out of bed, I find my luggage unpacked and my sundries set up in the en-suite bathroom. I take a quick shower, dry my hair, and get dressed before venturing outside the bedroom. The hallway is unusually wide, gallery-style, and the walls loaded with modern works of art. I can't help but stop and examine each one. When I finally reach the staircase, I'm shocked at how grand it is. It was easily six-feet wide, marble steps with ornate wrought iron railings. Taylor greets me as I make my way down the steps.

"Good morning Ana. Sleep well?" he asks happily.

"Amazingly I did. I don't think I've slept that well in months."

"Christian is out for his morning run with Ryan and Reynolds," he explained. "Let me give you a tour of the place."

The townhouse, like Escala, was massive – eight bedrooms, ten bathrooms, gourmet kitchen and dining room, home office, library, security HQ, and an additional four bedroom, two bathroom staff quarters with it's own television room and kitchen. Unlike Escala the design was a mixture of modern, contemporary, and amazingly warm and colorful.

"How long was I asleep Jason?"

"You fell asleep around five-thirty in the car and it's about six-thirty now, so I'd say you got a good twelve hours in. When Mr. Grey woke up this morning and realized you were still asleep, it made him happy. Us too. We've been worried about your lack of sleep lately," he comments as we head back to the kitchen.

As I sit in one of the chairs as the breakfast bar, Taylor places a cup of hot water before me with a bag of English Breakfast tea, before serving himself a cup of coffee. "Mrs. Lancaster will be making breakfast when Mr. Grey returns," he explains. I can only assume Mrs. Lancaster is Mrs. Jones counterpart in New York.

"So what are the plans while we are here?" I ask Taylor.

"You tell me and I'll make sure they happen securely," he counters. "Mr. Grey was very specific about making sure this visit was about you."

I can't help but blush. "I just want to go to a few museums – modern art, natural history, and the Guggenheim. Other than that I just want to eat pizza, and bagels, and go to Grays Papaya for a hot dog or to Coney Island, and go to Greenwich Village to explore the used book stores."

"No other shopping?" he asks.

"I hate shopping. If I could buy everything online and have it delivered, I would." I can't help but laugh when I see the relief on Jason's face. "I hate it so much that I cut a deal with Mac, where by I've agreed to model her clothes for the petite line in print ads, and she'll send me my wardrobe. It's a solution that works for both of us as I'd sell my soul to avoid shopping."

"So there's nothing else you want to do here?" he asks curiously. "According to Luke, there's more."

"Luke can keep his mouth shut," I blush with a giggle.

"Spill it," Jason orders.

"I want to do a cartwheel on the grass in Central Park. It's stupid and childish, I know, but it's been a dream since I was a kid."

He laughs. "I'll make sure you get the opportunity to do so if you're up for it. You took quite a pounding just a few days ago, so I'd like to wait until our last morning here, which gives you another five days to recuperate. So there are no Broadway shows you want to see or restaurants you want to visit?"

"None. Honestly Jason, I was just hoping to get to spend time with Christian talking and getting to know him better. Whatever this is between us, well, I want to take it slow and really get to know the man behind the control-freak. After everything, I'm proceeding with a ridiculous amount of caution." I don't know why it pops into my head but suddenly I'm anxious. As always, when nervous I peel off my nail polish, bite my lip, and get quiet. I probably look like a mental case right now but I just don't care.

"What's wrong?" Jason asks with concern. "You know you are safe here, right?"

Finally, after stammering like an idiot for a few seconds, I manage to choke my question out through the beginning of my panic attack. "There's no red room here, is there? I can't stay here if there is. I just can't."

"Nope and there isn't one at Escala anymore either. He walked away from that months ago and he's a better man for it," he explains as he rubs my back to help calm me down. "Trust me when I say, we, the members of Mr. Grey's security team will protect you from everything, including Mr. Grey. He's changed quite a bit since you beat his ass in the red room," Jason chuckles. "He's a good man and that beat down made him a better man. So tell me what about him worries you?"

"His need for control versus my need for control," I mumble. I explain to him my concerns about making my own informed decisions about my company and my personal life. "I also need a favor from you."

He nods cautiously.

"During the flight I was looking at some houses and apartments Luke's realtor friend emailed me the brochures on and there is one in particular I'd like to visit on Highland Road in Kingston. I was wondering, since Luke is indisposed, if you'd look at it with me to gauge how secure it would be."

"You realize that Kingston, while only thirty miles from Escala, is a long commute as you'll have to either take the ferry to Bainbridge Island or drive around eighty-six miles the long way to avoid the ferry. Budget-wise, you'll have to factor in about two hundred and fifty dollars per month just to cover your ferry costs. You're looking at an hour and a half or more commute each way if you set up offices in Seattle."

