Oh wow this was much darker than I thought it'd be.
WARNING: Like I said in the description, there are thoughts of/ attempts at suicide
The locker room was silent. The contest had ended hours ago, and everyone had left. They had places to be, things to do.
Dawn didn't.
Her back was pressed up against the cold tile. She was shaking, and her shuddering gasps did nothing to halt the tears she knew were cascading down her cheeks.
She didn't really care.
It had gone wrong from the start. Against her better judgment, she had elected to use Buneary in the second round. She knew fighting-types were strong against normal-types—but she had been sure that Buneary's ice beam would make it impossible for the opponent to fight. Once the floor had been covered in ice, the Pokémon would have nowhere to go.
Stupid. Stupid. It was a fighting type. They were known for more than their strength. It had adapted quickly—strong leg muscles allowed it to skate gracefully around the battlefield. That was the first penalty.
After that, Buneary was a goner. There was nothing she could do. The opponent was faster and stronger, with a type advantage to boot. The defeat took mere seconds.
Her last chance at the Grand Festival. Gone. It took thirty-eight seconds for her dream to be crushed. And it was all her fault.
She couldn't move. The arena would close in a few hours, she knew, after they finished clean-up. She didn't care. Maybe they wouldn't find her. Maybe they would leave her here to starve. It would be kinder than asking her to leave. There was nowhere she could go.
"The Celestic Town Contest Hall will close in one hour. Please do not stay past closing time. We hope you enjoyed today's contest. Please come back soon."
Her tears were slowing. Her head pounded, but it couldn't break through the fog surrounding her mind.
Enjoyed? Yes. It was a lot of fun. Have you ever been in a contest? It's great. The feeling you get when your opponent wipes the floor with you in under a minute. Who can't love contests?
Dawn moved her hand. The cold tile felt nice. If only it didn't warm up.
The snow didn't warm up when you sat on it. It froze you. Maybe it would get rid of her headache. She pushed herself to her feet. Her exit was a blur—she couldn't remember changing, or leaving the locker room, but the next thing she knew, she was standing outside with the fall wind on her face.
Snowpoint. That was her next destination.
Another thought cut through her foggy mind as she hiked.
Her Pokémon. She couldn't expect her Pokémon to sit in the cold with her. After all, none of it was their fault. They didn't need to clear their minds. Perhaps the Pokémon Center would take care of them while she was out.
Maybe they'd just be better off staying there forever…
It was past midnight when Paul reached the Pokémon Center. It had been a long trek to Snowpoint, and though he was loath to admit it, he wasn't a big fan of the cold.
Snowpoint's Pokémon Center was one of the few that stayed open 24/7. It was simply too dangerous to close the Center. Ill-prepared trainers who were caught out in the blizzards couldn't wait until daybreak to be rescued.
Since he was out late so often, Snowpoint was one of his favorite cities. It was cheaper than renting a hotel room, and by now Nurse Joy recognized him and occasionally went so far as to prepare a cup of hot chocolate for him if she knew he was coming. She reminded him a bit of Reggie, and the homey feeling was nice every once in a while.
Tonight, however, Nurse Joy was standing outside, and she certainly wasn't waiting for him. She looked concerned, and held a backpack in one hand. Joy spotted him as he approached, and hurried over.
"Paul, have you seen any other trainers tonight?" Her voice was panicked.
"No." Nurse Joy pursed her lips, then began to rummage through the bag. Paul watched silently. He couldn't help it—this was too confusing to walk away from.
Joy finally found what she was looking for. It was a regular pokeball, nothing special except for a single seal.
"Come on out, whoever you are!" There was a flash of light, and a Piplup appeared. He did a little spin, but froze when he saw Paul. Paul, too, was frozen, for a similar reason.
He knelt, eyebrows furrowing. They stared at each other silently, until Paul spoke up.
"Are you…?" He trailed off. She couldn't be that stupid, could she?
