I have this headcanon that Karkat sneezes like a kitten.
Does anyone listen to Welcome to Night Vale? I subscribed to the podcast yesterday and got hooked in under two minutes.
Once again, this chapter is entirely my fault. I think I wrote Kayla OOC. Which is ironic, considering she's my friend irl.
Disclaimer: Hussie owns all characters excpet Rachel and Kayla (because we are real people); Thriller belongs to Michael Jackson; and Eridan's lines are from . Yes, I literally searched "cheesy pick up lines." You're welcome.
Wow, I can't believe I already have dares coming in.
"OH NO." Karkat groaned.
"Shoosh." Rachel told him. "You don't play too big a part in any of these, so pipe down."
"BUT-"
"I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET!"
Everyone in the room looks taken back by Rachel's screaming.
"What?" she asked, glancing around.
"You don't scream a lot, Rach." Kayla said in a somewhat quiet voice.
"Yeah, well, he was pissing me off. And you know how I am, I get mad quickly and easily but get over it in a minute. Like, right now I'm fine a don't really care anymore," she glances at Karkat, "as along as he stops whining."
Karkat shook his head to erase the last bits of shock from his mind, but his eyes were still wide. He gulped and took a deep breath, then started to hold his breath to keep from talking. Rachel nodded her approval. "Let's just get started, shall we?" Everyone complied, not wanting to make Rachel mad again.
The first review is from: Rubicksmaster
Vriska and Kanaya sloppy make-outs, go go go! Er, I mean... Yeah, I've got no excuse for that one. Anywho, I want Eridan to give me some of his best cheesy pick-up lines. You knoww, to wwoo people into fallin in love. Heehee. And I want Equius to dress up like Michael Jackson and sing Thriller while Nepeta, Karkat, Gamzee and Vriska dance in the background. And last but not least, I want Sollux to get drunk and try to hack Karkat's computer.
"Ugh." Rachel groaned. "I really don't ship Vriskan. But, Rubicksmaster, if that is what you wish to see, ask and you shall receive."
What's wrong with Vriskan?" Vriska complained.
"I'm a hardcore rosemary shipper." Rachel told her. Kanaya and Rose blush.
"Well, who do you ship with me?" Vriska asked Rachel.
"John and Tavros. But sometimes I ship Tavris black, and sometimes I ship it red." This time John and Tavros blush.
Kayla dropped her input in. "And I ship you with Eridan." The spider-troll snuck a glance at the fish-troll who had also turned beat-red. "I don't think so, Kayla." she shook her head.
Ignoring Kayla, John turned to Rachel. "Uh, Rachel, sorry to sink your ships here, but I kinda don't like Vriska anymore." John told her hesitantly. Vriska looked dejected.
"It's okay John. Virska isn't the only person I ship you with."
"Well, who else do you ship me with?" he quieried.
"Dave, Roxy, and, um..." Rachel trailed off. Kayla starts to giggle before Rachel silences her with a death stare. "Don't. You. Dare." she growled.
"What's going on?" Vriska demanded.
"RACHEL SHIPS JOHN WITH HERSELF!" declared Kayla before she ran away, knowing Rachel was going to kill her for saying that.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Rachel screamed, chasing after Kayla.
"Wait, WHAT?" John was in a total state of confusion. "Oh, and, I am not a homosexual."
"Right. Sure you aren't." Dave smirked at his best bro.
"Dave!" John whined. "I'm not, I swear!"
"DUDE, YOU TOTALLY ARE, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT BUT YOU." Karkat added to John's humilation. But the dorky boy proceeded to protest about his sexuality and the three friends began to all argue at once, until Vriska inturrupted.
"GUYS!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to Vriska. "Are we all just gonna sit here, fighting about whether John is gay or not, or are we gonna follow those crazy, shipping losers outside and watch one of them get their ass kicked?" Everyone started to file outside where the two crazy, shipping losers had ran.
"KAYLA, I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"
'Hey, I was just trying to be a good friend and help you with your crush, like you do for me." Kayla told her best friend.
"Right... like I do..." Rachel paused in thought for a moment.
"Wait, what are you-" Kayla was cut off by Rachel "helping" her.
"DAVE!" she shoputed towards the sea of trolls and kids, waiting patiently for the coolkid to appear up front.
"Sup." he said when he finally got there.
"Rachel.." Kayla warned, but the other girl pretended not to hear her.
