"But what I can't live with is the memories of the way you used to be/ The reasons I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love/ I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough/ You ain't the only one that feels like this world has left you far behind/ I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time." – Tim McGraw

Chapter 4:

She never went back to sleep—to say that she'd spent the night with her ear to the metal walls wasn't an over-exaggeration but mostly fact. Her pacing soon made her legs hurt so she'd leaned against the walls of her room and listened for the slightest movement in the hallways…

Nothing.

She wasn't sure if the nothingness was good or bad but she knew that it was nothingness that kept her hanging onto her sanity (which was probably the worst possible thing to depend your sanity on.) The alarm she set for "just-in-case-I-sleep" purposes told her the sun was up and she had to face another day. She took in a deep breath before opening her door and stepping out. She was met by Nathan Miller, his face in a permanent deep frown. "You heard, then?" Miller said, evaluating her face as if she were an open book that he could easily read.

"Yes." She said, "How concerned is everyone?"

"With the thought of you taking over our section by yourself? Fucking terrified." Miller commented, "This is abnormal, even for Bellamy. It was a few hours—Bellamy is highly trained in the terrain. He's one of the best, you being his biggest rival…he should be back."

"Unless?"

"Unless they got him." They referring tothe Mountain Men and their reapers—who'd been making more and more appearances lately.

Clarke shook her head, "I told him not to go."

"I know."

"No, don't you understand Nathan? I told him not to go! I should have shot him in the leg or something. I should have made him stay." Clarke let out a growl before she continued speaking, "Will you attend the council meeting with me?"

Miller nodded, "Of course. Although, I'm positive there isn't a council meeting today."

"Oh, there will be." Clarke said, "I'll be damned if they don't meet over the absence of a key person in this camp."

Once gathered, the council stared at her in a brief awe at her initiative to sacrifice guns, people, and time towards the person she'd been most heartless towards to over the last few months. Clarke didn't let their awe affect her—rather drive her urgency. "We need to assemble a team to check on the status of Bellamy Blake." Clarke argued after Jaha looked at her with his own signature look—he was telling her no. He was telling her to let it go...all with his eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed as a hard fist came down on the table they gathered around. "What the fuck is the problem?" She yelled, "We don't leave people behind…every life matters!" As she looked at the adults, she realized she was preaching to the wrong set of people. Those were words she would use for her people. The blank, uncaring, uninterested, slightly amused looks reflecting towards her were not the looks of her people or any of the people that would be on her side. "Please." The word came out as a faint, pathetic whisper.

I'm cracking…

I'm falling apart in front of the people I need to remain professional with like a child…

She backed away from the table with a hard push, her once sad eyes returning back to the stormy blue that often threw daggers at the council (with impeccable aim.) "Clarke!" Her mother called, causing Clarke to turn her head quickly—too quickly for someone who 'didn't care' about one life but everyone's life as a unit.

"Why isn't he worth it? You can tell! Why isn't Bellamy worth it?" Clarke's head moved quickly as she shook away tears. She pointed at her mother, "It's a double-standard and you know it! Yesterday, you were willing to send people to look for Harper, Conner and me after being a few hours late. You were willing to risk resources then but why not now? Bellamy is an asset and has consistently kept us alive yet you're throwing him to the wolves—for what? Why?"

"Because some people are more valuable than others, Clarke!" Abby yelled over her before Clarke's rant continued. "Your life is more valuable than his, Clarke—that's why it's easy to make the hard calls when it comes down to it. Bellamy is…trouble. He constantly breaks rules—for Christ's sake, he started a war."

She glared at her mother, "You can't put a value on life, mom. You're not god. None of you are god yet you're playing him at your fucking table like a bunch of pricks!" She stepped closer, "I'm so sick of the bullshit politics in this camp—"

"They're back!" someone yelled in the distance and Clarke backed away from her mother to examine the area in which people crowded. Normally, she would sink into the shadows but she found herself pushing pass people with much force behind every shrug. She had to see his face.

But his face wasn't in the group of bloody, beaten, and bruised. "Where's Bellamy?" She was the first to ask the question, causing attention to fall on her. She felt the eyes of her people—their people—burning into her the most, though. Was Miller right? Were they really that scared of her being the only voice for them? "Where-is-Bellamy?" Clarke emphasized each word as she repeated her question.

"We were ambushed." One of the less injured claimed, "Bellamy was taken by the Mountain Guys or whatever the hell they're called. Arrested, would be a better term—for war crimes. They read him his rights and everything."

Clarke exhaled, closing her eyes while she balled up her fist. She counted to five at least seven times before she spoke. "Go get fixed, debrief the council." When she turned around, there was a new look in her eyes—fear.

Total and absolute fear.

She shoved pass the crowd around her until she was face to face with the only person she trusted not to call her out on her slip; Miller. "We have to save him." Clarke said under her breath while she crossed her arms. "I'm not letting him go down for war crimes with those sadistic bastards."

"Because you care?" Maybe she was wrong about Miller.

She didn't even try to pretend she didn't care, she only nodded in agreement. "We have to gather a group of equipped individuals for this jail break. They're security is probably much more complex since the first and second time I broke through it."