"Piplup pip!" Paul didn't speak Pokémon, but he knew an affirmative when he saw one. He returned to his feet and looked at Nurse Joy.
"Were there any footprints when you found the bag?" Nurse Joy nodded, and pointed towards a small path leading out of the city.
"They led that way. There's a small grove and past that, ice fields. It's easy to get lost in a blizzard." Her eyes flicked between him and Piplup. She knew what he was going to do, and didn't like it one bit.
"I'll be back." He pulled his jacket tighter and set off towards the grove, a grumpy, worried Piplup on his tail.
The snow was cold. Much colder than the tile had been. It didn't warm up, either. Dawn could almost feel the disappointment radiating from it.
You lost. I will not warm for a failure. I will not give in to such a pathetic child.
She smiled, but it was devoid of any emotion.
"Good. I welcome your cold." She could feel the shivers that had started when she left the Pokémon Center, but she pushed them away. It was only what she deserved. She slumped into the snow and rolled over, watching the snowflakes spiral down from the heavens.
Her mind cleared, and for once she realized what was happening. She felt no fear, only calm acceptance. This is what she had chosen. Piplup and the others were safe in the Pokémon Center. Perhaps Zoey would come across them and take them into her care. If that didn't happen, maybe Nurse Joy would look through the contacts on her phone. Dawn was sure Brock would be more than willing to take in her friends. Whatever happened, she didn't need to concern herself with it.
No need to worry, right?
Piplup was the first to spot her. He poked Paul's head and pointed. Paul, too, could see the faint colors of the girl's clothing. He began to push through the knee-deep snow. The small Pokémon balanced on his shoulders watched anxiously as they approached Dawn.
Snow had collected on her body, but her eyes were still open, taking in the sky. Paul knelt next to her, and Piplup jumped down to brush the snow off. Her eyes slowly slid over to meet Paul's, and she gave a faint smile.
The smile was not one of joy, but one of greeting. Her eyes, he observed, were dark. The light she carried was strangely absent.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked gruffly. She hummed.
"I believe I'm committing suicide." Piplup let out a shocked squeak at this, and Paul's calm demeanor cracked for a moment. He took a deep breath.
"Why?"
To his surprise, tears collected in her eyes. A light had awoken as well. However, he had no time to ponder the change.
"I lost." Her tone had changed—she sounded defeated.
"So?" It was not like him to question it, but the reasoning seemed off to him. Dawn, annoying and insecure as she was, did not lose hope because of one battle.
"It was my last chance. The last contest before the Grand Festival. I lost. I was stupid…Buneary could never have taken him. I made a stupid mistake. I let my Pokémon down. I failed." With every word, the light flickered. It wavered, then died, as her explanation echoed through Paul's mind. Her smile returned.
"The cold is disappointed. I can let go here. The cold will give me no mercy. I deserve no mercy." Her gaze flicked back to the sky.
A memory washed through Paul.
He had lost. Challenging her was a stupid idea, but he had gone through with it. She said his Pokémon weren't strong enough, but he knew the truth.
He was not strong enough.
His Pokémon could have beaten hers any day, but he was a failure. He would never be strong enough to challenge the Pokémon League.
He stared down at the bottle in his hand. It was so easy, to run away, to never come back. To leave all this behind. Leave his failure behind.
A hand grasped his shoulder, and another reached around to take the pills, safe in their plastic shell.
"No." The word had so many messages.
He could not give up.
He was strong.
There were people who could not lose him.
He could not run away.
He could win.
He had things to do, places to be, like all those other people. He was not worthless. His Pokémon were not perfect. They were his friends, so it didn't matter. There was room for improvement. There were things he hadn't done.
He couldn't leave, not yet.
He reached out a hand and placed it on Dawn's shoulder. She turned to look at him again.
"You lost." It was a statement, a fact, with no hidden meaning. The light flickered deep in her eyes, if only for a moment.