"KAYLA LIKES YOU!" she announced before running away in her turn.
"RACHEL!" screamed Kayla, this time being the one to chase her friend. The trolls and kids parted so she could dash into the house after Rachel, but by the time she got there, she found Rachel had already locked herself in the bathroom, where she would undoubtedly wait until it was safe. Kayla groaned in annoyance.
Don't worry, guys. I'll take over form here.
Kayla rolled her eyes, but did not say a word, and sat down on the couch in the living room, as everyone else (exculding Rachel) walked into the room and found spots to sit down themsleves.
So anyway, back the dare. First off, Kanaya, Vriska, please make your way into the next room and proceed to have sloppy make-outs until I say to stop.
Vriska got up and walked over to a random door, and went inside.
"Hey, that's my room!" called Kayla. Laughter could bve heard from the other side of the bathroom door. "Screw you, Rachel!" Kayla called out in the direction of the bathroom and the laughter slowly quieted.
Kanaya glanced at her matesprit, who nodded once, silently telling her go ahead, it's just a dare. Kanaya gracefully gathered herself from her spot on the couch and walked into Kayla's room, as Vriska shut the door behind her. Eridan got up from his place on the floor and sat in Kanaya's empty seat, only to be pushed off again by Rose.
I officially declare Kayla's room as the make out room.
"Bitch," Kayla muttered under her breath.
Eridan, your turn. Hit us with some of your best pick up lines.
"ii don't thiink the a22hole ha2 any. ii mean, come on, he ha2n't had a full quadrant 2iince ff dumped hiim." Sollux said.
"Fuck you Sol,at least I can pronounce my own name!" Eridan retorted.
Ouch. Sollux, you need some ice for the wicked burn?
"Fuck you, narrator." Sollux calmly said to the ceiling.
Sorry, Sollux, but you gotta admit, it was a pretty good burn.
"Whatever." Sollux said, losing interest in the conversation.
"and as a matter of fact, i do havve some pick up lines. And they are quite good, if i do say so myself. lets's begin:
"if snowwflakes wwere kisses, i'd send you a blizzard; let's commit the prefect crime: i'll steal your heart, and you steal mine; i'vve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?; do your legs hurt from runnin through my dream all night?-"
Okay, Eridan, that's enough. I don't think the others can make it through anymore of this.
"wwell screww them; i'vve got tons of these."
Oh well, wer're moving on.
"but-" Eridan started to protest.
"NO!" shouted the room in unison.
At this time, Rachel popped her head out of the bathroom. "Is it safe to come out yet?"
"yeah ii'm pretty 2ure fii2h face ii2 done." Sollux assured her.
"Oh, um, thanks Sollux, but I meant Kayla." Kayla looked up at Rachel from pouting and staring at the ground.
"Yeah, I mean, I'm still a little pissed at you, but I guess I did deserve it." Kayla told her.
"don't worry about, kayla," assured Dave, "none of ladies can resit the strider charm." Jade, Rose, Terezi, Aradia, Nepeta, and Feferi shoot Dave look that says "really, dude?" while Kayla blushes a tiny bit and Rachel seems oblivious.
"That's true." she says. For a "smart" person, Rachel can be really dumb. "I mean, I ship myself with Dave sometimes too," Dave smirks. "But mostly just John, because I prefer dorks, considering I'm a huge loser myself." Dave looks confused that John is actually preferredby a girl over him, while John finds this awesome, and starts to tease Dave about it. Rachel watches this with a blank exterior, while on the inside she is bouncing off the walls with OTP feels.
"Don't you also ship yourself with Dirk?" Kayla asks Rachel, in attempt to bring her out of the fangirling state that she is in.
"Yeah, but that was before I started liking John, and those feelings are practically over by now. Anyway, let's continue with the dares."
Good idea. Next up, Equius, you will dress up like Michael Jackson and sing Thriller, while Nepeta, Karkat, Gamzee and Vriska participate as your back up dancers.
"WAIT. RACHEL, I THOUGHT YOU SAID I WASN'T IN ANY OF THESE." Karkat shouted at Rachel.
"No, I said you don't play too big of a part in them. I never said you weren't in them at all," Rachel reasoned.
"UGH. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LOOPHOLES."
Well, since Vriska is needed for this, she can stop making out with Kanaya now.