"I grew up outside of Montesano on ten acres of land. I can't see myself relaxing in a condo surrounded by hundreds of people," I explain knowing the ferry ride alone should pretty much kill my desire for this house, but I'm stubborn, so I will see this house. "I want a few acres so I can get my hands dirty. It relaxes me. This house has an extension that is basically a full office set up, three offices, a reception area, a meeting room, a small kitchenette, and it's own bathroom. It's zoned for both residential and commercial, yet it's rural. It's also affordable, needs no real work, it's got orchards, raised planting beds, an acre of cropland, and part of the appeal is it's out of the hustle and bustle of Seattle. I know it will make it a bit more difficult for Christian and I in terms of this relationship, for lack of a defining word right now, but the comparable alternatives closer to Seattle aren't affordable on my own and I don't want Christian trying to pay for it. I can already see our biggest disagreements are going to be over money. I don't want his money, and he's going to want to spend it on me."

"You've got that right," he laughs. "Just stand your ground when reasonable. Right now, all of your decisions need to be made first and foremost with security in mind. Until we can get this situation resolved, security is key, which means there are going to have to be compromises made on both sides."

"You sound like Luke and my dad."

"Remember that when you are griping at me later because you don't like what I'm telling you, because security is everything right now and the media knows who you are. In an ideal world, you'll stay at West Union with a security team or at Escala until this situation is resolved. You realize those are the two best choices, right?"

"I do, but I still want to explore the house in Kingston for the post-harass Ana period, as it's close enough to Seattle that it works long term, and it hits all of my checklist in terms of a home. I spent four years in college trapped in an apartment, then moved into another one in Seattle. I miss my vegetable and flower gardens. I find peace puttering around in the dirt. I know it's not a place Christian will approve of, but the reality is, this will be my home. I've been on a few dates with the man and I can't plan my life like it's all been decided for me. Fundamentally, I won't change who I am, so Christian is going to need to accept me for me, including all my idiosyncrasies, just like I'll need to accept all of his."

"When we get back to Seattle, we'll go see the Kingston house and drag Luke and Elliot with us, this way if there are any changes you want done to the house, Elliot can provide an idea of the cost."

"From what I've seen, all I'd want to add is a sunroom as an attachment and a large climate controlled greenhouse on the property. I'll need you and Luke to tell me where security is weak, what needs to be added, and the cost."

"Do you want the blunt, honest truth?" I nod and he continues. "For right now you really do need to sit tight at either West Union and Escala and let this all play out. My preference is Escala, not West Union, as at Mr. Grey's penthouse we have the best security in all of Seattle. The apartment has multiple floors, with the master bedroom on the first level, and the other bedrooms on the second level along with the library. There is no red room as we discussed. Your father agrees that you should consider staying at Escala given the current security issues. The other option at Escala is Mr. Grey owns the two units on the floor directly beneath the penthouse as investments. One of them is currently vacant. If he rents you that unit, then you'll be more secure, though it's not ideal, as it's completely cut off from the penthouse and thereby the security system and team. Just don't buy any real estate during this time of stress. You'll regret it.

"As to your business, there are plenty of empty suites for rent at Grey House. Rent one there for a while if you need to expand into actual non-virtual offices, as there I can control security and access to you, plus it will allow us to screen through any threats that come via snail mail or email."

"You've discussed all this with my dad?" I'm stunned.

"When Ray was in Seattle after the paps went wild, he approached me about your security. He met with me, Bubba, Ryan, Reynolds, and even Luke when he was awake. We tried to come up with options that didn't involve you moving back to Montesano. While he wasn't thrilled about you at Escala, he reluctantly realized it was probably the safest place for you. He does trust Mr. Grey. We have two alternates. The first is the West Union penthouse, though it would need some security upgrades and to be staffed. The second is Luke's townhouse, though it too would need security upgrades and staffing."

My head felt like it was spinning. My father wanted me at Escala, as did the security team. "What's Christian's recommendation?"

"One hundred percent he wants you safely at Escala."

"What's the latest on the investigation?" I ask hesitantly.

He explains that about a quarter of the people behind Dr. Flynn's weren't paparazzi at all. They were probably paid to be there and to either kidnap, harm, or scare me. After a few moments of stunned silence, I have to ask, "Why would anyone want to kidnap me? I'm just a girl who has been on a few dates with Christian Grey. I mean we don't even know where this relationship is heading."

"We believe Ms. Jameson wasn't working alone. We have a list of suspects that we are working through, as do the police department but as of right now, we are coming up empty. It could also be someone we don't know, as Ms. Jameson was unknown to us prior to your attack. Ryan even reached out to some of his former colleagues at the FBI for assistance and they are working through a few of them," he explained.

"Who are these suspects?"

"We're looking into every submissive Mr. Grey had over the past few years, any acquisitions that were hostile takeovers, and finally the woman who introduced Mr. Grey into the BDSM lifestyle years ago. Personally, my bet is on either her or a combination of her and one or more of his previous submissives. In the meantime, a member of the security team will be with you at all times. We are also currently seeking a female member for the team as a second CPO for you. We've already secured an SUV for them to shuttle you around because until this mess is settled, we'd prefer if you didn't drive on your own."