"You made a mistake." There it was again.
"It cost you something you want, something you need." It was stronger this time, almost rebellious, as though it didn't want to come back but had no choice.
"It's not the end. You haven't finished all you set out to do." The light flared, then calmed. It was silent for a moment, their gazes connected.
Dawn reached up and pulled him down into a hug. She began to sob, and he let her. Shaking and shivering, she wrapped her arms tight around his torso, her head buried in his coat.
They stayed in that position until Paul realized she wasn't crying anymore. He moved and her arms slid off his back. He looked down and saw that her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly opened.
With a sigh, he gathered the unconscious girl into his arms. Piplup returned to his shoulders, and he followed his path back to the Pokémon Center.
The shift from sleep to wakefulness was murky and long, but Dawn slowly became aware of her surroundings. She immediately recognized the room as a hospital ward, but was distracted by Pokémon throwing themselves at her. Piplup and Buneary were ecstatic, and Dawn laughed and hugged them back.
She saw her bag on the nightstand and her memories came rushing back. Tears flooded her eyes and her Pokémon made worried noises. She shook her head, signaling there was no reason to be concerned.
"I'm so sorry, all of you." She spoke to her bag, too, where she knew her other Pokémon were listening. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I shouldn't have tried to leave you."
Buneary leaned forward and gently wiped her cheek with a fluffy ear. Piplup reached to the side and picked up a small package. He placed it on her lap with a small frown and sat back, regarding the brown paper wrapping with an air of distrust.
The paper was folded around what seemed to be a box. There was no decoration, nor any indication of where it came from. Dawn carefully unwrapped the gift and opened the box. Inside were a note, a small bar of chocolate, and a poffin. She pulled the note out and opened it.
The chocolate is for you. The poffin is for your Piplup.
Come find me when you win.
Dawn handed the poffin to Piplup. He turned his nose up at it.
"I could give it to Buneary." She warned. He took the poffin and bit off a small piece. His eyes widened and he ate the rest with no complaints. Dawn picked up the chocolate bar and opened it. It was plain dark chocolate. She broke off a bit and placed it in her mouth. It was the highest quality chocolate she'd ever had.
Dawn fumbled for her bag and slipped the candy into one of the pockets. She returned Piplup and Buneary to their pokeballs. She was about to slip out of bed when there was a knock at the door. She clutched her bag to her chest.
"Uh…come in?" The door opened to reveal a woman in a white coat. Upon seeing Dawn awake, she smiled.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Berlitz. You must be feeling better." She closed the door and sat in a chair Dawn hadn't noticed, next to her bed.
"Y-yes, I suppose so…" The woman certainly appeared to be a doctor, but Dawn was still slightly uncomfortable.
"I'm Doctor Lainey Wicker. You were brought in by Nurse Joy and a young man five days ago. You were diagnosed with severe hypothermia and were in the ICU for three days. Two days ago, you were moved here, and hadn't woken until today." It took Dawn a moment to digest the new information.
"How long until I can leave?" she asked. The doctor raised her eyebrows.
"Well, I'd like to keep you for a couple more days, and you're recovering quickly. Two days is my best estimate." She looked at Dawn. "Any particular reason you're so eager to get out?" Dawn grinned.
"Oh, you know. Places to be, things to do, people to meet…can't waste the rest of my life in a hospital!"
"Well then, would you like to start by contacting any family or friends? We have a video phone we can bring in."
"That would be good, yes. Thank you, doctor." The doctor smiled down at Dawn.
"I'm glad to help. It's never good for a young life to be ended so soon." She left the room, and Dawn sighed.
A young man…Paul. It must have been. There was a foggy memory, a sky swirling with snow, and the familiar mauve-haired grump telling her, in a roundabout way, that she wasn't allowed to give up. The thought brought a smile to her face.
Alright, Paul. I'll do it. I'll win, and I'll find you.