"I'll get them," Kayla volunteers, then adds under her breath, "it is my room, after all." Kayla gets up and goes over to her room and opens the door. What she finds is a sight she wishes she hadn't seen. Vriska has Kanaya pinned down on Kayla's bed and their tongues are exploring each other's mouths. "EW!" Kayla screams and runs into the bathroom, desperately trying to erase the image from her brain.
Well what did she think she was gonna find?
"I KNOW RIGHT." Karkat says to the narrator.
"No, Karkat, just no. I am the only one who can talk to the narrator. The rest of you can only talk to her through me." rebukes Rachel.
"WELL SOR-RY."
Wait, the girls still haven't come out of Kayla's room.
"THANKS FOR REMINDING ME." shouts Kayla throught the bathroom door as Rachel starts to laugh. Kanaya walks out of Kayla's room and into the living room, blushing deeply, and sits down next to Rose. Neither girl looks at the other. Vriska, on the other hand, saunters out of the room like it was no big deal and plops herself down on the other couch.
Hello, have we forgotten about Equius' dare already people?
"Oh yeah," says Rachel. "I keep forgetting everything. Equius get into the Michael Jackson costume."
D- "Who is Michael Jackson?" asked Equius.
"Sorry, Troll Michael Jackson." Rachel restated.
D- "Oh. Why should I do this, lowb100d?"
Because it's an order.
Equius begins to sweat. D- "Oh. Oh dear. Oh my."
Just go get int the costume.
"Where is it?" inquired the sweaty blueblood.
In Kayla's parents' room. I just apperified it there with my awesome magical narrator powers. You can get changed in there.
"i toldyou magic isn't real." Eridan bargained.
And I told you to shut up.
Equius heads into Kayla's parents' room to get changed into the Michael Jackson costume and Rachel pulls out her phone to play "Thriller" off of Youtube.
"Hey, how come she can keep her phone but I can't?" Kayla asks finally returning from the bathroom.
"Because I'm awesome now shut up." Rachel tells her.
"Mm hm."
"I said shut up." Rachel glares at her friend, then pouts at the phone's screen.
Equius returns from Kayla's parents' room dressed in the red jacket and pants. D- "Must I really wear this?"
Yes.
"Okay Equius, go stand over there, and Nepeta, Gamzee, Karkat, and Vriska line up behine him." ordered Rachel.
D- "Ordered?" Equius asked.
Ordered.
Equius gulped and did as he was told and the others follow suit.
"Wait! Don't we get adorapurr costumes like Equikitty?" mewed Nepeta.
Oh shit, I almost forgot! *Narrator snaps her fingers and cool zombie-back up dancer costumes appear on the other four trolls.
"DAMMIT IT NEPETA, YOU HAD TO SAY SOMETHING!"
"1 TH1NK YOU LOOK GOOD K4RKL3S!" grinned Terezi, caused Karkat to blush.
"I'M NOT BLUSHING!" demanded Karkat. No one believed him.
Rachel played the music, and Equius began to preform. At first he seemed wary, but after the first chorus he obviously was getting into it.
It's close to mignight, and something evil's lurking in the dark,
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart,
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it,
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed.
Cause this is triller, thriller night,
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike,
You know its thriller, thriller night,
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight.
You hear the door slam and realized there's nowhere left to run,
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun,
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl,
But all the while you hear a creature creepin' up behind,
You're out of time.
Cause this is thriller, thriller night,
There ain't no second chance against the thing with the forty eyes girl,
Thriller, thriller night,
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight.
Night creatures call,
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade,
There's no escapin' the jaws of the alien this time,
(They'reopen wide)
This is the end of your life.
They're out to get you, there's demons close to the inn on every side,
They will posess you unless you change that number on your dial,
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah,
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen.
I'll make you see that this is thriller, thriller night,
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghoul would ever dare try,
Thriller, thriller night,
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller,
Thriller here tonight.
Cause this thriller, thriller night,
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghoul would ever dare try,
Thriller, thriller tonight,
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller.
I'm gonna be here tonight.
Darkness falls across the land,
Athe midnight hour is close at hand,
Creatures crawl in search of blood,To terrorize y'alls neighborhood.
And whosoever shall be found,
Without the soul for gettin down,
Must stand and face the hounds of hell,
And rot inside a corpse's shell.