I couldn't help but laugh nervously. "At least you said prefer as opposed to can't. Thank you for making it appear as if I had an option. I really mean it. This entire mess has me feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I'm going to always have to look over my shoulder."

"All I ask is that you take a little bit of your time and think about all of this. I know it's a bit much to process, but you need to understand, the plan is during the flight home we were going to sit down with you to discuss options. At least now you know what those options are for when Mr. Grey brings them up to you. If you make a decision before then, I can make arrangements to get all of your belongings moved from the house boat so you don't have to bother. Jackson and Harrison are just awaiting your decision." He paused for a second to read a text on his phone. "Now before Mr. Grey arrives, which should be in the next few minutes, I want you to make sure you enjoy your trip. Don't worry about security. Ryan, Reynolds and I are each going to lead a team to make sure there are no issues during your trip. We'll each have a team of two CPOs at our disposal while in the city. I know you miss Luke, but I'm going to be filling in for him accompanying you during the publishing conference this weekend with a team of four. During that time I will be by your side and the others will be scattered about the exposition site. I just need you to trust the security team to ensure your safety so you can have a carefree trip."

"Thanks Taylor," I say gratefully as I hug him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Luke and your team. Just knowing you are around makes me feel safe."

What's worse – feeling jealous or not being able to control my temper even though I know nothing is going on? I arrived back at the townhouse after my morning run with Reynolds and Ryan behind me, to find Ana in Taylor's arms. I know she's just thanking him. I heard her say those kind words and more, but fuck it, I'm greener than Gumby and for some reason I just can't control it.

"Good morning Anastasia. Can we have a word in my office?" I ask tersely. She nods and follows me down the hallway and into my office. "Have a seat," I order as I close the door behind us.

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I mock her. I know it's the wrong thing to do but my grasp on my control has been out of whack for the past six months. "You're too close to the security team. They are my employees. I pay them to keep you safe, not to be your friends. Sawyer was one thing but now Taylor? And I've seen you be friendly with Ryan and Reynolds too. You need to step back and treat them like your security team, not your friends. I'm afraid I must insist on this."

There is a brief look of shock on her beautiful face, followed by an unreadable gaze locked on me. "And if I don't?" she whispers not taking her eyes from mine.

I'll admit, I didn't think this through all the way. It takes all of my self-control not to fidget uncomfortably. I don't have an answer to that. I don't want her to leave.

She starts tapping her foot impatiently on the wood floor. "Well Christian? What if I don't?" she asks with her voice no longer a whisper, just her normal tone of voice. "You've got five seconds to answer Mr. Grey –"

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Becomes my mantra.

"Five"

"Four"

"Three"

"Two"

"One"

I've got nothing. Fuck!

She gets to her feet and opens the office door, stopping in the archway. Her unhappy gaze returns to mine, and this time, she's loud enough for the security team to hear her in the kitchen. "First Grey, the only reason I asked you to come to New York is because I like you. I really do, but you test my patience. I wanted to get to know you by talking and I mean really talking. Not this stupidity. I think you need to understand that I trust your security team more than I trust you. If they weren't here, I wouldn't be either. You follow so far?"

I nod.

"I have a hard time trusting men in general, so my trusting your security team for me is huge. Taylor is like an older brother to me. Other than Luke, I trust him the most, followed by Ryan and Reynolds equally. If they tell me to jump, I'll say how high as I prepare to leap. After the red room, I still don't fully trust you. Under the circumstances, that's shouldn't be a surprise to you, but we've come a long way lately with regard to trust. This overreaction sets us back a few paces and honestly that saddens me Christian. Do you understand that my trust issues aren't minor, they are major?"

"I do."

"I understand you have your own issues. I really do and I'm trying to be patient and understanding. You need to understand, I am not your submissive and never, ever will be. So if you can't get passed your need for that, then we're done here. It's something I just can't do."

The panic is seeping through her words and it breaks my heart. "Ana-

"No Christian, let me finish," she stammers emotionally. "Do you think you are the only one who needs some semblance of control over their lives? Do you?"

"No"

"I'm hanging on by a tread here Christian. The past six months, coupled with my own formative years are slowly eating away at the person I am. I need to feel like I'm in control of my own destiny, or at least have the illusion in some ways – like security. Trust me when I say, I can be pig-headed, but I've let go of trying to control my security solely because I trust Luke, Jason, Ryan, and Reynolds. You getting terse with me because of my friendship with the security team starts my fight or flight reaction – in Texas it was Stephen's starting point – he'd get terse with me and then it would escalate from there, so for me it's a trigger that's followed by fear and panic. I'm there right now," she half sobs. "Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to try to calm down and take one of the anti-anxiety pills Dr. Flynn gave me. If I can't calm down it might be better if I stay at Mac's place on Central Park West. She gave me the key and security codes. I'm sorry I'm an emotional mess."

With that, she turns and heads up the steps back to her room.

FUCK!