I'm gonna be here tonight,
I'm gonna be here tonight,
I'm gonna be here tonight,
I'm gonna be here tonight,
Oh darlin' thriller night.
The foulest stenches in the air,
The funk of forty thousand years,
And grizzly ghoulsfrom every tomb,
Are closing in to seal your doom.
And though you fight to stay alive,
Your body starts to shiver,
For no mere mortal can resist,
The evil of the triller.
D- "I did not care for some of those lyrics." Equius stated.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go complain about it to Nepeta. For the final dare, Sollux, you will need to get drunk and try to hack Karkat's computer.
"ii can hack kk'2 computer ea2ily," Sollux said.
"Yeah, but let's see how well you do it drunk," Rachel told him as another devilish smile began to form on her lips.
"well how am ii goiing to get drunk?"
*Narrator snaps her fingers and a bottle of liquor appearifies into Sollux's hand* What do you say about magic now, Eridan?
"still don't believve it."
UGH! You are so infuriating! If you don't belive in magic, what do you think unicorns are made of?
"Happiness," Kayla stated quietly. Rachel facepalmed.
"Shit, that's right. I forgot about happiness."
"WH4T'S 4 UN1CORN?" inquired Terezi.
"that's probably the saddest thing i've ever heard." Dave told her.
"1 THOUGHT TH3 S4DD3ST TH1NG YOU 3V3R H34RD W4S WH3N 1 4SK3D YOU WHO S4NT4 W4S?"
"oh, true. i forgot about that."
GUYS! Please, can we just focus on the dare!?
"You're the one who started talking about unicorns and m8gic," Vriska pointed out. Rachel pushed her off the couch. "Woooooooow. You might be a bigger bitch than I am."
Rachel starts to laugh. "HAHA. Might."
GUYS!
"i agree with the narrator on this one, i think we need to get back to this dare," Eridan annouces with an evilish glint in his eyes.
"fuck you fi2hface," Sollux tells Eridan right before he open up the bottle and starts to chug. In a few minutes the bottle is empty and Sollux tries to stand up, but immediately falls into Aradia's lap, causing her to blush.
So much blushing this chapter.
Aradia helps her matesprit stand up, and leads him over to the dining room where the narrator has apperified Karkat's computer.
"okay, let'2 2ee what ii can do." Sollux slurred as he proceeded to ounch random keys and do things that will probably screw up Karkat's computer so bad he will end up needing a new one.
"WHAT?"
... Nothing.
"Well that failed," Rachel announced.
"REALLY? I HADN'T FUCKING NOTICED. GODDAMN SOLLUX, NOW I REALLY DO NEED A NEW COMPUTER. FUCK."
Aww. Now I feel bad for Shouty. Here. *Narrator snaps her fingers and Karkat's computer is made new again.*
"WOW, UH, THANKS, I GUESS."
Don't mention it.
"ERMAGOD GUYS!" Rachel suddenly shouted.
"What!?" everyone asked.
"FRIENDS is on!" The girl smiled, overjoyed, and ran back over to the couch and turned up the TV. "Oh, and just so you guys know, FIRENDS is legitly my favorite show and if you talk during it, I will not hesitate to kick your ass," she added with a blank face.
"It's true," Kayla told them.
"So, what, are we just supposed to hold off the dares until your dumb show is over?" Vriska asked.
"First, IT IS NOT DUMB! And second, yes, yes you are." Rachel sighed with satisfaction and turned back towards the screen without another words.
Everyone else looked at each other and shrugged, filing back into their seats to check out the show with Rachel.
That was literally the worst chapter ending in the entire fucking world. I'm saving the other dares for the next chapter because, shit this one is long. I realized I needed to actually end it, and this popped into my head, so, there you go.
(I almost said that I had to go listen to Night Vale, but changed it to FRIENDS last minute.)
I know I said I wouldn't update until I got at least three people request, but after the first person, I got this all typed up, and then it was so long, and a guest gave me a few, which Kayla is suppoed to write, but sh'e being a bitch, and she gave me stuff to do, even though I shouldn't let her, and yeah, blah blah blah. Regaurdless of how that turns out, I can't write tomorrow anyway, or proably any Tuesday and Thursday, so update will probably be Friday night/this weekend, unless Kayla and I can get our shit together by Wednesday. Whatever.
And remember guys, send me truths and dares through PM. It isn't that hard, you can do it, I know you! *motivation*
See you next update...